Jungkook’s P.O.V.

“The third hearing is in a week” Hoseok said as we sat together to plan our next move. Jin’s little emotional speech seems to have opened new byways to the trial.

“And Jin has been ushered again, to present proof of the images he had said he clicked” Hoseok’s voice turned grim at this bit. The tension was real, it has been almost a month since the last hearing but I remember vividly how panicked Jin had been, and that day how accidently I had stumbled onto the information of him being pregnant.

After we had brought him home that day, he went into panic the moment Col. Kim asked him why he had given them that information and no matter how badly he tried to pacify Jin saying he had asked him simply wanting to know if he had any particular plan in his mind and not because he thought it was wrong to do so but Jin just panicked harder. We told him he had said whatever he had felt needed, and it was the next hearing that would reveal if things were on our side or not.

For now we just have to wait, and hope for the best.

I watched Jin push his food about the plate, a pout consistently held on his lips. Something he usually does whenever he is upset but things have changed so much and he has to understand he can’t be an emotional mess anymore. We are here to help him through it, all he has to do is put his trust on us.

“Don’t skip your meals” I leaned nearer and spoke to him “you need to take care of yourself more now” trying to make him understand that now he has the responsibility to look after a life living within him.

I don't blame him for keeping the news from me, it was my fault that I had startled him to show that I had feelings for him. He must have really wanted to avoid me, it was very evident on the day we had gone to his apartment to have dinner, and I had to watch Jin intentionally be extra loving to Taehyung.

I mean, who am I to even say anything against it...but yeah the truth is I felt like shit.

He looked at me and I traced tears pricking at the edges of his eyes, I know it’s hard for him, but he has no idea how hard it is for me, although truly I want to be happy for him.

But I have a greedy wicked selfish heart.

I have been trying my best to turn away from him, keeping away as much as possible if only my heart took the hint and let him go. He has been acting guarded around me too, keeping away and it's almost embarrassing to see how awkward he is at times with me.

I knew that my feelings for him would only become a burden for both of us and I can’t really blame him for loving someone else the way I’d want him to love me. I know I can’t make him love me but I’m like the waves, hurling and crashing on my own and he’s my moon, watching my emotions with that serene gaze, knowing that I’ll forever be affected by him, that I’ll give my every ebb and flow to him, just being foolish I guess.

I don’t regret him choosing another, I don’t even regret falling for him in the first place, I like to believe that he’d have loved me if he wanted to but I don’t even blame him for not wanting to.

I just blame myself for wanting something that isn’t meant for me…but what was I supposed to do, he is someone who came without a warning, and I had lost myself to him before I even realized what had happened.

“Come on, eat up” I implored again seeing him sigh and nod without looking at me, pushing back his sobs with one short sniffle and began mechanically stuffing the food in his mouth.

Later, he fell asleep on the couch being fatigued and finally giving in to his exhaustion, while we went on with discussions about what could happen in the next hearing, what could go wrong and what we can work on to make it go right. It was easy to see how absolutely tired and troubled Jin was, draining himself out with worries of the world and fighting a war he wasn’t meant to suffer through.

He would not accept to his pain either for he believes he chose it for himself, maybe he did or maybe fate did it for him.

I felt myself drifting away from the conversation as my mind turned to him, and I began stealing glimpses of him being curled up against Jimin, his shirt had risen up giving a peek of his growing bump. It was still quite small, being only three months into his pregnancy. I shrugged out of my jacket and placed it on him as he lay with his head on Jimin’s lap, sharing it with Minjae, who happily played with Jin’s hair.

I softly let my fingers join his little hands when I saw him pulling playfully at Jin’s tresses, trying to distract the child from waking him up and even the baby looked at me accusingly, glaring at me for trying to feel protective over Jin.

I chuckled to myself realizing my plight.

Guess the child Jin is carrying will beat me up for having feelings for his appa.

I smiled inwardly, my eyes tracing back to Jin as I thought about it, well no lies though... it's Taehyung's child after all, he doesn't show it that much but I bet he'd love it if I am removed permanently from being around Jin.

“Are you feeling okay?” Jin flinched a bit, looking up from his phone.

“Yeah…I’m great” he forced a smile, but his eyes keep betraying him.

I decided to take over our previous arrangement and have been driving him to work, just like earlier times when I used to drive him to classes, enjoying the minutes I got to spend with him in the meantime.

“How’s work?” I try to keep up the conversation before he pulled away to his silence again.

“I like it, made friends there…it’s nice to learn to become better at something you enjoy doing” he smiled and I smiled acknowledging his glee but then he added a couple more words “keeps me distracted too, something I desperately need these days”.

I had nothing to say and the silence suddenly felt so overpowering.

“I messed up, didn’t I? I shouldn’t have told them about the pictures I had clicked right?” He clicked his tongue, cursing at himself under his breath “I don’t know what I was thinking, I just hoped they’d see what I can…I just-just..” he trailed off and I could hear his breathing come out in rough gasps “why can’t they see he is innocent?”

I felt my gut clench when his voice turned shaky and I glanced to see his eyes fall to his hands on his lap, fingers clutching at the hem of his shirt.

“The court works on facts and proofs, they only want to ensure that the information you gave them is true or not” I saw him nod mindlessly to my words keeping his head held low “don’t worry it’s all going to work out Jin, we’re gonna make sure of that.”

“I…I don’t know-I feel like I’m not doing enough…I promised that I’d fight his wars for him but I feel so damn stupid now” he scoffed, as I caught a lose tear trickle down his cheek which he hastily brushed away to look out of the window, hiding from my eyes. “I just want him back” he sniffled, struggling to muffle his sobs as I watched his palm gently rest over his belly.

“He’s lucky to have you by his side” I mumbled gulping down that knot in my throat.

You don’t know what I’d give to be loved like that by you

I dropped him off at work and on a whim turned the car, racing through the roads heading for someone I knew might possibly be the only one who can actually help us out right now.

And if that doesn’t work out then I’ll reveal myself, that will possibly put me behind bars as well but I can’t go through with this guilt anymore…it’s eating me up from inside.

Jin killed Kai to save me and had to watch Taehyung take over all the blame, and now that he’s revealed himself it’s only a matter of time till he gets pulled into the case. I won’t ever be able to forgive myself if he has to suffer jail time, especially now that he is pregnant and needs all the love and care, even the thought makes shivers run through me.

I drove into the shaggy streets of the downtown, the ghetto side of the city where I was a regular once. So naturally I had people whom I knew there, or rather, people who actually knew my father and feared me.

They had reason to, I was Kai’s odd job boy, he hated the fact that I wasn’t an expert at taking lives so he used to send me out to gather info on what was happening around the place and with time I became really good at it, especially at seeking out people who did not want to be found. The same reason I was put on the duty to find the whereabouts of Col. Kim and Taehyung.

There are things you learn being brought up by criminals that the cadets don’t teach you at the training grounds, they teach you to be brave while criminals teach you to be sly.

My conscience was gutted out of me, and I was taught to get the job done no matter the situation. They only taught me to pretend how to be a soldier, and maybe that’s why Kai would always say that no matter how hard I tried I’d never be one of them.

Just like Taehyung only learnt to pretend to be a criminal and remained a soldier at heart.

But right now, me being who I am could become his only trump card.

Although I’m not really doing this for him, and my mind is currently a venomous pit of selfish greed, constantly telling me to snatch Jin away. God would I be good to him, hide him away from all of this if I could, I’d do anything to keep him safe, no matter the consequences but I am struggling to be a better human being, just like I have always been trying to do since the moment I have met him, it’s all for him.

Seeing him in pain makes me feel more protective over him, and I told myself it’s only natural to feel so for someone so dear, trying to fool myself yet again.

At the least I will do what I can, I owe him that much…

I’m not here to scare anyone today, just looking for a particular someone who had just vanished out of the face of the earth, and by god I was gonna unearth him if needed.

I headed into the narrow tunnel that led underground into a shadowy little tattoo shop, just the place I knew I could get some proper heads-up to begin my search.

“Hey Jill” I stepped inside the sliding doors, greeting the red-head as she turned to me with a smirk playing at her lips.

“Ah Jk…long time no see, what brings you here? Heard about yer’ father…sad to go that way, the man had charm” she turned away to focus back on her customer “it’s always the good ones that go early”

I chuckled hearing the thick sarcasm in her words, the ghetto hated Kai but he was also the one who lavished bounty on them, kept them fed so that they’d never go against him.

Make people depend on you so that they need you in a way they can’t survive without you, and that will bring them under your feet…this is what he would say

But the funny thing was my father was too drunk and power hungry to be this well planned. He was the ‘king’ only at face, the master puppeteer was someone else…someone who was far more vile than just an angry egoistic man with power in his hands. Unlike Kai, Byun’s hatred for humanity was gruesome and very threatening, the absolute psychopath.

“I need some help”

“If I were you I’d think twice before coming here, people are out for blood now that the King has been cut down” her voice was a fair warning, she was one of the very few who knew my real nature and pitied me. Possibly the only friend I had when I was stuck here, that is if you could even call two teenagers put in a cage to fight till their lungs gave out as friends.

“I’m not here for a fight Jill, I just need to find someone”

“I’m not speaking against Rayden, last time I gave you info I ended up in a hospital with broken ribs and a ruptured spleen”

“It’s not about Rayden” I assured

“I just don’t any trouble, honestly don’t have any idea except that he went low” she spoke without turning to me, her golden brown shoulders decorated with loose red strands of her bright hair.

“I need to find Jin-Young”

I watched her stop at her work, and sit up straight before turning to me, frown flaring at her brow.

“And what makes you think I know shit about him?”

“Coz’ you’re the best, ain’t you Little Red?”

She used to be one of my mother’s best huntsmen, a gifted young sniper but untameable and only accepted a job when she felt like it, Little Red was her code name.

“Shut it, or I swear I’ll cut your balls off” she growled angrily and I saw the man on the table bleeding out through the slit on his throat, I smirked knowing she wouldn’t want her identity revealed now that she had no backup and had to blend in the ghetto on her own.

I put my hands up in submission when she aimed the blood soaked blade at me feeling threatened.

“I want no trouble either, just tell me where to find him” “He doesn’t want to be found” she spoke through gritted teeth “you know he wanted out, why you wanna drag him back?”

“Well, there are others who want out too, but not all of us are that lucky are we? I need to find him Jill, lives are on the line here” I jibed getting worked up now.

She watched me carefully “why do you even care? Last I checked you didn’t give a shit about anything…who is it you’re looking out for eh?”

“I have my reasons, will you help me or not?”

The blade was still aimed at me before her gaze changed “I help you with this and will you ensure that Axel will never again come looking for me?” She played on a deal instantly.

“If anyone other than me ever comes to look for you, I give you full permission to use your skills on them”

“Hah giving orders now are we Big boy? You sound better than the wimpy kid I remember” she eyed me with a mean smirk “maybe this soldier thing is really working out for you, you look good too..” she laughed at me, tucking the blade away in her sleeve.

“Wimpy? All I remember is you losing every fight with me” I chuckled, remembering training with her.

“Yeah just like I was this close to driving that blade through you every damn time, even today” she grinned proudly.

There was a tiny sliver of silence, and I bet we were both thinking back on those early days. 

“Here” she handed me a number “don’t worry, he’ll answer when he hears its you”

"I owe you one" I grabbed it instantly and stuffed it I'm my pocket.

And with that I took off from there, hugging her one last time before promising never to cross paths ever again. She offered if I’d like to join her to run away to the other side of the world and I laughed, denying because I had a lot of work to do before I’d have a chance to get away from all of it.

Someday maybe, when my work here is done and if nobody needs me around, I’d leave it all behind…but that’s definitely not now, definitely not today.

Over the days I found myself getting more and more engulfed in the feeling of being around Jin again, it was almost like the way it used to be earlier, except for the subtle changes in him.

Unlike before, nowadays Jin would suddenly go silent in the middle of a conversation and meander away from the group to hide at times, then come back a while later wearing a smile which didn’t reach his red-rimmed puffy eyes. Or when he would curse the heck out of everything, raging against all of us for the tiniest thing we might have told him, or a stray advice to not give in to his emotions because it isn’t good for the baby, or if we had mistakenly dared to tell him that its ridiculous to crave for waffles in the middle of the night.

It was mostly freaking me out, but at times very weirdly cute. He was slowly going back to becoming the Jin I remembered, sharing a laugh, sometimes opting to cook, which was something he enjoyed and began sharing incidents from work. Slowly but surely it felt like he was finding back his faith.

The process of the trial was lengthy, very time consuming because there were so many things to assess and ensure. This was the only grievance he had, and we tried to keep away from the topic but almost always failed because he was the one who would constantly keep bringing up how he wished he could talk to Taehyung, how he wished to tell him about their child and some days nothing seemed to pacify his heart wrenching wails.

It literally hurt my insides to see him be like this. I was there, ready to do anything, I'd give him anything he'd ask for but the thing was he wanted nothing of what I could give.

It is thus I decided to get him what he wanted the most, and I'm sure they'll be startled with what I have planned for the next hearing.

If things go well, Jin will be very happy.

But if things go wrong, not only Taehyung but all of us including Jin will be in trouble.

Well, I'm rooting for it all to go right...guess we'll just have to wait and see.

“So you want me to get you an order of fried pork belly, a pack of jelly-bellies, spicy noodles, a big tub of strawberry ice cream, one large pizza..” “Don’t forget to get those tomatoes off…they smell so yuck!” He grimaced, and eagerly waited to listen if I got the rest of the list right.

“Jin you’ll get sick if you eat all of these for dinner” I am utterly concerned right now, almost assuming that he’s messing with me because who in the world eats like this!

“But I thought..Hobi said you’re buying dinner?” He whined, frowning at Hobi to assure himself.

“I think you should not be the one choosing dinner from now on” as I looked at Yoongi, gesturing him behind Jin’s back if this is even normal for a pregnant person, who however just chose to ignore us.

“What?! I’m like really hungry…I can eat all of it! I don’t judge you when you eat like a pig! And I'm eating for two!” Jin protested to my words, almost glaring at me and for a moment I was lost, it feels so good to be like this with him. I didn’t realize I had been missing him so much.

The last few weeks he’s been slowly letting me back into his life. He had been avoiding me intentionally, I could feel it, acted so awkwardly distant from me, not even speaking to me. I am sure it was because of the incident where I had lost myself n gave away my feelings. But I guess he doesn’t feel threatened by my affections anymore. However, if he thinks him being pregnant will get my feelings for him to go away then he’s damn stupid, if its anything it makes me wanna take care of him more.

“Whatever just get me some pizza will you, I don’t care about anything else” Hoseok groaned lying splat on the sofa “I’m dying of hunger here. Namjoon has gone completely crazy, I’m quite sure he’s going crazy.”

“Why? What’s going on?” I asked being intrigued because I already told Col. Kim about my plan to seek out Jin-Young, he said it’s dangerous to trust him because a traitor could always go back to being a traitor once again.

True, treachery is a dangerous and slippery thing.

That is why I have made sure he wouldn’t dare to con me, but had to keep the information of how I had ensured that to myself.

Col. Kim is too righteous of a man to cope up with my 'tactics', and call it the evil in my blood but I keep veering towards my belief that there are times when wars need tricks and brainpower rather than courage and muscle power.

“He has been going through numerous ledgers and lists and profiles of all the people Taehyung had put down while working for Axel, and those are like hundreds of ledgers and we’re literally checking through dusty pages and ticking boxes like old times” Hoseok rubbed at his temples, groaning in exhaustion.

Jin listened with utter interest, forgetting instantly about his long list of cravings.

“Can I help? I’d love to help” he implored with intention, and I instantly glared at Hoseok from behind Jin, not to let him associate himself with it. No more, lets not pull him anymore into this than he already is.

“Please…I feel so worthless” Jin begged, almost close to sobs “please I want to do something to help him, no one has to know that I’m working with you”

And I couldn’t blame Hoseok when he nodded acknowledging Jin’s plea since I found myself melting as well. I watched him at times as I joined them to help with the work, Jin is really one of a kind.

Everyone has a limit of endurance but this human being right here amazes me as I watch him pick every piece of his broken self and glue it back together with a hopeful assurance every damn time, fighting through his difficulties while hiding away his wounds, being strong for others while crumbling inside.

In that moment, I was reminded of the promise I had once made to him…

no matter how hard you fight me I am never leaving your side ever again 

And a promise remains a promise no matter how much time has gone by, or how much shit we’ve survived.

I snuggled nearer to him, pulling the huge dog-eared bundle of pages onto my lap when I saw him fumbling with it and he came to lean nearer to me, completely engrossed in the work.

A promise remains forever, even after it has been fulfilled.

á na márië

[A\N] Another huge chapter 😪
I think I'm the meanest to Kook...I almost feel heartless at times 🥺

Stay safe 💜 Borahae!