December 3rd, 2017
'Why?'
Romano & Canada

"Okay, but seriously, why have we never ever ever done this before?"

"Because it's fucking terrifying, that's why!"

"Uhuh, and I'm Russian."

Lovino huffed and shot a glare at the Canadian. "I already told you, this is my first time . . ."

"And you're doing so well!" Matthew assured him with a soft smile. "Honestly, you need a little more confidence, Lovino."

"Please," he scoffed, "it's ice-skating, I'll only ever be doing it once."

"Until next year, you mean," the Canadian pointed out, and before Romano could respond in any way, shape or form, Matthew had already pushed away on the ice and was beginning to complete a full lap of the lake.

Lovino hated it. Originally the plan had been for Prussia to be there as well, but he had called and said something about seeing Spain and France and had thus cancelled on them. Of course. Second rate, that was all they were. Canada and Romano, the world's undesirables. Well, fuck the world, Lovino thought, it never did them any good anyway.

His focus returned to his feet and balance, then, and he watched idly as Matthew seemed to glide effortlessly across the thick ice. He didn't have that sort of coordination. His existence had been plagued by accidents and clumsiness ever since the beginning, and even in adulthood, he couldn't escape it. Perfect. Consigned to a lifetime of uselessness, that was his fate. Thanks a bunch, God. And Jupiter, too, while he was at it.

Matthew, having completed his quick lap, came to a smooth and rapid halt at Lovino's side. "Come on, I'll help you move on the ice."

"No thanks," he responded bluntly, "I'm quite happy stood here."

"Are you just going to wait here for the ice to melt, then?" Matthew said. "Because you'll be waiting a while, that's for sure."

"I already told you, I like this spot," Lovino affirmed, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to preserve the warmth below his layers, and he held his ground.

"Yeah, no, that's not gonna fly," Canada stated.

He didn't give Lovino the chance to throw a comeback at him; he grabbed the nearest hand and began to skate backwards of the ice, carefully pulling along his unwilling companion. They weren't getting very far, though. Romano was only cursing Matthew, using his mouth rather than his feet, and after only a few seconds of trying to get him to skate properly, Matthew brought both of them to a stop in the centre of the lake.

"Listen," he said, "I want you to do me a favour and just stop talking."

Lovino did a double take. "Uh, excuse me? I—"

"Shush!" Matthew interrupted, a hand shooting up into the air to ensure Lovino's silence, and he stood in waiting until the Italian responded in any way.

And it took a moment, but after a sigh, Lovino said: "Fine. I'll stop."

"Perfect, okay, this is how it's going to work," he began to explain with a humble smile. "I'm going to lead you on the ice, and you're going to hold my hands while—"

"But that looks so gay," Romano commented despondently.

Matthew paused and blinked, lost. "Lovino," he said, "you and I are literally the epitome of gay right now. Y-You have to be kidding me . . ."

I mean, it had only been a couple of weeks, but still, it meant a lot to Matthew and he'd be damned if he let Lovino throw it away because of his own insecurities. He had to help him, somehow, sometime. Soon.

"Yeah, well it doesn't mean I need to be public about it," he stated.

"Lovino?"

"What?"

"You do realise we are at least twenty miles away from civilisation, right?"

". . . We are?"

"Yeah."

"Oh . . ." he mumbled. "But still, I don't want to do it."

Matthew groaned quietly, not wanting to offend him too much, but really struggling to understand the problem from the outside looking in. What was so wrong? He only wanted to help him, it wasn't a death sentence! He went quiet, then. Matthew didn't quite know what to say. What to do. Lovino had sort of dug a hole for them both with no way to climb out with ease.

Lovino seemed to recognise that, too, however, and felt bad. He didn't want to be difficult, it was just embarrassing! He was embarrassing! Honestly, he wondered why on earth Matthew would even want to be seen with him— It wasn't a public space, Lovino, goddammit! Get a grip! Matthew was important to him, he couldn't ruin it because he was acting like a wet cat. Fucking pussy.

Without second thought, he took both of Matthew's hands in his own. "One lap."

"If you don't want to, we don't have to—"

"No, we're doing this," Lovino stated. "Just . . . Don't let me fall over . . ."

Matthew offered him a quiet, grateful smile. "I won't, I promise."

And with that, they started again, Matthew gently gliding backwards on the ice while pulling Lovino along, helping him get the footwork right and his balance secure. And within moments, it seemed, two hands had been reduced to one, and they were skating slowly alongside each other.

The Italian still felt like he was relying on Matthew excessively. He didn't want to feel so dependent. Useless. But each time that his pace slowed or wobbled, Canada always encouraged him. That's it, Lovi, you're totally nailing this! Or, Come on, you're doing amazingly! I'm so proud! And each word seemed to fuel that determination inside of Lovino until before long, he wasn't having to concentrate so hard, the pace picked up and he found himself asking that same question.

"Why have we never done this before?"

"See what I mean!" Matthew beamed – though, given the volume, it was more like a half-beam, really . . . "Isn't this just great?"

"Yeah, I, uh . . . I guess it is," Lovino responded meekly. Tch. Take that, childhood clumsiness, who was in charge now?

The Canadian laughed warmly, softly. "You'll be a professional in no time," he reassured his companion.

"You think so?" Lovino asked, the thought of ice-skating again not quite as appealing as the underlying compliment he had been given. And he dared a little one-sided smile, his confidence beginning to overflow.

"Mhm!"

"And put you to shame, huh?" the Italian added, gently and jokingly nudging Matthew.

"Uh— Hey," Matthew lightheartedly warned. "Don't push it, mister."

Lovino shook his head, still smiling faintly, and he returned his focus to the skating. "OK, let me—"

But he was interrupted when, out of the blue, he seemed to completely lose his footing. His feet criss-crossed with his legs painfully, forcing him to randomly and suddenly spin and fall ungracefully onto the hard ice. And what made it even worse was that he ended up pulling Matthew down with him, both of them giving out a cry and scream of shock as they went.

Both sat back up simultaneously seconds later, the freezing wetness of the ice starting to soak through their clothes, and Lovino cursed his existence while Matthew started to laugh. Lovino didn't get it. What was so funny? Falling over hurt! It was only funny when someone else did the falling! Jesus Christ—

"I know I said don't push it, but that didn't mean you should pull it, instead," the Canadian remarked through his laughter, his face red from both the cold and humour.

But Lovino didn't get it. "Aren't you annoyed . . . ?" he queried.

"No, why would I be?"

"Because it's freezing down here and it's my fault we fell, and—"

"Why do you worry so much?" Matthew remarked out of nowhere.

"What?"

"Why do you worry so much?" Matthew repeated. "Why do you care so much what other people think of you? You shouldn't let something like that bother you . . ."

Lovino wasn't sure how to respond. Why was he like that? Maybe it was just his inferiority complex along side other things; that feeling of being near to nothing in comparison to his brother had always dragged him down, but . . . Why was Matthew so interested all of a sudden? Did he feel the same? Didn't he care what others thought of him?

"You're perfect just the way you are, you know," the Canadian continued, his words falling on numbing ears. "You don't have to be great at everything. You don't have to be funny, or smiley, or a box of joy for you to be likeable. You don't even have to be nice." He looked to Lovino and smiled, taking his hand as a comfort – to him or Lovino, he didn't know – and said: "I'll always care about you, no matter what."

"But . . . Why?" he asked, looking back at those calm purple eyes and wishing he could could catch even a glimpse of what he saw in someone like himself.

"Because, Lovino," Matthew said, "I love you."