#violent scenes
#angst

Third Person’s P.O.V.

“It should be an easy one…from what I learnt there’s only a dozen of them hiding in some beat down place” Jungkook spoke placing a handful of snapshots on the table before Namjoon, Hoseok and Taehyung before he went back to playing with Soo, who denied him to be a moment away from giving her all the attention.

This was the one reason Jungkook loved coming here, getting to play with the little girl and feeling the adoration she gave him made him feel hope and that tough grief inside seemed to thaw. Despite his million trials to not think about how far away Jin and Soohee had drifted away from him now that Taehyung was back and they were living as a family, it irked him within. He was but human…and greed to be selfish is our natural instinct for something we desperately want.

He told himself he was stupid…it wasn’t anything new though, he had always been stupid to think that maybe…just maybe if he wanted it hard enough then he too could live his dream…

“Went to have a drink with your friends eh?” Taehyung taunted, a tiny hint of anger in his voice “they believe you too easily don’t they? Well, you are a rat after all…just like them…” he scoffed checking through the photos.

“We are lucky that they still think I am one of them…infiltrating wouldn’t be this easy otherwise” he spoke looking past the evident insult keeping all his attention on the little girl “quite the biter you are” he pulled his finger away giggling when she tried to chomp on it “she’s teething…I’ll get you some teething toys the next time I come, okay?” He spoke to her as he caressed her brunette locks pressing a kiss to her head.

“Not essential…she has those” Taehyung informed with a dry voice, chucking the suggestion as he tried not to lose his cool. He knew he was probably being paranoid, truthfully it wasn’t even that he wanted to actually kill Jungkook but somewhere within him something cruel arose every time he thought how easily Jungkook had been forgiven despite the crimes he had committed.

“Jin said she’d need to be taken to the doc for one of her vaccinations, I had gone along with her all the other times and she gets ugly mad when they-” “We’ll manage” Taehyung replied tersely, his agitation growing now. Hoseok rolled his eyes at him knowing Taehyung was yet again being the snappy emo while he checked through the information they’d need to make sure that the plan for the next day would not backfire in anyway.

“I was just saying because you haven’t seen how she gets on-” “Yeah thanks for reminding me…I was busy playing hustle behind bars” he snapped at him and Namjoon didn’t want to but knew he had to get into it now.

“Taehyung he didn’t mean-” “I don’t fucking care! Stop fucking defending him will you?!” His deep enraged words made the place suddenly feel grim.

“No wonder Jin keeps feeling it difficult to talk to you…why wouldn’t he though…?” Hoseok scoffed, judging him hard.

The words made Taehyung go visibly cold, his rage turning to a heavy silence and he denied to answer them anymore as the realization dawned on him yet again that Jin had been intentionally not sharing his troubles only with him. He actually felt humiliated now, to be told that Jin didn’t feel comfortable sharing his troubles with him.

“Can we just get back to planning the infiltration?” He cleared his throat, dropping his head low as he tried to drive this constant clawing agitation that was growing within him.

It was a few hours later when Jin came home, to find them all busy and Soo sitting on Hoseok’s lap but instantly began to make grabby hands when her eyes caught on her Appa.

“Appa needs a shower sweetie, wait here a while” Jin ruffled her hair, pecking at her cheek. He went around the couch to Tae, leaning down to kiss him as was his usual routine but saw him paying him no attention.

Jin realised it looked a little awkward and decided to give him the space he seemed to need for now.

He had been dealing with this for the last few days already, Tae seemed to be in a difficult mood after what had happened the day they went to the get-together. Not talking much and simply ignoring any and every gesture Jin tried to make towards him to get his stiff anger to soften. He too was getting restless now, he didn’t like how it made him feel guilty as if he had done something wrong when he knew he hadn’t…he loved Tae, he knew he did and had held through everything just to ensure that they had a chance to live this now…he couldn’t understand why Taehyung was being so stubborn in holding his anger against him.

It wasn’t like he had lied to him, the truth was he didn’t know how to completely open up to Taehyung…for years he had to teach himself to be strong for him, be his strength while he watched Tae suffer. How was he supposed to show him how brittle he too was when Tae came to him seeking for strength to hold him through his struggles? Wouldn’t it be selfish to ask him to help him through the tiny and meaningless anxiety he went through worrying about him?

More importantly, there was no way to open up to Taehyung without sounding mean and accusing…how was he supposed to tell him that it was because of him he had suffered through panic attacks? How would he tell him that it was because of him that he had learned to keep secrets within? How was he going to tell him that he had stayed in fear because of him for so long that it messed up his head and now even the tiniest changes scared him to the core?

That’s the reason it was easier to cry by himself and assure himself he was going to pull through as he always had…or tell Hobi or Kook what he couldn’t deal with by himself.

He had told himself that Tae had the hardest battles to struggle against…his own pain was nothing before what he saw him suffering…he just wanted him to live and wanted to love him enough so that those deep scars would stop hurting him.

He knew Taehyung already accused himself for many a thing, and Jin would never make him feel the burden of thinking that he was to be blamed for the issues he was suffering through…it wasn’t his fault really, Jin believed he had done this to himself the day he had decided to help him…he believed he had chosen to stand by him no matter what. 

He told himself he’d never fall short in being his strength, if that was the only thing he could for him…

And beyond his knowledge he had made coiling into himself and dealing with his pain by himself a habit…and when it became too much, ran to the people he knew he was allowed to be brittle before. 

“Hey” Jin tried to get his attention as he sat down beside him on the couch after his shower, pulling Soo into his arms as he cuddled the child after missing her through the day.

The others had left already and Hobi had warned him about Taehyung having another outburst because Kook told him about not having knowledge of how much of a trouble his daughter is during her vaccinations. Jin didn’t understand what the need was for Taehyung to have been angry about it but guess he could try to understand what was going on with him.
 
“So, you’re gonna leave in the morning?”

“Yeah” Taehyung replied with a flat voice, not even picking his head up from the laptop as he worked.

“Tae would you please talk to me…why are you being like this?” Jin felt helpless now, he didn’t know what to do to make Taehyung get out this rigid anger he held against him.

There was no words for a minute but Taehyung had stopped working, his hand freezing over the keys as his breathing seemed to have gone heavier.

“What do you want me to talk about when you don’t even want to talk to me?”

“It’s not like that Tae, you know it too-” “Fine then tell me why you’d go tell Hoseok that you aren’t comfortable opening up to me about things that trouble you? You think I’d like knowing that from them?”

“What was I supposed to do? You’re stressing me out with this…and you won’t even try to understand what I’m going through…you think it’s easy for me to accept to watch you go back into a dangerous situation again?” Jin was trying to hold his calm, still trying to hold it all back from spilling out but it was becoming more and more difficult with Taehyung being like this.

“Tell me! That’s what I’ve been asking for…tell me that I have been the cause for your pain that you try to hide from me! Tell me that I was so selfish that I broke you to heal myself! Tell me that I ruined years of your life so badly that you are never going to trust me enough! Say it to my face!” Taehyung snapped, scaring Soo who instantly coiled into Jin’s chest and Jin blinked at the other.

“It’s not like that Tae…please calm down” Jin felt his heartrate rise to suddenly see him like this, tears instinctively gathering in his eyes for how harsh the words sounded in his mouth “I trust you…I do, I don’t blame you…why’d you even think that?”

“You know what, you don’t even have to say it out loud…I get it…” he huffed up from the couch and Jin fumbled to speak, trying to ensure him it wasn’t what he thought.

“Tae, I have spent my most difficult times with them…I needed their help to get through those” Jin’s voice was almost panicky as he tried to explain that it wasn’t either of their fault…it’s just how circumstances had been for them, they weren’t here today after a flowery dating period neither did they ever have a sweet love story.

“You chose to trust Jungkook knowing who he was…” Taehyung’s voice was still cold and enraged as he threw the words at Jin, eyes accusing him again.

“It was a hard time for me, I’ll agree that I became dependent on them…yes as ugly as the truth may sound, you weren’t there…I needed someone to rely on, I needed people too to know they’d hold me when I was breaking…” he gulped as the tears spilled “and unlike you, he was there for me…how can I suddenly push him away just because you want me to?”

The moment the words spilled out he realised how pathetic and selfish it sounded although it was the ugly truth. Jin’s felt his breathing stutter as he tried to control his tears as he held Soo closer to himself, who was fumbling and mewling sensing the odd discomfort among her parents.

Taehyung turned dumb for awhile, eyes teeming with pain as he stared at Jin “I never told you to hate him…what right do I even have to do that?” He scoffed, hurt flourishing as anger in his voice “you proved it pretty well last day”

“That was an absurd question, how can you judge me on that?” Jin’s voice was distraught now as well.

“Absurd question?” His frown deepened as he stepped nearer “I kill criminals and I am disgusting…he kills my brother and five more people who were soldiers! Fools everyone being a spy for terrorists and yet you chose to depend on him and trust him like all those never happened!!”

“How does that matter when he’s trying to be better?!”

“Will you forgive me too if I kill him and say I’m gonna try to be a better man after?”

Jin stunned at the question, literally not having an answer as he gaped at Tae’s eyes…desperate and almost fearful if he really meant it.

“You don’t mean it…you’re just saying it because you’re angry” his voice was anxious as he gulped, checking the truth in Taehyung’s eyes again.

“Killing him has always been a part of my revenge…only him and Byun remain, and I told you a long time ago that I intend to avenge the loss they’ve made me suffer”

The words sent a chill through Jin as tears ran down without his knowledge and he struggled through his choked up throat to speak a shaky “n-no…”

He had practically frozen in place as he watched Taehyung walk away before he was fuming and walking after him in rushed steps.

“If you do this then you’re no better than him” he spoke loud and clear to make Taehyung’s fist clench as he halted in the middle of the living room “it is treason to plot against your team, you’ll be a traitor just like him!”

The only sound in the entire apartment was Soohee’s uneasy mewls and Jin’s harsh panting as he struggled to deal with his fears. He knew Taehyung was being mean because he was angry but somewhere deep inside he knew what he was capable of doing…he had seen it with his very own eyes, and fear took over him to think if he meant what he said.

“You are right” he gulped, his chest feeling tight with hurt “I am no better than him.”

He realized he had nothing else to say…Jin knew it’d hurt him to hear being called that but did so only because he wanted to stand up for Jungkook.

He grabbed his car keys and headed towards the door, and Jin intercepted him, with Soo still clinging onto him “Tae please stop this…I don’t understand why you’re doing this but-where are you going?” He watched Taehyung avoid even looking at him as he opened the door “no stop this! Please I’m begging you don’t do this…please!” Jin’s eyes were wide with shock and hurt as he tried to call him back as he stood at the door to their apartment watching him walk away “Tae!”

Jin couldn’t comprehend what had just happened.

He went inside putting a crying Soo down in the playpen and locked himself in the bedroom as he tried to breathe. His senses were blurred as he dropped to the floor as he clutched onto the edge of the bed, he couldn’t even cry as he struggled to breathe, clasping at his chest and panting as he watched tears drop to the floor incessantly.

This was exactly what he had feared…this is why he was scared of opening up, he had feared he’d mess up and would have to go through this kind of pain again.

He could hear Soohee wailing loudly outside but he didn’t have the strength to getup and go to her, tell her it was okay…everything would be fine again…these were the times he needed Hobi to put in a joke, or Yoongi to assure him to take his time or Kook to hug him and tell him he was gonna stay there by his side till things got better.

Why couldn’t Taehyung understand this?

He needed them…for the times he knew he couldn’t deal with the pain Tae could cause him unknowingly…yes, he loved him with all he got but loving him was difficult…and yet he’d never stop loving him…

It took him a few more minutes till he was able to get up and walk to the still weeping child, cleaning her tear drenched face as he kissed his little girl.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart…I’m sorry…” he patted the child’s back, who innocently mumbled and coiled her little hands around his neck. Jin felt guilty she had to see that and hoped she would forget it…he didn’t want her to have memories like these.

After making dinner and feeding her, Jin sat on the couch, silently watching Soohee slowly falling asleep in his arms while his mind replayed the entire conversation again and again inside his head.

He knew he too had said things in a fit that he shouldn’t have…it was wrong and he knew he too had unintentionally hurt Tae.

Putting the sleeping child in her crib, he came out to the living room intending to call Tae…hoping his anger to have gone down by now. However, a dozen trials went unanswered and Jin felt that unsettling fear creeping onto him again. He tried to breathe, choosing to sit down as he checked the clock…9:20p.m.

And Jin sat there for three whole hours, living the memories of the times Tae had chosen to leave him to suffer alone…sometimes intentionally and sometimes being forced with what life had thrown at him…and his heart felt like it was going to shrivel up with pain. So, when he heard a soft beeps of him putting in the code, Jin could finally breathe right…at least he wasn’t gone again…

“Where were you?” Jin’s voice came out rather sharp as he tried to gulp the pain, especially when Taehyung chose not to answer him. Rustling out of his jacket as he headed into the bedroom and although Jin had decided to apologize to him but with his odd attitude now felt angry.

“Tae I’m talking to you…” he got up following behind him “did you drink?”

“No, I didn’t drink…I am a soldier Jin, I don’t drink and drive” he spoke without looking at Jin as he headed towards the bath, his voice was a lot heavier but softer this time “you should sleep”.

“I made dinner” Jin mumbled after him but clamped his mouth shut when he heard the bathroom door shut without a care and that was the end of having any food that night for either of them.

Jin didn’t know what to say anymore but honestly he felt a lot better just to see him home, and checked on the little girl before he crept into bed, uneasiness n hurt still roiling within him.

He waited for Taehyung to speak when he felt him get into bed, hoped he’d say something but realized he was too upset and heard him sigh and turn the other way before it was completely silent.

And they didn’t realize that although lying side by side they were both spending a sleepless night.

“Please be safe” Jin spoke as Taehyung hugged him, kissing his head as he handed Soo to him and nodded pertly, wordlessly.
He turned about picking his duffel as he headed towards the door.

“Tae…” the voice was soft and brittle and Taehyung halted midway, gulping to himself as he tried not to turn around and give in to his weakness for him and pepper Jin’s face with a million kisses…on any day he would do that but he was hurt, not mad but terribly hurt as the thought of being incompetent to be enough for the one person he had always strived to be better for tore through him…Jin didn’t think he was doing better, he probably didn’t even see how difficult it was for him to settle into the normal life but he was trying.

“I love you” Jin’s confession floated to his ears in the same habitual endearing tone and made his insides flutter as always, however right now it sent a pang through him…and his darker thoughts made it sound like a taunt.

Jin’s words last night had made it very clear to him…yes he loves him but he’d hate him if he killed Jungkook…probably call him disgusting again…even though he was aware of what Jungkook had done and how he was the one who deserved to be hated.

Taehyung was beginning to think deeper into the issue and believed that because it was this easy for Jin to overlook something just because it didn’t affect him in anyway, he also believed his troubles and pain was not important to be shared because it didn’t affect others…choosing to forget that if not anyone else, it did affect him!

Did Jin not understand what he really meant to him?

And the truth was it broke him more to think that despite how he had tried to do the things the right way…had tried to let Jin go thinking about his safety, tried to stay away from him because of the dangers that surrounded him, confided to the law and accepted jailtime with the sole intention of getting his life fixed so that he could come back to Jin and actually begin living…yet it was all those decisions that created a troublesome flaw between them…he could tell deep down Jin still believed that he was going to disappoint him again and leave him in pain…and no matter how much he tried to assure that he didn’t need to fear because it won’t happen, the truth was it actually might…the truth was he too knew he might end up disappointing and hurting Jin again…

“Call up Jimin if you go out…I probably won’t be able to contact you once I get there” Taehyung stepped out with those words, heart thumping as he feared it bursting out with the words he tried to hold in “love you”.

However, the agitation within him seemed to be affecting him greatly…even in his work, especially since every time he’d glance at Jungkook the same uneasy thoughts would flair in his head.

“Taehyung are you in position?” He could hear Namjoon’s voice through the earpiece and his thoughts were drawn back to their work at hand.

“Y-Yes…I am…Jungkook’s gone in” he spoke, setting his eyes back on the scene inside. He was currently positioned on a desolate roof, hands working to set up his weapon of choice. He’d have to take long range shots since their enemies were inside the building before him, strewn in a large hall where he could also see stacks of what was probably drugs.

“How many?” The earpiece crooned again.

“Eight…but I don’t think that’s all, Jungkook said there should be twelve of them. I’ll wait till I get all of them in my line of sight”

“Be careful…it might look easy but these rats are crafty, hiding and slipping out of sight is what they are best at” Namjoon warned again and Taehyung smiled to himself a little.

“You know me better than that General…I never miss a shot”

“Right now, it’s not just about killing them…you gotta get Jungkook out as well” Namjoon spoke with a more serious voice.

He was aware of the tension between the two, could notice it even when he saw them off for the mission and it was beginning to make him worry. Trust was the most important factor in a team, and that was something not very evident between these two at the moment. He knew Jungkook was difficult to read and secretive but the boy had tried to prove his dedication for the team. Even now, he was the one who had gone inside the building with the disguise of being the only heir of Axel who intended to acquire a new position of power and revive Axel as Kai’s son. He was going to sweet talk them to believe he was one among them and then draw information out of them before Taehyung put those dogs down.

The only problem…Jungkook was basically in the middle of the circle with the goons cautiously trying to understand whether he was being genuine or fake while it was Taehyung’s job to get him out of there…if he didn’t, then things could get really out of hand for Jungkook.

“Yeah I know…I’m not a moron, neither a psycho like him” his voice was an annoyed grumble. He was a soldier after all, and he’d never let personal shit get into work…although that didn’t change the fact that he was pissed.

“Yeah, I agree we have some beef between us…” he spoke, eyes keenly setting on the target as his grip tightened on the gun he had set up in place to take the rats out “but I don’t leave a man behind on my watch”.

Taehyung could now see all twelve of those rats in range, the issue was to kill them within thirty seconds before they could slip out of sight. He caught Jungkook giving him the signal he had been waiting for and almost instantly his mien transformed to a stone cold one, prepping himself for what he had to do.

He had taken out nine of them within fifteen seconds when someone dropped a grenade and the blast sent a ball of smoke to cover the place and it became difficult for him to see. He could definitely use the heat sensors to shoot at them but that was risky because Jungkook was in there as well, he might hit him.

“Fuck” he cursed under his breath before beginning to collet the stuff he had laid down, hastily stashing those inside the backpack as he pulled his hoodie lower on his face to look inconspicuous as he took the elevator down and walked out of the place without drawing much attention. He could hear sirens in the distance, someone must have reported the blast in the other building.

He rushed towards the back, using the stairs for the fire exit to swiftly get inside, his hands brushing at his guns securely strapped under his hoodie and he did a quick check around to ensure he wasn’t stepping into a trap. Once inside he instantly pulled his gun out, stepping soundlessly about the debris as he looked for Jungkook.

A shot echoed, hitting at the wall by his side and he instantly shot back. Turning about to hit a man clean in his head as the rest watched him drop dead. They aimed their guns at him now and Taehyung could see two of those goons holding Jungkook.

“The fuck is going on?!” One of those mugs spoke, sounding actually confused.

Without a bother to answer him Taehyung took his next shot, hitting the one that talked and Jungkook took the liberty to kick down the last one.

“This is the reason criminals never win…always choosing the wrong time to talk” Taehyung scoffed, gun aimed right at the head of the one surviving.

“Wait…maybe we should take him to the headquarters you know…he could-” “Did you get what we came here for?”

Jungkook nodded, handing him the little microchip.

“Then we don’t need-” but before he could complete the guy on the floor jabbed a syringe into Jungkook’s leg and tried to bolt.

In an instinctive reaction Taehyung shot the man down, the bullet easily piercing through his head before he went over to see Jungkook wobbling and his eyes becoming unfocused.

“Aish fuck!” He rang up Namjoon again “Jungkook got drugged…I don’t understand chemicals Namjoon! He’s tripping and convulsing…shit looks bad!”

He pulled him over his back, intending to get out of there as fast as he could manage and chose to walk back into a desolate and shadowy alleyway where he had parked the car and put Jungkook down.

“Check his pulse” “It’s not too low…it’s a couple hours drive. Can we pull it off?” Taehyung spoke trying to shake the guy up.

“I don’t think so, is he still having seizures?
“Yeah pretty much…yah Jungkook? Talk will you!” Taehyung was losing his mind now as he hastily began driving “he looks fucked up man…what can I give him?”

“You’re not gonna be able to do much. From what it looks like it was probably cyanide, he’s going to go into a cardiac arrest pretty soon”

“The fuck!?”

“Yeah…you gotta get him to the nearest emergency…hurry” Namjoon ordered, instantly informing Hoseok to check if he could get any leads around there to help the two out of their current predicament.

After what seemed like hours and a long hassle with the doctors about it being essential that they leave because they were actually undercover soldiers, Taehyung finally managed to get Jungkook out of there and back into the car to head back.

“Better be alive fucker…I ain’t dealing with shit for you” he huffed releasing the breath he had been holding till now and side-eyed a passed out Jungkook “I’m sure he’d believe I killed you though” he chuckled to himself but the pain glinted in his eyes “I am no better than a criminal anyway…might as well get my revenge n ensure you’re gone forever eh…?”

He side-eyed at him again, they had given Jungkook the antidote and some morphine to help him sleep as well as for the discomfort and pain he’d be feeling for the next few days.

“I could totally kill you right now…you know you deserve it for what you did” he said almost to himself as he let his eyes go back to the road as he scoffed “you better stay away from what’s mine or I really will”.

á na márië.

[A\N] I am a learner in this as well but I always try to peer into the depth of my characters n if difficulties between two wrecked souls trying to love each other is too angsty then all I can say is... even diamonds are just stones which need to get cut n polished to shine.

Nothing comes easy, especially life...

Borahae 💜