Things have been getting incredibly worse
For me there are certain people I need
Correction there's a certain person I need
And just not having them for a short period of time breaks me
I have need to always be needed
To always be told I love you and I need you
Because that's all I really have at this point
I'm pathetic because I need someone
But it's become normal to me
And without them it feels like everything is lost
In fact it is
I've become more addicted to cutting than ever
But the thing is I cannot cut because I have every little thing sharp taken away from me
But I still get almost everything and try to scrape it against my arms in hopes that it'll bleed
I feel the pain but it's nothing in comparison to the what I feel
I feel I deserve it
Everything that's happening is all my fault
I shouldn't exist
All I do is bring pain
To people around me
And to myself
My existence itself brings pain to me
I feel empty
I feel useless
But I've always felt like this
Only now it feels even worse
Even though I say it everyday
Everyday is getting worse
It's always true
I've been writing and drafting suicide notes
I just want to end it all
I don't even want to tell anyone about what's happening anymore because I don't know who to trust
I am terrified of myself
And I just want to escape