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Seungmin fell asleep quite peacefully, his body fully relaxed and his mind at ease. The exhaustion from the day combined with the comfort of the bed and the blankets lulled him into a deep and peaceful slumber

I decided to switch the light off and go to my mom probably to let her know that Seungmin was staying the night, or to just talk to her.

"Mum, can i talk to you for a moment?"

 "Oh, sure, sweetheart. What is it?"

"Its Seungmin."

"Seungmin?"

"I'm sorry for bringing it up, but it just happened. You know how Seungmin always refused to talk or hear anything about Jeongin, right?"

I saw her eyes widen but her expression still soft.

"No, don't apologize Sweetheart. Yeah, of course i remember. Why?"

"Yeah, he finally talked. Talked about that day" 
i said with a shaky voice

Mum: Oh, sweetheart...I see. Is he doing alright?  Are you both okay?
My mom asked, her voice filled with empathy and concern

"No, i don't think either of us are okay"
i whimpered

 "It's okay, sweetheart. Why don't you tell me what happened? What did Seungmin say?"

I explained everything to her, I tried not to completely expose his guilt, but i just wanted to my parents to have an idea about it.

"He says he regrets not trying harder and reaching him quicker and he wished it was him who was gone, instead of ....him." 

My mom's expressions soften further as they hear me out.
She knows how hard it is for us to talk about him, for us to talk about that day.
That day when everything changed.

"Oh, sweetie...It sounds like both of you are struggling with a lot of guilt. You're blaming yourself for what happened."

"But, mom, its not our fault, right? He tried to save him, he put himself in danger. He almost-"
I refused to complete what i was going to say.

"I understand sweetheart. It's not anyone's fault. He tried his best to save Jeongin. And you did what you had to do to try and save both of them. It's not your fault either that things turned out the way they did. It was a dangerous situation, and you both risked yourself to save your friends. You were brave and  did the right thing.

  "I miss him, so much. He misses him too. we all do right?"
i sobbed

My mom instinctively wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a comforting embrace. 

"Oh, sweetheart, of course we all miss him. We all miss Jeongin... so much."
 mom says, her voice filled with sadness. She missed Jeongin too. He was like her own child .

"Seungmin cried the entire time while we talked about it and he kept blaming it all on himself."

 "It's understandable that Seungmin would blame himself. When something like this happens, it's easy to start blaming yourself. But you need to make sure that he understands that it's not his fault. He's probably too blinded by guilt and sadness to see it clearly right now."

"Do you think we both can heal from this? Do you think i could take care of him when he feels like this?"

"Of course Sweetheart. You're both so strong, you've come so far by yourself, of course you'll be able to solve this. But together, you cant do it on your own. And if you ever need more help, we're always here for you."

"Thanks mom... for saying that."

"Of course sweetheart, anytime you want to talk, I'm here, you're dad's here. We're always here."

"Yeah, I know."

"You know why he talked about it? Finally after 6 years?"

"You brought it up again?"

"Not exactly, but close enough"

She nodded, almost as if telling me to go on and explain what i just said.

"I told him to make new friends, since he's always with me. He said he's scared to make new friends. and when i asked what he'd do once i left for college, he completely broke down. He cried saying he'd end up losing me too. He's scared, so so scared. I can't leave him like this, even if it's for a while."

Oh, sweetheart.. You're not leaving him so don't let him think he's going to lose everyone he loves. He's in a lot of pain, and he's been struggling alone for so long... We'll make sure you both will be able to see each other, we understand how much both of you depend on each other."

"Mom, i just want him to be okay when he's alone. I'm worried"

She once again pulled me into a tight embrace, holding me close as I cry.

 "We know, sweetheart. We want him to be okay too. We want him to heal and be able to move on from this."

"You know, he's such a strong boy, he just needs a little help."

"Mom, i wish to see him, i know its not logical. But i miss him so much. I don't know what to do."

"I'm not sure if this is what you need, but you know you're allowed to visit him right? We never offered to take you because it was pretty hard for you both back then, but we've been there a few times, to be there for his mum."

"Can we? I want to... but I'm not sure. No.. never mind.... we're not ready."

 "That's okay sweetheart. Don't stress about it, it doesn't need to happen so soon, Only when you both are ready. Maybe once Seungmin's is doing better, we can all go visit Jeongin together, okay?"

I loved how we dint refer to seeing Jeongin as visiting his grave.
It was almost like he was there, yet at the same time, not there.

"I'll talk to Seungmin about it, not now, maybe when he's in a better mood."

I wiped my tears, flashing a forced smile.

"Also, Seungmin  fell asleep crying, so please tell his mom"

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll let Seungmin's mom know he's staying the night"

Mom continued to hold me in her arms, giving me the comfort and support that i needed.

After a while, Mum said softly and letting me go slowly
"You should rest too, sweetheart. You've been through a lot today too."

"Yeah, yeah Ill go get some sleep."

Mom respond softly, her voice filled with love

"Good night, sweetheart. Sleep well. We're always here for you, sweetheart. If you need anything, just let us know. We love you."

"Love you too mom, and don't worry too much."

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