Lily couldn't help but glance back into the woodland. A strange and sentimental feeling suddenly flowed through her, deep inside her chest.

It hurt her heart, but not in a sharp way. It was like a deep ache.

"Lily, take this." Sil said. Lily looked back just as Sil shoved her backpack into her arms.

She watched Gila and her both start pulling large branches and leaf cover off the big lump of a thing that sat beneath a large tree in a dense spot of bushes. Finally she could see some kind of canvas beneath. They pulled that off too with the rest of the foliage cover. Lily blinked at it.

She'd never seen anything like it...

Gila clicked a button and the squeak of the door opening set Lily's nerves on edge. She cringed. Sil folded the large canvas as Gila got into the plush chair at the front. Lily looked at the thing and canted her head as she fully studied it.

It was the color of the sky, with windows all around. Lily slowly moved forward and tentatively touched it, but immediately yanked her hand back.

It was cold and hard as a rock.

Lily looked up at the window again, and was surprised to see her own reflection so clear. Lily had never seen herself aside from the reflection in the lake. She glanced over at Gila, and that's when she noticed the shiny thing sticking off the front. She was even more startled to see the reflection even stronger in the small round thing.

She couldn't stop herself from going over to it.

"What is this?" Lily asked. Gila patted her head as she slipped out of the seat, but Lily couldn't look away. She didn't realize how light her eyes were.

"It's a mirror." She said. Lily glanced over at her as opened a side door and removed Imee from the pouch at her chest to lay her inside on a seat.

Sil opening more squeaky doors at the very back stole her attention then. Mia, Rin and she started to shove all their supplies in. Lily quickly went to hand her the bag she still held as Gila yanked a large sac from beneath the seats and unzipped it.

Lily stared in confusion as she started pulling out clothes the likes of which Lily had never seen. And then she pulled out what looked like severed scalps. It startled Lily the most.

She was dropping things into piles inside the floor of the van.

"Humans don't have hair like us. It draws attention. Yours will too. We have to wear these. They are called wigs." Gila said when she noticed her expression. Lily blinked at her.

"What is it?" Lily asked. It smelled... different. Was that what humans smelled like? Gila was focused on sorting things, until she finally handed her a brown one. Lily nearly dropped it.

It was weird... and the hair felt stiff.

"These should fit you, put these on, it's what they wear. We will have to get you shoes later." Gila said as she handed her a bunch of fabrics. Lily felt bewildered for a moment as she watched Gila and Sil start to dress. Lily looked at Rin and Mia as they too grabbed the clothes Gila had put out for them.

Lily hesitated, before stripping and trying to figure out how to put the things on. She glanced at Gila and Sil as they effortlessly put one thing on after the other until they were tucking their hair up into the wigs.

They were fully dressed and Lily had barely started. Sil sighed and moved over to her.

"Turn around." Sil said. Lily did as she said, just before she forced one of the fabrics over her breasts. Lily jumped.

"Put your arms through here." Sil instructed. Lily did as she was told as she snapped it on her back.

It was immediately uncomfortable.

"What is this?" Lily asked as Sil shoved the dress over her head.

"They call it a bra." Sil said. Lily stared down at herself as Sil straightened the dress for her. It made her chest look strange.

"...why?" Lily asked.

"I don't know, they do weird things." Sil said. Lily felt confined. It was too tight. Snuggly hugging her.

"How long do I have to wear it?" Lily asked as Sil started bunching Lily's hair together and tied it up.

"Put your head down." Sil said and Lily did so. She slipped the wig over her head.

It was immediately itchy.

"Until we get to past these human settlements. We can take a break tonight." Gila explained. Lily glanced back at Rin, Mia and Inaya. Between the three, only Mia had a wig on to cover her black and red hair. Both Rin and Inaya's hair were solid brown.

Lily looked back at Sil who had gone back to packing the van. She had a blonde wig to cover her blonde, red and brown hair. Gila had a black wig to cover her black, brown and red hair.

They looked... odd with the wigs. She liked their natural hair. It was unique and pretty. The nervousness was starting to grow that they had to go to such lengths to blend with humans.

Gila was dressing Inaya.

"Are humans dangerous?" Lily asked. Gila and Sil exchanged a glance.

"Most normal ones aren't, even those that try something can't contend with our strength. But there are some that are dangerous. They know of us, and hunt us." Sil said.

Lily stared at her as that terrifying thought sunk in. She didn't know that.

"We need to get going. Sil, you drive first." Gila said as she pulled down the sleeve and part of her dress to feed Imee before she walked around the van to get into the front. Sil picked up Inaya and set her inside in the back before she moved to the other front door. Lily peered inside as Inaya climbed up onto the cushion. There were three rows of bench seats.

Both Mia and Rin climbed in and then over a seat. Rin went to the very back, and Mia took the second back. Lily tentatively followed them and took a seat on the first bench next to Inaya. It smelled a bit musty. They must not have used it for a while...

Lily put her hand down in the cushion. It was squishy.

"Shut the door." Mia instructed. Lily looked back at the open door and awkwardly pulled on it. The clang it made startled her a bit.

"Cover your ears, the first time is a bit startling." Sil said as she pushed something into a slot. Lily frowned and did as she said.

The rumbling noise did startle her. As did the humming it made. And when it moved backward it startled her even more. Lily grabbed the seat and Inaya as the motion tossed them around a bit.

"Just hold on until we get to the road." Gila said. Lily stared at her with confusion. How was this easier than walking? Lily was tossed back and forth until she began to feel sick. The forest continued to thin until there was just sparse trees.

It was just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, that a big jolt suddenly stopped the back and forth motion. They began to move forward smoothly. Lily looked out the window. She saw a vast amount of sand one way, and the other still had some trees scattered in the more barren landscape.

Lily looked to the front window, and again felt bewildered at seeing the black looking river that seemed to go on forever.

"This is what the human roads look like." Sil explained. Lily looked at the mirror Sil was looking back at her with and saw her reflection again.

She couldn't help but feel a bit overwhelmed by everything, and the noise it made was starting to irritate her wolf.

"How long will we be in this?" Lily asked. Everything about it felt uncomfortable.

"A while. You will get used to it." Sil reassured.

"And in about ten minutes, you'll be able to see the mountains." Gila said as she glanced back at her. Lily furrowed her brow and glanced backward. Rin was hanging over the back seat, staring out the back window.

"The mountains?" Lily asked.

"Yes, have you never seen them?" Gila asked. Lily looked back again.

"No..." She said. A strange feeling began to flow through her. A tightness in her chest.

The forest had always blocked the view. Her mother often said she wished she could see them again, even from a distance. Gila looked back at her, before she glanced at Sil.

"Stop before we get to the highway." Gila said.

They continued to drive for a little while longer. Lily kept looking back in anticipation, until eventually the mountains began to emerge on the horizon, seemingly growing upward toward the sky the further they got from the woodlands. Lily stared back in awe.

"Pull over here." Gila said. The van jolted a bit as they left the road and they slowly rolled to a stop. Lily didn't move.

"Go on... get out and have a look. Just click that button and push." Gila instructed as she coddled the infant in her arms. Lily hesitated, before forcing herself to do as she said. It took her a moment to find the button and push the door open.

Lily stepped out into the cool morning air, the breeze was gently flowing over her face as she looked off into the distance behind them.

For a moment, she felt frozen as she stared at the mountain range her mother called home for the first time. It was awe inspiring, the peaks went high up into the sky. And it seemed to go on forever along the horizon.

Lily felt the emotion well in her throat. She was going in the opposite direction. But a forest full of danger and packs that wanted her dead stood in the way...

So many thoughts went through her head as she stood there and stared for a time, unable to look away.

She thought of her mother, but for the first time she didn't tear up. Instead she felt that distant hope that maybe she did have a home there rise to the surface inside her, it was all she had left to cling to. To find the relatives her mother often talked about.

But how wrong her mother had been on other things made her doubt again. Especially now that she saw how far, intimidatingly far. The sudden uncertainty was hitting her hard. As was what Edith and Rafe had told her...

Growling finally stole her attention and Lily glanced back. Rin and Mia were fighting over something. Sil looked amused.

"MOM!" Rin screeched when Mia managed to win. Sil threw something back at her.

"Must you torment me?" Gila said with a sigh as she still nurses her youngest. Lily couldn't help but feel something at watching them interact. Amused, sad, happy? She felt a jumble of things.

They were so different than Tristan's family. Different from all the families she'd been around in Lykaia. Their silly interactions gave her a new kind of ache. The more she was with them, the more she realized how much she didn't understand family.

Probably because she had no one.

"Have you had enough? Come on! We have to go." Sil barked at her. Lily looked back to the mountains once more, trying to take in as much as she could.

In that moment, they felt unreachable.

"Let's gooooo." Sil said again. Lily slowly stepped back, before turning around and getting back inside. She yanked the door shut, and Sil immediately drove back onto the road.

Lily sat mulling deeply in her thoughts for a time. She only vaguely paid attention at Gila and Sil arguing about which way to go. It was a while after they sorted it out, that she noticed another thing roll past them. Lily glanced over and stared in shock at the male driving it.

"Is that a human?" Lily asked in surprise.

"Yup." Sil said. Lily canted her head as she studied him, but she didn't get to look long, his thing was moving faster. Lily looked back to see if anymore were nearby, but the closest was a little ways back. It was a long stretch of road surrounded mostly by desert.

"Is that a van too?" Lily asked. It looked different.

"No, that's a car." Sil said. Lily looked over at her. She half expected her to get annoyed with all the questions. But Sil answered without judgement.

Lily felt a huge amount of gratefulness for it.

She looked to the left, and noticed other cars traveling the opposite direction. All different shapes and sizes. Some were extremely large and rumbled the road as they passed. She just stared in shock for a time.

As another car moved to pass them on their side and Lily got closer to the window to see them better. It was a male and a female this time. Lily was surprised how similar they looked to them. In her head, she always thought they would look different.

As more cars continued to pass by, she understood why Gila had insisted they dress like them. The humans looked over at them as well. One woman waved when she noticed Lily staring. Sil chuckled.

"You will see plenty of them, the novelty runs out quick." Sil said.

They drove throughout the day, and just like Gila and Sil had said, she did get used to the noise and the clothes and staring at humans did become boring. Even seeing all the different types of buildings grew stale after hours. The light was starting to fade now.

"We should make it to Jeffrey's in another hour." Gila said. She was driving now. Sil was sitting next to her, holding Imee. Mia was in front, and both Inaya and Rin were asleep on the second row of seats. They had switched after they got out for a break at a human place hours before.

That was a whole new experience for Lily... but Gila kept her from exploring too much. And they made it quick, it was only to take care of needs. Sil had gone in a got some things from a little 'store,' as Gila had called it. Water, food and some papers. Gila wouldn't let her go with Sil. It was clear she didn't trust her yet to interact with humans.

"Jeffrey?" Lily asked. She hadn't heard him mentioned before.

"Yes, he has a territory up here. He accepts all wolves. Transient or otherwise. It's a bit of a rogue sanctuary, we will stay there for the night." Gila said.

Lily glanced up at the road again, but there was nothing really to look at, so she glanced down at the paper in her hand. It was one of the things Sil had bought. She had picked it up to inspect it a few minutes before. The long hours of nothingness were starting to wear on her.

"What is this?" Lily asked as she unfolded it. It just kept unfolding. She'd never see a paper like that.

"It's a human map of their lands, I like to get the most recent one... we haven't purchased one in a few years, things tend to change fast in the human regions." Sil explained as she gently bounced her sister. She had been fussy for a while. Lily managed to get the whole thing unfolded and held it out.

Lily furrowed her brow. She didn't understand at all what she was looking at.

"What are all those lines?" Lily asked. There were lines everywhere, and squiggles. Sil pointed to a few.

"It's how they split their territories, they call them states." Sil said. She made a wide circle that crossed quite a few lines and colors.

"This is where all our packs are... it's technically in five of their territories. Your mountain wolves... are here." She pointed to a spot on the map. Lily realized the ruffled lines indicated mountains. She scrunched her brow as she looked around at all the squiggle lines.

"Those are roads." Sil explained.

"And the woodland packs are all throughout here?" Lily asked.

"Yes." Sil said.

"Can't I go this way to the mountain?" Lily asked with sudden excitement. Sil shook her head.

"No, that doesn't connect the way you think it does. And this region of wolves isn't the only region of wolves. There are packs all over that you have to be weary of, most are not as large as that region's packs but still big enough to give us trouble. There are some on the other side of that mountain too." Sil explained. Lily couldn't help but feel deflated.

"We will be staying with the Wayla pack. They live here." Sil said as she pointed to a spot at the edge of the map. Lily studied it, before she let herself focus on the ocean.

It was massive compared to the land.

"The Wayla are good at traveling amongst the humans, they have some acquaintances throughout the rest of the continent. They have assimilated with the humans very well, and help other packs do so. Since humans continue to expand and take nature with them. They helped my mother. They gave us this van so we can stay with them during the winter." Sil said. Lily glanced out the window again. The road was still all desert. She looked to Gila as she drove.

Gila was listening but making no commentary.

"Mom came across one after she left her pack and became pregnant with me, they wander into the desert region occasionally." Sil said as she adjusted Imee in her arms again and looked back to where she indicated the woodland packs to be.

"Pretty soon those woodland pack's lands will be disturbed as well I imagine. The desert packs have already been getting pushed further off the livable land. They will have to leave and find someplace else. It's becoming harder to stay away from the humans." Sil added. Lily frowned as her eyes once again went to the mountains.

"The only entry point to get to your winter wolves would be here... through the woodland packs, otherwise to cross those peaks could be deadly, and you have the unknown packs on the other side to deal with too." Sil said. Lily folded it back up with some sadness and tucked it back behind the seat where Sil had stuffed it. She looked out the window again. The sun was slowly setting.

"How long does it take to get to the ocean?" Lily asked.

"We should be there by tomorrow night or the next day, depending on how many stops we make." Gila said as she cast an aggressive glance at Mia. Lily looked at her too.

"What are you looking at me for? She insists more than we do." Mia said as she gestured to Sil. Sil immediately leaned forward and smacked her shoulder.

"Brat." She growled. Mia stuck her tongue out at her. Lily couldn't help but smile, at least a little. She'd never been around siblings. She had always wanted them.

"Hush... you'll wake up your sisters." Gila scolded. Lily looked at Sil as she rolled her eyes and handed the baby to her before she pulled out the other thing she had bought.

"This is a newspaper." Sil said as she unfolded it. Lily mimicked Sil's motions to bounce Imee who was still whining as she studied the pictures and lines on the page. She didn't understand the writing. Her mother only taught her the wolven version.

Lily got an unexpected pang of sadness when she remembered Edith promising to teach her.

"This is how they communicate stuff to their people. I like to get it to see if anything might be happening we should know about." Sil said. Lily frowned as she stared at the black and white images. Even lacking color, they didn't look like drawings, they looked real.

She didn't understand.

"These are photographs. Humans have a thing where it can capture an image." Sil explained. Lily studied the pictures. She couldn't quite grasp what she was talking about.

"Does it hurt?" Lily asked. Sil laughed. Lily couldn't help but feel dumb.

"No." Sil said. Lily just stared down at the paper again.

"What does that say?" Lily asked.

"Just stories, and stuff about their leaders." Sil explained. Lily looked up at the top where the larger print letters were.

"And what's that?" Lily asked.

"Just the name of the paper, and the date." Sil said. Lily stared at it for a moment. The wolven people did not overly keep tract of dates, they mostly went by seasons. But some did. Her mother knew the months.

"What does it say?" Lily asked.

"November 17th, 1960." Sil said.

"Does that mean something special?" Lily asked.

"No, it's just the date today." Sil said. Lily stared at it for a while longer, before Sil finally put it away.

The rest of the drive to the rogue territory was mostly in silence. She could tell everyone was growing tired and more uncomfortable.

When they finally pulled up to the place, it was dark. Lily stood aside and watched Gila greet the male known as Jeffrey. Lily recognized he had some higher level blood in him, not quite Alpha but close. Or maybe just not a direct line Alpha.

He seemed friendly.

It surprised her that she didn't feel the innate wariness of him. Even after being back with the Vargas. Lily couldn't help but think of Edith, at least briefly, before she managed to push it away.

It was too painful.

Jeffery was clearly the leader of the territory. Lily didn't speak, even when Jeffery greeted her. She just stayed in the back and remained quiet. She couldn't help that she felt out of place...

When he gave them a room at their pack house, she was just overly glad to be rid of the human clothes and wig. She shared a bed with Sil and Inaya.

They left early morning again. Throughout the day the landscape changed. They went through roads of mountains, hills, and greenery. And eventually by the evening the air began to smell salty and the land became flatter.

They arrived around sunset. Several Wayla wolves greeted them at the edge of their territory, before letting them through. It was clear they were well aquatinted.

Lily followed Rin and Mia as they ran down to the shore through the trees the moment Gila stopped the van outside a small cottage. She had seen glimpses of the glittering water from the road as they approached and she could no longer keep herself still.

Lily stopped at the edge where the sand met forest and stared out in a mixture of shock and awe at the vast body of water before her. The afternoon breeze whipped through her silver hair as she took a deep breath of the ocean air. The scent of salt was almost overwhelming.

But there was something about the cool breeze that felt refreshing.

Freeing.

Lily felt a strange bout of emotion hit her. She had seen more, learned more, in the few days of travel with Gila than she had in her entire life.

The thought of the life she was leading with her mother suddenly became that much more painful to think about. Almost unbearable. Knowing there was so much they were robbed of. She looked at Rin and Mia as they shifted and began to tumble and roll along the shoreline, play fighting. Other pack pups darted from down the beach to join them.

Lily felt tears dripping down her cheeks before she even realized she was crying. Gila walked up beside her and patted her shoulder sympathetically.

"Sometimes it helps to just let go. Of everything from before. I had to. The first time I stood here too I felt it. That sense of freedom." Gila said. Lily sniffled and rubbed her eyes.

"Take what time you need. We plan to stay here through the next mating moon." Gila said. Lily just sniffled again and nodded.

But at the thought of the mating moon, a new sense of dread filled her. One she hadn't truly thought about.

She would likely start her heat this year... and she had no mate to help her through it.

____

Four months later...

Being away from everything, time seemed to flow at a very different pace. Lily never realized how every day just seemed to blend together in her life before. She never had anything to look forward to... nothing to differentiate her days from any other day.

But everything was so different now.

Her days were full of all kinds of things she'd never dreamed she'd get to experience. Even the quiet peaceful days that they spent in the cottage or walking the shoreline were days she looked forward to. She had never experienced such a mild winter before.

The Alphas of the Wayla were the kindest wolves she had ever met. She felt no intimidation at all being around them, not even from the start. They were giving and asked for nothing in return.

Lily didn't believe wolves like that existed...

Life felt slower there, quieter and safer. The packs around the region had no conflicts with each other. And they had learned to coexist with the humans in the area, to blend in and go unnoticed by them.

Gila did not work with her every day. She did initially, for those first few weeks, but that quickly faded into once a week.

At first Lily was disappointed. She felt like a burden, because even after all the work Gila was going through to make her not so helpless, Lily struggled with it all. It was something else she felt incredibly frustrated with...

Five months and she felt she wasn't much better off than she was when they first came. Something she wanted to prove otherwise... and was failing. But Gila was nothing but patient and reassuring. She stated everyone learned at their own pace, and sometimes it can't be forced. That a lifetime of fear and conditioning cannot be undone over night.

Lily suspected that's why she switched to once a week, that maybe she realized overdoing it wasn't helping her. And the rest of the week was spent in activities with the Wayla pack, or going into the tiny human town they had nearby.

Gila focused on teaching her how to properly interact with them when her abilities were obviously lacking in other areas. And it was something she was able to pick up quickly. Lily felt confident in that at least.

Even with her frustratingly slow progress in all the other stuff, she felt so indebted to Gila. For everything.

She had settled into a kind of comfort with her and her daughters. And they treated her like one of their own.

It gave Lily a bitter sweet feeling. Because she knew eventually, she would have to leave. That this was only temporary because they took pity on her.

It was just another place she didn't belong...

Which brought her mind back to another thing that seemed to never go away, not even with all manner of pleasant distractions.

Through it all... Tristan had not left her thoughts, not once in all the time she'd been away from him.

Four months...

She found herself thinking of him mostly at night, especially the nights that Gila ran her hard throughout the day. When she was overly tired seemed to be when her defenses were down the most.

She would feel him sometimes too, whenever he had extreme bouts of emotion, or when she felt he was in danger. It would kick up her heart rate and she'd worry and have trouble concentrating on anything else until she felt him safe again. She knew he must still be fighting in those desert border woodlands. All these months later.

She tried for a while to keep herself overly busy in an effort to not think about him, but it was never enough to forget. It was a torture she didn't even fully want to be gone...

Feeling him, even after everything, was still a comfort to her.

"Have you decided what you will do?" Gila asked her as she packed a small bag. Lily was torn out of her thoughts, but she couldn't meet Gila's eye. She was standing beside the window staring out at the ocean as she fidgeted with her sleeve.

Even after all this time, Gila still believed she hadn't met her mate. Gila kept reassuring her that a first time heat with no mate would be minimal discomfort.

Lily still felt too ashamed to admit she had met him. Especially now that she considered Gila to be a motherly figure to her.

She didn't want to disappoint her...

But no one had ever mentioned that a first heat after meeting a mate would be worse... the worry was starting to dig deep inside her.

"If you think it will be too hard, you can come with me. I told you I will find you a gentle male to help you through it." Gila suggested softly. Lily finally looked over at her.

Lily knew Gila treated her very different than her daughter's. It frustrated her... that she saw her as that fragile.

Gila had been trying to guide her all week about what to do, and to not be ashamed about having needs. That her gifted would understand.

But Lily felt odd...

Her wolf both liked and hated the idea with her current mood. She felt so conflicted.

Lily watched Gila zip up her bag. Her thoughts once again returning to Tristan. She hated that she still felt loyal. Even though he had betrayed her... she couldn't bring herself to do the same to him.

Even though she felt so agitated. So hot and bothered...

The mating moon was tomorrow.

"No." Lily said firmly as she made up her mind. She glanced at Sil who was watching Lily with a suspicious look from the doorway. She had been looking at her like that all week.

Lily awoke exactly a week before the mating moon to blood stains on her sheets. The antsyness of her wolf. She had been temperamental, easily frustrated. Her bleeding had stopped, but the worst part of it had yet to start.

She was truly dreading tomorrow.

Sil at least had another year before she had to deal with it. So Lily couldn't help but feel irked by her attitude.

"Are you sure?" Gila asked her with finality. She slung her bag over her shoulder. Lily knew she had to leave now in order to make it back to Jeffery's territory.

Sil explained to her it was a place where females in heat could easily find a male willing to help her through it away from pack wolves. Established packs often took issue with rogue females in heat.

But because it was Lily's first, the Wayla Alpha said she was allowed to stay on their packlands, as long as she utilized one of their heat houses or stayed in their cottage. It was on the outskirts of their pack territory. Gila on the other hand, had to leave so as not to disturb the pack wolves.

Lily hated that she wouldn't be here with her, but she had already resolved not to go with her. She didn't think she could trust herself...

Gila sighed and looked at Sil.

"Keep her from doing anything stupid please." Gila said as she picked up Imee and turned to leave.

Lily didn't follow her as she made her way to the front room. She heard Gila telling Rin, Mia and Inaya to behave before the cottage door shut.

Ten minutes later, Sil barged back into the room.

"Have you met your mate or not?" Sil asked. Lily couldn't help but be startled by her bluntness. They hadn't talked about it, not once since that time by the fire.

She just stared at her for a moment.

"Lie to my mom, fine... but if you've met him, you realize how intense your need to mate will be? I need to know, so I know how crazy you will get. We have a good thing going with these wolves, I can't have you screwing it up!" Sil said intently. Lily felt tense. She looked to the doorway. Both Mia and Rin stood there.

"Both of you, go for a run now and take Inaya with you." Sil demanded.

"No, this sounds interesting." Mia said.

"NOW!" Sil growled. Mia and Rin grumbled before reluctantly complying. They stood in awkward silence until the girls were out of listening range.

"Tell me, truthfully." Sil said. Lily fidgeted uneasily and hesitated, before reluctantly nodding.

"What is wrong with you! It was that Alpha blooded male wasn't it? Why didn't you just go to him! Or tell us. We could have found a safe way to get you to him." Sil said with frustration.

"He doesn't want me." Lily said. Sil stared at her.

An awkward moment of silence followed.

"What?" Sil asked.

"He doesn't want me." Lily repeated. Sil's confused eyes just seemed to add to the humiliation she felt. She seemed to have trouble processing that thought. Lily looked away from her.

"Why?" Sil asked. She clearly was taken aback.

"Because of my parentage. Because he thinks I'm pathetic and can't be an Alpha. And he... he already had a mate. He chose her over me." Lily said shakily, and she didn't realize tears were running down her cheeks until she felt the warm drips onto her folded arms.

Saying it out loud made it real again. Made the pain she felt hurt all over again.

Another long awkward silence followed.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Sil finally said, but her tone was gentler.

"Because... I... I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to think less of me. And your mother said she never heard of that happening. I didn't want to be the one who made her doubt." Lily said. Sil pinched her brow as she took a heavy breath.

"Did he mark his chosen after he met you?" Sil asked with a frustrated tone. Lily reluctantly nodded.

"Dammit. You should have gone with my mother." Sil said with frustration as she glanced to the window. Lily frowned deeply.

"I don't want to lay with a male." Lily insisted. Sil gave her a hard look.

"You won't be thinking that tomorrow, your heat will be a lot stronger than a normal first timer too." Sil said. Lily took a nervous breath.

"What does that mean?" She asked.

"That we might need to go to a heat house... but that would far too close to all the pack wolves, we can't let them scent you at all... dammit," Sil said as she thought.

"I guess we just need to keep you here and away from the pack males." Sil said. Lily chewed her lip.

"I-" Lily began.

"No, you may think you are strong willed now, but I guarantee you, you won't be once that mating moon rises. The only thing you have going for you, is that you have Alpha blood. Your wolf will be picky... you will want a higher rank, you won't settle for less, and the Alpha's sons should be far enough from here that it shouldn't be a problem." Sil said as if thinking out loud. Lily felt even more nervous.

The Wayla Alpha had four sons. The two oldest were already mated, but he did have two others around their ages. They had been introduced early on in their stay.

Lily looked out the window.

She could just barely see the nearly full moon up in the afternoon sky. In less than twenty-four hours, it would take control of the wolven people.

The spring equinox.

Both the fall and spring equinoxes marked their mating season. The mating moons. They were so large and bright and close to the horizon, they wolf-glazed their eyes and made them incredibly restless with feral energy. And not just the females in heat were affected. It was all their people.

Wolves were more aggressive this time of year. More territorial. To the rest of the wolves, the urge to shift and give into their feral side would be unbearable.

Her mother told her when she was still a pup, that these moons brought their skin and fur sides together as one. Their wolf came so close to the surface, that all their senses were heightened to their wolf's level, even in skin.

It gave them the best of both worlds for a day, both the clarity of their skin minds and the highly in-tune nature of their wolves.

And when they created a pup beneath these moons it was part of both their halves.

"Lily look at me." Sil demanded. Lily did as she asked.

"You have to listen to me. You need to get that through your head now before you lose your mind. This can be dangerous, for you and us." Sil said firmly. Lily nodded.

Why hadn't she thought of that before?

Sil took a hard breath, before she turned to leave. Lily tentatively followed her out to the front of the house, but paused when she continued on toward the pack's central area.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked hesitantly.

"To get something we might need." Sil growled back at her.

Lily occupied herself the rest of the day taking care of the pups, not that Mia and Rin needed much, she mostly fed and entertained Inaya and finally put her to bed.

Over the months, Lily had got good at taking care of the young ones. She felt comfortable around children now.

Every once in a while, she thought of Kit.

She wondered sometimes what they told him... but she didn't let her thoughts travel too far down that road.

That night, Lily barely slept. Sil hadn't talked to her for the rest of the day, and she seemed moody. Lily had been sharing a bed with Sil for the past four months, but with Gila gone, Sil took her bed.

It felt odd without her now. Lily could hear her most of the night, she didn't seem to sleep easy either.

And the heat inside her just continued to grow more and more as the restless hours went by. The discomfort inside her became more concentrated in one area. An aching deep in her pelvis.

By the morning Lily felt miserable. Miserable and hot. The moon rise was early. Practically just after the sunrise, so when she saw those first golden rays flow through the gauzy curtains of the window, dread began to fill her.

But the dread came from another place too that she hadn't anticipated.

How had she forgotten?

The Varga females feared this day.

Her life had felt so separated than the one she lived before. But that deep fear had been ingrained in her, even when she had tried to block it out.

Lily hated this day, hated it so much for what she was forced to hear her mother go through. All the females go through.

And she hated it watching her mother treat the females in the aftermath of the male's aggression.

Lily felt her chest tighten in fear. She had to remind herself again that other packs weren't like the Vargas. That they were all males twisted by their upbringing. Her mother often told her that they weren't born cruel, that not even her father was. That he was turned that way by the cruelty of his father.

And the cycle just continued...

Lily glanced to her open door when she heard the pups get up. They were already rowdy, full of excited energy.

It never occurred to her that normal pups would love this day. Feeling their two selves in perfect harmony, running off all that feral energy.

Pups who didn't have to listen to their mothers get abused...

Lily took a painful breath and forced herself to get up to make them breakfast. Despite how she was feeling.

She had got good at cooking all kinds of foods in the last few months. The Wayla females were good teachers too. She had been spending a lot of time with a few of them. Especially their healer Brielle.

Lily enjoyed the interaction... especially with wolves that knew nothing of her past.

Sil wandered into the kitchen as Lily finished cutting up food for Inaya. Lily glanced over at her, but she didn't return her gaze.

"You three stay away from the main territory. Stick to the beach in the neutral zone." Sil said with a hard tone. Lily knew what she was implying.

Wolves tended to get territorial during this moon, especially pack wolves. It was best to stay away.

Lily returned to her room to let Sil finish up with them and laid back in bed. The ache was growing steadily worse, and she felt the restlessness of her wolf.

She couldn't help that her thoughts went to Tristan. Lily took a painful breath.

She had never once wished he was here until that moment, feeling that hot needy ache rise. All her thoughts of not wanting him to want her because he couldn't help it vanished in lieu of her needy wolf. She just somehow knew if he was there right now, he wouldn't be able to help himself, and neither would she.

She wanted that badly now. To feel the weight of his body on her... in her. Feel his skin against hers, his hard body against her softer one. Her wolf was giving her all kinds of thoughts that made her face feel hot.

If only he had just wanted her...

Lily tried to push that thought away. It was doing her no good. Not that it helped.

She lay there for the next hour stewing in her misery,  trying her best not to think of Tristan, until the moon finally rose. She felt the wolf glaze, the heightening of her senses.

And the hot frustrating ache in her pelvis became that much worse. The need to grind, to have something inside her, was growing worse and worse.

Lily began to breathe heavy. She felt hyper-sensitized. She could hear everything so clearly. The sound of the pups now running the length of the beach, yipping and playing, the rustling of the sand with each sloshing wave, the creaking of branches within the woods.

Not that she could focus on any of that. She began to feel so hot... she couldn't take it anymore. Lily sat up and angrily took off all her clothes. With her wolf so close to the surface, so too was her temper.

Anger hit her unexpectedly. True fury.

Her mate should be here in her time of need. It was his fault her heat was stronger than it should be for her first. Because she met him. Because he was meant to soothe it.

Her previous conviction not to betray him began to fade... and the thought of having a male between her thighs began to truly take hold of her. She began to pant at just the thought of it.

She felt her wolf, her inner self so in synch. That part of her was angry at him too. In fur she often thought more in feelings, but now her fur side's feelings were mingling with her human mind, giving more clarity to how she truly felt.

If he didn't want her... why should she save herself for him?

...but was she saving herself for him? Lily suddenly didn't know. Her convictions felt conflicted for a moment, until she realized she didn't want to just have anyone. Lily couldn't do what Gila did.

She wanted someone who would love her.

Lily battled with herself for the next few hours. Sil came and went, checking on her. Reminding her she needed to fight it, to stay in the cottage.

Lily wanted to bite her. Especially with how hot she was, and Sil had all the windows and doors shut, cloth stuffed in anything that may let out her scent.

By the afternoon it was truly becoming unbearable. Lily paced the house, frustrated and unbelievably craving a male between her legs. She had managed with great restraint to keep from trying to relieve it herself... Gila had warned her it would only make it worse.

But Lily was becoming desperate for relief. Truly truly desperate. Desperate to the point she didn't care who gave her relief, despite all her earlier convictions. Her center was so uncomfortably wet and hot, craving filling.

Gila was right...

Lily dunked her head in the sink again. She had tried wet cloths, but her skin was too sensitive. It was just another form of torture.

The water did nothing to cool her body, even as it dripped down over her from her wet hair.

Lily's glazed eyes went to the window again when she heard Sil growling off another male. Even at the outskirts of the pack, as contained as she was in the cottage, some males did still catch her scent and came around.

Sil was warning them back.

Lily growled with frustration. Why was it so bad if she let one in? Though Lily had to admit, she understood what Sil said.

Not all their male scents appealed to her. But a few did...

Lily's eyes suddenly turned to the south when she heard the snap of a branch, heavy paws. It was another male cautiously approaching. And it momentarily startled her how powerful his scent was. She felt her wolf preen.

Lily felt that ache increase.

He was coming from a direction that was clearly off the Wayla pack territory. Not a Wayla male. A neighboring pack? She didn't know, but she suddenly didn't care.

Her reason was fading.

Sil was busy taking care of that other one. She couldn't be in two places at once.

Lily's rational mind had long since faltered. She just wanted that male inside her. To soothe that raging ache that now felt on the border of driving her mad.

Somewhere deep in her mind she knew she shouldn't do this. Sil had warned her.

And even with her angry resentment, her wolf desperate, there was that nagging little thought of Tristan. That it was him she truly wanted to soothe her still.

But he wasn't here, and in the heat of that very moment, her need won out.

Lily threw the door open and ran toward the male's scent. She maintained enough sense to not shift and give into her fur completely. She knew she'd become full animal then.

The male darted for her as well the moment she was out in the open air. It was afternoon now as she ran along the sand. Lily abruptly paused when she finally spotted him in the distance, as he stepped out onto the sand and left the forest.

He was an Alpha son. Maybe a year older than she. He was panting now too. His eyes still glazed from the moon.

Despite her raging need, Lily hesitated.

"LILY!" Sil's furious voice was shouting from a distance behind her.

"LILY COME BACK!" Mia shouted.

Lily tried to glance back, but she was suddenly unable to look away from the male now stalking toward her. He was in front of her a moment later, and Lily found herself staring up into his wolf glazed eyes.

She knew she was off the Wayla territory. And she didn't understand why she didn't feel afraid, especially as the male's intense eyes were full of want.

Lily's gaze was automatically drawn to his right eye. He had no mark of fate. No gifted. He was tall and bulky.

...but not as much as Tristan.

Why couldn't she not think of him, even now?

He brought his hand up and Lily didn't flinch as his fingers were suddenly in her hair. And before she knew it, his mouth was on hers.

An emotional storm brewed inside her as he hoisted her up against him and she found herself kissing him back.

Her first kiss. She had never been kissed before. And it was with a stranger...

She had no experience in this, but instinct took over, especially as she felt his hard maleness right where she wanted it to be... Where she craved filling.

And his scent and taste appealed to her on every level.

Lily panted against his mouth as she felt him growl and try to line them up, and in the process he grinded against her need. It sent jolts of arousal through her and she whimpered against his mouth. She knew she was overly wet and hot. Ready to be taken by him.

But he broke the kiss and suddenly began forcibly nuzzling into her neck, right where a claim mark would go. She felt his canines scrape her skin as he breathed in her scent. Lily suddenly knew what he was doing.

The finality of it hit her hard.

Something deep inside her violently protested. If he marked her... she would be giving up her gifted, truly and forever.

And despite it all, she wasn't ready to do that.

A sharp sense of clarify struck her and she quickly struggles to shove away from him. She pushed hard to get out of his grip with a growl and he finally let her.

There was frustration, anger and confusion in his eyes. Lily panted as she stared at him. The tension in the air was thick.

Sil was suddenly there, shoving the male back.

"Fuck off Weston!" She snarled. Rin and Mia ran up as well. Both girls took her arms and started yanking her back toward the cottage.

"We have to get you back inside!" Mia growled.

"Who is she?" Weston snarled.

"Doesn't matter, leave!" Sil snarled right back. She was in his face practically, up on her toes.

"Get out of here. You shouldn't be so close to the border anyway! Especially today!" Sil snarled. Lily started moving backward at the girl's insistence. But she found she couldn't look away from the male. He too was staring at her hard.

"GO!" Sil snarled again as she shoved his chest. Not that he budged. He had some size to him. The male's eyes finally ripped away from hers and turned to Sil.

"Don't push me, I'll put you on your ass again." He growled, but there was no real malice to his words.

"You can fucking try!" Sil growled back.

"Lily we have to go! The others will scent you!" Mia growled when still Lily couldn't seem to move quicker. Something was holding her back.

"Wait, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry I just lost control for a moment." Weston said. Lily took a hard breath.

"Stay, I can help you. I won't claim you." He said.

"That's a hell fucking no. She has a gifted you asshole." Sil said before she spun on Lily.

"Get your ass in the damn house!!! Remember what we talked about? LISTEN TO ME!" Sil shouted. She seemed truly furious. Lily hesitated only a moment more, before her words truly began to sink in. Even with her heated wolf.

She turned and let Mia and Rin guide her back.

"What's your name?" Weston shouted to her. Lily looked back.

"It's none-of-your-GOD DAMN BUSINESS!" Sil shouted before she sent a withering look at Lily. It was enough to knock the sense back into her, and she turned and quickly followed Mia and Rin back to the house.

She could hear the distant arguing behind them, but to her horror she heard the thumping of paws from deeper in the Wayla pack territory headed in their direction.

"Quick!" Rin shouted as she shoved her inside and slammed the door. All three girls were inside with her now. She heard Sil's paws sprint past the house.

Lily took a hard breath and looked at the window again. The moon was almost setting. The hell would soon be over...

Lily looked again in the direction of that other male.

And she couldn't help but wonder. 

...who was that?