(Several Months Later)

*Reader's POV*

"Don't pull your punches--you wouldn't if this was real, and we need to be sure you can do this if you have to. It's not like it will actually hurt me if you get me--we're training with metal for a reason. At worst I might be out for an hour or so."

"The last time you were 'out' it was for a few days."

"Last time I was injured, exhausted, starving, and he was using wood. Besides, even if the blade gets me I don't think that's one of the injuries that would knock me out. It would just hurt like a bitch for a while until it healed up."

"You're still not supposed to actually hurt someone in training. Which is what you're telling me to do."

"Don't pull the punch...you hear the irony of that, too, right?"

"Tch."

"I appreciate the concern, but really, Captain, don't worry about seriously hurting me if you make contact, I'll be okay."

You were circling back into the at-the-ready position for a spar, as Levi flipped the blade in his hand back from his usual reverse grip to a front facing one.

He wasn't trying to slash someone with this training, he was trying to pierce straight to the heart. You were certain he was perfectly capable of decapitation if he wanted to, but this was a little different.

Well, he was probably perfectly capable of an accurate stab as much as a slash, even if he usually held his blades in a reverse grip that wasn't as ideal for stabbing. But there was also the added resistance of a vampire of significant strength and speed greater than his. This was something the two of you needed to practice, no matter how silly it sounded that Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest, needed to practice stabbing something.

Plus, he'd already commented that the knife you were using wasn't his first choice, one that was longer than the little switchblades or smaller knives he had hidden on his person even now outside of the Underground, and significantly smaller than the blades you used on Titans. You'd chosen it because it was about the length and weight of a standard whittled stake, and was close to something he'd actually handle if he was actively trying to kill a vampire.

Actually, now that you thought about it, with all those wooden knives you'd used in training back in the Cadet Corps, it was a good thing you'd been significantly stronger and faster than anyone in the cadets, since one wrong move could have meant death for you if you'd been distracted and they'd been capable.

Oh, the things you realized with a bit of reflection.

Once more, the two of you fell into an at-the-ready position, that serious glint in Levi's eyes returning to tell you that he was focused entirely on the task at hand, and ideally, he wouldn't be holding back this time.

You wanted to make sure he could actually spear someone at your level if he needed to, which meant no pulling punches. Even if it meant you took a blade to the heart. You were well-fed and energized, and you were confident your healing was up-to-par for a steel blade anywhere in the chest. You'd be fine. So, you wanted him to come after you--really come after you, to be sure.

You didn't have to tell him how to stab someone in the heart. It was just a matter if he could get through a vampire's defenses in a full-fledged fight.

Levi wasn't moving first, which had you smiling on the inside. He wouldn't move faster than a vampire, so he was letting you come to him. He was definitely learning, at least that was certain.

When you tensed, Levi did as well, preparing himself for whatever you were about to do. The two of you had already practiced more direct attacks, the common stuff--a vampire going for the throat right away, mainly. But now you were varying your attacks. Some might try to disable him first. Of course, Levi wasn't going to heal like you were, so there would be no actual injuries inflicted on him--you had to be careful about what you would do, though you'd already warned him about broken limbs and being bitten in other places, like on the arms. Or impaled. Incapacitated in any way to make the hunt easier. The intent was to try and get a hit in before that could happen. To be quick on the draw, or to be smart and sneaky with the attack. At this point, it was the latter you were both going for, Levi being ingenuitive with how he could take down a vampire when the odds were stacked against him, and you giving him new scenarios to have to overcome.

You didn't hold back when you rushed him, using all of your speed to come at him. Levi held his ground until he got a sense for what you were trying to do, apparently trying to read where you were headed, flickers of the eyes, though he really reacted when he felt the contact of your hand sliding up his shoulder, a leg trying to get into his defenses in what you normally would have done to break a leg, though again, you were going to have to settle for sweeping since you weren't about to actually hurt him. His hand rapidly locked around your arm, foot shifting just out of reach as his other hand tried to come up for a quick stab between your ribs. You were quick to stop the movement, grabbing onto his arm as well and halting its progress, taking the move as an opportunity to pull him in and restrain him, going to slip your arms under his armpit with your hands on the back of his head, but he was able to tell what you were trying to do and stop you from getting a good lock, breaking free and making another attempt to slip that blade between your ribs.

You moved out of the way, which was easy when you were still mostly behind him. By this point, a vampire would be going in to quickly finish him off and get what they wanted, so...

You shoved him hard into the ground, Levi barely having enough time to turn around before you were on top of him, straddling his waist with one hand restraining the arm that held the blade while the other tangled in his hair--surprisingly soft, by the way, and now that you knew, very tempting to touch, even if there was some dampness because of the sweat--and pulled his head to the side, exposing his throat. You were plunging your head down towards him like you would if you were actually attacking him, though with no fangs, just to keep that very real threat out of this training session. Before your lips could brush against his throat, which would have meant a match, in this case, you felt something slender slide between your ribs in a true strike, pain radiating through your chest as you choked up, both of you freezing in place.

It was a close call, but he definitely just won this match. Pulling back enough to glance down at where the pain was originating from revealed that he had, in fact, slipped a smaller knife between your ribs.

You chuckled slightly, the sound strained because you were trying to hold back the pain in your voice for Levi's sake. "Gng...sneaky...Fuck..."

You put your hand on the handle and gently nudged his hand off as you got up, taking a slow breath as your fingers flexed around the handle and you tried to figure out if you could pull it out yet or not. You turned partially away from Levi while you did it, just so he wouldn't have to see. Even if you were going to be alright, you were pretty sure it was a disturbing image for him to see his knife buried in your chest and you holding it like someone still in the shock stage deciding if they would leave it in or take it out.

To help distract him, you quickly jumped into commentary about the spar you'd just had.

"You planning on keeping very tiny stakes up your sleeves or something?" you asked critically. As ingenuitive as the move had been, it would be useless if that hadn't been a hidden stake he planned to keep on his person at all times. A vampire in the middle of a frenzied feed would have just ripped out the metal blade and continued ripping into him. Of course, you had been pretending the blades were stakes, so you had stopped just short of the victory mark. Though you still had to point out the flaw in the approach, even if it was an easily mended one if he committed to carrying around a concealed stake...or wooden blade.

"It doesn't seem like that bad of an idea right now, does it?" Levi returned without missing a beat. He was sitting up on the ground, gaze following you with a burning concern you could feel even if you weren't looking at him. "I'll never have just one blade on me--or stake, in this case."

You weren't going to doubt him on that. He already carried two blades, so you didn't doubt if he started carrying stakes around, he'd have at least two of those, as well. It was a good practice to have, in case one was knocked away, or he was in a situation like the one you'd just put him in for the spar.

Your grip tightened on the handle of the blade still in your chest, and you pulled it out in one swift move, leaning against a nearby tree and attempting to stifle a low groan as your other hand pressed against the wound to staunch the bleeding until it healed enough the bleeding stopped.

"Are you okay?" Levi asked, and you were slightly surprised by the softer edge to his voice to go with the concern. Though considering his trepidation to not pull his punches, it also made sense, and your job was to reassure him so he didn't pull back in the future and you could keep testing his limits to make sure he was properly prepared.

"I'm fine," you said to reassure him, and you heard a low, scoffing noise from him almost immediately. "No, really, I'll be fine--see, look, I'll even show you."

You turned back to face him, having felt the blood stop flowing by now and checking the wound yourself before you faced him fully, opening the tear in your shirt to show the healing wound that was going from deep cut to shallow to scarred over. "Look at that, you can even see it healing, see? Fine."

You cleared your throat, spitting a bit of blood onto the ground and dropping your bloody hand away from your chest. "Might have nicked the lung a bit, but nothing major, I'm okay," you reiterated honestly, flipping the blade in your hand to offer it back to Levi handle-first.

Levi took the blade with a graceful hand, but his eyes were dark and studying you closely, a displeased frown pulling the corners of his lips downwards a little more than normal. As he pulled out his handkerchief to start cleaning your blood off the blade, he turned his gaze away from you and back down to the knife.

"I'd rather we didn't do it this way," he said quietly, cleaning the blade slowly and methodically, that frown still prominent on his face.

"I would, though," you said almost immediately, your voice firm, which made him glance back up at you. "I want to make sure you can really do this if you have to, and doing it like this will do that, and I'll survive. I have consented to literally being poked at. It's all right."

He didn't look anywhere near convinced. Hell, he seemed even more unhappy with the situation after that. "You'll have to feed more with us doing it like this," he tried instead, pointing out the dangerous possible problem with a raised eyebrow.

"Only if you bleed me like a stuck pig, which you're not doing anything of the sort cause that's useless against vampires...and we're training," you said pointedly, tacking on the second point like you'd momentarily forgotten the obvious, fundamental reason he wasn't going to be doing anything that would seriously hurt you. "These are quick, precise hits. As long as it's not wood, I'll be fine."

He still wasn't convinced, and he was far from pleased, but you weren't going to change your mind on your insistence that this was how you wanted to do the training. At the moment, he wasn't pushing against it anymore, but he wasn't doing anything to hide his displeasure, either.

Fair enough.

You cleared your throat again, confident you weren't about to spit up any more blood and that you were properly healed now. "I'm ready to go again if you are."

Levi pulled the handkerchief off the now-clean knife, fingers clenching slightly in the fabric as he tucked it away and moved back towards his starting position. As his blade was slid back into its original hiding place, you piped up again.

"Every new knife you pull I'll consider a commitment to another hidden stake," you added, and Levi hummed in disinterest, brows furrowed as he fell back into his at-the-ready position, still looking greatly displeased but for the moment complying.

Maybe after a while of doing things this way he'd stop being bothered so much by sticking knives in someone who wasn't really affected by them. Maybe not. If you hadn't been so determined to make sure he could do these things against a vampire opponent successfully, you might have found his reluctance to cause you harm even with permission and knowing it wouldn't do any real harm sweet. But, right now, you were simply focused on getting him to get past that so the two of you could properly run these vampire fighting drills. Your regular sparring matches were done for the day, it was just this and your ODM gear training later.

You tensed again, as did Levi, and went in for another attack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I see what you're trying to do here, Commander, and it's an excellent idea, but...I've got some concerns with it."

You, Levi, and Erwin were gathered in Levi's office, a map of the usual formation rolled out on Levi's desk with the three of you gathered around it, looking at the altered formation it displayed and envisioning it out in the field in practice, based on the experience of the last few expeditions you'd run with Captain Levi's Squad. Currently, the image showed one squad ahead of the rest by at least a mile or two, the distance could be adjusted as needed in the field. That squad was supposed to be Levi Squad, or just you--the details were being hashed out right now, since it revolved around your concerns. It would help if you ran ahead of the formation to guide them away from Titans, but...

"As much as it would be safer if I wasn't alone up front for me personally if something went really wrong, anyone put with me is going to be at great risk as well. We've already seen more than once that Titans are drawn to me. Even if I stand a better chance against them than most, drawing them in just counterbalances that advantage, in my opinion. And Captain Levi already expressed his concern about the rest of the squad being at risk with the Titans being drawn to me before proposing this position in the formation," you said, well aware that you were simply providing problems without solutions. Yes, it was better if you weren't alone, but it had already been established that Levi's squad would be at risk if they were with you, right where the Titans would be drawn. And if they were going to be putting the best with you, that meant Levi's squad. That, or the current squad formations would be completely dismantled and the best of the best would be placed with you near the front, which you highly doubted with how vulnerable that would leave the rest of the formation.

"There's risk either way. It depends which risk you're willing to take. It's your neck on the line if we hang back, but if we stay with you, those lives are your responsibility, too," Levi said bluntly, his gaze fixed on you as you worried over the formation, trying to think of a compromise--something that would have a failsafe if you were swarmed with Titans, both for yourself and the squad, depending on the situation. From experience, you knew he was also trying to think of the best situation, but even with what he thought, it did all boil down to your decision, what risks you were ready to take.

Your fingers gently ran the line from command to where your position was supposed to be on the diagram in front of you, gauging what the real life distance would be between you and command.

"Well, we still have some test runs to do in the field, right?" you asked, gaze flickering across the diagram and taking into account how far away you could hear when you were focused. "What if we tried...Me alone at the front, then between me and the formation is Captain Levi's squad? That way they're nearby if I need help, but they're also far enough away to be out of trouble if something goes wrong. I might even be able to scout further ahead that way, depending on how this plays out in the field. And if I do draw Titans in, there'll be a bit more distance between me and the formation, possibly enough for a correction that could still avoid the bulk of the issue."

"If that happens, we can go back to the usual formation until she takes point again," Levi suggested. "It's worth giving it a try."

Erwin wasn't looking at Levi while he spoke, but instead studying you. Surprisingly, it was Erwin's gaze that would unsettle you, the way those eyes seemed to evaluate every part of you and see things you didn't, sizing them up and making plans and schemes you would have no hint or inkling of until he deigned to share them. He had that kind of presence, the kind that made you feel like you knew nothing, he knew everything and it was better just to stay quiet and follow what he said.

And you were older than Erwin, as well. But Erwin...Erwin knew things. Most of the time when you spoke to him, it felt like he'd already had an inkling of whatever you had to say to him, or was coming to a similar conclusion. Even when he'd found out you were a vampire, how much had he actually reacted? How level-headed had he remained despite everything, even compared to Levi?

Nothing fazed that man, and it was a little unnerving at times for you to witness.

"Then that's how we'll do the first expedition with L/N at point. We'll keep the positions fluid, so we can see what works best and adapt as needed," Erwin surmised, rolling the schematics back up and taking them off Levi's desk, holding it firmly in one hand. "I've been talking to Hange. She doesn't know the details, but I've asked her to come up with new flare color signals for you, so the rest of the formation isn't confused when they see your flares in the sky, and since you'll be communicating different messages than the rest of the formation. It should be done before the next expedition, and I'll be sure to get them to you early enough you can memorize which colors mean what messages. First we have to see what she comes up with, of course," Erwin added.

"Of course, Sir."

Erwin nodded, glancing between you and Levi as he turned for the door to leave. "I won't keep you any longer--I'm sure you both have things you need to be doing," he said in lieu of parting, leaving without any other comments so that it was just you and Levi in the room. Levi had once more found his way against the wall behind his desk, leaning against it with arms crossed as he studied you quietly. For some reason, you felt like you'd passed some kind of test--both with Levi and with Erwin.

"He didn't seem surprised I suggested that," you commented, looking up at Levi as he bowed his head slightly, eyes closed before he pushed away from the wall, moving to retake his seat behind his desk now that Erwin had left and it wasn't being used to display the formation rough drafts.

"I think he wanted to see if you would," Levi said calmly, taking his seat and leaning back in the chair. You lowered yourself into the seat on the other side with a small sigh.

"More tests. Got it."

You weren't displeased, you understood the occasional caution, and of course not every situation and facet about you was known, even by you. Vampirism didn't come with an instruction manual, no one had explained things to you--everything you knew, you knew through trial and error or observation of other vampires. And then, of course, your own personality and morals had its own place. If they weren't testing something that had to do with your vampirism, then it would have to be with you as a person--something even more important to test when you had the potential and power that you had, especially with your position in the Scouts. Officially, you were just the Special Ops Aid--for now--but behind closed doors...well, you didn't know what exactly you were, but you were important. Maybe something of a secret weapon, a security blanket, a coup de grace. Your importance was not an official, public one, but a behind closed doors, crucial moment importance. At least that was how it seemed to be building, anyway.

Levi's hands were folded loosely in his lap, elbows propped up on the arms of the chair as he looked at you with a slight tilt to his head, as if you were a piece of art he was studying, or maybe an oddly placed book he was reading.

"Erwin trusts my judgement on a lot of things, but some things he has to see for himself."

So, whatever that was, Erwin had been testing to see something about you for himself. Possibly something Levi already observed and knew about you as a fact. Possibly your compassion, your care for your fellow soldiers, the humans around you, and how much that impacted your strategic military thinking.

But what had been Levi's judgement call that Erwin wanted to see for himself?

"What about your thoughts?" You asked, your curious gaze meeting Levi's studious one as you spoke. Levi attempted to subtly shift the attention away from what he thought.

"Second guessing yourself, are you?" he asked in a mildly disapproving voice, though not impatient. He was quite adamant about the people around him being able to make snap decisions and sticking by them, so if you hesitated too long or fussed far too much over your decisions, he would call you out on it. He rarely had to, though--you tended to be quick on your feet and decisive where it mattered. Sometimes you still wondered, though, usually before or after the fact. And this was not one of those cases.

"Just wondering," you admitted honestly, still holding his gaze. "It sort of feels like there were two tests here, not just one."

There was a fleeting spark of approval in his eyes at how sharp you were to pick that up, a flash gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Doesn't matter--Erwin saw for himself and now the next expedition will test you out as a scout for the formation. And we'll be nearby if something goes wrong," Levi said indifferently, sitting up and pulling a small stack of papers towards him.

Well, you didn't know what else you'd expected--Levi wasn't the most sharing type with things like this. But, still, it had been worth a shot to try and see what he'd been looking for during that discussion.

Seeing that he was pulling out the paperwork was enough to tell you social hour was over with, and you got to your feet.

"Do you need anything before I go, Captain Levi? Tea, check up on paperwork or something with one of the section commanders, bring you lunch, since it's about that time..." you asked as you made your way to the door, pausing with your hand on the doorknob and your head turned back to look at him.

"I'll be fine," he said dismissively, and you started to open the door before he spoke again, making you pause. "Just Levi, when it's just us. We're equals, even if the rest of the Walls don't know it."

You gave him the faintest smile, even if his head was slightly bowed over the papers in front of him and it didn't seem like he could see you, or at least he didn't seem to be looking at you.

"All right. I'll see you later for the ODM gear training, Levi," you said, addressing him by his name without Captain feeling strange, even if you'd done it before.

To be fair, when you'd addressed him as just Levi in the past, it had been high stress situations like when he'd almost died.

Then again, there had been a slight...shift, in your relationship with Levi. Oddly enough, it happened at a rather grim moment, when a few days after an expedition your 'training' had been to go with him as the two of you traveled around visiting the families of fallen soldiers. On one hand, it had been a serious time that involved giving what consoling words or gestures you could to grieving families at their worst moments in life--something particularly cutting for you knowing this was the kind of pain your parents had gone through, except their daughter had been murdered instead of dying in the line of duty. There had been a silent solemnity between you and Levi the entire time, neither of you talking much between each other, and Levi handling most of the news delivering, although you started to naturally do the same thing after you'd reached out to comfort one of the particularly distraught giving parents who could no longer have children of their own and lost their only child--like your own parents.

The two of you might not have talked much, during or after the experience, but it had been very revealing about the two of you, seeing how you both handled a situation that involved so many grieving people and reverence for fallen fellow scouts. You'd both seen a side of one another you didn't normally see, and in your case, you saw a part of Levi you'd only glimpsed whenever you saw him gathering the patches of fallen soldiers. That day, you'd seen why he did it, as sometimes that was all they could offer the families, which was still more than others. You'd seen a gentleness to him during that entire grim day you hadn't expected, a deep gentleness and respect despite the distance he seemed to be keeping emotionally, just enough the experience wouldn't be devastating. It was a delicate balance, and you were impressed by his ability to keep it.

Since that day, there had been a shift in your relationship, though you couldn't put a name to it or pinpoint in what direction that shift went.

Levi hummed in response to your words of parting, and you took that as your dismissal, leaving the room entirely this time. You headed down to the mess hall, slipping back into the kitchen to put on a pot of tea for Levi, pulling out the hidden tin of white sage infused black tea you made regularly for him so you could make a cup of tea for him as well. You fished out a platter that wasn't being used, setting up the teacup and saucer for when the tea was ready, and then went through the lunch line to fix Levi a plate of food, just to make sure he wasn't going to forget to eat and had everything he needed while he did his work. You'd gone to mealtime with him after training often enough you were picking up on what he usually ate, slight preferences and such--like the fact when he got meat on his plate, it was always a thinly sliced piece, or how he preferred things that weren't heavily seasoned, which made sense after a couple decades with the bland food of the Underground. He liked a lot of things plain, thanks to that time underground, but that didn't mean flavorless.

After you put together his plate, you brought it back and put it on the platter, waiting until the pot you'd put on reached the right temperature and brewing the tea the way Levi preferred it, which you managed to finish while the food was still hot on the tray, allowing you to gather it all and head back up the stairs to his office, making sure no one turned any corners and knocked it out of your hands and everything made it back in one piece.

You knocked softly on the door, and instead of a simple yes, Levi responded with, "Weren't you just here?"

He was familiar with the way you knocked on his door by now?

Well...it had been several months of you serving as an aid to his squad under his close observation. It made sense he'd grow familiar with your knock, since you knocked every time you wanted to enter his office, and it was a natural, routine thing you did without thinking, the same every time.

You stepped inside, maneuvering the tray around the door and stepping inside. "I didn't have lunch then."

Levi's pen was loose in his hand as he raised an eyebrow at you, eyes tracking you as came closer with the tray holding his tea and food. "I said you didn't have to."

"Well, I still did," you said, a slightly cheeky note in your voice as you came to a stop in front of his desk, carefully placing the plate of food and the teacup and saucer on the desk near him but out of the way of his work. "It's all still hot, just a forewarning."

Levi hummed, reaching out with the free hand you'd set it near to pick it up by the rim, gaze flickering to the steaming cup before he took a slight sip of the tea, an approving look flickering across his face for a brief moment. You didn't bother with any more comments that attempted to force conversation, especially since at the moment he was trying to get his work done. Once everything was in its place, you simply tucked the platter under your arm and left the room as quietly and promptly as you had entered.

As the door closed quietly behind you, you caught Levi faintly say, 'Thank you,' as you left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Levi's POV*

At least twice a week, Levi liked to have group training with his squad, just to make sure everyone was still functioning as a team and they could practice maneuvers together before executing them in the field. They worked on team maneuvers, drilled them until they were muscle memory and they could work in sync--Levi usually supervising to make sure everything was going smoothly, since he usually operated alone and already had three training sessions with Y/N daily until she got over some of her difficulties with holding back or striking a good balance...and getting over her unseen struggles with the ODM gear, which was getting much, much better.

This time was for the other members of the squad to polish their teamwork skills and make sure they could work cohesively in a variety of situations. Any two person maneuvers could be practiced on their own time, this was for three or more, largely full team situations.

And afterwards, everyone usually wound down together, going over hiccups, discussions on how maneuvers could be tweaked to be better, and eventually relaxing into everyday discussion. Which was the point everyone was at, now. Oluo was downing another glass of water while Eld and Gunther discussed trying a maneuver of their own later. Petra was remarking on how Y/N didn't even seem winded, which Y/N was waving off as simply stamina built up with the rigorous training with Levi and feeling particularly energized. Everyone but Oluo was cleaning and checking over their gear after the training, Oluo downing the water first with his gear at his feet.

As usual, Levi quietly observed the conversation, watching them talk and interact, occasionally mulling over the maneuvers the others talked about and envisioning it in his head. Though he kept comments to himself until they tried it themselves and they worked out any kinks in the maneuvers on their own.

And Y/N...well, she finally seemed at ease in the group. It seemed she knew her place in the group at last, her relationship with the others, where she fit in.

It might be time to make her an official member of the group instead of keeping her in the hobbled together aid position she initially got so Levi could keep an eye on her. She'd been on a few expeditions by now, she was racking up quite the Titan kill record that would certainly have made him pay attention to her by now if not for that first encounter during the initiates sparring session. And for the foreseeable future, she was going to continue working with the squad, being a part of it, continue making a name for herself with the squad--especially since she worked on par with himself right on the frontlines. He might not have cared much for the limelight, but that didn't mean he was ignorant that it shone, and she might end up inside of it working so closely with him.

He needed to talk to Erwin, make it official. She wouldn't have to continue with the errand woman façade she had right now, she could be a full fledged member. He'd have to be careful it didn't seem like she was taking Eld's position as second in command, but with her capabilities, her instincts, she was definitely the right fit for...

Well, if Levi was considered Erwin's right hand man, she was certainly looking like she would be a good choice for his right hand, someone who could easily keep up with him--surpass him, even--and so far was good at decision making, following intense and fast-changing situations, acting under pressure...

She had all kinds of qualities that allowed him to think of her as a future right hand. Still, rank wise Eld was still second in command around the rest of the squad, but Y/N was the one he'd ask to come with him on dangerous endeavors and pair up with him under normal circumstances.

As Levi was considering making Y/N an official member of the group and considering her as his right hand, or at least future right hand, a cadet started to approach their group--and they weren't approaching him, like he would have assumed, considering he was the captain of the squad. Instead, they headed over to Petra and Y/N who were sitting together, looking between the two and pulling out what looked like a letter as they said something. Something from Petra's family, maybe? Some kind of urgent message, if it was being delivered by a cadet straight to Petra. He hoped nothing had happened...

Levi sat up straighter and his attention became razor sharp when, instead of handing the letter to Petra, the cadet gave it to Y/N, who looked just as surprised as Levi felt to be getting handed a letter.

As far as Levi was aware, she didn't know anyone outside the Scouts. She was a loner, kept to herself until she started getting comfortable with this very squad, and clearly this message wasn't from any of them. Erwin would have just spoke to her in person or told Levi to set up a meeting for something serious, and no one that Y/N saw while delivering messages would send a message for her to deliver something, they would either have someone else to deliver it or just wait until they saw her--and it would have made sense to just skip the middleman at that point.

So then why..?

The courier left, and Y/N opened the letter with Petra looking curiously at her to see what kind of message she'd just received. Levi ignored everyone else as he let his gaze fixate on Y/N, watching for subtle clues to try and figure out what was going on. He saw her grip tighten slightly on the letter as her gaze quickly scanned the lines on the message. Her lips thinned, posture stiffened, and her eyes looked shinier. She didn't seem to be breathing, either.

He'd seen enough people receive bad news to know what those signs meant.

Y/N quickly folded up the paper as she got to her feet, mumbling something briefly to Petra before she turned and left without so much as sparing anyone else a glance. That hasty exit got everyone else's attention, but Levi ignored any conversation they might be starting up about the sudden exit and instead got up and followed after her.

Well, he didn't follow long, because as soon as she was out of view of any possible Scout eyelines, she apparently used that vampire speed of hers to quickly flee wherever she was headed.

Shit.

Levi looked around, jaw working back and forth in mild irritation as he tried to figure out where she might have gone. Maybe she went somewhere mentioned in that note, but he was more inclined to think she was just trying to get away from prying eyes.

So, where would he go if he wanted privacy? True privacy, no other living thing around to stare at you, somewhere there wasn't the chance of being stumbled across by someone going about daily chores.

It wasn't going to be anywhere that anyone should have any reason to go to unless they too were seeking solace, or looking specifically for her. If she even bothered to stay on the premises. He was going to assume she was, at least for now, because if she wasn't somewhere around headquarters, she could be anywhere. So he was going to settle for searching the premises, and if he couldn't find her around headquarters, he would simply wait until he saw her again.

What he could think of at the moment was her own room, an unoccupied room, or maybe the roof. So that was where he was going to check.

He started by checking her room, which was predictably unoccupied--it would have been far too easy to find her there. He swept through rooms that were currently being unused by any Scouts, coming up empty handed again, which left him the roof to search.

The air was clear with a gentle breeze up on the roof, a sprawling view of the surrounding area, birds flying overhead, a clear view of the horses that were out to graze in the fields...it was peaceful up here, the perfect hiding place to get away and think.

Now he just needed to see if he could find her tucked away in some hidden nook up here...she wasn't sitting on the merlons directly across from the doorway, obviously, which meant she was taking extra care to be hidden right now.

Levi moved around slowly, looking around corners of conical rooftops, rounded walls, all kinds of features unique to the castle-like design of the headquarters building. As the ground narrowed while he followed a curved wall towards a corner otherwise overlooked, he finally found her. She was oddly perched between two merlons, legs up on the merlon in front of her, back and head resting on the one behind her, ass wedged between the two. It looked uncomfortable, but it was how she was sitting, one arm dangling over the ledge, the other laying across her stomach, the letter in hand. It was a tight squeeze not only between the merlons, but also where the wall Levi had been following came to a point with the line of merlons, which meant she must have shimmied and tiptoed to get over there. She was really trying not to be found.

She didn't turn to look at him as he approached, though both of them knew she was well aware he'd been coming. She had probably heard him coming up the stairs, maybe even smelled as he got closer.

Levi didn't say anything--not right now. He felt like she should be the one to speak first, if at all. Instead, he leaned against the wall, folding his arms across his chest as he gazed silently at her, watching as she stared out at the small corner of land she could see wedged between those merlons without actually seeing anything. What he could see of her face was a far away glaze to her eyes, a dark gloom hanging over her and the remnant of tears on her face.

Very bad news, then.

They were up there for several long minutes, Levi simply watching her in silence, occasionally hanging his head and listening to the surrounding area as he waited for her to talk, mind trying to come up with what the hell was on that letter. She didn't have any connections outside of the Scouts, so what outside mail could have upset her so deeply?

Instead of speaking, Y/N acknowledged Levi's presence by holding out the letter she'd received that had upset her, arm extended all the way, waiting for Levi to take it. He did, falling back into his place leaning against the wall as he unfolded the letter, eyes quickly scanning over it's contents to know what happened.

Phrases like, regret to inform you, in her sleep, shortly thereafter, jumped out to him immediately, a notice of death easily recognizable for someone who had to personally deliver them all the time. She just got a single letter delivered by a third party that didn't even stay long enough to see her open it and probably didn't even know its contents, though.

"Apparently a few hours after finding out my mom died, my dad went to sleep and didn't wake up. Both of them on the same day. I knew it was coming, inevitable, of course, but still..." she said lowly, her voice gruff, and she still wasn't looking at him. "I don't know if I believe in an afterlife, but if there is, they went there expecting to finally be reunited with their daughter, and...nothing."

Levi finished reading the letter, which was of course from the nursing home reaching out to the person who had been taking care of them all this time to inform them of the death of Mr. and Ms. Frazier, unaware it was their daughter--assuming it was some good Samaritan. He could tell just because of the way it was phrased--the entire situation probably would have been handled better if they'd known they were writing to family, which they couldn't have considering Y/N was the only child and had officially died forty or so years ago.

Both parents in the same day...but, as terrible as that was, the dark gloom hanging around her made him think it ran deeper than that. Deeper even then her musings about an afterlife.

And, thankfully, she didn't leave him guessing. She started talking again after Levi lowered the letter to look at her again, though she still wasn't looking at him.

"I'm going to outlive everyone I'll ever know," she said, her voice so soft Levi almost couldn't hear her. It made her words even more chilling. "It didn't hit me until just now. Not unless I get killed somehow, or off myself when I eventually decide immortality is overrated...Eternity alone just watching everyone I know die around me."

Levi felt himself soften at her words, the sorrowful observation cutting him deep, especially since it had been unexpected...and it was darker than he'd been expecting.

She was right. He hadn't realized it, either--well, maybe more properly it hadn't sunk in yet. She didn't age. Unless something horrible happened, or...or she killed herself, which was not a thought he was comfortable with at all--and especially not comfortable with how flippantly she'd suggested it--she was staring down eternity. Alone. Never aging, surrounded by people more vulnerable than her, people slowly dying while she was frozen in time.

Even now. Him, Erwin, Petra, Eld, everyone in the squad, anyone she got close to here, unless she was in some horrid Titan accident, she was going to outlive them all. She'd never change.

An eternity alone while everyone you came to know died around you...maybe he couldn't relate to the eternity part, but he could relate to the everyone around you dying part. He'd lost a lot by now, and he was painfully aware he would continue to lose people. But he couldn't imagine being faced with an eternity alone with that very thing, the short life he expected in this environment was already daunting some days.

Suddenly that drawing in her room of the flower standing alone in a clear patch, despite being surrounded by other flowers, and slowly icing over or dying, was a lot darker and depressing than when he'd initially seen it.

Here he was thinking she'd finally found a place here with the Scouts, and he was finding out she might feel more alone than ever. Maybe not initially, maybe she had felt like she was starting to belong, but now, this kind of awareness might do more harm than good, especially if she kept stewing in it, letting it sink in and darken her thoughts

As if being in the Scouts wasn't hard enough with all the death that surrounded them, that never got easier. This wasn't going to help. She needed to get out of her own head. Now. She needed to distract herself from that grim reality and focus on the present. It might help her to focus on her parents deaths instead of an eternity alone, as tragic as losing both parents at once was.

"Take some time off," Levi said, his quiet tone matching her own. Y/N finally looked at him, eyes still red from the crying, but now they were looking at him like she was about to argue before he saw some of that fight go out of her. She knew it was the right call, even if her knee jerk reaction had been to turn that time down.

"You'll need time to make arrangements. And you should be there when they're put to rest. So I expect you to be off duty for at least a couple days," Levi continued in that same soft voice, though what he was saying was not a suggestion, it was just shy of command, honestly.

"Are you sure that's all right, Captain?" she asked, an eyebrow raising.

"Levi. And I can make my own damn tea, you know," he returned bluntly. He was surprised to see she actually started to smile for a split second before circumstances or her own depressing thoughts made it fade away again

"I meant the training, actually."

"You don't need the normal stuff, and our one on one training can be sidelined for a couple days, it has been before," Levi said, looking away in the direction she'd been staring. "Take the time off, Y/N. You need it."

"...Thank you, Levi."

Levi hummed, straightening up and pushing away from the wall, handing her back the letter. "I'll come up with an excuse. Your time off can start now. If you need me, you know where to find me," he said, waiting until she'd taken the letter from him before he gave her the space she no doubt still needed.

He just hoped she listened to him saying she needed to do things with this time, and that she didn't spiral further down that dark line of thinking.

True or not, it would only hurt her to dwell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Reader's POV*

The time off that Levi gave you ended up being invaluable. You hadn't realized just how much went into planning a funeral--a double funeral at that--even if your parents had already arranged some things themselves in their twilight years.

They wanted to be buried next to the empty grave you were supposed to be in, they had their wills drawn up--there were still things like the carpentry building and the old house and some of the more valuable belongings to take into account. They hadn't known if there was any budget for caskets or gravestones, they hadn't been idiots, they knew someone was taking care of them for them to be in that home, so that kind of thing was up to you to arrange. Flowers, time of service, dressing of the bodies, a priest, you had to make all the arrangements with your limited salary, but you managed to throw something together without putting yourself too much in the limelight.

You even snuck into their room at the home to search the belongings that hadn't been moved yet, specifically looking for two keys that let you into your old home and the carpentry building. You weren't ready for the house that day, so you went to the carpentry building, letting yourself linger in the store and running your hands along old abandoned projects, familiar tools and benches that you could remember whittling poor pieces of animals to practice your own carpentry when you were little. Your parents hadn't had anyone else to take over the business, so obviously you were being taught. You'd always been better at the drawings, the plans, for more complicated projects--it was what started you drawing--than you had been at the carpentry itself. There'd been talk of finding a partner, maybe trying to set you two up so it was still a family business and there wasn't any risk of a takeover.

You had quite a few youth memories here. Time spent sitting on a stool next to your father, watching him draw up plans, how realistic he made the designs seem, picking up those same habits for how to hold the drawing supplies and slowly learning how to envision the project and utilize spatial awareness, him showing you how to make a smoother carve when you worked on your little wooden animal figures. The smell of dust and carved wood only lingered because of memory, since the store itself had deteriorated over time, but you felt like you could smell it from your memory.

You didn't take anything from the store, but when you went back home...

You didn't go back to your room. Hell no, not even now could you stomach seeing that place again. But you did look around the house with the covered furniture and dusty belongings, wishing there was something here you could take that would serve as some kind of memento, memory, something.

The best you could find was a silver chain necklace. It wasn't anything fancy, something easily overlooked, slight and fine, small, but it belonged to your mother...and it was probably going to be the only thing you could get your hands on. Who knew, if you lived a couple centuries, maybe your early memories would start to go and the necklace would be all you had when memories of your mother and father went.

Maybe you should keep a journal. Though you didn't like the thought of trying to move journals around with you all the time, especially when they started to pile up.

After visiting the house and the store, you'd snuck back into the home they'd been kept in and put the keys back where you had found them before anyone could notice their absence. After you'd visited the house and the store, and all the arrangements were made, it was just the funeral itself you had to worry about. You weren't staying at the Scouts while all this was happening--you didn't want to risk any of the others poking at you while you were going through this. You wanted the time and space to work through your emotions and thoughts, and you didn't want people interrupting that. So you defaulted to your old practice of carefully selective squatting like when you lived in the Underground, except the accommodations were much nicer this time around--and it sure as hell wasn't in your hometown, since you didn't want to risk anyone who'd known you back then seeing you.

It meant a lot of time alone with your thoughts, which probably wasn't a good thing. More time to dwell on the fact everyone you knew and/or cared about was going to die while you remained the same, never changing.

If this was how you felt about it now...as morbid as it sounded, you could see yourself taking matters into your own hands farther down the line if no outside force got you first, if this was how it was going to be. God, how were you supposed to look at Levi and Commander Erwin and the others with that on your mind.

You really needed to get out of your own head. You had enough awareness to know you couldn't live with that hanging over you, but the thoughts were so invasive...

It would be good for this to be over and you to be distracted back with the Scouts, considering you didn't seem to be slowing your descent down this dark tunnel much on your own. Hopefully...hopefully things with the Scouts could distract you. More immediate, pressing issues, actual lasting impacts you could make on history, the people you were with, now--hopefully it would be enough to get you out of your own head and distract you from your apparently bleak future.

You didn't attend the funeral like you would have liked, since it was in your hometown and you couldn't risk being seen at their funeral...so you had to stand at a distance and listen with your enhanced senses, waiting until everyone had left before you even approached the grave, standing in front of the currently unfilled grave with two small bouquets, which you laid inside on top of each coffin. You gave your goodbyes to them, a tearful apology for your deception and that you weren't there to meet them if there was an afterlife, your hopes that they found peace, that you missed them terribly, your doubts that you kept your distance, maybe you should have seen them before they died, but now you'd never known, and you hoped they were proud you were trying to make something out of your undead life and the work you would now be doing.

You lingered as long as you could, just talking about whatever came to mind, until you heard people starting to approach and knew it was time to leave.

You didn't immediately go back to headquarters after the funeral. You gave yourself the rest of the day to regain your composure, considering the funeral had riled up your emotions again, going back to your squatter site and working through your emotions for the rest of the night, regaining a sense of control over yourself and crying out whatever you needed to at the same time.

When you finally came back, you were emotionally exhausted. So much so, that you waited until it was dark to come back to lesson the chance that you ran into anyone, not having the strength to put on a façade, dodge questions, or just deal with anyone in general. You went straight to your room, locking the door behind you and only lighting one lamp in your room so you could get undressed and ready for bed.

However, you were given reason to pause.

Considering how little you had in your bedroom, it was obvious when something was out of place. Or in this case, when something new appeared. With this particular new item, it was also obvious where it came from, because there was only one person in all of humanity left within the walls that knew about it.

Sitting clean and pristine on your dresser was the tea set you'd been looking at in the teashop. Smooth surface, pristine artwork, fine white porcelain with gold trim, teal blades of grass in a watercolor like style, and pearly white flowers within the grass blades. It was the full set, too, each piece in perfect condition--it was beautiful, even in the dim light.

In front of it was an unsigned note.

My sympathies for the loss. It gets easier.

Well, even if it was a little awkward, and maybe you doubted the last part, you appreciated the gesture. He was trying to make a kind gesture out of sympathy for what you were going through, and you could appreciate that at least. The thought behind it was kind and sweet. So you set down the note with a very small smile, running your hands once more over the surface of the teapot at the center before you went back to getting ready for bed, crawling back in with a low groan and quickly falling asleep, well aware that you would need to get up early the next morning to get back to your routine and training with Levi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Levi's POV*

It was a relief when Y/N finally made her reappearance. Yes, he'd told her to take the few days to herself, but he'd honestly expected her to still be around headquarters, not for her to disappear entirely. He'd been worried about her, how she was doing, if she was too much in her own head, how hard she was taking it all, if she'd been spotted by anyone who might recognize her--all kinds of concerns flashed through his head, even though there was nothing more he could do than to stay at headquarters and await her return. Even Erwin started to get a slightly disapproving frown on his face, probably because she'd needed to take a couple sudden leaves in such a short span of time, and Levi had consulted him on none of it and given her no set times to return in. What if she just took off without warning? What were they going to do, chase after the vampire for desertion?

And he'd wanted to do something. Clearly she was having a rough time, and even though he knew she needed space right now, he'd wanted to do something more than just give her space. He wanted to do something to let her know he wasn't going to be just some indifferent asshole that didn't understand she was in a lot of pain and needed some form of comfort from someone who actually understood what was going on. People who didn't know, maybe their intent would be sincere, but there was no way they could truly understand. The problem was, he didn't know what to do. He'd even gone to Erwin and Hange to try and ask in a roundabout way how he should go about making a show of solidarity for someone that was having a rough time, what kind of gesture was appropriate. Erwin had known immediately what Levi was talking about, though Hange was in the dark about the entire situation with Y/N. Still, their advice had been what led him to think of some kind of gift giving, even if it seemed a little awkward even for him. But he wasn't good with words, so leaving a gift for her in her quarters just to show he was worried about her and he was paying attention, that he really was around if she needed to talk, some kind of gesture of goodwill without need for words, was perfect. He wouldn't have to say or write anything with the gift he had in mind, too, because she would know it was from him. At least, he hoped she would know.

Also, it was the only thing he could think of that he'd seen her show interest in while around him. He could have gone with sketching supplies, but he wasn't supposed to know about her drawing hobby, since she still hadn't shared that with anyone, so that had to be sidelined. That's why he'd gone with the tea set, leaving it on her dresser where she would see it when she came back, in perfect condition.

It had been a little expensive, but he didn't mind--his own out-of-pocket costs had gone down since she started keeping that tea garden, since he was in the process of experimenting to find a white sage tea variant that he liked with her.

That was also something he had to take over once he realized Y/N wasn't staying at headquarters during her leave--tending to the garden, for the second time. Not that he minded much, the only thing that irritated him to any degree about it was simply that there had been no warning she was going to leave the premises entirely--a heads up about that detail would have been appreciated. He could still understand that it hadn't been the first thing on her mind, though, with everything going on.

Just in case, he still went to where they met every morning for their training at the proper time, so that when she did make her reappearance, they could jump right back in, and he wouldn't miss their training because he didn't know she was back and had thought it was just another day without her.

That was how he found out that she was back--when she appeared through the trees looking a little tired and worse for wear, but still here, and dressed ready for training.

Levi straightened from the tree he'd been leaning against while he waited to see if she showed, hands mostly wrapped and ready for the morning spar--he was halfway through wrapping the second hand when she appeared. He studied her closely, attempting to get a good feel for the condition she was returning to them in. She definitely had some work to do, still, but it would probably help to be back among the Scouts where there were plenty of things to distract her from her own mind. This was where she needed to be, even if she didn't seem entirely up to par at the moment. It was somewhere constant that would help her get her feet underneath her again.

There was a heavy silence between them as she came to a gradual stop a few strides away from Levi, looking awkward and shifting uncomfortably. It felt like something needed to be said, but neither of them knew what words to use.

Surprisingly, it was Levi that eventually found something to say. Whether it was the best option for right now was up for debate, but at least it got the ball rolling.

"You look like shit. Are you ready to be back?" Levi asked, gaze studying her closely as he resumed wrapping up his hands in preparation for the spar.

She only looked even more exhausted after he pointed it out so blatantly, a shaky sigh escaping her. "Have to start somewhere, don't I? I didn't think it was wise to stay away much longer," she mumbled, fingers combing through her hair so she could start pulling it back out of her face. "Besides, it'll help to keep myself busy for a while."

"You still look like you'll fall over if I tap you on the head."

"Well, maybe I'll be lucky and you'll knock some sense back into me," she said, and she made an attempt at a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes after the joke. Shit, how soon after the funeral did she come back? She looked like she just crawled out of the grave herself with that gloom hanging over them.

That...was a joke in poor taste on multiple counts, he was glad he kept that one in his head instead of letting it slip out.

But at least she was trying, even if it was a little painful to see.

Suddenly, the smile became a little more genuine, there was a bit of warmth in it. "By the way, thank you for the tea set. In my room." Levi arched an eyebrow, and it seemed she took that to mean he was denying or at least not being upfront about being the one to put it in her room. "I know you put it in there. Even without the note I could tell who it came from, you were the only one who saw me looking at the tea set. So thank you."

Levi's head rose sharply, eyes narrowing slightly at her. "Note?"

She seemed taken aback by the sudden switch in tone, some of that tiredness leaving her eyes as she soaked in Levi's body language and hesitantly expanded on what she was talking about. "Yeah, the...the short little sympathies note with the tea set."

"I didn't leave a note. Just the tea set," Levi said bluntly, foregoing feigned anonymity and forgetting his reluctance to just openly admit and talk about giving her the tea set for a gift--knowing she knew how expensive it had been--in favor of this suddenly very important detail.

She blinked, a bit of trepidation appearing in her eyes. "Well...maybe someone who knew...did you tell anyone where I was?"

"No. I just said you needed some personal time. Not even Erwin knows why," Levi said seriously, his own mind racing to try and figure out where the note came from. It wasn't anyone in the Scouts--no one but Levi knew her parents had passed. "Does anyone else know about you?"

Y/N slowly paled, apparently figuring out where Levi was going with this and only able to come up with unpleasant thoughts.

"No one that's a friend," she said, voice barely a whisper.

"Who knows?" Levi asked sharply, especially with that reaction. Y/N didn't say anything, and Levi pushed away to come closer, eyes hard and intense with the importance of the question she wasn't answering. "Y/N, who knows?"

She looked shaken, and fragile in a way he hadn't seen her become yet, which was a little terrifying in its own right. Even injured or with her life threatened she kept her calm usually, but this, whatever this was...

"The only person I can think of is the vampire that turned me," she said in a voice that cracked near the end.

"But a vampire can't come inside--" Levi started to say reflexively, feeling pretty confident about that fact considering he'd seen how she couldn't come into certain rooms or certain buildings without being invited--something he'd seen a lot of while they'd delivered notices of death. However, she cut him off quickly and shot it down before he could even finish the thought.

"A human's dwellings. It's just me in there, Levi, there's no special protection for my room. I don't get that luxury. And no human knows about me, to my knowledge."

She looked frightened as she spoke, eyes darting back and forth as if she was reading her own thoughts, biting down on her lip. Judging by her reaction, and what little he knew about the night she'd been turned, the reappearance of this vampire would not be a good sign--and it was someone who was older than her, which meant more dangerous, possibly outside of her capabilities to take care of. A legitimate threat they needed to be aware of, especially if they had been here, been in her room without any of them knowing. They wouldn't have known if she hadn't mentioned the note.

"Could you recognize him if you saw him?" Levi asked seriously, uncaring that they were suddenly face to face with not much distance between them. Y/N shook her head, not meeting his eyes. "You didn't see him when it happened, then," Levi assumed out loud.

However, Y/N hesitated, looking reluctant to speak. "I don't remember."

Levi paused, the silence stretching almost uncomfortably long for several moments before he decided to call her out on it. This was serious. "Bullshit. You can at least try."

"No, you don't understand," she said, clenching her trembling fingers in her arms to try and stop the shaking, hard enough he worried she might bruise, maybe even break skin. "I don't remember his face. Not because I didn't see it, but...because I don't want to remember."

Levi took a step back and gave her a good look over again. She was terrified, though she was clearly trying her damndest to retain some semblance of composure and control. And this was a single meeting--as far as he was aware--that had happened on what was probably the worst night of her life--the worst moment. What she went through was traumatizing in a way he couldn't understand, no matter how much he tried to. Especially when he was still missing chunks of the story. And with the fragile state she was already in, now was not the time to push it. But they would have to talk soon, because the matter just became pressing.

But not right now. Not right now he was worried she might shatter if he put too much pressure on her. Right now, they needed to think of the best way to protect her if this vampire was going to be lurking around. Maybe they would be lucky, and this would be a one time thing.

He doubted it. Maybe they wouldn't hear anything for a while, but he had the uneasy feeling this would become a problem sooner or later. And right now, he wanted to make sure there wasn't some homicidal vampiric creep breaking into her room when they weren't aware.

"The training can wait. We're going to see Erwin. See if there's anything we can do," Levi said firmly, grasping her gently by the elbow and dragging her along behind him.

This was not something he was going to let get shelved for later. If she was in danger, they were going to do something about it, and right now. Especially if it had evoked a reaction like that from her.