"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,

Old time is still a-flying;

And this same flower that smiles today

Tomorrow will be dying."

- To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

Indie could hardly focus on her schoolwork. The things she tried to distract herself with only reminded her of the one she missed so deeply. She couldn't lean into her sorrows with the Carpenters—she'd introduced their music to Will the night they went out to stargaze. She couldn't even begin to think about doing anything creative or else Will's face would briefly flash in her mind. Without Will, everything seemed darker, colder, sadder; Indie no longer had a strong shoulder to crash into, a fellow creative soul to share her ideas with, or someone to return the favor of making cinnamon buns for.

She couldn't get the picture of Will's heartbroken face out of her head after she'd told him her tale of woe, and that fact haunted her every time she awoke in the middle of the night.

A week had gone by as quickly as the wind beneath the wings of a bird while simultaneously feeling like slow motion. October had gotten rainier, windier, and sadder, somehow, than it had been in previous years. Indie didn't realize that was even possible.

Indie's heartbreak and guilt, however, managed to distract her enough to make her forget what the upcoming day had in store.

Indie rubbed her eyes after waking up from another dreamless sleep. She paid no mind to the date on the calendar; all the days had bled together anyhow. She grabbed a random outfit from her closet, not bothering to wear anything vibrant or exciting. She pulled a pair of jeans over her legs, grabbed an olive green crew neck, and pulled her unwashed hair back into a loose braid. She faced her reflection in the mirror with a sigh as she crept down the hallway into the kitchen.

The first thing she saw was a bouquet of daisies in a vase on the kitchen table.

Daisies: dad's favorite.

When Mae felt Indie's presence, she turned around and gave her a halfhearted smile. Neither of them spoke, at first; neither of them really knew what to say. They greeted one another with a tight embrace instead.

Mae had a few long conversations with Indie about everything that had happened between her and Will.

"The timing couldn't have been worse," she'd told Indie, but Indie already knew that fact full well. She couldn't bring herself to tell her mom that she'd lied to Will, or that he'd lied to her, or that they probably had a lot of other issues bubbling under the surface of the lack of communication that neither of them truly knew how to deal with. She knew that she could tell her mom anything, but that wound in particular felt better when it was covered beneath a bandaid, just so she wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

Indie glanced at the daisies again, trying to get in the correct headspace for the day ahead. She tried to look at the day as a time to bond with her mom rather than mourning her dad. Mae had managed to take off work, which was a feat worth celebrating all on its own. These thoughts held back the tears, at least for the time being.

"I kinda forgot what day it was..." Indie breathed, grabbing her brown coat and matching boots. "With... everything."

Mae looked at her daughter, a sympathetic smile spreading on her lips. "Listen, girlie. Today can be a two-in-one deal, alright?" She suggested as she grabbed the car keys. "We mourn your father, and we help heal the Will wound, as much as we can." She nodded definitively. "And you can cry as much as you want."

Indie's heart sank as she followed her mom out to their car, flowers in tow. As much as she wanted to cling to the idea of "healing," the thought just made her stomach turn. She wanted to sit in her pain forever without having to answer for her behavior. She felt so guilty, so angry, so ashamed of herself. She wasn't even sure why she'd broken it off; maybe it was because she was afraid of getting her heart broken all over again, when in reality it was already shattered from past occurrences. Indie felt as though she were still twelve years old; her body changed and aged, but her brain remained in the same state of mind, no matter how much time passed.

Indie's jaw tightened when she saw the all too familiar entrance to the cemetery approaching. Mae parked on the street just before the entrance, which was a trail on a hill that led to an open iron gate. She glanced at Indie quickly as she turned off the car. She reached over and gave Indie's hand a squeeze.

"You ready, sunshine?" Mae asked.

Indie bit her lip, feeling tears begin to form already. "I guess I have to be." She smiled in an attempt to appease her mom as she hopped out of the car and walked toward her dad.

Mae and Indie looked down at Lewis Argyle's tombstone. Mae took up the daisies in her hands, smiling to keep the tears at bay as she laid them beside the stone.

"Hi, honey," Mae began, kneeling on the grassy hill. Indie followed her lead, sitting criss-crossed beside her. "Gosh, has it been five years already? Where has the time gone?" Mae asked, looking to the sky. "Indie and I both miss you... very much." She laughed a little. "But I know that God is taking good care of you up there. I'm sure you have the most beautiful garden the streets of gold have ever seen."

Indie smiled, looking at the gray flecked tombstone that sat in place of her loving, charismatic, florist father. She glanced up at her mom. A tear had fallen from her cheek. Indie rubbed her hand along Mae's back.

"Thanks, sweetheart," Mae whispered to Indie. She glanced up at the sky again. "Indie and I can't wait to see you again. I love you so much, Lewis."

Indie felt her heart thrum faster inside her chest when she realized it was her turn to speak. She had so much to say, and yet, she wanted to say nothing at all. Her dad was the only one, other than Will, who knew about the lie; if he could even hear her, of course. She felt her emotions bubble up to the surface, and soon, the well overflowed and she burst out in tears.

Mae put a loving hand on Indie's back, allowing her daughter to fall into her shoulder and let everything out. She tried to remain strong for Indie, but her eyes began to well up with minuscule tears alongside her.

Indie wiped her nose with her shirt sleeve. She had begun shaking ever so slightly, and she didn't remove her head from her mom's shoulder. Once she began to descend from her initial breakdown, she began to speak.

"Uh... hi, dad." Indie said quietly, clearing her throat. "I... don't even know if you can hear me, but if you can... I miss you. Like, a lot." She let out a few more sniffles. "There's so much I want to tell you, but I don't even know where to start." She sighed, hiding her head in her hands. "I know this sounds really stupid, but... if there's any way that you can have a word with the Big Man up there... I really miss Will." She swallowed hard, trying to forget that her mom was sitting right beside her. "That's... about it." She sighed. "I love you."

After they had both finished their individual spiels to Lewis, Mae and Indie began singing a bittersweet version of "Happy Birthday."

Despite letting a good portion of her emotions out at her dad's graveside, Indie still felt the same immense weight on her shoulders that seemed unable to be lifted. Her mind was filled with thoughts of her dad's accident, his heartbreaking funeral, and how she had basically pushed Will away so that she wasn't a burden on his back. A tiny voice inside her told her that their relationship's demise was all her fault, and that there was no way that their paths could ever reconnect again.

Indie tried to focus on the good as she and her mom made it to Ivy Cafe, however, she avoided her usual order—a chai latte—like the plague. She instead fell back on her old order: hot lavender honey tea. The floral fragrance of her warm beverage reminded her of her late father even more, which ultimately may have been even worse than if she would've just stuck with chai.

Mae held her drink in both hands in order to warm them up. "You ready?"

Indie merely nodded.

Seeing Argyle's Florals abandoned and overgrown almost hurt worse than after it had just closed. Indie was glad that no one had taken the business and turned it into something ugly and boring, but seeing it untouched by her father's caring green thumb set in the unchangeable reality of everything.

Indie silently prayed that her current reality wasn't yet deemed unchangeable; unfortunately, that was the only outcome she knew, based on previous events.

Mae and Indie sat on the green bench in front of the old flower shop, taking in the scenery of the day. The sun had finally decided to peek out from behind the smoky gray clouds. A woman jogged past them on the sidewalk. A man walked his dog on the other side of the street. Every few minutes, a single car would pass by. Indie realized she could see the park from their current seat. She quickly averted her eyes, deciding to fixate them on the blinding white lid of her cup. Her name was written atop it in swooping cursive letters.

Mae took in a breath of fresh air. "This is nice," she decided, taking a sip of her apple cinnamon latte.

Indie glanced at her mom. "Yeah," she agreed. "Yeah, it really is."

Mae took another swig of her coffee before turning to Indie. "So," she began in her mom voice, "do you wanna talk about it?"

Indie scratched the exterior of her cup with her short fingernails. "Talk about... what?"

Mae raised an eyebrow, a smug smile appearing out of nowhere. "Sir William?"

Indie sighed. "I thought I told you everything-"

"I'm sure you did," she nodded. "I don't mean to pry or anything, but... do you know what you're going to do?" She asked, setting a gentle hand on Indie's knee. "You can't leave him in the dark forever, sweetheart."

Indie swallowed. How was her mom able to read her so easily? "I know that," Indie replied. "I just... I don't know what to do. I feel like it's all my fault. If I try to initiate something, he might... I dunno... he might not want me. He probably hates me for what I did."

Mae gave Indie a sympathetic look. "I'm sure that's a pretty fair assessment." She nodded calmly. "But, have you ever considered how much that boy might love you? And how much, I assume, he still does?"

Indie's heart halted for a moment. "Wha- huh? How can you be so sure?"

Mae smiled. "Sweetheart, believe you me, I know what a boy looks like when he's in love." She replied. She looked up to the sky as she reminisced. "Will is head over heels for you, my dear. There's no way he could possibly hate you."

"But there's a chance that he could," Indie retaliated. "I can't make a fool of myself again, not after the way I hurt him. He doesn't deserve the kind of love that requires him to pull out his toolkit every time we conversate, and, unfortunately, I think that's the only kind of love I can give him." She shook her head, looking down at her shoes that barely grazed the sidewalk below the bench. "I have too much... stuff. Stuff that he shouldn't have to worry about. I should be able to take care of myself. All I did was drag Will into my mess."

Mae carefully studied Indie's face. She wished she could bandage up her daughter's broken heart, and seeing her so distraught over something she clearly still cared for made her soul ache. She was reminded of when Indie was little, when she scraped her knee after falling off of her bike or accidentally dropped her ice cream and the waterworks began. She and Lewis would always do their best to comfort her; but now Mae's partner in crime was missing, and she had to stay strong on his behalf.

"Indie," Mae began quietly. "We all have messes. We're human. No one is perfect."

Indie's eyes welled up with tears all over again. "But... I feel too imperfect... too messy." She twirled the end of her braid between her fingers as a stiff breeze blew past them. "I need to heal myself so that no one is tasked with healing me."

Mae nodded. "That's very mature of you." She replied. "Well, I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, because, in the end, it's not my decision." She gently put her arm around Indie, pulling her close. "But I will say this. In this life, we're gonna get our hearts broken. We're going to feel a bit too messy, a bit too vulnerable, a bit too unworthy of love... and a lot of times, our first reaction is to distance ourselves rather than facing those things head on. In your situation specifically, I can just tell by the way you've been talking to me that you care so much about Will... but you don't want to weigh him down."

Indie pressed her lips together, nodding slowly. She smelled her mom's vanilla perfume as she leaned into her shoulder; the scent instantly transported her back to her childhood.

Mae smiled, watching a couple walking their dog pass by. "You're gonna feel like you're not good enough, sweetheart, but God tells us otherwise. 'For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" She explained. "And one of the great things about life is that God gave us people to make it more bearable. He knew we were going to struggle, but He placed specific people in our lives for a reason." She gave Indie a quick look. Her eyes were closed, but she was nodding, taking in everything Mae said. "If I were in your situation, the first thing I would do is pray. God wants us to tell Him about everything in our lives, and He wants us to go to Him first." Mae gave Indie a quick kiss on her forehead. "Even if things don't work out between you and Will, God will always be there for you, no matter what happens."

Indie's eyes fluttered open. She imagined herself getting up the courage to reach out to Will first; they'd meet at the park, she'd give him cinnamon rolls and his birthday presents, then they'd dance in the rain, even if people were watching, and share their first kiss under the stars. Her heart pounded with anticipation.

"I'm scared," Indie admitted quietly. She bit her lip. She didn't want to keep breaking Will's heart; she knew she had to change something before she could face Will again. She was scared to try and heal from her father's death. She didn't want her mind to forget how incredible he'd been to her, to put his life and love on the backburner, to fully and completely get used to his absence. Something felt good about living in the pain; if the pain were to go away, would the memory of her dad go away, too?

But she also secretly missed watching flowers bloom in spring. She missed associating her past with happiness rather than heartbreak. A part of her did want to get better—she just wasn't sure how.

Indie knew the only one who could help her try and get better.

"It's ok to be scared about the big things, at least for a little while." Mae comforted Indie. "How do you think I felt when I realized I had to raise my only daughter by myself after Lewis died?"

Indie sighed. "Completely lost?" She suggested.

"Well... not completely." Mae corrected her.

"Oh, right. You knew God was on your side." Indie smiled.

"Well, that," Mae continued, "but I also had you."

Indie sat up, her gaze meeting her mom's. She initiated an embrace that was silent, but the action spoke volumes.