I tiptoed on the cold floor, not wanting to wake Dad. It was half past eleven already and all the lights were out. I had a hunch that he was fast asleep, but I wanted to have a check on him.

I went past the kitchen, noticing that it remained intact just the way it was in the morning. Soon, I was overwhelmed with guilt—he hadn't eaten anything. A tiny ray of hope filled my little heart, telling me that he might have ordered a pizza just like he did before. But then again, there was nothing in the trash.

Deaths scared me. Having seen it just yesterday, having it to dream today and the small talk with Monica was more than enough to give me heart attack. It all seemed like we were all playing with time.

But I thought Dad was different.

His bedroom lights were off, except for the light that the moon spilled in. I could see his face—tired and lost—cuddled under his arms as a slight snore took over the calm night.

Perhaps I was little hasty in deciding that he was at the other side of the court. After all, it was the game we had to play together.

Talking with the racer boys, he had learnt that I had undergone my first accident at the tracks. Even though it was very minute and hardly noticeable, he had regretted all the idea of me going into the arena. It had took a toll on him and had concluded that he couldn't live with that.

There was so much I wanted to say to him, to blame him, to be angry with him for being selfish, for even thinking to leave me in this mess that he created. How could he do that to me?

I had cried when Dan told me that Dad wanted to end his life just because he could. The anger that bubbled inside me, burst out into thousand shards giving me a new reason to put him at fault. The more I thought about it, the more exasperated I was at him.

I wanted to confront him. Tell him everything that I had been feeling and enduring ever since Mom left us. But I couldn't.

I couldn't because a petite slip up could cause me my Dad.

Dad turned around in his sleep facing away from me. I took a deep breath, before I left the room and headed to mine.

It was a long day and I had to drag my feet up the stairs to reach the bedroom. I had sore eyes from crying all day and it pleaded me to sleep. The perfectly made bed that I hadn't slept in last night welcomed me into its arms and I was transformed into a zombie walking right at it.

I had curled up in bed for past one hour, but the memories of the day wouldn't shut down. For the first time in years, Dad had drunk himself foolishly and had come home to face me. I had never seen him mindlessly drunk before. And to think that it was all because he wanted to end his life, struck a knife through my heart.

Tears that I had been trying to keep at bay, started pouring down my cheeks and I did nothing to console me.

I was not sad, I was angry and furious. The sympathy that I had built for him in these past months evaporated and all that was left was pure frustration and questions. How was Dad so keen to take him away from me so that I could deal with this all on my own?

Calvin and Dan had given me the opportunity to drive on the tracks only because of Dad. And without him, all would come crashing down. What about Ashley?

More than anyone else, what about me? Was he not thinking about me at all? Was I that insignificant to him?

I shook my head in a feeble attempt to put all the questions out. I needed something to do, at least till I got tired so that there was no thinking. I got up and switched on the lights.

The biology lab records needed a few drawings which weren't due till next week, but I clung on it like a life line. I rubbed my eyes as I sat in the middle of the bed with the record spread around me.

Apart from driving, which I recently learned, drawing was something that I was fond of. It gave me amity, solace that I needed desperately. My hands moved accordingly and all my strain and thoughts were taken away replaced by a smile as I drew a prawn. I took my time in drawing the tentacles, giving shading and lightening the areas around its calves.

My phone buzzed, indicating a call from Robert. I wasn't expecting him to call me this late into the night. I looked at the bedside table to see it was two in the morning and here he was calling me. I didn't have the energy left to talk with him.

I dismissed the call and looked at the completed records. I heaved a sigh and started putting things back to its place. I had to attend school tomorrow and I knew I shouldn't be up this late either.

Another call halted me from my work and I let out a frustrated groan. I knew he wouldn't let me be if I wouldn't answer his calls.

"Yes?" I asked, my voice coming out horse from not talking since a long time. There was a hint of frustration and disapproval in my voice and for once, I was proud of it.

"What are you doing, babe?" His voice came out smooth, flirty and spontaneous like always.

"It's two in the morning, Rob." I sighed, stifling a yawn. "What do you expect?"

I held the phone balancing it in my shoulders as I arranged the bed. I pulled the covers on top of my legs as I adjusted in a comfortable spot.

"Well, I would have expected you to sleep. But the light tells me otherwise." He said, his voice underlying humor.

Suddenly, I was self conscious. I looked around in reflex. "Where did you say you were?" I asked, my brows knit in confusion. "Are you stalking me or something?"

There was a deep rumble of laughter from the other end, which made me sit up straight. I pushed the covers off of me and went near the window for inspection.

There he was, in his rugged jeans and a black top, his curly hairs on one side, his eyes landing on me as I took a peep. I couldn't see his expression except for the laughter that I heard.

"Robert, what are you doing at my doorstep this late in the night?" My voice came out in an exaggerated sigh, too tired to argue with him.

"Babe, as you can clearly see, I'm not at your doorstep. I'm on the road which belongs to this wonderful country and..." He went on and I was about to get a head ache.

"What do you want?" I asked, stifling another yawn making my way towards my bed again.

I sat down in the same position putting a pillow behind my back for support. I switched off the lights, letting the moon light take the place of the artificial ones.

"Scar, wait!" It sounded alert and I rolled my eyes. He had his ways of making things look more serious than they actually were. "Wait, I'm coming up."

Now, I was alert. "What?"

Soon, I heard light knock on the window shield, indicating that he wasn't bluffing. I heaved a sigh, cutting the call and switched on the lights. I opened the window to let him in and stood aside to give him space.

For the track's figure, he was surely thin. No broad shoulders as one usually had, but I could tell that he was strong. I could see his veins run down from his neck and into his shirt.

"What?" I repeated again.

He pushed himself from the window and gave me a toothy smile. As soon as his eyes found mine, his smile dwindled and his brows interwove together in worry and concern.

"Scarlet, what's wrong?" Gone was the laughing Robert who was about to make fun of me just minutes back. He now was  a complete gentleman. I wondered, how often he circulated between his weird mood swings.

"Nothing." I said, turning away from him.

I looked at my room for my distraction and I cursed myself for not cleaning it up before he came. My room was a mess with a chair full of clothes that needed ironing. The study table was filled with scrap papers and the wardrobe was half open with one of my outfits hanging out for display.

"I heard that you came third." Robert said, and I was happy that he had chosen his words carefully. I liked the fact that he had changed the subject without me asking for it.

I smiled, my mood instantly lifting upwards. "Yes! You should have seen me drive like a pro!" I beamed, looking at him with excitement. "Did they tell you how I finished my race? It was so cool and I was sure Calvin was stunned with my skills! Where had you been? Oh yeah, that's right. You were at this date with that Chinese girl. What kind of teacher does that to a student on her first test drive? Y-you told others that you were running errands while you were making out with that girl when I was driving without any earpiece! I mean, w-who does that? I was so scared and..."

"Hey, it's alright." I heard him say. He put his hands on my cheeks, wiping the tears that had rolled down. He walked me down to my bed, making me sit while he took a spot next to me. "Breathe, okay? Come on now, with me—in and now... out."

I did as I was told, breathing in and out, mimicking him as I got myself under control back again. I wiped my tears clean, embarrassed that I had cried in the first place.

"So, you missed me that much, huh?" He bumped his shoulder to mine, giving me a cocky look. "But, it didn't go well. She has a terrible laugh that makes me jump up every time I tell something funny."

I snorted and he looked at me as if he had never seen me before. "What?" I asked.

"See, this is so much better than hers." He smiled. "It made me question my joking skills." I scoffed at his words. "At least with yours, I can tolerate it."

I pushed his shoulders away, in mock disgust. "You are a terrible liar." I shook my head. "So, what are you doing here at this time?"

"Had to smuggle some goods to some party that one kid had downtown." He waved his hand as if it was no big deal. "I was heading home and saw the lights. Thought I would check on you."

"So, you came here to check me out?" I asked, wonder evident in my voice.

He laughed lowly at this. "I like this sleep deprived you more." I raised my eye brows in question as to ask what was not to like when I was in any mode. "I mean you never flirt with me in your normal self. This is different and I like it."

I rolled my eyes at his comment. "So, typical. Anyway, get out. I need some sleep and I've had enough adventure for one day."

He put his hands up in mock surrender and got up obediently. "For the record, I'm proud of you. Though you came third, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I'm really sorry that I wasn't there to witness it though."

I smiled at him and suddenly, he did something that I thought I was dreaming. He came forward and hugged me.

The hug felt like the air that I was craving for all this time—warm and peaceful, like home. For a moment, I forgot all the miseries and responsibilities that I had to shoulder, making me feel that it was right.

Dreadfully enough, I didn't want to leave this place and come to reality wherein I fought everyday just to be myself.

---

I was now used to function with less sleep and the lack of it didn't matter anymore. The lesser the sleep, the more caffeine my body needed. It was as simple as that.

So when the alarm was shouting at me early in the morning on a Saturday, I calmly put it off before I got up to do my usual chores. That included a face to face with Dad too.

After finishing my daily routine, I headed towards the kitchen to start preparing for breakfast. Guilt wrapped me for not being able to feed Dad and I had left him all alone when he needed someone to be there for him. I was angry with him, but I was angry with myself too.

I saw two slices of pizza in the refrigerator and I sighed. At least, he had eaten something. I put it in the microwave and pushed a few buttons to get it running. I leaned on the kitchen counter as it rotated painfully.

In the background, I heard a faint sound of the wheel chair screeching across the floor, getting a bit louder as it came near me. I knew he would be awake by now and I had to face him, yet, I didn't have the courage to look at him. Dan said that he was the one to persuade him to drink his ass out rather than ending himself, but how far had he succeeded in pushing that thought away was still a mystery.

"Seems like you are having an early start." Dad said and I left the breath that I was holding. His voice was still rough, laced with the underlying slumber.

The micro-wave beeped across the deadly silence of the kitchen, making me jump in my step. I buzzed it off and slowly turned towards Dad, who was looking at me expectantly.

"It always is." I gave a forced smile. I pulled the imaginary strands of hair behind my ear and looked at the ground, not knowing how to converse.

Never in my dreams had I thought I would be having a forced conversation with my own Dad, tumbling and stumbling at every apostrophe.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." My Dad started, reliving everything I had tried to endure. "I was not in a good state yesterday."

That made me halt my thought process. A good state?

"Dan told me about it." I said, keeping my hands on the kitchen counter, avoiding eye contact. "I was worried." I added hesitantly.

Dad heaved a sigh and pushed himself next to me, trying to hold my hand for comfort and I let him. It was high time I made peace with him. I crouched in front of him, having the same eye level.

"That was the humiliating time for me. I still am humiliated by my actions." He said, looking distantly. He then looked at me, putting his palm on top of my head for comfort. "I love you, sweetheart, I really do. And I am really sorry... sorry."

He tore up, his tear drops dipping down tentatively, scared that he might scare me away. "Daddy," My eyes filled. But I knew I had to be the stronger one. I gulped down all my sorrows for him and smiled. "I'm happy, you are okay. Promise me you won't pull such stunts again, just because of the heck of it, okay?"

He nodded as I wiped his tears away. I gave a small peck on his cheek before I stood to retrieve the pizza. "You should eat that." He commented, taking a plate out for me. "Dan had ordered your favorite."

"Dan ordered it?"

Dad sighed, wiping his brow. "I'm pretty sure Dan explained you everything that happened down there. But when he left from here yesterday, he asked me to take a sleeping pill so that... the thoughts won't come again."

"Oh," I didn't know what I was supposed to tell. Dan had been so thoughtful to take care of him, considering no one would be around to keep an eye on Dad.

"He also ordered pizza for my grumbling stomach." He smiled.

"Oh, Daddy." I hugged him awkwardly. "I'm so sorry. I had to be the one to take care of you and yet I failed."

Dad snorted lightly. "It's supposed to be other way round. But let's keep the blame game on halt now, yeah? Get something to eat, honey. You need to go to work too, right?"

"How about I spend the morning with you, like old times?" I asked with a small smile. It was my turn to return the love he had once poured on me. I realized that after the accident, I have been so busy trying to make ends meet that I had forgotten that Dad was here all alone—just like he had once left me when mom had passed away. "I heard the boys talking about a baseball game yesterday. Perhaps the highlights are still on the run. Let's watch it like old times?"

I was sure that my Dad's eyes were filled to the brim once again. He was proud or emotional, I couldn't tell. "Why, yes!"

As we sat in front of the television, watching I could only hope that Dad's thoughts about ending himself was long gone from his head. I didn't know if I had it in me to leave him alone in the house. How was I going to get through with this?

"I'm planning to work."

I choked on the pizza that was in my mouth, coughing furiously. I ran to the kitchen to get me some water, but the speed alone made some pizza particles go into my wind pipe, making it worse. I took a deep breath, trying to take it in control. After a few fits of cough, I settled down with a red eye and a scratchy throat.

"That went well." My Dad mused and I had to roll my eyes at him. "Will you choke, if I say the words again?"

"I talked to Dan when I was... sensible yesterday." He started and I wondered if I was dreaming or Dad had another drink early in the morning. "Paul works in a flower shop and... Dan said it would be best to work there to get my mind off of things... Dan had called me last night telling that he had arranged everything."

"Wow." Was all I could muster hearing what he had to say. A ranked ex-raced and a flower shop was an unusual combination and I was not sure if I wanted to see that. A part of me felt sad for him to see him try to fit in somehow—just like me—to make himself useful "I know Scar, it's not much." He gave a sad smile. "Paul will hardly pay me, but that's not the point. It will help me take my... mind off."

He was right. I cursed myself for not thinking about this. I had made myself very busy to even spend some quality time with him, that I had not noticed the small things that hinted me that Dad was not happy here. The silence should have been more than enough clue, but I was too naïve to notice it.

"Dan said I could start off today and I wanted to let you know." Dan said, putting his head low. I knew he was feeling as guilty as me, walking around egg shells with me. All I could do was only nod.

With my approval, Dad was more confident. His hangover was not found as he called Dan asking for a drive to his new work place. Dad had even dressed up for the occasion.

"Ready Ed?" Dan asked as soon as he came home. I could tell that he was in a hurry, but was keeping a smiling face for Dad.

"Yes!" Dad beamed and I had to keep myself from smiling at his nervousness.

"Hey Scar!" Dan gave me a hug and I didn't realize that I needed it until I received one. "Didn't see you there."

"Good morning to you too." I said.

"We should get going, Edward." Dan said, once he released me.

"Yes, yes." Dad said, touching his hair for the last time and then turned towards me. "Wish me luck honey."

I bent down to reach him and gave him a peck on his cheeks.

"For me?" Dan whined, making me laugh. Dad gave him a glare that would want anyone to shut up for good. But that didn't stop Dan, anyway. "What? I'm the one giving the ride and you get a kiss for sitting in a booth?"

I laughed reaching for Dan. Dan raised his eyebrows mockingly at Dad and engulfed me in a hug. "Thank you for this." I whispered, meaning every word I was telling him. Dan smiled at him as we pulled apart.

I gave him a kiss as he had demanded while Dad made a disgusting face at me.

"Oh, get over it." Dan said walking past him, leaving Dad to push himself towards the car. "Are you going to come today or what?" Dan raised his hands from the driver seat with an irritated face, but his voice was telling that he was just messing around.

Dad had finally started with a new chapter in his life. I didn't know if I should be happy with it or sad because he was leaving me alone in his tracks.

---

A/N: Hey, how do you think the story has come so far? Is it moving very fast? Should I pace it down a little? Let me know.

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