*wrestling my mom* In Soviet Russia, women are the men. Men have the bosoms.

~~~~~

*walks up to mom, who's playing Candy Crush* In Soviet Russia, *smacks phone out of hand* phone play you.

~~~~~

*sits down for mom to braid hair* In Soviet Russia, one does not braid hair. Hair braid you.

~~~~~

*after watching beach volleyball, I turn to my mother* In Soviet Russia, ball spikes you, like woman bearing child drunk on vodka.

(I know that doesn't make sense but that's what spilled out of my mouth)