In this day and age, people are so used to speed and its accessibility that when something, anything at all doesn't provide it, they are flooded with what they see as rightful rage. Why do I have to wait in line? Why is my Wi-Fi so slow? Why is this train delayed? Why hasn't this service been provided for me already?

In all that hurry, it is very easy to forget important things take time, especially growing and learning. We can not figure out who we are in a matter of seconds, minutes, weeks. We are shaped through years by those around us and by our our hands, the most magical clay there is.

Becoming who we are is like breathing- at times we don't even notice we are changing, evolving, and at times we are painfully aware we have to push through the pain to be our best selves, to find our place and our people in this confusing and horrifying place we refer to as society.

I don't remember when I was sure I was bisexual, because it doesn't happen with a snap of the fingers. I didn't wake up one day and say: I like girls too. First I learned that there is so much more to our identities that we have been told, then I learned that we don't have to keep the colours they marked us with, looking through their murky lenses, dirtied by misinformation and resentment, and last I learnt that it was okay. 

It was okay to shed the skin they wrapped you in, ignorant, leaving you to suffocate in denial and unhappiness. It was okay to stand up publicly, and it was okay if you couldn't and instead protested in secret.

I didn't always know where I belonged, but when I did, it felt freeing. I finally knew who I was since I was born, and who I am, and who I always would be.

There was insecurity, of course. There was guilt. There was confusion, questioning, musing. There were times when I was pushed from left and right with so much uncaused hate that I thought it would just be easier if I were straight. There was disappointment and there was betrayal when at last I heard my whole community being shunned by people I considered friends, idols, family... There was anger, so much anger directed at people who wanted us starving, lonely, unloved, dead just because of who we loved and who we are. 

But it also gave me wings.

*****

I think this is the shortest 'story' I have ever written, but I think I like it. I realize it is the 30th, a.k.a the deadline, yet I hope I am not too late lol. You just witnessed my whole school life, pals.

Anyhow, this is a part of my experience. I may some day write a longer piece, but this should do for now. Also, keep in mind I have ADHD and I have no conception of time, so even if there was a point in time when I first realized my sexuality, I have no idea when that was. 

Pride Month is ending, which is sad, but the rest of year is ours too sweets. Go live your best lives and long live the LGBTQIA+ community!

And remember: your existence is in itself a sign of rebellion, so continue to exist and be magnificent.

Xoxo, Kat.