[...]

Jisung could hear Chan talking outside his door, he could feel IN's hand brushing his arm up and down as he sobbed into Chan's pillow, hating himself for the way the two had found him.

After he decided to ruin it all with his stupid doubts and careless words, he had ran back to the dorm but could not have Minho find him that way when he got back, he could simply not bear it. So he burst into Chan's room, hoping the older would not go in for a while, since the others were all out for the day with lessons and practices he would be safe there. He could sleep there even if the older decided to stay at the studio.

He was not expecting the leader and their maknae coming back half an hour later, since the youngest had had a stomach ache during a singing lesson, he also did not expect to break down and cry his eyes out once again at the simple words "are you okay". The youngest hadn't left his side since, and Chan had only left to get IN's painkillers and take a call from their manager, who certainly wanted to know what had happened for Minho to leave the company with no warning.

"It will be okay, Hyung."

Jisung wished he could go back to that morning, do it all again and not fuck up the way he had.

He wished he could hear what Chan was saying outside the room, he wished he knew where the second oldest had ran away to.

The door opened for a quick second, and he lifted his head enough only to understand by Chan's expression that no one knew where he was.

"It'a fine. He's a big boy, he can handle himself in the city.", Jisung hated how transparent he was for their leader. The older sat next to him on the bed, carefully tucking a strand of hair behind his ear." What happened, Ji? I never saw you right before."

But they didn't fight.

That was the worst.

Jisung would had preferred if Minho had shouted at him, punched him or even forced him to explain why he wanted it.

He wished the older hadn't simply looked at him until his eyes got teary, scoffed lightly with a sad smile.

He wished Minho hadn't left, but he was the only one to blame.

"Ji?"

"Tell me when you find him, please. I just want him to be safe.", his voice was scratched, painful and made the other two look at each other, lost.

They simply stood there with him until there were no more tears to cry, until IN finally had to succumb to his pain and go to sleep, then Chan stood there. Sitting on the floor, hand on Jisung's, taking his side like he always had. He sat there until the others came back, and let the members take a look at the finally sleeping Jisung.

It wasn't until the door opened for the 6th time that he got up.

Jisung moved around in the bed, like he could feel the other arrive, and Chan almost left the room, but something in Minho's eyes stoped him.

"Where were you? Everyone was super worried."

"I'm sorry.", the main dancer was too tired to argue, eyes focused on the sleeping boy. "How long has he been sleeping?"

"Few hours, want to take him back to your-"

"No. Let him be. You sleep in his bed if you want to, but...", Minho looked at the ceiling, as if trying to focus on anything but the duo in front of him. "I think it's best if we aren't that close for now."

Chan rolled his eyes, getting closer to him.

"What the hell happened today? 5 minutes into practice and you two simply leave?", he sighed, hands on Minho's shoulders. "You never fight, you seemed calm, what happened?"

The older bit his lip, and Chan's expression changed to shock as he saw a slow tear making it's way down his friend's cheek.

"Morning b-"

"I think we should stop this."

"You really don't want to know."

Minho cleaned the tear quickly, but a few others followed, and Chan didn't waste anytime to hug him tightly.

"W-what? What are you talking about Jisung-"

"We went too far, and we can't keep doing it. We can't be idols and have this weird relationship, Min. We just can't-"

"You have got to be kidding me. We have managed so far-"

"It's not the same anymore. We had a deal that kept things okay, now it's off and I can't do this anymore."

Minho hugged back, hating the way the memories flooded his brain, the younger so close but so far away.

"So we can't do it or you can't do it?"

"I-"

"Great. You know what? I need to go."

"Min-"

He wished he could go back in time to that morning, and not have left.

He wished he had stayed and tried to understand what was bothering him, what made him say that.

But now what was done was done, and all he wished was Jisung back.

—————
I'll remember it forever
I'll wish you back
—————

Bless the Holliday I shall write like the flags during the remaining 3 days

Yes I purposely did not put lyrics in the beginning of the chapter both bc the story got bigger than I excepted and I am running out of lyrics and also because it fits the meaningless feeling I tried to portray here