"What was that?" purrs Alexander against my ear. His voice just a breath. The sound of our hearts beating wildly is much louder and I press my trembling sweaty body even closer to Alexander. Compared to our first time, hard and demanding, his hot penis literally fucking my brains out, this was just the fulfilment of my dreams. Alexander spoiled me in an unprecedented way with his tongue. No electronic stimulator can replace his artistry. Intoxicated and overwhelmed by the feelings raging inside me. The desire to come on the one hand and the request to wait, to savour every second more, on the other.

"Pure sex," he replies with a chuckle, pressing me even tighter against his quivering chest and the force of the pounding heart inside Alexander transfers to mine.
"That was incredible," I confirm.
"Incredible and beautiful." I'm still sitting on his lap, the hard arousal deep inside me and the twitching clearly signalling that he's still high above the clouds. I gaze lovingly at my friend's beautiful face, letting my fingers slide longingly through the night-black soft hair. Individual strands hang sweatily in my forehead and a shiny drop runs over my temple, seeking its way down over my cheekbones and chin. I receive the drop, taste the salty aroma tingling on my tongue and moan softly.

"Ready?" asks Alexander softly, sliding his hands tenderly down my back and coming to rest on the curve of my buttocks.
"For round two? With you always," I say lustfully, feeling wet kisses on my neck and shoulder.
"Later honey. I'm totally exhausted. Please don't be mad. I would love to fuck you all night. But the day and even the evening were exhausting."
"Okay," I reply slightly disappointed and immediately I have my boyfriend's undivided attention. Friend. How that sounds. So beautiful and precious. I still can hardly believe it and pinch my arm every morning after I wake up to make sure it wasn't a dream and Alexander really was kissing me under the mistletoe in the snowy winter wonderland.

"Magnus. That doesn't mean I don't want it. Quite the opposite. The sex was incredible. And watching you pleasure yourself with that plug. Fuck, I thought I had to come right then and there, it was so hot. Your words, Dr Alexander..." He shakes his head slightly, closing his eyes, just for a moment. The thick black lashes rest on the pale soft skin and I think I see it glisten. Tears or sweat? I don't know and I don't have the opportunity to explore this further. I would have loved to kiss his lashes and caress the witness of his feelings with my lips. He looks into my eyes penetratingly, caresses my cheek gossamer softly and I nestle into the touch. Immediately Alexander's large hand replaces the groping fingertips, protective, strong and yet so fragile.

"I love you. And we have all the time in the world to explore each other. Let's find out together what you like and what you don't. You can always be honest... no. You always have to be honest with me. Because that's the only way it can work. You know exactly what I like in sex. And I'm not asking you to like the same thing. You are an independent person with feelings and dreams, desires and I want nothing more than to make the time we have together as intense as possible. With romantic dates and cheesy movies, family life and, unfortunately, evenings of futile waiting because the emergency room has its own rules. I want all of that. And much more. But do you know what I want right now?" he asks and I shake my head, slightly dazed. I am still sorting through what has been said, filing it into the appropriate folders for each topic.
"Right now I want a hot shower. With you. And then just cuddle in bed until we fall asleep, tightly embraced."

"That sounds heavenly," I sigh and let my eyelids flutter. In fact, I too long for hot water that covers the traces of our act. Not to forget, how could I. But slowly the dried sperm itches on my skin. Alexander didn't lick it all off my body and although I was startled and slightly panicked at first, the thought of him wanting to taste us excited me.
"My legs feel heavy," I say, feeling the muscles twitch and the approaching muscle spasm.
"I think I'm getting a cramp. Fuck. This... fuck can you help me stand up for a second?", I ask pleadingly and contort my face painfully. The pain is most present on the lower right. What kind of massage would I give now?
"Go slowly Magnus. Are you in pain?" he asks gently, yet I hear the pitch that was already evident when I collided with the lantern. He is once again in doctor mode, trying to fathom the source and mentally laying out the appropriate therapy.

Alexander's strong hands support my hips and slowly his penis slides out of my confinement. Immediately I feel the warm sperm flowing out of my ass and blush with embarrassment. I can feel the heat, it spreads over my neck and cheeks, colouring everything to the last corner in fiery red.
"Sorry," I whisper as my attempt to slide my hand under in time fails and the sheet beneath us becomes soaked with Alexander's cum.
"No problem. Don't worry about it. Wait," he replies, handing me a tissue the next moment.
"I'll re-make the bed and you go take a shower. Take your time. I'll catch up with you," he says. I am slightly overwhelmed by the situation and his words. I am uncomfortable leaving such a mess and still the cramp in my lower leg is hinting.
"When I move, my muscles cramp. I know the feeling. If I sit in one position for too long waiting for the right moment for the perfect photo, it feels the same after a while."
"Tetany," Alexander says and I look at him in confusion, frowning and strangely thinking of Rosi. Last time I was in this bed, my forehead did hurt a lot at that kind of facial expression.

"Muscle cramp or rigor mortis," he explains with a laugh and courageously reaches into my aching calf.
"Here?" he asks and I nod silently. No words are needed either, the pain in my expression should be enough of an answer.
"Lie down. I'll massage the muscle and tomorrow you'll get a load of magnesium from me. How often does that happen?"
"Too often," I say sufferingly and just drop onto the mattress. I lack the strength for an elegant pose and also the necessary motivation. Because as soon as my body touches the soft ground, the pain doubles and immediately pulls further into my toes.
"Fuck," I moan and put an arm over my face in shame. I don't want Alexander to see me like this. Suffering, whining, like a little child.

"How much do you drink?"
"Almost never. You know that... fuck Alexander. You're... hurting me." I want to hit him so badly. A wave of stabbing pain chases through my leg, pulling into my foot and toes. Numb. My foot feels numb and for a blink I startle. But an agonisingly slow stroke, gentle pressure from Alexander's thumb over the abused muscle releases a lock and I exhale in relief. Warm blood flows through my veins and the numb feeling disappears. But the pain remains and I struggle to concentrate on Alexander. It just still fucking hurts. The tingling in my toes is uncomfortable, my awareness slightly consumed by the pain and the extremely awkward situation.
"I'm not talking about alcohol. Water. How much do you drink a day Lack of fluids is also a trigger of frequent calf cramps."

"Too little then," I reply snottily. His fingers dig painfully into my muscles. Every nerve cell in me screams quite loudly and again and again I try to release my leg from Alexander's grip. But he is simply skilled at dealing with unwilling patients. The position reminds me a little of the experience of my first blow job in Alexander's bathroom. My legs were on his shoulders then too, only this time it's painful and not intoxicating. Pain can be intoxicating. No question about it. Just not with me. I'm a wimp before the Lord and the thought of needles under my skin, bones protruding from my body or blood in abundance makes me shudder. That's not my world and I try everything to protect my body from such experiences.

"You need to drink more. Doctor's orders. Do you actually do sports?" he asks with interest. As a doctor or my friend? Probably both.
"No. No time... Fucking Alec," I yell. That fucking hurt. Really fucking hurt. But my sadistic boyfriend seems to think it's insanely great and funny. I don't like the diabolical grin on his face at all. His fingers dig painfully into my muscles, push and squeeze, and again and again a tingling shiver runs down my spine. He hits all the points that stimulate nerve pathways and receptors with pinpoint accuracy. And it's painful as shit. I moan in agony and squirm under his touch.

"Almost there. So no exercise. That two-bellied calf muscle is your problem. It shortens from sitting too long. Also called the twin calf muscle, it is responsible for bending the knee and foot. Muscles are vital. They need to be stretched and moved. If you don't, they get stressed and the consequences are cramps. Due to the one-sided movement pattern caused by sitting for too long, fascia and muscle fibres become brittle and unyielding. At some point the pressure is too high and then unnatural tensions arise. That, my dear, is a big problem in our society today. And stress. Stress in the job, permanent pressure produce stress hormones and the muscles are constantly in readiness to fight. Last year I was in Germany at a symposium and listened to a very interesting lecture on the subject. The speaker, a pain specialist as he calls himself, said the following: 'The calf cramp is therefore very often your muscle's attempt to relieve the overload and stress of everyday life at night'. And there's some truth to that. Is it better now?"

Distracted by Alexander's stories and the knowing hands which, with gentle touches and firm pressure, loosen exactly the places that were so painful not long ago, my muscles relax and my whole body tension in general gives way to a different feeling. I feel light and carefree, Alexander's hands on my skin are balm. Slowly but steadily, his fingers, the heel of his hand or even his forearm glide over my leg. Relaxed, I enjoy his massage and sigh as the last of the pain fades away and pure peace and silence lie over us.

"That's so good," I breathe, Alexander's hands far up my thigh and everything inside me tingles as he strokes the insides gossamer softly. I like that a lot and my skin reacts promptly, stretching greedily towards the touch and without controlling it, a deep moan escapes from my throat. Startled, I open my eyes and look into the deep dark mirror of my friend's soul. A comforting shiver runs down my spine, down my spine. Tingling passion awakens and even though we experienced the high of ecstasy not so long ago, the desire for Alexander and his penis clearly stirs in me.

His thoughts also seem to be already on a journey into the vastness of desire. Again and again Alexander's fingers glide over my skin, caressing, teasing and the tip of his tongue peeks cheekily out between my sinful lips. Radiant cheeks dipped in pale pink. A sight I fell in love with from the start. Together with the sparkle of storm-soaked eyes. I love blue in all its beauty and fascination, a perpetual change from ocean blue, radiant and full of joy to midnight blue, dark and powerful, surrounded by bright whites and loving sparkles.

"You are so beautiful," he whispers. Tenderly his lips glide over my skin, caressing, tasting and Alexander enjoys this moment as much as I do. His eyes closed, warm breath weaving around every touch, I moan softly. I'm addicted to him and his lips spreading soft kisses over my tingling arousal. Hot breath and cool wetness, Alexander licks over my skin and I think I'm going to perish with lust. So erotic, so arousing, so beautiful.
"Look at me," I say. I let the tip of my thumb dance over my upper and lower lip, entwined with the taste of our lust which lingers in fine nuances on my tongue and palate. He loves it, I already saw that last time. Slowly two fingers stroke my lips, Alexander's eyes dark with lust. A single moment is enough to make him lose control. I don't get to suck my fingers into my mouth anymore. The feel of Alexander's penis at my entrance, gentle pressure and a deep gasp make me forget everything.

Two bodies in harmony with their movements, skin against skin, caressing fingertips over hard tense muscles and a firm grip on my hip. Urgent desire, hot breath, flaming heat. I feel like I'm on fire, ablaze, and Alexander is the breeding ground for the embers and heat in my veins. At the same time, he is also the hero in this story who saves me from falling into the abyss. He is my support in this world of doubts, fear and the search for being, the missing half to my torn soul. He makes me complete. And it shall be only Alexander, the man by my side, who leads me through the darkness out into the light.

"I love you," Alexander breathes against my lips. Immersed in a kiss full of love and security, we surrender to the waves of ecstasy, feeling the other as if we had melted together. One person, Magnus and Alexander for eternity and with sensual sounds the longing and feeling of love awakens. Love and happiness mixed with salty tears on my skin, Alexander's tongue tip receiving the pearls.
"I love you too," I sob. Everything is too much right now. Why? I don't really know myself. But the knowledge that Alexander loves me, a penniless Indonesian boy, with a hidden life, nothing to offer and yet I feel the earnestness of his words in every sound. Desperately, I dig my fingers into his skin, let my forehead come to rest on his shoulder and quiver. My body trembles and I'm afraid that Alexander won't get along with me, with my way of life. That my dream of a future will burst like the salty tears from my eyes on his pale skin.

"Magnus?"
"It's okay. I'm fine," I reply, taking a deep breath and trying to calm myself. Just a moment, a moment the two of us in complete silence. Alexander gently strokes through my sweaty hair, breathes soothing kisses on my mop of hair. It helps. Very much so.
"I sometimes feel like we're worlds apart. And one day I wake up and realise it was all a dream. I'm sitting in my mouldy flat on the rock-hard mattress and I look at the photo of you in Central Park. Wondering who you are and never getting an answer."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because what happens to us only happens in fairy tales. Or novels. Or Hollywood movies. It doesn't matter. It's just... I don't know. A lot. New. Unfamiliar," I reply honestly.

"Of course. You come from another life and suddenly everything is different. How long did you pretend to be straight?" asks Alexander.
"My whole life. Until I met you."
"Exactly. And that was the best day of my life. Besides the day Izzy was born, my surgery, meeting Jace for the first time, Charlie's birth..."
"Okay," I stop him chuckling, managing to peel my forehead away from his skin that was so soothing to me.
"I hear you."
"Yeah?" he asks skeptically. The furrows on his forehead show concern.
"Will I ever get used to you falling in love with me, of all people?", I say quietly.
"I hope not," he replies seriously. 'You don't?

"Now don't look so horrified," Alexander assuages my doubts with a breathy kiss on the tip of my nose.
"Please don't ever get used to us. Because dreariness and indifference were two of the many things that caused my last relationship to fail. And I have no intention of ever letting you go again. I love you and I can totally see myself spending the rest of my life with you. If you want me to."