Taehyun stares at his phone, utterly baffled. He tries calling Kai again but there is no answer and he's getting antsy.

Kai is odd. Which means the call could have meant nothing other than the fact that Kai is awkward when it comes to showcasing love. Taehyun knows the other has trouble with this concept and he accepts Kai for who he is.

He can wait, Kai knows this.

He calls again, a bad feeling forming like a pit in his stomach. It feels wrong, this sudden call. He wanted to hear Kai say those words but not like that.

Not on the phone.

Remember that I love you. But Taehyun doesn't need to remember because Kai can remind him every single day. Why does he have to remember?

He calls Beomgyu, even though he's not really fond of the guy. He answers almost immediately but what strikes Taehyun is that he sounds just like his brother if not more distraught. "Is Kai with you?"

That is the first thing Beomgyu says and the pit in Taehyun's gut grows hollower. ".... No. I just got a weird call from him, actually-"

"I think... " Beomgyu begins. "I think I did something bad, Taehyun." he whimpers. "I don't know what to do... "

"What happened?"

"We-we were fighting... and... oh god- what have I done? Taehyun, what have I done?" he cries on the phone; his words are confusing and he appears to be spiraling. Taehyun gets up from his bed first, finding it hard to remain seated. He feels even worse than when he did before the call, something bad has happened and Beomgyu can feel it too.

Maybe he was the one who caused it, but Taehyun does not know for certain yet.

"What happened, Beomgyu-Hyung? What did you do?" he asks. But all he can hear from the other line are staggered breaths and incoherent mumbling.

"I.... -and then- "crying. "I told him- oh my god... Taehyun... where-" even more crying." fuck... fuck!"

"You were fighting?" Taehyun asks to confirm. Beomgyu sounds bad, not only is he static beyond the phoneline he also sounds like Taehyun caught him at a really bad time. Bad headspace.

By sheer luck, Soobin gets out of the shower just in time to help Taehyun calm down the boy on the phone. Taehyun tells Soobin what goes on in a nutshell and the older takes the phone from Taehyun and speaks to his friend.

"Beommie? It's me." Soobin says. "Can you take 3 deep breaths for me," he instructs and puts the call on speaker. The two tune into the sound of Beomgyu's shaggy breaths. He tries his best to keep them deep and calm. "Good... very good." Soobin soothes. "You're doing great, Beom."

Beomgyu sniffles.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Soobin's forehead creases in concern for his friend, he locks eyes with Taehyun, and the two wait for a response.

"I don't... "he starts, sounding wrecked beyond repair. It hurts the ears. "I didn't mean it, I didn't," he says so desperately but they are not sure what he is referring to. "I'm a horrible brother, I am... God, Kai... "

"Beomgyu," Soobin calls. "Did something happen between you two?"

"I... I-" Beomgyu begins sobbing again, this time harder, and deeper than before. The pit in Taehyun's stomach now physically hurts him. "... I-" he wails; Soobin squirms standing, in discomfort hearing the pained cries. He never heard Beomgyu this devastated. This frustrated.

"I... Hit him." He speaks. His words are not too clear. "I hit Kai." he repeats and this time they hear him perfectly.

There is a beat of silence.

"You hit him?" Soobin parrots.

"We... I told him- we always argue... we always... " Beomgyu attempts to explain. "It was different- this time." he lowers his voice; whimpering painfully. "... He pushed me- He smoked in front of me- and- and... I was on the floor... I don't know why I did that-" he cries, panting hard. "I told him.... that I hated him."

Soobin and Taehyun do not dare to speak a word, both from a wave of sadness that draped over the room and the need to not interrupt the retelling of the fight.

"I said it- again and again-" Beomgyu speaks as if he needs to get it out of his chest. As if the words come out of him involuntarily, like vomit. "I hit him... I threw things at him- and... -he started... b-bleeding. I don't even know from where- I can't remember. There's blood on the- the floor." he breathes deeply. "Kai's gone... "

Taehyun tilts his head. "What do you mean he's gone?" he feels the need to ask almost immediately.

"I- I don't know. He said... he'd drop out and he left his things here- he said he couldn't.... li-live with me.... anymore. He left." Beomgyu's voice dips into a whisper. "Kai left."

.......................

They call Yeonjun and they all drive to Beomgyu's house. They find him curled like a ball on the couch, his eyes are bright red and swollen. He tells them Kai left a few hours ago and all he has done since is try and reach him on the phone.

Not only is he not answering but his line is disconnected completely.

"What did he tell you?" Soobin asks Taehyun in front of the rest.

Taehyun bites the insides of his cheeks; growing more and more worried. It doesn't make any sense. Kai was fine the other day and the day before that. Why would he leave so suddenly over a fight?

"He... "he thinks twice before deciding to share the words with the rest. "He told me he loved me," he says and looks up to find Beomgyu looking back at him with widened eyes.

The rest are surprised as well but perhaps less than Beomgyu. The way they are looking at him is unsettling. "He did?" Beomgyu asks.

Taehyun nods.

"Did he say anything else?"

"No... only that," Taehyun answers. "He just told me to remember..." he clears his throat and his cheeks grow warm. "That he loves me," he whispers; feeling embarrassed. "That's all."

Beomgyu hugs his legs to his chest and rests his chin on his knees, he looks down; his eyes still watering. They never stopped. He tried so hard to pretend he and Kai were fine even when they never were.

He knew in his heart that there was a part of him that couldn't possibly stand being next to Kai let alone love him like one loves their family. But he tried.

Eventually, that trying turned to him bottling his emotions, and on one not-so-particular evening they are just rushed out.

And Kai seemed like he was waiting for them too.

"I have to find him." Beomgyu shakes his head. He fiddles with the fabric of his pants; mind racing. Where could have Kai gone to? Knowing his brother, he could be nearly anywhere and that was not something to be happy about.

"Couldn't it be that he only left to cool down?" Yeonjun suggests it is not only because he sees his boyfriend turning more and more paranoid. "We've been down this road once, and he turned out to be fine." he reminds Beomgyu. "I'm sure this is no different."

And Beomgyu wants to believe him but he can't. This is different.

Soobin nods; agreeing with Yeonjun. "We'll go and search for him like we did last time. He couldn't have gone far and once we find him; you can sit down and talk."

"He must hate me." Beomgyu beats himself down; burying his head in his knees. He feels a hand on his back, patting slowly; trying to comfort. But nothing can help. What he has done is irreversible.

No matter what he feels deep inside; whatever hatred he has, still has. He should have talked to Kai about it. They should have sat down and talked instead of tip-toeing around each other.

He'd done everything too wrong and it's too ruined to save now.

The worst thing about it all is that he still... even now... he hates Kai so much. A small part of him wishes to never find Kai. Wishes his brother is really gone.

And as those thoughts rise, he not only hates but himself as well. How could he hope for that? As his older brother, how could he hope for anything other than Kai's return home?

He cares for Kai and loves Kai. But the guilt of caring for someone so close to his mother's killer... it makes him hate himself. Makes him so confused. He feels the need to apologize for caring, and for keeping Kai around.

What kind of a son that make him?

So, he cares for Kai and hates himself for it which than leads to hating Kai. Because he tugs on Beomgyu's heart even when he promises himself, he'd stop caring.

Kai comes back home with a slit face or an empty stomach and Beomgyu can't help but not to care.

It's his family, they grew up together so how can he not care? Kai brought so much pain into his life but with that, a purpose. Someone to look after.

And Beomgyu knows Kai although two drops his father, he's not actually him. He's not the killer, he's not the one who is guilty.

But so similar.

Sometimes he can pretend he doesn't see the resemblance. And at times Kai really does seem like... Kai. Like himself. Like his little brother.

At times, though. He is Finn. He is so obviously his son that Beomgyu wants to scream at him, curse at him, throw him outside, and lock the door. So much like his father that Beomgyu cowers and doesn't speak.

So, much like him sometimes Beomgyu thinks he'll flip and kill him too. Follow his father's steps.

With the fear of losing Kai, comes the relief of ridding Finn.

............................

They agree to take Yeonjun's car and start patrolling outside the neighborhood. It's dark like the other night, making it harder to search. Taehyun tries Kai's mobile again but like Beomgyu said earlier, it is disconnected.

Yeonjun turns on the car's front lights, driving by the street slowly with the rest of them staring out of the windows, trying to catch a glimpse of either Kai or his Cadillac.

After about an hour they pass an ambulance, or rather the ambulance passes them. They hear a few sirens grow louder and another ambulance, this time with its sirens on passes by.

Taehyun watches as they pass with an acidic sensation in his stomach.

"Follow them," Beomgyu says.

"What?"

"Follow the ambulances," he repeats, waiting for Yeonjun to speed and catch up to the police cars driving by. "Are you sure?" Yeonjun asks and he nods.

Although confused by the weird request, not seeing how this is helpful. Yeonjun stirs from the course he was going to take and instead makes a turn in the opposite direction and drives; following the red and blue lights.

The drive is not long but it's a rigorous task to keep his eyes on the ambulance and follow it. The ambulance stops and so does Yeonjun. It's an empty parking lot that is not so empty now.

It appears a car had been driven into the wall. There is smoke which makes it difficult to identify which car it is especially from Far off from where they are parked, Beomgyu recognizes a sneak glance of a black Cadillac. Wrecked black Cadillac.

His heart jumps to his throat along with a foreign feeling in his chest.

Soon the rest see what he sees and deafening silence washes over them. Beomgyu unbuckles his belt with shaking hands and following him the rest get out of the car. They approach the medics with caution.

The Cadillac's number plate has fallen off, they assume. So, there is no way to tell if the car does belong to Kai which means they shouldn't be freaking out just yet.

"Excuse me." Yeonjun talks because Beomgyu appears to be far off from being able to speak. "Did you find... anyone?" he asks. Not a person in particularly but the entire groups of medics, hoping one of them would have of answer.

They stop talking between themselves. Odd. Shouldn't they be doing their jobs instead of chatting?

But as they turn their attention to Yeonjun he can see that they are surprised, even worried. But why?

One shakes his head subtly, his graying eyebrows knit in concern as he looks slightly down, in though. "No," he says. "The car is empty, why do you ask?"

"Can we take a look inside it? Our friend... we tried calling him for a few hours and he's not picking up."

The medic scrunches his face as if he's trying to understand where Yeonjun is going with that and why he should care for his friend who is not picking up. "He owns a black Cadillac too."

Approaching the ruined vehicle, Beomgyu already has a bad feeling. He opens the front door and it falls out, making a loud clank on the floor that makes Taehyun flinch.

He, unlike Beomgyu, is too scared to look inside.

Too scared to confirm his worries. Deep inside, he knows the Cadillac belongs to Kai. And Beomgyu does too but they hold onto the hope that it's not.

That it's someone else's love, someone else's brother.

Not theirs.

A broken cry from Beomgyu is all it takes for Taehyun to lose that hope. He can hear the medics behind them talk, and conspire.

Beomgyu drops on the floor and cries into his hands, in his right one Taehyun sees a crumpled packet.

Black Sobranie.