[Cas]

Lisa Braeden was back in town, and that meant Cas could be sure that Dean had a girlfriend. He saw her when she arrived, Dean dropping his things and running to her. Hugging her and kissing her, Cas didn't want to feel shit about it, and yet, there it was stinging in his heart. Jealousy.

Cas had been feeling a lot of things lately, especially about his Dean situation, but this was something totally new. He had liked guys with girlfriends before, guys that weren't out about being gay. This was different, Dean sincerely loved this person, and that made it even worse. Cas did not want to care, at all.

He still somehow did. Which was extremely frustrating, seeing Dean around with this girl, with all his friends, and knowing Cas wasn't there. Knowing that it was very unlikely he would ever get to kiss Dean.

At several points that weekend Cas regretted not letting Dean kiss him. Then he started regretting everything, going out onto the balcony, talking to Dean, offering to take Dean to his dorm. Ever looking into those ridiculously green eyes.

After seeing them, Cas didn't even know what anyone ever complimented his own eyes for. Dean's were a thousand times more colorful, a thousand times more beautiful than his. There was nothing about Cas' eyes that could compare, in his mind at least.

Cas wished he could just stop, just get away from everything, but he was stuck thinking about Dean Winchester's green eyes, and his stupid hair and all his stupid face and how beautiful it was, and how not single Dean was. And how stupid Cas was for feeling anything.

He knew the moment he saw him he should have never gone near Dean Winchester, it would only bring trouble, but here he was. Staring after him, looking at him from across campus, and wishing both that everything would go away, and that Dean would just leave everything for him. Which would of course never happen.

"Bro, you're staring again." Gabriel said, from across the table, munching on a couple fries with ketchup on them. He really liked his food, and he also liked talking while eating it. How his brother even had friends Cas had no idea. He didn't even know if he actually did, but Cas constantly saw him talking to people, hanging around them. So he guessed.

"I know." Cas sighed, still actually glad that Gabriel had taken the time, yet again, to eat his lunch with him. Not that Cas had touched his. So Gabriel was now eating out of his fries, as he had finished his own. Cas didn't really care.

"You should eat though." Gabriel then added, with his eyebrows slightly raised. "Dying ain't gonna get you anywhere Cassie." He said with a flick of his hand, and Cas knew, no matter how stupidly he said it. Gabriel was in fact right.

With a sigh Cas started eating, not looking in Dean's direction anymore, as he was still sitting around Lisa, with his arm around her. She really did like running her hands through his hair, and make it look messy. Cas understood why she did it, Dean did look incredibly hot with his hair all over the place like that. Cas imagined that that was what it would look like in the morning when he woke up, and he almost bit into his own tongue in frustration.

"Ya know, Cas, you could just talk to him. If he wanted to kiss you when he was drunk, how do you know he doesn't want to when he's not? Usually what we do when we're drunk is just what we're too afraid to do when we're sober." Gabriel said, and Cas understood why he was studying philosophy once again. He wasn't actually that philosophic, but he thought of things in ways that Cas really didn't.

"He doesn't remember, and it's not like I can just go up to him and ask him to kiss me. I can't ask him out either, cause he has a girlfriend." Cas sighed. In his opinion, there was really no point in doing anything, because there wasn't anything he could do.

"I'm just sayin' Castiel, it's not all hopeless, even if it seems like that." He grinned, and made Cas once again appreciate his brother. Gabriel was a bit strange, but Cas supposed so was he. And despite everything, Gabriel always seemed to do his best to help, and to be a good brother. Cas really loved him for that.

Michael was a different thing, he was all so serious, and sometimes forgot the emotional side to things, and how important it was. Cas would say Gabriel was the opposite, and he found himself somewhere in between, which made them all very different, mostly anyway.

"But I better head off little bro, got class again. I'm always around for whenever you need me though. Just to let you know." Gabriel gave a wink, and then left him there, having eaten his fries as well. Gabriel might not seem like the emotional type, but he had the more emotional view on everything, and the best advice too, as a matter of fact.

He somehow knew how to deal with any situation that involved emotions, while Cas sometimes had no idea how he was supposed to handle strong emotions, neither in himself or in others. Gabriel had some kind of way to just know how to be. Despite being an annoying, sarcastic little shit, who had sometimes little regard for others.

Cas supposed it was his way of coping, with stupid humour, and putting people's patience to the test, as he sometimes did. Cas was used to ignoring it, but he sometimes wondered if Gabriel actually had more baggage than he wanted to admit to himself or anyone else. Maybe that was why he was good at handling emotions, because he constantly handled them in himself.

Cas wished he knew, and understood his brother, but it was sometimes very hard to see through him. Despite Cas having grown up with him, there were many things he didn't know, and couldn't possibly understand. At least Gabriel knew how to get him thinking about something else than what he had been.

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peeps, idk