"This is so weird."

"Why is it weird?"

"The only person who's ever come with me to my appointments was my mom," Ashton said with a chuckle. "She stopped coming when they told me my body stopped responding to treatments."

Luke furrowed his brows slightly, eyes watching Ashton's face closely. "Why did that make her stop coming?"

Ashton shrugged. "In her mind that meant there was nothing they could do," he answered, emotionless. "She didn't want to come with me just to hear them tell her how my impending doom was getting closer and closer."

Luke nodded, mostly to himself. He could understand her reasoning, but it's her son. That should make her want to be there. "Why do you still make appointments, then? Aren't you afraid of the same thing?"

Ashton let out a soft breath, turning to smile at Luke warmly. "I have hope," he said sincerely. "I guess I'm a heavy optimist. I'm always telling myself I'm going to hear something different the next time."

Luke smiled back, reaching down and interlocking his fingers with his curly headed lover's. "Then I'll hope right along with you," he said. "It couldn't hurt."

Ashton let out a soft laugh, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Luke's temple. "You're my angel," he whispered. "Thank you for coming with me. I know this is scary stuff, and you don't have to be here, but—"

Luke leaned over, copying his boyfriend and kissing his temple as well. "You don't have to thank me," he said softly. "I would be here for you even if you didn't want me to be. We're in this together, you and me."

Ashton nodded, smiling sadly at Luke as he looked back toward the office door, tapping his fingers on his knee rhythmically.

Luke laughed gently at the action, tapping the back of Ashton's hand with his thumb to get his attention. "I think you might've been a drummer in a past life. You're pretty rhythmic."

That caused the curly haired man to let out a slightly loud laugh, shaking his head as he looked at Luke. "You'd be surprised," he said. "I actually tried to learn the drums as a teenager, but I'm absolute shit at them."

Luke laughed right along with him just as the oncology nurse came into the waiting area. "Ashton?"

Ashton took a deep breath, rubbing his hands against his jeans before standing. Luke followed close behind, very gently stroking the small of Ashton's back to offer him a slight bit of comfort.

There were little words transferred between Ashton and the nurse, mostly just little directions and general questions about how he's been and such. Luke felt entirely out of place, but he needed to be here for his person.

They were then led to an exam room, where they were told that Ashton's doctor would be in in a few moments, and to make themselves comfortable. The two men thanked her gently just as she was exiting the room. "You were right," Luke said with a smile. "This is weird."

Ashton couldn't help but laugh as the two men then began sharing light conversation, his tension and worry melting away with each crinkle of Luke's eyes. Before too much longer, Ashton's doctor entered the room and greeted the two of them with a smile. "Good afternoon, boys," he said, his calm tone easing even Luke's worry. "How are we feeling today, Ashton?"

Ashton shrugged gently. "I'm okay," he said. "Not weak or anything today, and I was able to eat a full breakfast without getting sick."

The doctor nodded, jotting down the notes into the computer. "That's good," he said, a cheerful tone ringing out. "The first couple of weeks with a new medicine are usually the worst, so you're probably clear of any side effects from the medication itself."

"Oh," Ashton cut in, "I have been having headaches more than usual, though."

The doctor hummed slightly, getting up and pressing his stethoscope to Ashton's chest. "Deep breath for me," he said, Ashton obeying the instructions. "Typically headaches aren't a side effect of Arzerra, but it could be triggering some underlying radiation left over from your chemotherapy treatments. I'll call down an MRI with imaging, so stop by there before you leave, okay?"

Ashton nodded and they continued with the exam. From what the doctor says, it looks like Ashton is staying steady, which means he's not getting worse but not better either. It may not seem like one, but both men saw it as a win. The two of them were now headed to imaging, Ashton keeping Luke's hand in a death grip the whole time. "Hey," Luke said as they walked slowly, "everything okay?"

Ashton stopped for a moment before shaking his head. "I hate doing MRIs," he answered quietly. "God, it sounds so stupid seeing as I literally jumped off a 400 foot bridge a couple of weeks ago, but I'm extremely claustrophobic. I hate even going into my closet for too long."

Luke smiled sympathetically and turned Ashton to face him. He kissed the shorter man gently on the forehead and resting the two of them together. "A wise man once told me you never should feel stupid or sorry for being afraid," he said with a cheeky grin. "It is so human to be afraid, wouldn't you agree?"

Ashton laughed gently, his hand coming to rest atop Luke's that was cradling his cheek. "Man, I don't deserve you," he said softly.

Luke smiled back, taking Ashton's hand back in his and beginning to walk again. "Sure you do," he said. "You deserve the world."

Waiting for the imaging session didn't take very long, and the men got the go ahead for Luke to be able to stand behind the glass so he could talk to Ashton during the process. Ashton was used to the scene, but Luke? Hell, he was afraid for Ashton, but he knew he needed to put on a brave face. His boy needed him, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

"Alright, Ash," a new doctor said as she smiled down at him, "you know the drill. Body parts must stay completely still, and I need you to respond if I ask any questions, got it?"

"Yeah, I got it," he responded half heartedly with a tight lipped smile. "Could, um," he said quietly, "could you go ahead and have Luke speak into the mic for me? Just so I know he's there. Not that I think he'll leave, or anything—"

The doctor laughed gently as she nodded down at the younger man. "Yes, I will, Ashton."

He smiled and nodded curtly as she walked away, taking a deep breath and staring up at the ceiling. A few moments later, he heard a soft crackle of a speaker and then a gentle, "Hey, babe," which made him smile to himself.

"Hey there." He was ready feeling a million times lighter, even still smiling to himself though no one could see him. "This still weird?"

"Oh, for sure," Luke responded, making them both laugh. "How're you feeling?"

Ashton thought about it for a moment. "Like I'm on display in a museum or something," he said with a chuckle. "You like the view?"

Luke sucked in a breath. "I don't know," he said playfully. "I'm trying to see up your gown but the angle isn't right."

Both of them, even the doctor, let out loud laughs at Luke's cheekiness before she was shushing them gently in order to start the machine. While Ashton was being pulled into the machine, the doctor briefly explained to Luke how the process worked. "So, basically," she started, "the magnets and the radio waves work together to bring up images of all of the organs in Ashton's body, and will help us see if there's anything floating around in there that shouldn't be there." Luke nodded, feeling a bit of anxiety at seeing Ashton wheeled into the machine. He knew that they could find something, but he was hoping and praying that they would find nothing.

"Alright Ashton," she spoke into the microphone, "I'm about to switch the imaging on, so try and stay still for me."

"Just keep your eyes closed, Winnie," Luke added in, leaning closer to the mic. "Just picture we're laying on your couch, okay? Nothing to be afraid of."

Ashton let out a gentle breath as he closed his eyes, taking in Luke's words and losing himself in the scene of the two men holding each other as Hozier played in the background of an otherwise quiet evening indoors. It was a specific night, one that occurred not too long ago. Luke had come to spend the night and brought Petunia with him. The two men and the sweet bulldog spent the majority of the evening curled up on the sofa, Ashton with a book in one hand while the other carded through his boyfriend's hair, and Luke with his Nintendo Switch in his hands as Petunia curled between his long legs. He felt himself smile as his breathing evened itself out and he stayed still.

"Alright," the doctor started, "so this is Ashton's brain at a glance. This shows us the brain as if you were looking at the top of his head. Any abnormalities would be present as big, dark blotches under an X-ray, but will show up at white blotches here. There doesn't appear to be anything from the top view, but if we change to the underside view, we get—"

Luke turned to look away from his boyfriend on the other side of the glass as the doctor abruptly stopped speaking. "We get what?"

"Oh, no," she continued, voice sounding far away. She then switched the view so that the scan was showing Ashton's brain from the left side and she sighed gently. "See this right here?"

Luke followed her finger to where it was pointing on the screen. Almost directly in the center of the image there was a glowing white dot, about the size of the doctor's fingertip. "What is that?"

"That," she says slowly, "is the pineal gland. It produces melatonin in your body, which helps you regulate a sleep pattern. It's located deep in the brain's center."

"So," Luke says, "it's lit up because there is something there?"

The doctor nodded slightly. "Yes, but not just anything. Leukemia is one of the only kinds of cancers that doesn't metastasize because it's a blood cancer, meaning tumors don't form from leukemia. This - this mass shown here - is a brain tumor."

"So what does that mean?" Luke could hear the blood rushing in his ears as he anxiously awaited what she had to say next.

She let out a heavy sigh. "That means that Ashton has developed a secondary cancer."