Love fades...
Mine has...

As soon as these words escape my lips I feel that I have truly lost. There is no doubt about it. Finally I have betrayed him. Finally I am going to lose him.Finally he is going to go far from me. So far that I will never meet him. I will never be his again. I have torn away my heart  from his. Never will I cross his path again. Never will I ruin his life with my ominous presence.

These thoughts bring a different kind of pain. A pain which has some satisfaction, some serenity mixed with it. A pain which is giving me peace. I don't honestly know what I feel, not anymore. My mind is a jumble of emotions.

I finally look at him. He is still staring but this time at the ceiling. His hands still hold mine. I know he is trying to cone to terms with this sudden decision of mine. I can see tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes.

"Roza...," he tries to say something.

"No Dmitriy," I stop him. I know I will cry if he says anything more. I can't bear to hear anything.

"Sorry," I say my voice thick with tears. I choke on anything more I want to say. Pressing my hands to my mouth and  breaking away from his grip, I rush out of the room. I don't look back even once.

Running along the corridors and out of the hospital, I run through the streets crying hysterically. I don't look where I am going. Bumping into pedestrians and getting stares and comments, I run on and on.

I have no destination, nothing in to keep me tied to this world anymore. I have lost my world. I have lost all that is mine. I feel that I have lost my soul. My heart has been left behind with him. I have a gaping hole in my chest.

It is raining and I wrap my arms around myself running and running. I feel so cold and lonely. I don't know what I will do now. I know only one thing. I have no past and no future. From today I will live only for the present. I feel deceived, I feel cheated. I feel as if fate has betrayed me...

I find myself standing before a pub. I enter and go straight for the counter. I thrust the money down on the counter. The wine glasses rattle with the effect...

I open my eyes, wondering what was going on. My eyes fall on my mother standing beside my bed and looking at me with all the love in this world. I feel bad for her. I feel guilty for troubling her so much. I am a very bad daughter.

When I should have tried to understand her and tried to know what she feels, I have constantly defied her. But not anymore. It's time I need to get answers from her. It's time for me to know the  last piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

"Mom," I managed to say. My voice was still groggy under the effect of the sedatives.

She was surprised to see me awake. Immediately she reached for the bell to call the nurse,no doubt to bring more sedatives.

"Mom stop. I need to ask you some thing first."

She stopped petrified and glanced at me from the corner of her eyes. It seemed as if she  was afraid of me. My heart lurched.

"Mom, I need your help. Please Mom," I begged.

Finally she turned and came towards me and stood holding the side rails. I reached out for her hand. Much to my amazement she didn't draw her hand back as I had expected.

Getting a positive signal from her, I asked bluntly, " Why do you want me to forget Dmitriy? What had happened?"

My mother stared at me with an unreadable expression on her face. I looked into her eyes. She  stiffened. I knew that she could see in my eyes that I was determined to know the truth.

She relaxed her stiff posture after almost a minute of silent observation, and heaved a sigh of relief.

Finally she said very slowly, carefully judging each word which escaped her lips, " He destroyed you. Leaving him made you hysterical.You took him to the hospital after that shooting and then your guilt made you leave him. But only if you could have known what effect it would have on you..."

She stopped to take her breath and continued," That day you came home drunk. You locked the door of your room from inside. We were panic stricken. You cried inside for a whole day without food and water, before we broke the lock and dragged you out. You were just out of your mind. You had dug your nails into your hand and had fresh bruises there. You had hit your head against the wall and it was swollen. You might have had concussions. We were afraid for you. We tried to ask you the reason but you were in a kind of a shock."

I didn't know what to say. Now I well and truly understand why my mother was against my trying to remember him. She was afraid I would go into shock again or worse. She held Dmitriy responsible for whatever had happened to me. But none if it was his fault.

"You were taken to a counsellor.
You took a whole year to recover. That year was the toughest for us. You were kept sedated and tranquilized. You spent the most part in the hospital, suffering from delirium, memory loss and occasional episodes of unconsciousness. We cried and prayed. And finally our prayers were answered."

I fiercely blinked away tears which wanted to spill. I would not cry. I had to listen till  the end.

"You came out of that state," mother continued, " But that part of your memory had been lost forever. The doctor had warned that it could come back. Guess it did finally." She heaved a sigh," We moved from there just a month later and all was going well till..."

I wasn't listening to her rants anymore. Now I could put all the pieces together and reframe my life.

I caught my mother's hand more tightly. No words were necessary. We both knew what that meant. I was with her. But my mind also knew one more thing. I had found the missing piece of the puzzle. I had unearthed all the mystery in my life.

But my heart wanted more. What did my heart yearn for? I realised for  the first time that day that my heart still yearned for him. I wanted to find him.

Well if Rosella Lytton takes up some mission, no one can stop her. I know where he is. With my heart to guide me, I feel I am not very far from my goal. Russia, here I come...

A/N Thank you all for motivating me to update fast. I hope you like this story and the twist. I dearly hope you all will like, vote and share this story.

Thanks MaryFahey for reviewing my work. Thank you teamhathaway Pipigrin nana_gn  for supporting me. Thanks to KashishBelikov for being the best comrade ever. Lot's of love from India for you all and Merry Christmas in advance.❤❤❤❤❤❤