Warning: this part contains some adult content and also mentioned sexual assault/rape. Know your limits.

Hi! If you're coming to this part to invalidate asexuals because you misunderstood the title, don't bother commenting. I am asexual. I don't tolerate aphobes.

Once again, I did what I knew I shouldn't do and delved into the comment section on a TikTok video. They were talking about a sexuality called "fraysexual", which is basically where you feel sexual attraction at first but as you grow closer to the person the attraction fades. And basically the person in the video was like "to me, that's not a sexuality that's commitment issues" and most of the comments were about how micro-labeling is harmful to the LGBTQ+ community.

In my opinion... they aren't. Same thing with neopronouns. Most of the time it's younger people trying to find the correct label for themselves. I'd say the majority of the time, they grow out of calling themselves that and move on to refer to themselves with the broader term of their sexual orientation.

An example is greysexual, what I consider myself. It's a sexuality under the ace umbrella- a lot of people consider it a micro-label. When I was younger, I didn't like getting referred to as "asexual"; I felt that term was too definite for me at my age and I felt more comfortable being labeled greysexual. Now I'm 22 and I'm completely fine with being called ace. Only a couple people know that technically I'm grey-ace. Grey, ace, grey-ace, and aspec are all terms I'm comfortable with. But if someone were to ask me my sexuality I would say "asexual" not greysexual, because I don't consider the specifics important anymore.

Anyways, I feel like labeling micro-labels as bad hurts the younger people in the community who are just trying to figure out their identity.

Moving on from my rant-within-a-rant, one comment on that video casked how the original poster felt about demisexual because fraysexual was basically the opposite of demisexual (demisexual is another sexuality under the ace umbrella where an individual only feels sexual attraction after they emotionally connect with a person). And the original poster made a reply video basically saying that she recognized that they were essentially opposites but stood by her ground that fraysexual wasn't a valid sexuality.

Well the comments under THAT video were nasty. The majority were "this is dumb asexuality isn't even a sexuality. Not wanting to have sex doesn't make you special" and along those lines.

I just... wow. People are so uneducated.

Let me educate you.

Asexuality is defined as "little to no sexual attraction". You can identify as asexual, or you could identify with one of the sexualities with the ace spectrum (I already talked about the allo-ace spectrum in my rant last year).

No sexual attraction does not mean that ace people don't want to have sex. Ace people usually fall into one of three categories: sex-favorable (they enjoy having sex and may even seek out partners to have sex), sex-neutral (they don't hate the idea of having sex but they don't necessarily want to have it), and sex-repulsed (they do not like the idea of having sex and are not interested in it at all). Having/wanting to have sex does not equal feeling sexual attraction, and not having/wanting to have sex does not equal having no sexual attraction.

Also, asexuality does not equal low libido. People who are ace are perfectly capable of being turned on during sex and having orgasms. Ace people have all the same machinery that allo people have, and it works just fine. Ace people just don't get turned on by anyone's appearance. An ace person may seek out sex because they like how it feels or they're interested in satisfying their partner- whatever. But they have no physical attraction towards those people.

Almost like a business transaction, if you will 😂

A lot of the reasons I see for not including ace people in LGBTQ+ spaces is because people assume that asexuals are not ostracized by society (specifically, heteroromantic asexuals). And it's true that the ace experience in life is different than someone who is gay, lesbian, trans, bi, etc., because we're considered "straight-passing". If we don't tell people we're ace, they wouldn't know we're any different and therefore we're not LGBTQ+.

I think it's very uneducated to make such a presumptuous claim without stepping into our shoes for a moment. When coming out, asexuals are often brushed to the side by their parents with claims of "you just haven't found the right person yet" or "it's just a phase; you'll grow out of it". Invalidated because in this world where people expect you to get married and have children, in a world where sex and depictions of sex are in every corner, people cannot imagine someone who doesn't find those things necessary or appealing.

I've heard horror stories of asexual people being raped because someone thought they could turn them straight. That they just needed to experience sex to realize that they weren't asexual.

For asexuals who experience romantic attraction, dating people is pretty much limited to other asexuals (unless they're sex-positive, of course). Because for some people, having sex is a very important part in a relationship, and a lot of people aren't interested in someone who won't have sex with them. Speaking from personal experience, I'm pretty much convinced that if I enter a relationship, I'll end up getting cheated on because I won't have sex with the guy.

So yeah, asexuals face struggles that heterosexuals don't have to worry about. And no, they're not as bad as the challenges and threats that others in the LGBTQ+ face (except the rape- that's a really serious issue). But our sexuality does make this hypersexual, heteronormative world harder to navigate. That's why they consider themselves apart of the LBGTQ+ community.

Okay... I think I'm done. See you at my next asexual rant I suppose.