Everyone was staring at her. Staring at her and whispering as they went about their chores. Thank God there were no lessons today, so Judit could hide. They'd been given the day off to get ready, in honour of the solstice party tonight.

On top of the jitter of gossip there was an atmosphere of excitement around the camp about the upcoming celebrations, people running between houses, giggling and chatting. Goodmin and Dean were up at the stone circle doing God-knows-what, so at least she could avoid their disapproving glances.

Judit tried her utmost to stay away from everyone. She just hid in the byre. She didn't even want to go into the blackhouse, see Gaen bundled up in the boxbed, but she felt she had to. She waited until Merle wasn't around then snuck in.

He was sitting up in the bed, pale as a corpse, his face almost glowing in the dark.

"I'm really sorry." Judit's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"It's alright." That's all he said, then closed his eyes, didn't look at her.

Judit didn't know what else to do, so she left. She went back to sitting in the byre, alone in the dusty dark with the throaty chickens, listening to the buzz of activity outside, terrified in case a morsel of it came to her door.

Sometimes she moved to the cramped food store at the back of the byre, if she thought someone might come in to see Gaen, and gawp at her. There, she curled up on a pile of straw and potatoes, had a cry, felt sorry for herself. She managed to avoid Hegri that way multiple times.

The responsibility of the chickens felt huge, like they might all die at any point just to spite her. She couldn't stop obsessing about it, uncomfortable and ashamed, skulking in the potatoes.

At least I've fed them. Well, she thought she had. She didn't know entirely which was their food, but she didn't really want to ask anyone, not now Merle hated her. She'd given them the smallest grains, which seemed logical, and they'd eaten them. Was she supposed to give them water too? Do chickens drink? She had no idea, but didn't want to go to the well, so didn't bother.

Lintie came by. Judit was in the food store when she came, and Lintie didn't see her, but then she caught her in the byre after she'd been to see Gaen.

Lintie paused, smiled at her, though the smile didn't reach her eyes. "You okay?" she asked Judit politely.

Judit nodded, looked away. "I didn't mean it," she said defensively. "It was a mistake. They looked just the same as the ones you took. Identical. Merle's really mad at me, but I couldn't have known–"

"She's upset," Lintie said. "Gaen's her brother. It's understandable." She frowned. "We did the mushrooms in class. With Collins. We went over it so many times. I can't believe you don't remember."

Judit looked down, kicked the earth with the toe of her leather sandal. "I don't." Did Lintie hate her too? This was the worst.

The girls stood in awkward silence for a while, avoiding one another's eyes, then Lintie stepped back, saying, "I better go," weakly.

She paused before  she left the byre, taking in Judit's mute figure, head hanging, the noisy, fussy hens scratching around her feet.

"Your chickens need water," she said disapprovingly. "They look really thirsty."

***

The absolute last thing in the world Judit wanted was to go to the solstice gathering, get stared at by everyone, like hate on Judit was some crank new party game. She intended to wait, hide out in the byre all night. Perhaps forever.

Unfortunately, Goodmin came to check Gaen just as Judit happened to venture into the blackhouse to try and get something to eat. She caught Judit in the act, mouth and fists full of butter and oats, which was the only semi-edible thing that Judit could put together.

Goodmin frowned at her. She was dressed differently than usual, wearing a Native costume like Judit's own rather than her regular shapeless blouse and trousers. Her witchy hair was elaborately braided over her ears.

"How are you doing?" Goodmin asked Gaen, leaning over the box bed, feeling his brow.

"Fine," he whispered in response. "I just want to sleep."

"You think you'll be alright while we're at the party?"

"I'll stay," Judit cut in, spraying butter-crumbs everywhere. "Watch him."

"No." Gaen spoke to Goodmin, not Judit. "I just want some quiet. On my own."

"You can come with me," Goodmin said sternly, looking at Judit, all grease and remorse. "Join in. You need to participate in the community."

Judit swallowed. Skitting great.

She cringed as she stepped out of the blackhouse for the first time, into the evening light. The sunset was pink and gold and beautiful over the forest, but it only served to make Judit feel even more like a disgusting slimy monster,  crawling out from under a rock. She prayed for darkness, so at least she could hide in the shadows.

She shrunk behind Goodmin as they hiked up the hill, trying to hide in the teacher's solid mass. Almost everyone was at the stone circle now. Figures, long skirts, tunics and hair, moved in between the ragged, pointing monoliths, looming spindly and twice as tall as the humans between them.

Judit clung tight to Goodmin. Being benignly ignored by the teacher was infinitely preferable to having to face up to any of her peers. She saw Hegri and Lintie, standing together, looking over at her, then bending their heads in hushed conversation. She avoided their eyes.

Other kids were looking at her too, ones she wasn't friends with, and their looks were worse. She felt like she was front page news about a celebrity who'd died during some sick sex-act. She looked down and studied an explosion of yellow splodges on one of the stones, so bright they were almost neon.

Dean finally called all the students to attention. He was standing close to Judit, over three large wooden barrels, which were laying on their sides on a low wooden table. The shadows of the people and the stones stretched long and black across the hillside, pointing towards the sea.

"So." Dean's voice projected over the group. He was also wearing Native clothes, like Goodmin, a moss green cape and brown tunic. "This is our first major celebration here at the village," Dean boomed. "Such festivities—marking the turn of the seasons, important dates in the Native calendar, were a lynchpin of Native culture, vital for community cohesion."

He paused, surveying the crowd for effect. "Your only job here is to enjoy yourselves! These celebrations were traditionally, by reputation at least, debouched affairs, usually lasting all night. Let yourself go. You've worked hard, so far, and we're proud of you. You deserve this."

He looked to his left, and stepped back, making space for someone else to speak. Judit's heart jumped into her mouth, painfully, like it was dragging her lungs with it. It was Rama.

He was dressed Native too. His cloak was blue, over a pale grey tunic. The cool colours looked so good against his tanned skin, blonde hair, that it pained her to look at him.

"We've got three barrels of traditionally brewed beer here." Rama took up the speech from Dean. Judit moved back behind Goodmin, not wanting him to see her as he looked over the crowd.

"Feel free to help yourself to as much as you like."

The group's eyes widened and a few of the kids leaned in to whisper to each other, grinning. A small boy at the front—Tod? Lintie's pair?—lifted his arm, waving his hand in the air. Rama nodded at him.

His voice was high, like a child's. "What if we're not allowed to drink? Some of us are underage."

"Not here," Rama laughed. "Many Native men were expected to support a family from the age of fourteen. Alongside this, drinking alcohol—though not drunkenness—was common in Native society, even for children. It would be churlish of us to insist on some customs and not others."

The kids laughed, again leaning in to whisper to one another. A couple of the boys punched each other on the arm.

"Some of the students have kindly offered to provide music." Rama gestured to two girls and a boy Judit didn't know, each holding a different crook-looking wooden thing. "There are mugs of beer up here at the front," he pointed to rows of earthenware cups lined in front of the barrels, "if everyone would take one, I'd like to propose a toast."

The kids in the crowd tumbled forwards. Cups were lifted and passed. Someone even passed one to Judit. She clutched it, stared at the golden liquid, topped with a thin scum of white foam.

Rama raised his glass above his head. "To the village!"

A chorus repeated his words, cups raised, liquid splashing.

"To the wild!"

The crowd began to cheer. Judit saw Hegri look at her, then lean in to whisper to Lintie. A younger girl on the other side of him watched him whisper in Lintie's ear, and looked like she might cry.

Judit lifted her cup to her lips, and drained it. The band began to play.

***

Music, fast, furious. Make you want to dance! Bodies dance. Candles dance. Sea dance. World is lively. Music is alive!

There Rama. He didn't seen her. But he looked her few times before, worried face. Why worried? Because he knows she poisoner? He so beautiful though. So blue and gold.

She could hold him, press her body against him, everything would be okay. Rama had stars in him, and look at stars in sky! Never been like this before. So bright. Whiter than whiter. Oh! Now in mud. How'd mud happen?

***

Judit moved around the tall stone and sat down heavily, her back against it, facing out to sea. It was good to get away from the intensity of the music, the crowd. Her head was swimming, though she didn't hate herself anymore, and that was something to be thankful for. She dropped her cup and closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, tried to order her liquid mind. The band were still playing their maniac tunes, the sound far away, at the centre of the stone circle.

It was nice to be here instead, in the calm night. She was leaning against one of the furthest stones in the cross, high over the sea. Everything was inky blue. There was a breeze. She could hear distant laughter behind her. It was beautiful.

"Judit."

It was Rama. Judit didn't feel nervous or afraid. It just felt right, that he should appear, when it was beautiful like this. The perfect timing, like always. He was carrying a cup, still dressed Native. He looked down at her, and she stood up.

"I've been worried about you," he said, almost too quickly. "After the other day, with the..." He paused, clearly not wanting to say chip, or the fact we're tracking you, like an animal. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"I was." Judit smiled at him warmly.

He faltered, looked unsure.

"It's okay." She put her hand on his upper arm, could feel him warm through the fabric of his clothes. "You're forgiven. If I'm forgiven for being a poisoner."

He shook his head sorrowfully, and said, "I heard about that. I'm so sorry. It's an easy mistake to make."

He understands. At last someone understands.

"I didn't do it on purpose." Judit shook her head too, each inclination going a little too far towards each shoulder. The sensation was strange, so she repeated the movement to explore that feeling. Still strange.

"I know." He smiled encouragingly to her. "It could really happen to anyone. Once I picked xanthodermus instead of bisporus. I mean, it–"

She couldn't help it. He looked so beautiful, so angelic in the moonlight. She cut him off mid-sentence, came in with her lips.

His mouth tasted like honey, like heaven, and it was fireworks, the most beautiful millisecond of her life, but just a millisecond. He broke away almost instantly, stepped back, created distance between them.

"Judit! What are you doing?" His voice was all shock, his face horrified. "That's... You can't... It's..."

He looked aghast, stepping further away. Behind them the musicians' song changed, and the distant voices whooped.

Judit's lips were tingling. All she wanted, with every fibre of her being, was to kiss him again. He must want me too. I know he does. I can feel it. She stepped closer, lifted her arms around his neck, tried once more to kiss him. He pulled away, lifting her arms back down to her sides.

"Judit, no!" He said firmly. "You can't do this. It's not—"

She pulled her hands away from his. "I don't get it," she snapped, fixing her eyes on his, angry. "You're the one who's always telling me to be wild, follow my instinct. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's this."

He stepped away again, folded his arms across his chest, turned to look out to sea.

"I'm sorry. It isn't right. It's... I'm your teacher, Judit. You're a student."

"So?" Judit challenged. "I thought Tish was a student?"

"A PhD student," Rama countered, his voice clipped. "It's different. You're fifteen, Judit. You're just a child."

"What if we were Natives?"

"What do you mean?" He looked back to her, brow furrowed. A breeze danced around them, moving his hair and cape. For a moment, Rama looked like Gaen. Judit thought how much happier she'd be, if he was. If they were going back to that blackhouse together.

"I mean," Judit said hotly, "would a twenty-seven year old man marry a fifteen year old girl, if they were Natives?"

Rama was silent.

"Would a twenty-seven year old man have sex with a fifteen year old girl? If they were Natives?" Judit just wanted to see him react, now. It was all such dag.

That's different," he said, eventually.

"It doesn't seem that different to me." Judit turned away, head down, a hand on the stone. They stood in silence. The music had stopped. It sounded like someone back at the circle was crying.

"You can't just pick and choose," Judit finally said, unable to prevent the hurt from seeping into her voice. "Either I'm a savage or I'm not. And the same goes for you. You're here," she motioned to his clothes, the stones. "Aren't you? So are we savages or not? Huh?"

He shook his head and bit his lip, his face clouded. "I'm sorry, Judit. If I ever led you on. I didn't mean to. That's not how things are between us. I'm–"

"Dag," Judit interrupted, underneath her breath. She had her arms folded too, now, her shoulders hunched. It's all such dag.

"I–" Rama started.

Lintie interrupted this time. She was running toward them, skirts caught up in her hands. She skidded to a halt beside them, breathless.

"Judit!" Her voice was urgent. "You've got to–"

She stopped, noticing Rama for the first time, like she's taken him for a student in his Native garb. She stood quiet, breathing raggedly, eyes huge, looking first at Judit and then at Rama.

"I'm going." Rama was grave. "I'll leave you girls to it. Goodnight." He didn't look at Judit as he walked away.

"Judit!"

Lintie leaned in, grabbed Judit's arm as soon as he had gone.

"You've got to come with me, now! You've got to see this! It's..."

Judit surrendered her arm to the other girl, tripped after her down the hill, confused.

"Lintie? What? Is it Gaen–"

"No!"

Lintie pulled her harder, until they were running, hair streaming in the wind.

"Just come!"