Out of habit, I checked my phone when it vibrated on my desk and felt a twinge of disappointment when it was just an app notification and not a text. I guess I shouldn't be expecting a message from him now, it has been four days since I saw him anyway. I sighed and clicked over to my email, to check it one more time before I took my lunch break.

A new email blinked at me, so I opened it to find a message from the department supervisor, requesting an emergency department meeting during our lunch hour which is supposed to start in just a few minutes. Confused, I straightened up my area before tucking my phone into my pocket, grabbing my notebook, and heading to the conference room. I was the first person in the room, so I took a seat in the corner and set my notebook down. I adjusted it until it was perfectly lined up with the cracks in the table.

Bouncing my leg up and down, I waited for everyone else to file into the room. Jenny entered next, her face fallen and quietly, she sat down next to me. She did not greet me, and I knew something was wrong. She always greets me with an exorbitant amount of enthusiasm. The rest of my colleagues filed into the room, some of them confused like me and some of them solemn like Jenny. My supervisor entered last, her normally cheerful eyes dimmed with sadness.

She cleared her throat, "As some of you may know by now, Sadie Grimes, pa..." Her voice grew thick with emotion and she sharply exhaled, took a deep breath and continued, "Sadie Grimes passed away last night. I know many of you were directly involved in her treatment and care, so if you need to speak with someone, the department is happy to provide that support to you.

To those of you who didn't know Sadie, she was a long-time patient of our department. She has battled cancer on and off for years and the most recent surgery was successful. She had been declared cancer free and was set to go home today. But she had a seizure last night and it was too much for her already weakened body. Her mother let me know this morning. This was unexpected so please keep Sadie's family in your thoughts."

She took another deep breath and wiped her hands on her thighs, "That is all. Thank you for your time. Please stay and talk to me if you need some immediate support."

A few people stood up and slowly exited the room. I looked over at Jenny who was barely holding herself together. I gently nudged her arm, and she turned to me, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"Oh, Jenny..." I whispered and she blinked, the tears silently escaping her hazel eyes. She hastily brushed them away with the back of her hand and my heart went out to her. This is the hardest part of the job. Our patients die sometimes and there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop it.

"Hey," I said gently, "Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. Take a moment to grieve and then try to eat your lunch. We still have a full case load for this afternoon and those patients need you too."

"Okay," she weakly replied and stood up, rushing out of the room. I sighed and stood as well; my heart heavy as I made my way back to my desk to grab my lunch. I wasn't Sadie's direct provider but several of my colleagues were, and I consulted with them numerous times as we tried to come up with the best ways to help her cope with her repeated cancer diagnoses.

I sat down at my desk and browsed through my patient files for the afternoon as I ate my lunch. The remaining forty minutes of my lunch passed quicker than I would have preferred. The office was somber and devoid of the upbeat joy we all continuously attempt to display to each other. This job is emotionally grueling sometimes and we need to rely on each other.

As a relatively new graduate, I have only been a part of this team for approximately eight months, but I know without a doubt that these are some of the best people I have ever met. Every single one of us, well maybe not all of us, but most are fully dedicated to our patients.

"Hey, Summer, your 1 o'clock is here," the receptionist says, peeking her head around the corner. The patient file turns orange on my computer, telling me they have checked in. Once the nurse had taken their vitals, and the dot for them turned green, I got up and made my way to their room.

I gently knocked on the door and plastering a smile on my face, I opened the door and walked inside.

"Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Fisher. How are things today?" I greeted them as I sat down and started up the computer in the room so I could input my notes and look at their chart during the visit.

Mrs. Fisher smiled and laid a careful hand on her stomach. My heart slightly clenched at the gesture, knowing that I will never get to experience pregnancy for myself.

"We are doing just fine. Just very excited to find out the results for our little baby. It is crazy we are already fifteen weeks in."

I smiled knowingly and replied, "Well, I have looked over the results already and everything from the maternal serum screen came back normal except for two proteins."

They immediately looked nervously at each other, and he grabbed her hand, so I hurried to continue, "The human chorionic gonadotropin or the hCG protein and the pregnancy-associated plasma protein-A or the PAPP-A protein were slightly elevated. I know those are big words and can seem scary. What this means is that an elevation of these proteins, may suggest that there is a risk for a chromosomal disorder to develop in your unborn baby."

Mrs. Fisher broke out into tears and Mr. Fisher glared at me, "Everything was normal a few weeks ago!"

I offered the box of tissues to Mrs. Fisher, which she gratefully accepted. As she wiped her eyes, I gently explained, "I know. And I know how important this baby is to you. Elevated proteins do not guarantee there will be a chromosomal disorder, they just suggest that there is a higher risk for one to develop."

Mrs. Fisher asked through her tears, "Like Down Syndrome?"

I confirmed, "Yes, that is a possibility."

Mr. Fisher's jaw clenched, and he shook his head while Mrs. Fisher continued to cry.

"We have resources to support and inform expecting parents. I can print those off for you if you wish. I know this news is not the news you were hoping for, but remember a risk is not a guarantee."

Mr. Fisher scoffed, "We don't want your papers."

I gave a questioning glance to Mrs. Fisher, and she nodded her head and explained, "We are not going to risk having a disabled child. We want a normal baby and that means not this baby."

I understood their unspoken intention. I swallowed my opinions and tears, "I understand. Is there anything else I can do to help you today?"

They both shook their heads. I closed out my notes and logged out of the system.

I smiled at them, "I wish you all the best. The nurse will be back in shortly to finish up and then you will be free to go home."

"Thank you, Dr. Lane. You are so wonderful."

I nodded my head in acknowledgement of their compliment and slipped out of the room. As the door clicked shut, tears silently streamed down my face, and I immediately made my way to the bathroom. I take back what I said earlier, this is the hardest part of the job. I respect each of my patient's bodily autonomy and I am not shaming the Fishers for deciding to discontinue their pregnancy but just because there is a risk, does not mean their baby will develop a chromosomal disorder.

And even if it did, many people live full lives with chromosomal disorders. A disability doesn't have to define someone. But unfortunately, it still does in our society. Maybe I feel so strongly about this because I have my own disabling conditions, and I have seen the stress that raising a child with disabilities can have on a mother, both in my own mother and in the mothers of my pediatric patients. But still; a disabled person is a person.

I locked myself in a stall and gave myself two minutes to cry before splashing cold water on my face. In a messed up selfish way, I am glad Sadie's passing was announced earlier because no one will question my tear-stained face or my grief-stricken heart today.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur of documentation, fake smiles, and silent heartache. The office closed with quiet goodbyes and wishes for better days. I stayed a few minutes later than everyone else mostly to compose myself and avoid small talk with my colleagues. When the office seemed practically empty, I slowly made my way out to my car.

My phone buzzing in my pocket broke me out of my dazed thoughts, and I was instantly scrambling to pick it up, hoping it would be a text from Eli. I could have really used a bit of a pick-me-up but when I realized it was Kay calling and not a certain blue-eyed stranger, I sighed into the mostly empty parking garage.

"Kay, what's up?" I said, fumbling to hold my phone, folders, and purse all at the same time as I walked to my car.

"I need more pads. I thought I had another box, but I didn't, and I started my period a day early. Would you mind stopping to pick one up for me?"

I pushed the emotion out of my voice and cheerfully said, "Not at all. You use the same kind as me, right?"

"Yep. Can you also pick up some three musketeers and goldfish?"

I chuckled, "Sure. Anything else?"

"A uterus that doesn't hate me," Kay grumbled, and we both laughed.

"I will see if they have a two for one deal," I sarcastically replied before continuing, "Be home soon. Love you."

"Love you too."

Reaching my car, I unlocked it and threw all my stuff into the passenger seat. Today has left me feeling exceptionally tired. Plus, with the annoyingly changing weather my knee was really bothering me. But I could still manage a quick run to the store. It is just in and out; super-fast.

I turned on the radio to some quiet worship songs and pulled out of the parking lot. Thankfully, it was only a ten-minute drive to the nearest store so three songs later, I was successfully parked at the store. I fished my handicapped placard out of my glovebox and attached it to my rearview mirror. I try to not use it if I don't need it but today was a day I needed it; the less walking I had to do, the better.

I got out of my car, slinging my purse over my shoulder before opening my trunk to pull out my medical bag. Sifting through the various pill bottles, wraps, reusable ice packs, and braces, I finally found my knee brace. I slipped off my right shoe and sat down on the edge of my trunk so I could fasten the brace over my knee. I really don't need it to dislocate on me again while I walk around the store. With the brace secured and my shoe back on, I made my way into the store.

I waved to the greeter at the front of the store and picked up a basket, placing my purse in it so it would be easier to carry. Sighing, I made a beeline for the feminine hygiene products, but when my knee started to protest with every step, I allowed myself to slow my pace.

When I reached the aisle, a head of brown hair caught my attention and recognizing him, I spun on my heel and attempted to leave. However, successfully avoiding a potential love interest while in a bad mood is something that only happens in romance novels. In my hurry to avoid catching the attention of a certain someone, I completely ran my hip into the edge of the aisle's endcap, causing several things to fall to the floor in an unceremonious crash.

I bent down to pick up the things I dropped, praying he didn't hear me. Please don't come over. Please don't come over. Please don't...

"Summer?"

Crap.

Grimacing, I looked up at him, "Hey...."

He tilted his head at me in amusement, "You alright?"

Losing the battle against the blush that I am sure was already present on my face, I simply nodded and stood up. But I stood up too fast and felt my vision blur as my heart started to pound rapidly in my chest. Gravity and I don't mix well most of the time. In fact, I am pretty sure gravity is my sworn enemy.

I reached my hand out intending to steady myself until my vision returned only to place my hand on a box which I also sent flying to the floor. Eli chuckled and bent down to pick up the remaining fallen boxes. I stayed rooted to the spot, embarrassment flooding every single cell of my being and I desperately wished the ground could just swallow me whole.

With all the boxes picked up and placed back on the shelf, I sighed and rubbed a hand across my forehead. I looked back at Eli only to find him already looking at me. His eyes traveled over me before settling on my braced knee.

"What happened to your knee?"

"Shark attack."

His eyebrows shot up in shock, "Really?"

"No. I just have a knee who specializes in meteorology and never fails to tell me when it is going to rain."

He huffed out a laugh and shook his head at me, "An overachieving heart and a meteorologist knee. You are fascinating, Summer."

I could almost see the regret flash across his face, so I changed the topic, "I thought you worked in the evenings?"

"I do. But Addy called me and said she wasn't feeling well so I left work early and am picking some stuff up for her before going back home. How was your day at work?"

"Fine. A little busy but fine," I lied and walked into the aisle, finding and putting the pack of pads into my basket. He followed me and put a pack of tampons into his basket. I unintentionally sighed again, catching his attention.

"You sure you're okay?"

I half-smiled at him, "Just tired. And want to go home."

He huffed, "I feel that."

"Yeah...alright, well I guess I'll see you around. Bye, Eli."

He mumbled a goodbye and I turned to leave. I was all the way to the end of the aisle when I heard his footsteps catch up to me. I closed my eyes and paused, waiting for him even though I didn't really want company right now. I just wanted to get what I needed and leave.

"Do you mind if I walk with you as you get what you need?"

I opened my eyes and turned to look at him, mentally cursing my people-pleasing ways, "Not at all."

"Cool."

I just nodded my head and started to walk toward the other side of the store, needing only goldfish and three musketeers now. He fell into quiet step beside me, and I could feel his eyes on me, but I avoided looking at him and focused on making it all the way to my destination in the snack aisle without another test of gravity. I quickly scanned the massive selection of chips before finally finding the goldfish.

Just as I was placing the familiar orange package into my basket, he broke the silence, "I got your note, by the way."

My heart skipped a beat, but I kept my voice casual, "Great."

I moved away from him and started to make my way toward the candy aisle.

"I didn't forget to text you."

"Mhm," I muttered.

I literally could care less right now about his reason for not texting me. If he wanted to, he would. And he obviously didn't want to. I am too tired and too emotional to listen to whatever he has to tell me. I should have just told him that I didn't want his company, but I can't tell him now because it would just be rude. Why can't I just say what I want?

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Author's Note: I hope I did not offend anyone with the Fishers. Part of being a genetic counselor, is being faced with challenges that force you to confront your own biases and accept your patient's decisions even if you don't agree with them. Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated :)