Proper Funeral | Kang Mira

The following day results my father being extremely happy for being able to throw me away soon. He hums around the house, orders the maids to put three sugar cubes in his tea ( He never takes sugar ), peeks into my room very often, and chuckles when he sees me coughing blood into the bucket.

"Very good, very good!" he claps cheerily while exiting the room. I turn my head away from him, disgusted. "Just do it more than before, and die after you have reached to his house!"

"He sounds utterly shameless for saying it, doesn't he?" Yurin throws him a dirty look as father starts singing in his shrill voice on the corridor. "I think he has turned mad."

"At least Mira's going to leave him now. That's better." Mrs. Hyun starts unbuttoning my bloody corset, her eyes downcast. "I actually like that young man. Looks like he's going to take care of Mira more than us."

Yurin, the assistant maid of the household, and my long term friend, gives Mrs. Hyun a skeptical look.

"Men can't be trusted. What they have inside matters, not their outer looks."

"Well... some of them has both..."

"Yes, some of them do look brutal like their hearts..."

Yurin lifts up the wooden busket; which is now full of dampened cloths. Then she turns at me and forms a tiny smile on her lips.

"Mira, keep belief in yourself for now. If all of these were meant to be fake, then what happened yesterday could had also gone wrong. But it didn't, right? He wishes to stay, Mira. I also think that... he can do it."

I don't answer her question. Yurin leaves the room, Mrs. Hyun starts changing the sheets, and I slowly find myself getting lost into a whirl of thoughts.

I can't thoroughly pinpoint what I'm feeling. It's a bit of relief, but mostly, that horrible fear of turning into a burden. I have always been afraid of being a toy which loses its importance after a mere hype. Or a thing which gains attention by the outer look only, then gets chucked after getting used.

All the men who came to me with a marriage proposal, were dazzled by the shine my face radiated, but never wished to spot that underlying shade of helplessness I had in my forlorn gaze. The scars which have scarred my body- and the haunting memories of the war- are hidden under the frails and cuffs of my dress and inside the deepest of my mind.

I know that scars make someone stronger. Only, when they have a dream to chase for. I have tried to find a dream- to think about the future- to do something to make my stay in this world worth of it- but never found one. It sounds terribly foolish, and I seek for a remedy- but I haven't met a person who has the hopeless gaze like mine.

My hollow eyes remain the same as I look through the window, spotting the grave of Yeon. Behind it, the tree I have named Ayra, stands with her head held high.

I observe the arrangements my father is making for the most waited departure from his house. He looks so happy that my footprints won't stain the floor anymore. There will be no stack of bloody cloths for washing and that disturbing smell drifting in the air. He will not need to listen to the clatter of my spoons, or to get a glimpse of me coughing vehemently.

I stare at the backyard. People are passing by more often. I can guess they are having this insane curiosity that what kind of moron is actually going to marry the cursed daughter of Councilor Kang. Moreover, they are waiting to put their noses in.

What is worse, that I feel like they are doing right. At least, I won't be left heartbroken if I realize the true intention of the man willing to marry me, will I?

I don't understand why he will help me. Obviously he has a reason... people do nothing without a reason and benefit.

"Mam!"

Yurin's panic stricken voice hurls me around. She's gasping for breath, hands clutching the doorframe, her legs wobbling dangerously. Mrs. Hyun stops cleaning the closet and turns to her

"What happened, Yurin?" I get down from the bed and run toward her, holding her tight in my arms. "Why're you looking so shaken? What-"

"Mi-Mira..." she clasps my dress and pants. "It's Ye-Hwang's wife! He left her in his stable! She's a mess... completely bleeding to death! I-I think this is because of her complicated delivery!"

My eyes widen in pure horror, throat turning dry for the fact that my worst dread has come true. Mrs. Hyun stares at Yurin, hands covering her mouth as she lets out a gasp.

"We have to go!" I stand up, quickly reaching for my cloak. "We have to save her!"

"No, Mira! Wait!" Mrs. Hyun stops me by holding my wrist. I stare at her, bewildered.

"You can't go!" she says while shutting her eyes tight and biting her lips. "Remember, how she treated you when you started coughing blood? What names she called you? She spat on your face and screamed that you brought misfortune! Then why are you- I mean- why, Mira? Why care?"

"I can't... turn into what they named me." I shake my head. "I'm not cursed. I'm not a monster! I-I have to go-"

"Mira, stop! Your father-"

But I have already fetched the cloak and stromed out of the room. I take swift steps toward the backyard, my dress swooshing against the ground, feeling distraught. Every breath I take, it reminds me that time is running out for Ye-Hwang's wife, Ryumin.

I hear a sound of shuffling behind me. I turn around, not halting my speed, and see Yurin is running, too.

The trunks of the trees are uprooted, fields which once were full of sun burnt corps, are now devoid of green. There's a tinge of smoke lingering in the air; coming from the chimneys of the ashen houses. There's no flower in the gardens as far as my eyes can travel; only black moths feasting on dead butterflies on soil. Cry of a child echoes behind the thick fences; I see a mother is beating her son to eat stale rice.

The village has lost it's voice an year ago.

It doesn't' talk to us as it used to do. Before the war, it was my daily routine to take in the scent of grass, listen to the chirping of birds, let the cold wind brush my skin and blow away crimson hair. I had my comfort in the familiar nature.

The elegance of Kyeon-ju is long forgotten. By the uproar on the grounds that shook people's hearts- the hope for a well future was driven out. Now all this village has got left is a bloody history to be written in the pages, and cries of the families who have lost their children in the infamous massacre.

Yurin takes the lead. Soon, we see a stable at distance; the front door making some cracking noise, spider webs tangled around the walls made of straw, and the humid air thumping harshly against the roof. Yurin runs inside.

"Mira! She's here!"

Following her voice, I step in, and a dirty smell of horse droppings hits my nose. To my horror, I see an woman in her mid twenties, lying on the stack of straws. Her cloths are shabby and patched. Crimson pool of blood lies under her legs.

"Ryumin!"

I run to her; kneeling before the woman and holding her limp hands close to me. I put an ear on her chest, trying to listen her heartbeats. I could hear the tune of dying almost acutely. Ryumin's eyes flutter open.

"Mira..."

She croaks, hands shaking as she clutches my cloak. I turn at Yurin, who was looking aghast.

"Yurin, we- we need to take her to the hospital!"

"I- it's in Auoran, Miss!" she hiccups, lips trembling as she stares at Ryumin. "I don't think we can make it in time-"

"Go, go!" I usher her to the door, eyes pleading. "Call anyone... from anywhere..."

"They have all left, Mira." Yurin says while gritting her teeth. "They have all left her t-to die. Won't come even if this stable catches a fire now! Moreover, they will be pleased!"

"N-no..." I shake my head, refusing to accept whatever she's saying. "They can't be this much cruel... no..."

"M-Mira. Look at me."

I turn my head at the bleeding woman, who was watching me with the softest look in her eyes. She moves her lips, but I can't hear her. So, I bring myself close to her. Now I can spot the blue poured on her lips, her ghostly pale face, and the glistening tears gathered around her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"I forgive you." I clutch her hands tightly. "Now... don't close your eyes!"

Turning around to see that Yurin rushing off to the road, I get back to Ryumin.

"Now, now... hold this in. Don't give up." I take off my cloak, and tear apart the corners. I start moving her blood soaked dress away from her stomach. A large and swollen wound is visible right under her navel; it has turned dark and looks like bursting open any soon. 

"Mira..."

"It's because... the delivery wasn't smooth, was it? This has wounded you up, Ryumin... I told you your condition wasn't fit for a normal one. You needed to go to the hospital..."

"M-Mira... listen..."

"Yes?"

"He-he loved me, you know..." she sobs while grasping my hands tightly. "Ye-Hwang. I th-thought he loved me. He promised m-me..."

I don't dare to say anything. I feel too frustrated to think about this dire situation.

When will Yurin return?

Will we be able to save her?

Do I stand a chance at all?"

Her chest is heaving up for a little air, face turning white as frost. Her hands are stone cold. I rub them together for some warmth, but it feels like she's giving in.

"Please... hold on, Ryumin... Don't go..."

"It's because I-I did wrong to you..." she's talking to herself now. I stare at her as I fight back my tears. "It's the payback for my horrible be-behaviour with you..."

"It's not! Don't say that!"

"I-I'm sorry." she cries out in pain, hands clutching mine tighter. Then Ryumin reaches for my cheeks, and whispers. "Forgive me... please..."

Her eyes get widened, and a soft sigh escapes her lips. Ryumin's bloody hands slip down to my cheeks, leaving behind a trail of crimson.

Tears stream down to my eyes finally.

I stand up, head spinning as if someone has knocked me out with a bat. I exit the stable, leaving the dead body of Ryumin behind. My dress is drenched in blood and soil. As I walk forward, my gaze becomes foggy and unsteady.

How many lives will have to perish in this way?

Wind blows against my unkempt, red hair. I don't tie it up, letting the strands brush on my face. I halt on the open field. Some horses tied with wooden poles, neigh while chewing straws. I look around, and spot immediately that Yurin is running to me.

"I-I did it!" she stops before me and takes in a deep breath, hands on her trembling knees. "I sent a telegram to the hospital-"

Then she looks up. Upon finding my same hollow eyes, realization sinks in her. She swallows, her excellent golden eyes drooping low.

"Mira..."

"I'm no use." I whisper inaudibly. "I'm no use. I never was..."

Yurin gulps, she looks like crying any moment. My head hangs low in shame.

"I couldn't anything to lessen her pain... not a single thing... my mind was completely blank a-and- no, I just let her die on purpose..."

"You didn't." Yurin shakes her head, trying to cage her sobs inside. "Don't blame yourself, Mira. It was- it was bound to happen."

She stares at the road to our house. I place my arms on her shoulder, and she does the same. It takes a grieving heart, a fight which is lost, and utmost regret to drag my body forward. The image of Ryumin lying on the bed of straws, and crying in pain, her bloody hands on my cheeks- blurs my vision.

"She wasn't sick. Only needed hospitalization..." I lost a trace of my own words; not being able to recognize my voice. "What's with the terrible lack of knowledge of the villagers... when will this stop?"

"What's more cruel is..." Yurin stumbles on her steps and I catch her quickly. She takes a deep breath, and mutters. "We can't even persuade anyone for giving her a proper funeral. Sick people don't get a goodbye here."