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[On a date]

Peril: And do you want soup or salad with that?

Clay, extremely excited: WHAT'S A SUPER SALAD

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Arctic: Darkstalker, I'm your father so I have to be honest with you.

Arctic: I don't care about your problems.

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Winter: So when does the judgemental express arrive?

Hailstorm: Father will be here at noon.

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Singe: Mansplain

Scald: Manwhore

Smolder: Malewife.

Blister: Gaslight

Burn: Gatekeep

Blaze: Guilt trip

Thorn: Girlboss

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Glory: STOP! We need a plan of attack!

Tsunami: *charging into the fight* I have a plan... ATTACK!

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Peril: There's a special place in hell reserved just for you.

Scarlet: Of course, it's called the throne.

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Moon: What are you doing?

Qibli: *spreading toothpaste on toast* Multitasking

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Turtle: *props feet on the table* So I heard you like bad boys.

Kinkajou: What? No?

Turtle: *immediately takes feet off the table* Oh thank the moons, that felt horrible.

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Peril: I have a solution.

Turtle: Thank goodness.

Peril: It involves fire.

Turtle: Absolutely not.

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Blue: *telling story* Swordtail got banned from this bar so he waited like a year and started going back every day like nothing happened and the other day the bartender looked at him and said: "You look so much like this crazy guy we had to ban a while back."

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Tsunami: Here's a fun idea. We'll hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Sunny: We are not doing that.

Glory: Mistlefoe™.

Sunny: Glory, no.

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Winter: *switches on the light to find Qibli breaking in*

Qibli: Before you say anything. I was just breaking in to tell you I love you.

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Blaze: Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

Smolder: *facepalms*

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Winter: Gotta get me one of those black bath bombs so I can dramatically emerge from the water like I'm rising from the pits of hell. You know, self care.

Qibli: Gotta get me one of those red bath bombs so I can heroically stand up, clutching an imaginary stab wound, like I've just fought off a back alley robbery gone wrong and saved the love of my life. Makes me feel better about myself.

Moon: Gotta get me one of those dark blue bath bombs filled with silver sparkles so I can slowly peer out of the starry sky from which I originate. Because if I don't do it, who else will?

Kinkajou: I like bubble baths!

Peril: Does anyone have good repairing skills? I may have misunderstood what a bathbomb is.

Turtle: Shoot, not again.

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Snowfall: So, I just slept seven hours, which is twice as long as I usually sleep, so I'm a little disoriented.

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Kinkajou: Bacon bits are just meat sprinkles.

Winter: I'll have to ask you to never open your mouth again, thanks.

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Sundew: At any sign of trouble I will give the signal and you'll come in hard and fast.

Cricket: What's the signal?

Sundew: Me screaming in rage.

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Blue: What the f*** is happening?

Sundew: ...

Sundew: How did you censor that out loud-

Cricket, holding Bumblebee: Shhhh, there's a baby.

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Snowfall: Do you ever lose so much sleep that you feel kinda dizzy, then the world is moving in slow motion, and then you're drifting through space and time, and then you can see everything and nothing while being lost in the void?

Lynx: *concerned* ...No?

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Turtle: Peril, could you please watch your language?

Peril: Alright, alright jeez!

[One month later]

Peril: Oh fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my diddly darn feathers!

Turtle: *crying* Please just say fuck again.