Her anklets are making a constant sound which is relaxing my nerves. My eyes are fixated on her tiny frame and my gaze remains adamant to capture her image in my heart as I try to comprehend if I actually deserve her? She looks at me for once and smiles. She should know, her lips curved up in a smile are enough to kill me with satisfaction. She comes closer near my desk as I am sitting on my chair. She leans forward a little and rests her face on her palms as she places her elbows on the desk in front of me. She raises her eyebrows and I push myself back on my chair, leaning back completely, winking at her. She frowns and makes a face. I chuckle loudly and she eyes me the very next moment.

She shoots me a last glare and departs as I hear the sound of her anklets fading away.

I close my eyes and I am at peace completely. She is mine; she belongs to me.

My eyes suddenly fall on the pages of the novel I was reading a while ago. This makes me wonder that our life is so similar to a novel. Each chapter awakening a whole new dawn, marking the beginning of a new day. Just as we turn the pages, we experience a new thing. We keep on turning the pages of our life and each page has a bitter or sweet memory. These memories are flooded with each encounter. We come across many people in our life and thus the story goes on. Each character having their own significance, their own story.

Thinking about this, I am suddenly reminded of my encounters with different women in my life. Yes, women. Who is a woman exactly? Words actually are less to describe who a woman is. She is an epitome of sacrifice, I think. Am I wrong?

Saudamini was the first girl to whom I was romantically drawn. She had been my childhood friend and I called her 'my rainbow'. I was silly back then, not realising it was all nothing but friendship. As I returned to India, I had a dream of changing my country. Marrying Saudamini was one of my wishes too. I can never be sure about her feelings, I am still not able to realise if she loved me or not. But on my part, I am sure it was not love. When I broke her heart, she was shattered. I was so broken too, I had dreamt of a beautiful life with her but fate had other plans.

She was attractive, beautiful and surely everyman would fall for her intelligence but what she lacked was basic humanity. I wonder what would have happened if I would have married her in the first place. She was never supportive of my thoughts though she claimed that she loved me. Did I love her? Perhaps, no. Love is complicated. It can just wreck a havoc. It is the most powerful force indeed.

Saudamini's love for me was not adoration, rather it was obsession. I was not her property, was I? You clearly cannot force your feelings on others if they have moved on. It was the same with me. I had moved on in life accepting that we were not meant to be. But her possessiveness had turned into madness and she destroyed her own life at the mercy of her own deeds. I will never be able to forgive her. Sometimes I blame myself for what happened with her life, while at one end, I feel who am I to dictate her fate? She carved it on her own. What she chose for herself was her decision. She hurted someone whom I treasure the most and that's when I started hating her. If I hate any woman in my life, it is Saudamini. What I feel for her now is hatred, that's it.

Manorama, the revolutionary. No, Azaadi Express actually. I still admire her for who she was. She was exactly what a fearless woman should be. I was infatuated, truly. But let me make it clear, I was infatuated to Azaadi Express, not Manorama. She was brave, bold and a little mad. She was mad about liberating our country. Her only concern, her only motive- liberation. And she could cross all limits for that. I loved how she loathed the British Raj altogether. Her sharp words against them and the way she mocked them was so pleasing to my ears.

I didn't love her, I am so sure about this. She was and is a dear friend to me. But when I committed the biggest mistake of my life, she was a part of that. She was not my mistake altogether. My inner conscience told me that I loved her but I didn't even feel an iota of something being snatched away from me when she left. That's when I realised it was not love but infatuation, just friendship between two people. I faked a marriage with her which I consider a very stupid and grave decision took by me. I could have done something else, right? But being a youngster myself, I couldn't help but wonder what I should have done. I was caged by uncanny emotions. People were wanting me to accept my Little Bondita as my wife and start a married life with her! Moreover, Bondita's distraction from studies and her constant ranting of acknowledging her as my wife made me feel vulnerable. I was a stupid and impulsive youngster back then. Being 22 years old myself, I had the responsibility of bringing a teenager who was none other than my Bondita back on track. I had the responsibility of untangling her messed up thoughts. She was an untouched sculpture which was not carved. Amidst the society trying to carve Bondita in its own way, I had to make sure that she paved her own way and carved her own destiny. That was a time I hurted her the most.

Coming back to Manorama, our relationship was nothing more than companionship. When I was being loathed by the world, she was the one to whom I shared my feelings like a friend. After Saurav's demise, I had no one besides me who could be my light. Manorama could never take his place but she was supportive all along. She admired Bondita too and wanted her to succeed in life just like me. Yes, we both literally played with her innocence, with her heart unknowingly and I still feel guilty for my actions. Manorama never forced herself on me. She would always talk about her mission and I would always rant about Bondita. She was a woman with a mission and as much as I know her, she could never hurt an innocent soul deliberately.

My encounter with her was meant to teach me lesson. It taught me the difference between love and infatuation. It made me realise that if you get infatuated to someone that doesn't mean that you love them. Love is something which can never be this sudden. It's slow and gradual, yet a beautiful journey. Manorama is a woman who is a friend and I would never forget her. I wish for her happiness and safety.

Bondita- my Barrister Babu Bondita, my torch of revolution. My Bondita is my reflection, that's what they say. She is the best thing that happened to me. My encounter with her was no coincidence, it was more than that. It was destiny. Destiny had manifested our journey together which is ever so beautiful and wholesome. Bondita was a child when I married her and I regretted this decision with all my heart. I had no other way left than being a hypocrite and resolve to child marriage when I am myself against this wretched custom. Bondita was a troublemaker initially but when I was finally aware of her curious thoughts and logical arguments, I was impressed. Her intellect and witt made me believe that she was meant to bring change. The little glitter in her eyes and that power in her sweet voice was meant to enlighten this world, to bring revolution.

Her mischievous smile and her sweet antics made me adore her innocence.

Oh! Her first love, her favorite Roshogullas! The way her eyes glitter at the mention of her favorite sweet is too adorable.

Her purity and her way of binding relations together with love is something I love. She has taught me more than me, I suppose.

She calls me her Shikshak Babu but she is no less than a teacher to me. She has taught me the art of nurturing relations with love and care. She is the one who is responsible for my undwindling trust on God.

She is the one who has suffered the most every time in my quest of changing the world.

We were bound by child marriage and we opposed it together when we broke our marriage and I sent her to London. Eight years later, things took a drastic turn and I could not meet her no matter how much I longed for her.

I was blinded by enmity but she loved me with all her heart as she tried to bring her Sakha Babu back who was handcuffed by the fierce Barrister Babu. In that process alone, she had to bear pain again but my fierce Bondita didn't tremble out of fear but remained adamant, thus melting the ice.

If Anirudh's life is colourful today, it is all because of Bondita. There is no Anirudh without Bondita. She says she is painted in my love but what I feel is that it's her who has drenched me completely in all shades of love. Yes, she is the only one with whom I fell in love.

She loves me unconditionally with all her heart. She is not the one who will stand when something wrong is happening, instead she will shout with grace and will burn everything that will come in her way. Her feet don't tremble when she has to protect me. Her lips don't stutter when she questions patriarchy. Her fierceness is unmatched. I've never seen a woman so courageous, so graceful and so innocent as well.

My love for her is not love, it's more than that. I worship her, she is my devotion. She is my eternal companion and she says she feels safe around me. But it's actually me who feels safe when she entwines my cold hand with her warm hand. When I have her by my side, I know I can stand against the whole world. She is the one who can calm my nerves. She is the one I look for when I feel vulnerable. When darkness seems to eat me up, I take refuge in her light. My journey with her has been full of struggles but it was blissful.

When she smiles, every damned worry disappears. Oh! And her laughter, yes, the ultimate medicine to all my pain.

My Bondita is my Rakshak Babu. A fierce barrister who proved my innocence in court. How much I wanted to just embrace her lovingly and kiss her forehead with pride when she took her first step in court. Words will fail to describe the storm I felt inside me when she walked through the door, all glorious and brave.

I sometimes shout on her and that ends up destroying my internal peace. I wish to bang my head on a wall when I do that. I immediately regret scaring her.

The way she gasps when I touch her! I love teasing her petite frame with my fingers. She is beautiful. Her sharp nose, those rosy cheeks and yes, her fierce eyes, I could never get enough of her. I love the way she places her tiny and soft hands on my chest. I love the way she hugs me and her small body rests against mine. She has this habit of hugging me tightly in sleep and I love that so much.
Her bangles and her anklets are my favorite musical instruments.

She is bold in front of the whole world and it makes me chuckle that she is exclusively shy in front of me, her Pati Babu. Her shyness and that crimson hue on her cheeks is exclusively for me.

Why? Only I have the sole right to make my meethi churi wander in the lanes of love!

Bondita is devotion! My existence is painted by her emotions and memories. She is the color which is laced around the canvas of my sole existence.

She is a goofy friend, a loving wife and a fiesty barrister.

She is my sansaar, my reason to live.

She is my fitoor.

If my revolutionary thoughts could have a human form, they'd be named Bondita.

What if fate separates us again? The mere thought sends shivers down my spine.

All of a sudden, I feel strange. I can feel sweat beads forming on my forehead. I don't feel right. I can feel tears brimming in the valleys of my eyes. I try to wipe them away as I think about her. I won't be able to bear her separation this time, I will break apart. I cannot fathom my life without her.

I frantically stand up from my chair as my eyes are shedding unstoppable tears. I try to wipe them away yet again but they are not getting away.

"Pati Babu!" I hear her shout as she rushes towards me, cupping my face in her tiny hands. She tries to wipe my tears away, rubbing my cheeks. I melt under her soft touch. Her eyes are brimming up and without another thought, I pull her to me as her body collides with mine. Her petite frame crashes into mine. She rubs my back gently and I embrace her with all my might. I clutch her tightly to myself. She must be awed right now but that matters less to me.

All I want is her, close to me.

I know I will break apart like a glass if she goes away this time.

She pulls back and looks at me, cupping my face. She wipes my tears away and I feel her rising to her toes to lay a kiss on my forehead. When her lips touch my skin, I feel content and this touch is so serene. There is something so serene about the way she touches me.

She stares at me with a smile and without further warning, I crush her into myself again, holding her close to me. I make my chin rest on her shoulder as she brushes my hair lovingly, at times rubbing my back.

I mutter near her ear softly, "Don't ever leave me, Bondita."

She clenches my shirt tightly ensuring me that she will be there with me for an eternity.

I think to myself.

You are so in love, Mr Anirudh Bondita Roy Chowdhury!

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Hey dear readers! I had always wished to write this.

To all the people who hate Saudamini and Manorama, don't pick on me, I will delete your comments.

I don't like Saudamini but I don't either hate her. And Manorama, she was not the best character but definitely a better one than Saudamini. You need to understand all povs, right?

And , has my writing style deteriorated?

So yeah, Lemme know your views through your votes and comments.