Hope and Annalise

When I'm in Winnipeg

If we end up at your house at some point

Please

PLEASE

Make sure there are no cords on the ground.

I have almost snapped my neck twice in a course of a half hour tripping and falling over cords.

This is a PSA: Please keep your local Shelbaraptors alive by removing any objects from the floor. They cannot see their feet and will trip over anything, including carpet, blankets, cords, shoes, and air.

Anyways, so Michelle and I were talking about the medal count in the Olympics, and how the only reason we reached triple digits was our beast af swim team and our killer gymnastics team.

And of course, I can't help but mutter, "God knows our soccer team wasn't any help."

And as I take a sip of my ICE drink, Michelle goes, "It's shit like this that makes us pay them less."

PSA: Do not say shit like that when Shelbaraptors are drinking. They cannot control their laughter, and will choke and die.

SO THEN I was putting away my food and dishes and I go, "You know, Michelle, I'm not excited to start school, but fall means Christmas is coming up, and I've done been ready for Christmas."

Then I was like, "You know, if we lived in a nicer neighborhood, I would love to go Christmas caroling, but I've never been shot, and I'd like to keep it that way."

Of course, I had to continue in a Newscaster voice, "Local family of five was shot and killed on the streets of *insert my city name* tonight. Local witnesses say it's the scariest thing they've ever seen."

Then Michelle takes over, "One eye witness told us the family was laughing and singing, and genuinely enjoying the holiday spirit in the air. He reported to authorities that if the shooter hadn't shot them, he would have done it himself."

I was wheezing on the floor at that point I couldn't breath.

But yeah. That's what happens in my household.