"Tajang!" I hear Taehyung's voice from downstairs, so I make sure to wipe my face a bit in case there is any bile left from my nausea before opening my door. "We brought some teriyaki chicken and stuff! Take out night!"

I hurry downstairs as all the boys are setting up the styrofoam boxes filled with food, careful not to trip on the way. The first one I see is Jin, so I skip over and practically tackle him with a bit of a giggle. He squeaks in surprise while wrapping his arms around me, thankfully having already put down what he was holding.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you missed us!" Jin says with a laugh.

"A little," I admit, burying my face in his chest. I hear another chuckle from him as he places a hand on my head, his fingers running through my hair. "But you guys wouldn't believe what happened today!"

I recount the events of today as we all get situated around the living room, in a kind of semicircle facing the television. The boys were so excited to hear about Manager Jiho, and even more baffled that Bang PD came over to make lunch. They even fought a bit over who gets to try the leftovers first, since Jin wouldn't let them eat it now.

Then, the other news came. Most of the boys looked shocked as I told them about the move, and when I was finished there was a few awkward moments of silence.

Namjoon shifted in his place beside me on the couch, taking my hand in his with a sigh. "I know it's a lot to take in-" he starts, but is cut off by Jimin slamming his chopsticks on the table.

"A lot is an understatement." The mochi's tone is coated with anger, and I can feel the emotions raging within him and seeping into the air that's already filled with tension. "We went through so much at that place, it took Taylor so long just to enter her room again when we lived there."

"Now they're telling us we have to go back.. when we just started getting used to this new place. It's not like we have a choice, which makes it so much worse. I wouldn't want any of you to have to go back there, not when there are too many awful memories associated with it."

"I'll have to agree with Jimin," Yoongi adds, crossing his arms as he leans back in his chair while turning his gaze to me. "It's good that they are letting you keep this place. But just as Jimin said, it's feels worse knowing we don't have a choice in the matter."

"You're telling me Manager Jiho can pull strings to get Bang PD to make you lunch, but not to get us to stay here?!" Jungkook asks, hurt in his eyes. "Did she even try?"

"Of course she did!" I suddenly blurt out, squeezing Namjoon's hand even harder. "I'm sure whatever the situation is, she did everything in her power to change their minds."

"I asked Manager Sejin about it too after our meeting," Namjoon adds, a determined expression on his face. "He thought it was a horrible idea as well, and even tried to help Jiho-nim in convincing the company. That's probably another reason why Bang PD came by, anyways."

Jungkook goes quiet for a moment, before closing his takeout box and standing up. The maknae hurries up the stairs, silence left in his wake. No one says anything for a few moments, before I slowly let go of Namjoon's hand and stand up myself. "I'm going to try and talk to him. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Be careful," Jin says with a nod, opening his own takeout box to start eating. The rest of the boys follow suit, so I quickly rush up the stairs while being careful enough to not make myself dizzy. I'm still sick after all.

I knock on Jungkook's door a couple times to announce myself before coming in, the maknae having left his door slightly cracked. I see him sitting at his desk with his head buried in his arms, so I quietly shut the door before making my way over to him.

"Jungkook-oppa.." I start, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Leave me alone, Taylor.." he whimpers, his voice muffled by his sleeves. "I don't wanna talk right now.."

I let out a sigh before looking around, pulling over an extra chair he happens to have nearby. I take a seat, shifting my hand to rub circles on his back to try and comfort him.

"I know, Usagi.. I know it's hard to accept. I wish it wasn't this way, but there isn't anything we can do about it."

"But why? I don't understand why we have to go back to the place that I.." he trails off for a moment, and I see his arms tighten as he buries his head further into them. "I watched as you protected me, even though you were the one being targeted. I watched your pained face when the knife went through your thigh, that's what it took for me to finally act."

"Those moments have been playing over and over in my head since then, I can't seem to push them away. I don't deserve to be your soulmate, I'm not ready to go back and relive those memories."

There's a few moments of silence between us as I think of how to respond. I open my mouth to speak just as Jungkook lifts his head from his arms, eyes red and puffy as he leans back in his chair. "I don't expect you to understand, Tajang.. I'm not mad at you or anything, but.. this is just so much to take in."

I reach over to take his hand in mine. "You're right... I don't understand," I reply in a gentle tone. "But I can say for certain that you DO deserve to be my soulmate. Not just mine, but all of ours. You were scared, no one is going to fault you for that."

"The sad thing is, it doesn't matter if we are ready or not. The world isn't going to sit around and wait for us to get ourselves together. Time goes on, and one way or another we'll have to eventually face this harsh reality."

Jungkook reaches over and wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my chest. I feel a bit nervous since I am still sick, but I merely smile and lightly run my fingers through his hair. "That said, if you feel as if it's getting to be too much, let us know. I'm always just across the hall if you need anything."

After a few more minutes of silence, Jungkook loosens his grip on me. "I'm sorry.." he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to push this on you, I know you're already stressed about it as it is."

"It's okay, Jungkookie." I reach up to cup his cheek, resisting the urge to kiss his forehead. "Really, I don't mind at all. I'd offer for you to stay with me tonight, but I'm still sick.."

"I'll stay over when you get better then. Speaking of, are you feeling any better? You looked like it when you came downstairs, but I just want to make sure.."

"Yeah, the headache isn't as bad as earlier. Still a little nauseous, but that can't be helped."

Jungkook gives me a concerned look before standing from his chair. I squeak as the maknae sweeps me up into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck as he carries me out of the room. "Yah, what are you doing?" I ask, though unable to keep the smile off my face.

"We don't want the others to worry too much," he says with a laugh. "But.. can we keep that conversation between the two of us? I'm not ready to tell everyone yet, and.. I'll admit, that's not even a fraction of what I"m dealing with.."

I reach over and ruffle his hair as we make our way down the stairs. "Of course, my lips are sealed. You're not the only one who still has to open up to everyone either.. maybe I'll get a chance to after the concerts. I don't want to throw up in the middle of my spiel!"

The maknae bursts into laughter at that, the rest of the guys looking over at us as Jungkook sets me back down on the couch. None of them pry as he settles beneath me on the floor, back against the couch with my knees on either side of him.

"Well now that everyone is here, what should we do?" Jin asks, handing me my box of food that I had left uneaten. "We've got our concerts starting tomorrow, and I'm sure we'll all be busy packing up after that."

"Not to mention Christmas is just around the corner!" Taehyung says happily. "I can't wait to see Yeontan again!"

"Oh right!" Jimin says as if a light bulb just went off in his head. "The meeting, we totally forgot to tell you."

I tilt my head a bit in confusion, Namjoon rubbing the back of his neck with a small chuckle. "Right, about the meeting. Sejin told us that after this next set of concerts, our set lists are going to be a lot bigger just like our old ones. We did smaller concerts so it would be easier on you when you started and due to your injury, but now we can get you used to the longer events."

"Oh really? I was wondering why the set lists were so small," I replied. "There were so many clips I thought the fans would get tired of them all, I feel kind of bad now."

"Nah, don't worry about it! The fans have said that you should focus on your health before all else. If we had done full length concerts then you would have been much more exhausted. Anyways, that's not everything."

Namjoon pulls out a small envelope from his black duffel bag that's settled beside the couch, smiling before handing it over to me. "Remember the letters you guys wrote in Europe? They actually sent them to us, the others already read theirs aloud and stuff. It's up to you if you want to read it to us, but we thought it was cool that they actually sent them back."

My eyes widen as I take the envelope, staring at the paper with a shocked expression. We wrote these in the Santa Claus village! I think to myself, leaning back on the couch with a grin. It's been so long since then, I nearly forgot about it.

"I don't see why not," I reply while opening the envelope. I accidentally ripped the corner, sighing as my letter opening skills aren't the best. So I end up opening it from the side fold, making the rest of the guys laugh at my struggle before finally getting the letter out.

I clear my throat as I unfold the parchment, holding it out with a little flourish before reading.

To the boys of Bangtan,

I want to personally thank you all for being so accepting of me and caring for me up to this point. Since the beginning you've been nothing but kind to me, even though like everyone else we've had our share of bad days. Throughout my personal struggles you were always there to lend a hand, even when I didn't want you to.

I remember that first day we met in person like it was just yesterday. I remember being so timid and honestly a little afraid of what the future held. I bottled my emotions deep inside myself in order to fully deal with them later, so whenever any surprise reared its ugly head I buried my shock under the mask and put up walls to keep it in.

I'll be honest, I still do.

Even as I've come to open up to you all, I fear my own insecurities more than anything. How I may be perceived through your eyes is always on my mind, no matter how much reassurance you give me I'll always want to be at my best for you. I don't think that feeling will go away, but rather the reasoning changes.

Originally it was because I felt like I needed to prove myself to you, that I wouldn't be a hindrance to the group and your careers. Now, I feel it's simply due to the fact that we are soulmates, and I want nothing but the best for you all.

If I don't try to be at my best, then what kind of soulmate am I really?

I do hope that by the time Christmas comes, I'll be able to look back on this letter and say that I've done what I've set out to do. That up to that point I HAVE been the best soulmate I could be, even if obstacles are thrown onto our path. I hope that when that day comes, I'll be able to put my past behind me and become closer to you all.

And to the version of me reading this in the future...

Don't forget to keep smiling.

-Taylor Lee, 'Jangmi' of BTS

I quietly fold the letter back up after reading, my face a bright red as I remember those words I've written. The version of me in the future, now reading back at the letter from the past. I'm not sure if I fulfilled every goal I set out to do, I think to myself. But I know that it'll take time. The future isn't set in stone after all.

"YAAAAH!" Hoseok cries, wiping away a couple tears from his face. "Why would you have ever thought you were a hindrance to us!"

"That's never going to happen," Yoongi says as he crossing his arms, a smug grin on his face. "Honestly, I should kick your butt for thinking that way!"

"But you heard 'Jangmi' from the past!" Taehyung chimes in. "Don't forget to keep smiling, okay?"

"It sounds like you wrote more of a New Year's resolution than a letter," Namjoon teases, poking my cheek. I pout a bit and puff them out, making him laugh before poking them again. My cheeks deflate with a small popping sound, and then we all burst into fits of giggles.

"Well, I have an idea of what we could do," Jimin says as he pulls out a familiar DVD. "Why not have a movie night?"

"YUSSSSS!" I cry happily, earning another laugh from him as he pops the disc into the disc player. I finish my food while the previews are playing, Jin taking my box with a proud smile.

"How can you watch this movie so many times and not get tired of it?" Jungkook asks, craning his neck to look up at me.

"I can't help it, 'The Greatest Showman' is a cinematic masterpiece!" I reply, ruffling up his hair just as the movie starts. The lights are turned off as the boys all gather around, Taehyung shifting to rest his head in my lap while Namjoon scoots closer to me and wraps his arm around my waist. 

The next couple hours were spent in each other's company, and the tension that hung in the air slowly began to drift away into the night.

Ahhh Jungkookieee! There will be a lot less angst and stuff later on, I promise. I know it seems like a lot, but depression and bad feelings don't go away overnight. Also it's only been a couple weeks so far since the story started according to the timeline. December is chock full of events so a good portion of the story will take place in this month.

Daily quote: "I'm so shy, but I want to say thank you to ARMY." -Taehyung speaking in tiny

~Author-chan