England: You can't cross the Appellations. That's not our territory.

America: *goes into territory* *looks at French and Indians* Fight us

~~~~

English soldiers: *shots three people for throwing stones at them*

Americans: Welp we're breaking off from Britain and you can fight us about it

~~~~

England: If you're our ally you won't trade with France

America: *trades with France* Fight me biotches

~~~~

America: We'll pay you for that land.

Mexico: No we wanna keep this.

America: Okay we'll just fight you.

*Mexican-American War*

America: ... Here's the money for that land btw. Thanks.

~~~~

Spain: Our war with Cuba isn't your business

America: Lol you asked for it

~~~~

Philippines: Thanks for helping us beat Spain!

America: No problem!

Philippines: ... Are you gonna leave?

America: Nah

~~~~

England: Germany is evil. Fight them.

America: No that's your problem.

England: *shows Zimmerman Note*

America: Oh hell nah Germany Ima fight you

~~~~

England: Help us fight Germany

America: Lol no we're broke af

Japan: *blows up Pearl Harbor*

America: Welp we'll join but only if we can destroy those guys over there

*ends war in Europe*

*drops atomic bombs on Japan*

America: ... You know what? We'll help you clean that up

~~~~

Soviet Union: I don't like that you have atomic bombs

America: I don't like that you have an attitude

Soviet Union: I'm gonna make some

America: No that was my idea first

Soviet Union: Too late

America: Well we'll just make more

Soviet Union: Not as many as us

America: Bet

~~~~

America: *stands proud* We're the only world power. Not even Russia could touch us.

Al Qaeda: *manages to actually poke America on their own turf* *by poke I mean kill about 3,000 people*

America: *eye twitches* Well I guess it's time to explode the entire Middle East