Addressing the title of this part will address all that's pretty much going through my head right now

So, I'm dieting again. I weighed myself the other day and I was four pounds away from 200, which made me break down in tears. I also have been unhappy with how my clothes had been fitting me. Even though I love food... I had to say goodbye to it

Now my calorie goal is around 1,560 calories I believe? I try to eat less than that though because the less I eat the more I lose. I have to eat over 1000 calories a day though or the app I use to track my calories stops logging my progress

The thing I hate about tracking calories is that I'm always hungry. And I've tracked calories twice before, both times for about a month straight, so I know the hungry feeling doesn't go away. The problem is my mother doesn't buy good food; she buys food with "empty calories". For those of you that don't know, that means that while it contains, say, 200 calories, those calories will not make you feel full

I need stuff like fruits and vegetables, which are pretty much 0 to 10 calories a serving, but those don't exist in my household

Honestly, I think the hardest part of trying to lose weight is doing it alone... both of my sisters are skinny and my parents just don't care about what they put in their bodies so I'm constantly surrounded by unhealthy food and habits and no one to help me out

I'm very tired as well- I'm dogsitting my aunt's golden retriever, Golden. He's SUCH a sweet dog but he likes to sleep with me at night. This is a problem, because he's a very large dog, which leaves me little room to sleep

He doesn't want to sleep at the foot of the bed either. Ohhhhh no, Golden wants to see your face as you fall asleep

Plus my entire family got up at like 5:30 to go out to a soccer tournament which not only woke me up super early, but they left me home alone to take care of both Golden AND my friend's beagle Avery

Which brings me to sad

Avery is not at my house- she is at her house, in a cage (she's in the cage cause she's proven she can't be trusted to be out of the cage while her owners are away not because her owners are mean). This means to let her outside, I have to drive across the city to let her out

She's so sweet. I excepted her bark at me, because she's a bit of a wild child, but honestly, I think she was just excited not to be alone anymore. The only sound coming out of her mouth was crying because someone was at the house to interact with her

Which made me sad because I can't drive to their house a dozen times a day to let her run around. After she went to the bathroom, I had to put her back in her cage. Honestly, I think I'm gonna leave the house for work, like 45 minutes early so I can just sit with Avery and let her stretch, drink some water, go outside, etc

Cause I don't like it :(