I knew I had to make amends. Amends to the things that were barely out of my reach. Amends to the things I had no participation in.

It was English class - one of the classes that I shared with Brian. Brian sat two seats behind me, looking so lonely and forlorn. My heart constricted.

It was not only me that was having a heart break with the commitments that hadn't even begun. We all had hopes of a happily ever after when all we got was the abdicate reality striking at our faces as clear as the day.

I was sure I hadn't listened to a single word the professor was telling. I was having a mini marathon of the events that would take place when the class was over.

I had run a thousand varieties of conversations I would have with him and all of them had a different versions of him asking me to get the hell out before he could do something as bizarre as slapping me across the face, making sure that I had all the four fingers imprinted on my cheek.

As the bell rang, I saw that Brian hadn't noticed it and sat still, staring at infinity. I waited to catch him alone wanting to have a private conversation with him.

"Hi," I said.

My hands were clammy and shook nervously, waiting for the slap to come. But Brian looked at me, as if I were some stranger he didn't recognize. I let out a shaky breath.

"Brian?" I tried again and I heard him let out a heavy sigh.

"Scarlet." He said, as if breaking out from his spell. He collected his books calmly and put them in his bag pack. "I have Geography now, I will be running late. It was nice to talk to you."

He got up and walked past me, avoiding me with his busy schedule.

"I'm sorry, Brian." I said. "Can we talk?"

Brian stood still, waiting for me to continue. His face was away from me and I couldn't tell if he was mad or just debating on which cheek to hit me first.

"I know, I'm messed up." I started. Though I had practiced all the words in the last hour, it failed me and I had to start up again with all new words and that alone infuriated me. "I'm really sorry and I know exactly how you feel."

I heard him sigh. "Come, we both need to talk." He said not bothering to look at me. "Let's go to library."

We were soon in the silent library. Since it was a busy hour for every one at school, no one was at the library. The librarian dozed at one corner, snoring lightly. I remember the last time I was here was when Nick and I had a fight and I was green with jealousy.

"Scarlet, I'm sorry too." Brian said, taking a seat on one of the abandoned tables. He looked exhausted and tired of all the drama around him. His bronze hair was messy and stood like a tide waves on a full moon day. "I know, you are innocent in it all."

"I didn't know about them." I started before he took all the blame on himself. I didn't know whom to blame anymore. It was all confusing and frustrating all the same. "I don't understand why you had to use a letter when you had my number. It would have solved pretty much all the muddiness right now."

"Yeah," He gave a sad laugh. "I should have. I have been known as the playboy all my life that I wanted to step out of that character because I knew you were different. I wanted to be different for you, because I thought I liked you."

It was so messed up and I didn't know from where I had to clean.

"I still do, but it doesn't matter now, does it?" He asked. His eyes were hopeful and his question seemed to fly all the red flags. Sure, he was nice and I wanted to make amends with him, but I didn't want him to think that I was into him.

"Brain," I said, choosing the words carefully. "We can be friends first."

He laughed at that, a sardonic one. "Yes, that's first." He looked around and then put his gaze back at me. It seemed as if his anguish had lessened by a little measure. "When you went with Nick the other night, I knew I was a lost cause. I see the way you look at him and the way he looks at you."

"It's not what you think." I added, before he said things I wanted to actually come true. "Nick and I are good friends. He cares for me and that was what you saw that day, nothing else. It's... I don't know... more complicated than you can ever imagine."

"Should I be sorry?" He asked, his playful self back.

I laughed as I shoved his muscular arm to one side. "You are so not sorry."

"Maybe, I could get you an ice cream since now I'm your friend and all?" He asked, rubbing his neck.

"I thought you had geography classes." I teased.

"Ah, about that." A nervous chuckle rolled out from him and I had to bite my cheek to prevent from laughing. "After class then?"

"Sure. Why not?" I shrugged.

And just like that it felt good to be able to clean the mess that I had left behind.

---

"Where had you been?" Nick asked.

For a moment I didn't know what he was talking about - was he asking about my conversation with Brain? But when I looked at him I understood that he was asking about my absence in school yesterday. I heaved a sigh and looked around, wondering if I should be telling him the truth.

The cafeteria was small, with only few tables which were already filled by the time we came. We had to waste ten precious minutes of our break on waiting for a table to get empty for us to occupy. Most of the kids though, opted for the gardens and the football court seats once they had picked up the food.

But since we always spent our time in that one particular table all the time from past two years, it had been our sacred place to even think of a change.

"I had a match." I said, taking a bite of the leafy vegetable from my salad.

Ever since the race and its win, Dad was very fatherly and was asking me to be healthier with green vegetables and avoiding all outside food. I wondered if it was because he suspected about my drinking abilities on that day and somehow thought healthier lifestyle would change that. Though I didn't show any symptoms of being wasted, lucky for me, it didn't take a genius to figure it all out.

"Like a race?" Lily asked, wide eyed.

"Yeah." I said, trying to be casual about it. I still had to learn to be more diplomatic when it came to my racing life. If Robert got to know about it, he would skin me alive. "I just lost the track of time and it was morning. Too tired to get to school, you know?"

Nick snuggled closer to me, much to my discomfort. "How was it?" He asked, his eyes twinkling. "Did you win?"

Though he had put in all in the open, I still took time to digest the information and get adapted to it. I was like Mal in the movie Inception, moving towards my own doom. The only difference was I was in love with the Cob in my dreams and not the Cob who sat in front of me.

"Don't tell me you lost and took a day to lick your wounds." Lily rolled her eyes.

I gave a nervous laugh. "I won."

"What?" Nick asked, his eyes popped out. "I didn't hear you, say it again!"

I laughed at that. "I won!"

Nick screamed in excitement and stood, knocking his chair backwards. But I could tell that he didn't care. "My friend here, won!" He screamed at the whole cafeteria, who looked at him as if he had gone crazy.

Lily laughed and joined him. Nick took a step ahead and hugged me, crushing my bones.

And suddenly, I felt the tears prick my eyes. I wanted to stay away from him, at least till I had moved on from the fact that he was not available for me. It was so difficult to pretend to be friends with him, when deep down I knew I wanted more.

Nick, on the other hand was so comfortable and was his usual self around me - flirting and laughing. He still got to hug me and got away with it easily, leaving me behind with a hammered heart.

Though I would have liked them in a different light, I wanted to tell him to stop them. I wanted to tell him to give me some space to process and nurse my wounds. He cannot expect me to bounce back with the same enthusiasm I once had around him. It was difficult for me and I expected him to understand that, which was a big mistake from my part.

Then again, he needed me as a friend. A friend, who would support him in his difficult times. I had seen the torment in his eyes when I had turned a cold shoulder towards him the day I got to know he was gay. I knew his parents were tough on him and the fact that he had stayed out the other night with my cause had plucked the right chords of my heart.

"I need a treat." Nick announced, releasing me, much to my relief. "We can go to that bowling game we had talked about and have some local food outside."

"Yes," Lily agreed, finishing her lunch. "I can even pull James on that. He never says no to your matters anyway."

I smiled. I knew I had to swallow the lump in my throat for the love they had for me.

The next hour went by with the swish of the fingers. Lily and Nick made me sit in the middle seat as they took one on either side of me. We sat talking about how I had won the race (which I explained colorfully, without all the mistakes I had done, of course) and I left out the part of how I had completely wasted myself or the part when I found myself in Rob's bed the next morning.

They both listened about my ranting with full attention. I don't think they have ever listened to any of the lectures with half of the concentration that they listened towards mine.

Now, as I sat with them in the lecture halls, whispering about how I had raced through the last lap, I sounded so dumb to my own ears. Though I had missed the fact that Robert and I had a fight, it all seemed childish to even think about it.

"Why didn't you tell us about it?" Nick asked, being curious.

"I wasn't allowed to." I whispered. Though it was a legal race, I had not given out the details to anyone - not even my Dad. It was not that I wasn't allowed to, it was mainly because I wasn't sure if I was confident enough to have an audience who knew me well.

"But the next races, we can come right?" Lily asked hopefully.

"I will have to confirm that." I said.

Nick and lily both nodded at my diplomatic answer and didn't question further. As the bell rang, we walked together with both of them treating me as if I were a celebrity and the feeling was new to me. I remember the time when Robert had told me to get used to the name and fame. Like my feelings with Nick, I struggled to flow along with it.

"Look at that," Lily said in a low voice, making me halt in my steps. We were getting down from the stairs finally wrapping with the school for the day.

I looked at her and she seemed smitten by something and I followed her line of vision. There was a blue colored car, neatly waxed as it shone in the noon sun. But the guy standing next to it was the one who caught my eye.

It was the Robert that I knew, who stood there with a careless expression on his face, smiling at us. He had his goggles on his eyes, protecting them from the rays of the sun. He dressed differently from the times I had seen him on the tracks - more boyish.

I noticed that he always made sure to clean up well when he came to visit me at school. Perhaps, like all the racer kids, he was trying to impress the school girls and have some action with them? But what was he doing with the car? Did he make a new one and wanted to showcase it for the crowd?

"How many freaking cars does the guy own?" Lily asked, still smitten my Rob's appearance.

Robert lifted his hand up in the air as he saw me with a smile that stretched to his ears. He pointed the car and then towards me. I knew exactly what he was telling me in his sign language.

I had totally forgotten about it.

It was my car!

My freaking BMW!

I jumped up and down in excitement. With all the enthusiasm I could mustered, I ran towards him, caring less about what I would have looked like. With everything that was happening around me, I had completely disregarded the winner's prize.

With the a small leap, I tried to get down two stairs at a time, but suddenly, my legs twisted and instead of the ground that my feet were expecting, I felt nothing. With nothing to cling to, I clutched the air in front of me, as I fell forward, my ankles bending at the corner. I could hear my name being called in the background, but it was all mushed. I tumbled across two flight of stairs and fell on the ground, rolling all the way down.

"Ow!" I muttered, as I landed on my butt.

"Scar!" Lily soon was at my side, concern etched on her beautiful face. Her pony tail dangled in front of me, as she studied my leg for any injuries.

"Are you okay?" Nick was behind her. I could tell that he was anxious about my welfare. "Are you hurt?"

"I think I'm fine." I said, trying to get up.

I heard a small chuckle behind Lily. Robert stood holding his goggles in his hand, as he failed to cover his smiling face. "Babe, I didn't know you would fall on your butt for me."

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath as I put my hand on the ground to lift myself up. But, much to my discomfort, I couldn't put weight on my right leg and it ached too much to endure. Panic raised along with my doubts. "Ow,"

"Try, honey." Lily said, putting her hand behind my shoulders to support me.

I cried as I put my right leg on the ground. It hurt like hell.

"Guys, I don't think I'll be able to walk." I said, clenching my teeth as a seething pain bit my ankle. "At least for now."

---

A/N: Do you think it was a nice idea to befriend Brian after what went through? And our heroine has a BMW while she twisted her leg. What a timing! Stay tuned for more!