Namjoon sat stiffly on the stool beside Taeyang’s bed, stern eyes fixed on her face. She refused to look him in the eye; she refused to look at him at all. Instead, she dragged the silky white bed sheet upwards to cover her upper body, and her eyes fell on the end opposite where Namjoon sat.

“Why did you do it?” finally, he questioned, breaking the deafening silence in plain white hospital room.

“Why I do whatever I do with my life is none of your concern, Joon,” Taeyang spat harshly, without sparing a single glance at him. Even though she called him by his nickname, like she’d always done, this time, it sounded cold, empty.

“You tried to kill yourself!” he yelled, unable to contain all the emotions within him. Fear, anger, disappointment, his mind was clouded with it all. Never had he thought Taeyang would go to such lengths.

“And so what if I did, huh?” She whipped her head towards his direction so fast, that even Namjoon was slightly taken aback, but he refused to show that. He allowed their eyes to meet and lock with each other’s with so much intensity. But, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, Namjoon saw Taeyang in tears. Even when she’d told him to get out of her life just a few days earlier, not a single drop lingered in her eyes. Now, all her tears came pouring out like a flood; it weakened him.

“And so what if I tried to kill myself? It’s my life, isn’t it? Don’t I get the right to decide whether I live or die?” Her nails dug into the bed sheet, as she yelled back at him furiously. Her eyes were red and the tears drenched her equally reddened face. Namjoon stretched out his hand to place it delicately on hers.

“Don’t touch me!” Taeyang quickly swatted his hand away and her eyes burned into him with disgust. “What were you even doing at my house?”

Namjoon stayed silent, head solemnly ducked. He didn’t know how to tell her that he’d come to apologise for being a spineless, insecure man – the cause of their breakup – and to comfort her for her loss, only to decide against it at the last minute.

“Why didn’t you just let me die?” Namjoon could feel Taeyang’s stare pierce right through him. Her button-sized nose crinkled up, emphasizing her disgust and frustration. “Answer me!”

“Because I love you!” Rapidly, Namjoon lifted his eyes up to meet her gaze once again. “Do you really expect me to watch you die? I can't do that, Taeyang!”

Those words hit Taeyang right in the heart like a gunshot. Deep down, she knew he was telling the truth, but she didn’t want to hear it. He was making it harder for her to get over him, as if it wasn’t already hard enough.

Her grip on the sheet weakened, and eventually, she lifted her hand to wipe the tears from her face. It had just become impossible to look him in the eye again.

Namjoon inched closer to her bed. He stretched his arm out and held Taeyang’s cheek. Carefully, he positioned her face so their eyes could meet, but Taeyang kept her gaze lowered. “Okay, so you don’t care about me, but you should have at least thought of Taehyung. He’s your brother. He’s already lost his parents, and his girlfriend. Did you really want him to lose his sister too?”

Fighting back the tears, Taeyang slowly shook her head. Namjoon watched her shrinking figure, how she bit her bottom lip, with her gaze still lowered. “Please look at me,” he pleaded, voice reduced to whisper. As he requested, she lifted her heavy eyelids.

“Do…do you know where Taehyung is?” Taeyang asked, sniffling between her words.

“No.” Namjoon shook his head then sighed in exhaustion. “I really thought you’d both be at home together.”

“C…can you call him to find out, please?” she quickly added. Her voice was suddenly tender and timid. She’d lost all the strength to argue with him, or shout at him. In her eyes, Namjoon could see pain – the pain of losing someone so dear and the guilt of believing herself to be the cause.

“I’ll go call him right now.” He smiled at her and wiped away the teardrop beneath her bottom eyelid with his thumb. Standing to his feet, Namjoon took his phone out of his pocket and began dialling Taehyung’s number. Taeyang watched as he quietly exited the room, hand holding his phone to his ear.

Whilst waiting for Namjoon to return, Taeyang let her eyes seal themselves shut and rested her back against bed’s headboard. Moments later, the door creaked open and her eyes flickered open as well. Though feeble, her eyes glistened expectantly, waiting for news about her twin brother.

“He’s at a friend’s house,” Namjoon spoke calmly, but clearly hesitant to say the next part. “He’s… drunk.”

“Oh,” was all she could say. Her brother who almost never drank anything alcoholic was drunk. It was no surprise, of course. The love of his life was a citizen of the afterlife now. He was never going to see her again. He needed something to drown out his sorrows, anything.

“I know the address. I’ll go pick him up.”

“No!” Taeyang quickly called out. “Let… let him be.” She didn’t know how she was going to face Taehyung. His girlfriend was dead and she believed it was her fault. It’s better they stayed apart for the time being. She took a brief pause as Namjoon’s shoulders relaxed. “I want to go home.”

As she expected, Namjoon frowned at her. He had his “dad-look” on and Taeyang knew without a shadow of doubt that he was about to give her a lecture on how she was still weak and unwell and therefore, couldn’t leave the hospital. She cut in before he could. “I already heard the doctor say that I can be discharged. I mean I just lost a little blood.”

“A little? Taeyang, you didn’t see what I saw!” Namjoon shrieked, eyes widened in shock of how lightly she made the situation seem.

Taeyang just couldn’t help it; she let a light chuckle escape her lips. “Yes or no, did the doctor say I’m free to go?” The playful smile tugging at her lips lightened the atmosphere a bit. It amused her how much Namjoon still cared for her.

“Fine. I’ll take you home.” Namjoon sulked like a child.

“No, you don’t need to take me-”

“I wasn’t asking,” he cut in. “I’m taking you home.”

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Aaand… that's the second chapter. The number of times I've reread this chapter in particular, man, I think I can quote the whole thing. Anyways, I hope you like it and I wish you a very happy new year!!! 💜💜💜