"Big Bro! I did it!" You ran to him all smiles and happiness. "I can finally swim by myself!!"

He looked at you eyes nearly popping out of his head.

"What how? And you went swimming by yourself? You could've drowned!!"

"It's okay my new friend helped me. He saved me and told me what I was doing wrong! He says he knows about a secret pond that I can practice at. He wants to take me tomorrow!! Can I go please please?"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. At fifteen he was 6'8 and had a decent build from working the docks, making steady money had helped with him gaining muscle and you not being so tired all the time.

"No not by yourself. I need to meet him to make sure he's not a bad guy. Go to the library Y/N, I'll come get you when I'm done with work and stay there!" He all but shouted making you pout.

"Fine..." you ran not even turning back when you heard him call your name.

At the library you had read all the kids books and now went to the encyclopedias. They always had something fascinating in them. The old librarian lady had taught you how to read and write a year ago, and you helped clean the library and put away books as payment.

"Hey Y/N!" Your new friend yelled for you. You turned to shush him but the old lady did it for you causing you to giggle.

"You have to be quiet in a library dummy." You whispered and went back to reading.

"Yeah yeah. Hey wanna go to the market? People are suckers there."

"I'm actually my brother said to stay here until he was done with work. So sorry I can't go with you. But hey you should get a book to read. I'm reading all about medicine. It's really interesting." You smiled. And went back to reading. The quiet that followed started to make you sweat.

"I teach you how to swim when your brother was too busy to do it and this is how you thank me?"

Huh?

"Whatever you're a waste of time I'm surprised that your brother even puts time in to feed you."

He left and left you there to cry.

"You were the moron who kept coming back to me and telling me your secrets! You think I can ever cared about you? Though of you as a friend? Hahaha oh how naive and pathetic. No one loves you! No one will ever love you! You should just die!!"

"H-hate you...wo-won't ever forgive you...I won't forgive you...I hate you..."

"Aaaahhhhh!!!" You awoke with a jolt, sweating and screaming. Your nightmares had been getting worse lately with his and your brother's words playing again and again in your brain. Luckily no one was in the infirmary so your cry wasn't heard by anyone. Thankfully. "It's never going to go away is it?" You were soaked in sweat and your heart was racing a million miles an hour. One things for sure is that you weren't going to be able to go back to sleep. "Might as well get my running in now."

Getting dressed in your workout clothes, you quickly made your way to the gymnasium. Walking out though, you were confronted with something you weren't expecting. You'd been wrong, there had been someone in the infirmary. It was Admiral Aokiji. It gave you such a scare that you had to cover your mouth before you screamed again.

What the hell is he doing here? Doesn't he have his own room he could be at right now?

Tiptoeing away from the man and being as quiet as possible you made your way out the door.

"Arara she was nice enough to leave me be." The tall man sat up once he felt her far enough away. "So she suffers from night terrors it seems like. Poor thing. Hmm?"

"I'm sorry Big Brother, please don't hate me anymore."

"Was her brother a soldier too? Oh well might as well go back to sleep. Her scream woke me up." It had surprised him so bad that he nearly fell out of the bed he had as occupying. "But I know how you feel kid. I have nightmares like that too. Right Saul?" Pulling his eye cover back down he started to him himself back to sleep.

"Ha ha ha ha." No matter how much running you did you couldn't get that dream out of your mind. Ever since you came to terms with your feelings for Captain Koby your dreams would start with all the things that had been good in your life and then go to the worst moment in your life.

You weren't sure how long you'd been running for, but whenever your brother's bloody images came to the forefront of your brain you forced yourself to go faster and harder. You didn't know you'd gone too far until you could feel your legs anymore, and you collapsed from exhaustion.

You were panting trying to catch your breath. That's when he appeared, a hallucination of your older brother standing before you looking like he did when he passed away.

How could you have been so stupid?!
I'm sorry I was young I didn't know any better.
I told you being friends with him was a bad idea!!
He was nice to me and he listened to me. I thought he you were just jealous since I didn't just need you anymore...
You told him where our money was hidden!
He said his siblings were sick...I had no reason to think he was lying...

"Please Big Brother I'm sorry...please no more. I made a mistake."

It cost me my life! Why should you get to have a life while mine was snuffed out when I was only 16! Just die already!!

"But I don't want to..." You felt there tears incoming and before you knew it a sob broke through and you started to cry.

See ya next year little sis. Happy 16th birthday.

"Wahahaha! Ah ugh. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm so sorry big brother!!! I wish I could go back in time and redo everything." You continued to sob. Luckily morning drills wouldn't start for another hour, and you could use that time to relax your legs and get in a good cry.

"Y/N??" Helmeppo burst through the door and you put your head down into your arms.

"Y/N-San? You're here ear-Y/N-San? What's wrong?!"

You calmed your breathing down before answering.

"Ran too much my legs gave out."

"Seriously? How many laps did you run?" Helmeppo felt your lower calf with a light touch. And then pulled back just as swiftly. "Holy crap your legs overheated! Aren't you supposed to be a medic? You're going to useless for at least a while."

"Just for today I'll take an ice bath." You could feel Captain Koby's eyes on you but you could bring yourself to look up your eyes were still puffy from crying.

"Arara. What's going on here?"

"Sir!" Both Helmeppo and the Captain stood to salute but you couldn't.

"You okay there missy?"

"Just wore myself out sir. I'm sorry but I'm afraid I can't really stand."

"Shall I carry you back to the infirmary Y/N-San?" You'd rather be eaten by a Sea King before letting him see your tear stained face. But before you could protest, sudden you felt your legs being engulfed in cold and then your body being lifted from the floor.

"Admiral Aokiji?!" You couldn't help saying his name in a surprise squeak.

"I'll take the little bird to the infirmary you two should begin your drills before old man Garp gets here." He carried you bridal style in the crook of one arm, thoroughly embarrassed you put your face in your hands.

"I'll see you at lunch Y/N-San!" You heard Captain Koby yell. You couldn't answer, you were dying from shame.

After a few moments of silent walking you cleared your throat and drew the tall man's attention.

"I'm sorry you have to carry me back. I pushed myself too hard."

"No worries, we're all friends here. We help each other out." You flinched at the word friend. "Something wrong?"

"Just a nightmare I haven't been able to shake off."

"I take it that's what the run was for?" You could only nod. "May I offer some advice? What's past is past. There isn't anything you or anyone else you can do to change it. Past sins, past loves, past mistakes past glories, we can relive those moments for eternity but can never change them. Doesn't mean you should try to forget it, but maybe you can try to start forgiving yourself of whatever you may have done. We all do stupid things the important thing is to make sure we work harder to ensure it never happens again."

You allowed yourself to listen to his words, and you knew it was good advice. But he didn't get his brother killed because he trusted the wrong person to be his friend. He didn't live with the what ifs you did. You simply nodded your head. When he dropped you back at the infirmary, your legs didn't feel as exhausted. Before the craziness of the day started you went to take a hot shower and go for a nice soak as well. This birthday would be spent like all your other ones since your brother died. Alone.

<Koby's POV>

He had sensed her despair and desperation. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and try to squeeze it all away. He smelled the tears she had cried, and felt how ashamed she felt for feeling...well feelings. Like she didn't deserve to feel anything at all anymore.

"What do you think caused her to push herself so hard."

"No idea." He didn't want to discuss it with Helmeppo, he wasn't aware that Koby's haki had allowed him to feel others emotions. And Y/N-san's were the ones who's he had the most handle on since he'd been in a coma.

He started to run with all his might trying to shake the shivers he'd had since feeling your pain, and guilt.

Hours after he was done with his drills, and before his shift for guard duty he decided to go and see you, your aura it's usual calm but it seemed more forced today for some reason.  He knocked on the door and heard you say come in.

When he did you were in your medics uniform, legs still a little stiff, your hair in its ponytail and your marine hat and when you turned to him he smiled.

"Hello Y/N-San! I'm glad to see that your run didn't damage your spirits."

"Me too. Did you have an appointment today?"

"Ah no, I um well I." How did he say that he came to check in on you. If he did you would close yourself off to him and he'd be back to square one!

"Captain Koby if it's about this morning. I am fine. I had a nightmare and I was attempting to sweat off the bad vibes it left behind."

"Oh. Okay, and did it work?"

"Yes it did. You may want to hurry or you'll be late for your guard duty and I have a few appointments soon. I'll see you later."

Did she just say I'll see you later???

Koby could hardly keep himself from skipping to his post.

"She said 'I'll see you later.' And I didn't have to say it first!" If that wasn't progress he didn't know what was.

"Hey boy you seem awfully happy to have guard duty this soon after drills." Garp came walking up with his rice crackers.

"Ah Vice Admiral Garp. No just in a good mood I suppose. Hehe."

"Yeah? Get our medic a birthday present yet?"

"A what?"

"Birthday. Today. She's 16. Just a few month younger than you." He kept chewing his rice characters but all Koby felt was dread.

It was your birthday today? Then why were you so sad earlier?

"Dammit!!" Koby put his face in his hands and groaned.

"I take it you didn't even know it was her birthday?"

So much for progress.