July 13, 1930. 

The End | Kang Mira

I knew that this was going to happen.

It was bound to end like this.

There's low, shallow and nerve wrecking whispers in my head. People are talking urgently, speaking under their breaths, hiding their faces under shawls and turning away their heads swiftly before my gaze. Time is counting upon the heavens today, and luck doesn't have any kind of majesty here.

I peek through the curtains, and realize there's a hassle happening outside. The noise of their fight isn't as audible as the screams inside my head. I feel too dazed to even notice that Mrs. Hyun has pulled me away from the window, and is breathing heavily.

"Don't go near for now." she pants. "The villagers are making a havoc."

I swallow. Yurin is nowhere in my sight. Mrs. Hyun holds my hands and looks into my eyes.

"Mira, you're doing better. Don't worry about anything else but leaving this house. Just... don't."

I have nothing to say. The screams inside my mind increase. I can feel a numb pain at the back of my head; its branches reach out to my neck, shoulders and down to my spine; causing the flesh covering my bones twitch, twist, and turn. Trying to breathe freely, I take a seat on the chair, and look at myself on the mirror.

"What if... what if things go wrong?" the last bit of my sanity is shaken to crumbles. "Then I won't have anywhere to return, will I? What shall I do then?"

I fight back the tears by wiping them away with the back of my hands. Mrs. Hyun gazes down at me, her shoulders turn tensed.

"If that happens..." she looks around anxiously. "If that really happens..."

"I don't stand a chance surviving. I know I don't."

"Mira, don't say that-"

"And I won't survive without you and Yurin. You're all I have left now." my voice breaks into pieces as I grip my gown. "I'm dependent on you. But... you're bound to this household. There's no chance for you to leave unless my father lets you, is there?"

The silence that has fallen on Mrs. Hyun's gloomy face answers my question.

"They're trying their best to stop the wedding." I murmer quietly. The chaos outside has grown larger; I can hear distinct shouts and roars. Through all of these, the sound of horse's hooves and their low neighs, turns my attention at the window. Mrs. Hyun looks alerted. She walks to the window, stands, pushes away the heavy curtains a little, then lets out a gasp. Her eyes glow bright like a piece of Moon on Earth.

"Mira, I think they have arrived! The Choi brothers!" Mrs. Hyun claps loudly, looking excited. "Now, come on!" she rushes to me and pinches my cheeks. "You have been doing constantly better! No matter why Mr. Kang looks rather deceased! Got him right!"

She's telling the truth. My health has definitely grown better. Mrs. Hyun has been reading the instructions Yeonjun has left for once, twice, and thrice. Both of them are working hard for my recovery.

And this has certainly caused dissatisfaction for my father.

"Let me add the last touch of makeup on your face." she muses and turns to the mirror. "Yurin will take care of the guests."

She has done something to my hair; it looks more curly than usual at the end. Mrs. Hyun puts oil on her palms, rubs it and applies on my cheeks. I sigh, realizing that it will cause me a lot of time to remove the makeup later.

"I hope they don't get to know about Mr. Kang's horrible and twisted piece of works." Mrs. Hyun rummages through the dressing table, puts a stack of creams and brushes inside one of the luggages and turns to me. "Should I put some more of your facial things?"

"I... don't need them." I look down at the bundle of lilies in my arms. I'm not feeling like giving opinions.

"Come on, you should pack up." Mrs. Hyun sighs and returns to the closet. "I have already put your best gowns, skirts, shirts and corsets inside. Wear the red one tonight, okay? You look good in red."

I nod half heartedly. My attention is fixed on the noise outside trailing off. Looks like my father's gang has succeeded kicking them out. His group of men has always been infamous in the village. It's his way of controlling power. What happened to his predecessor, was cruel. Being afraid of meeting that kind of end, too- father has ensured security around him.

"Oh, it's all settled. Looks peaceful. Actually, that gang's pretty useful sometimes." Mrs. Hyun speaks after inspecting outside. I stand up from the chair, clutching the flowers tightly. Mrs. Hyun walks to me, puts down the lace in front of my eyes, and smiles.

"Now, breathe deeply..."

I'm shaken. Horribly shaken. I can't feel my legs as Mrs. Hyun starts taking me out of the room. We pass the brightly lit corridor, the dazzling china pots and vases on the tables, take a turn to right, and face the oak front door. A golden carpet was rolled out on the grass. I step down the stairs, nearly tripping but Mrs. Hyun catches me.

Something is not quite right.

The eery feeling in my chest hampers me, suffocates me, leaves no room for assurance. I'm left with this horrible realization that, what's coming next maybe the most painful thing only for me, but not for anyone else. The tears I'm about to shed are not only for the departure I am going to have, but for the detachment of strings my mother and sister had once tied with me.

As I throw the last glance at the house behind me, my chest swells up from the surge of cries crushing inside it. Flittering images of many people flash before my eyes; I can hear their once fairy tale like stories slowly dying under my footsteps. I can see Aera jumping down from her bed, rushing past me and out through the door. I can inhale the aroma of my mother's home made sweet breads coming from the kitchen.

Still. Like a ghost of past; which has sworn to haunt me down and suck out the last piece of happiness I used to feel for them. Now hurting me much more than anything in this world, breaking me thoroughly and giving me to no time rebuild myself.

This very house has turned into a hell now. And if anyone could feel the pain I had gone through for it- they wouldn't had dared to raise a finger at me, ever.

"Goodbye, my home." I suck up my breath and whisper at none but myself. "Let me break through from your cage now. I want to live."

My eyes lift up, like a scared deer, and wander around. I spot father at the left corner of the aisle, looking unamused, rather sulky. His gaze is stuck at the priest standing on the small stage. Father has worn his best suit, but there's dirt here and there. Two bulky looking men are covering him from front.

I walk forward, until the golden of carpet has vanished and the brown of stage has appeared under my feet. I push away the red strands from my face. 

As the see-through net is lifted above my head, warm and gentle wind rushes past. My lips quiver and turn blue, the bundle of white lilies resting on my arms shakes.

"Do you, Kang Mira, take Choi Yeonjun, as your lawfully wedded husband?"

I do, because I have to. But... does he?

With a painful swallow, I nod at the ground. Tears threaten to leave my eyes, but I push them back.

There's a pretty shade purple and indigo dancing around the arena. Father has arranged lightings on the branches of trees. It's the middle of summer, but surprisingly, one of the trees behind me is bursting with cherry blossoms. A petal lands on top of my cheek. I brush it away.

"Do you, Choi Yeonjun, take Kang Mira, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

I don't dare to look up. There's still doubt in my chest, that he will back away. He will back away from getting himself tangled in a mess of my life and break free. I can't blame him for wanting to do that; who wants to marry a cursed girl and turn their life into hell?

If he says no, this will be it.

Your end, Mira.

Your end.

Your end.

Your end.

Your end.

Your end.

I repeat these horrible words inside my head. Pursing my lips together, I try to cease down the aching pain inside my chest, but it doesn't fade away. Instead, what I feel is a pang of guilt striking me. I'm afraid of what's coming next. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it alive to the house after this.

Choi Yeonjun, my life is in your hands now.

 "Yes, I do."

I jerk my head up, shocked and frozen on my spot. The man standing before me gives me a soft smile. My shoulders shake vibrantly as he steps closer.

The priest is reciting the aftermaths, but my ears don't pay attention to his words. Instead, I gaze at the beauty in front of me, with a tinge of fear and mostly- wonder. I haven't met anyone who can snatch away the words from the tip of my tongue, dive into my eyes and spot the smallest bit of secret sown in my gaze.

Yeonjun stares at me, and I stare back. By my rather horrified expression, he chuckles lightly. He mouths something, but his words don't reach to me. All I can do is to see the stars shining in his hypnotic eyes.

Yeonjun looks happy; his lips have bloomed into a full smile, his nose is crinkled in a cute way, golden strands of his bleached hair are falling over his forehead. But at the other hand, I feel unnerved.

What have you done, Yeonjun?

Why?

"Well, now you may kiss the bride-"

Before the priest can finish his sentence, Blood splutters everywhere I can see. 

On the white lilies in my arms, on the stage, on Yeonjun's white suit, on the horrified face of priest's standing between us; everywhere. My eyes widen, watching the white of his suit turn into crimson, and Yeonjun rushing to me as a gasp of horror leaves his mouth.

As I kneel down, I can see more blood. Like a pool around me, drenching my gown, and gathering around the wooden stage. The golden carpet is no longer same as before, red blotches have sunk through it and the grass is now tinted like a ruby. I turn to my right, eyes shifting down to my waist. A fountain of blood oozes out from the open wound there, and smears my hands between seconds.

I never knew I had this much of blood? Or did I? I can't think straight... was I always bleeding like now?

Tears escape my eyes as a rainfall. My vision turns blurry, upside down, draws in and zones out. I can't decipher what's happening around me. Someone is screaming from far away, hushed footsteps are thumping madly on the ground. There's a cry- and a shriek- all of them are mixed together to create a whirlpool of distinct noise. I can recognise their voices, but at the same time, I can't even recognise my own. 

A pair of hands slips between my arms, holding my body tightly. I try to focus on his face; but all I can figure out is his eyes. They are dark, glinting and streaming with tears.

"No... what's this! No, Mira, listen to me. Please." his lavender scent, mixed with the pungent smell of blood, hits my nose as he sobs on the crook of my neck. "We are going to get out of here. I promise! I-"

I can't hear him anymore. A lump is growing inside my throat. I have so much to tell Yeonjun, so much to scream; I want him to know that I'm in pain, I can't breathe, my own heartbeats are dying slowly inside my chest- and I don't want them to. For the very first time of my life, I'm wanting to live now. I want to see if the promise he has given me will turn out to be true. I want to get lost into the melody of black that swirls inside his eyes. I want to know the story they are trying to let me hear.

I'm scared to meet the end.

How many minutes have passed? Or hours? Has it been a day already? Or has it been only a second since a bullet was shot through my waist, me falling on the ground, and the lilies- dripping with blood- scattering down like a shower of meteorites from the sky? I have never seen flowers gleaming so brightly under the sunlight while bearing the art of tragedy in them.

Mira, Mira. I can hear whispers near my ears. Mira, don't give up. Don't.

The screams around me grow louder. I can recognise a voice among them with utmost difficulty- its Yurin's.

"She needs to go to the hospital! I think her father has sorted out the outsiders by now!"

"We need to lift her up! The carriage is here!" another person shouts, his tone is terrified yet determined. I can see the blurry figure of an woman crouching down before me. She holds my hands and breathes shakily.

"Mira, you'll be okay! You have gone through more worse than this. Just hold it in, please!"

Right. I have gone through much more than this.

But when will they realize, that no matter how many times I have felt this same pain- or maybe the worst- this never feels known? That the burning of flesh and this endless flow of blood- is such a feeling I can never get used to?

I try to keep my eyes open. I really do. Everything the people around me keep telling me- I wish to fulfill all of their bindings. But the strength I need for that, doesn't seem sufficient right now. Actually, I think I'm tired of repeating that over and over.

All I ever wanted was to break the wall around me. The wall of grief, lose, remorse, tears, shame, and pain. To move on, to realize that life can be beautiful.

But why didn't anyone let me to do that? Why were my wishes, always neglected? Couldn't they stop themselves from throwing me into the same gutter I was trying to climb up and let me see the beautiful sunrise with others?

Thinking about others...

Where's Aera now? Is she coming to see me? Where's my mother? Is she with my little sister? Are both of them arriving here? Will I be able to see them again?

"M-mother..." I whisper, my eyes shut close tightly. "Mother... I-I... Aera... s-sorry..."

"Mira, don't talk! Save your breath, please!" a female voice stammers near me. "Come on now, how much time do we need to reach there?"

I'm going to see them.

I'm finally going to see them.

It's been two years since I have last seen my family. It may be so little time for others, but to me- these two years were like two hundred, and more. Sun was so slow to rise, and so slow to set. Moon never shone brightly, or ever disappeared from the sky. It has been an endless cycle, with no beginning and no end.

Did it hurt when you left, Aera? It did, didn't it? You were always so afraid of dark, but still, they threw you in the cell like that...

I talk with the swirling memories in my mind, with the ghosts who exist only in the past. I can feel my hands turning rigid, steadily. As if someone is showering me with splinters of ice. 

Aera, I have something to say to you right now.

I tried. I really tried, Aera.

When you weren't coming home after playing with your friends, I went out to find you. I ran into the hedges, hurt my ankle in the most stupid way, and again got up on my feet. I searched everywhere for you. And when I still couldn't find you, my intuition told me where to go. So I went there, to the place which only you and me knew.

The chamber under the horse carousel.

We happened to discover it by accident, hardly one year ago. We took your toys and played inside it for hours. It was safe place for us to hide when father was angry at our mother, and they fought. I thought that maybe your friends had taken away your favourite doll, so you were crying in there alone...

But my guess was proved to be drastically wrong.

It was my fault. It had forever been my fault. I never cared about the sound of footsteps around us when we were playing inside that underground chamber. Maybe some squirrels were fighting over nuts, or a weasel was lurking for food- nothing else.

But what I found there that day, wasn't only you blindfolded and gagging for breath, Aera. There were a hundred more kids with you; all of them choking and crying for their parents, their mouths were wrapped with tape, legs and hands tied in ropes. I only remember letting out a loud shriek- which was the largest mistake of my life- and running up the hill to tell others what I have seen.

But I couldn't.

The only thing I needed to do right- was done to be a mistake, again.

Again.

Again.

And again.

My throat feels dry. The more I inhale, the more I feel suffocated. Just like the flow of blood from the wound on my waist, the thirst for water keeps increasing. I open my eyes, searching for the person my heart keeps yearning to see before it stops beating.

"Yeonjun..."

I manage to utter his name with the last bit of my strength. My head feels heavier than before and spins. Someone hovers before my face. I stare at the same dark eyes, and realize that it's him.

"Let go of me." 

I speak through my trembling lips, fighting back the tears gathered around my eyes. Yeonjun stares at me with an undescribable look, then places his hands on my cheek.

"No, I won't." he presses his lips on my forehead for a long time. Kissing my wet eyelashes, he leans back a little. Yeonjun whispers in a low tone. "I'm not letting you go unless the time comes to an end for both of us. Until then, even if you want or not- you have to stay with me."

a.n. : I had so much fun writing this chapter! Haha! Took me only 5 days, 11 hours, 56 minutes and 40 seconds! And the murder of my brain! HAHA!

tani. 08. 07. 2023.