The entirety of Kai's recovery period which lasts a month until he no longer suffers headaches or fatigue, he does not utter a word about anything that happened. Not the week before the arrest, not the night of Friday the 13th.

Nothing.

He stays home for most of the time, trying to eat well and regain his strength to recover faster. A few days after he's released from the hospital, he goes down the stairs to the hidden basement, at night when Beomgyu was asleep.

He came out the very next morning and when Beomgyu entered the basement to look for some pans he stored in there, he found the place empty of Kai's things.

The investigation wall, the computer, the burner phone. Everything vanished like it was gone.

And when he asked Kai about it, the other shrugged and went to sleep.

Taehyun comes by once every few days, to Beomgyu's surprise. He still collects Kai's notes for him, maybe for an excuse to come by.

He gives Kai medicine and leaves once the sun goes down. Sometimes he even stays the night and, in the mornings, Kai appears livelier than he did the previous day. As alive as someone like Kai can be.

Beomgyu does not know what to make of this as Kai never expressed interest in anyone of that nature or any nature. But seeing him content and almost healed after seeing Taehyun, he wants to believe his brother can achieve love.

That it's possible for him. Because for the longest time, Beomgyu thought it could never happen. But Kai cares about Taehyun.

Kai cares. And maybe that is the best he can do.

........................

Kai comes back to campus, and students could not be less happy about it.

........................

Mr. Harrison is officially missing and presumed dead. Posters are plastered on every corner of campus calling for justice. Kai walks past them, indifferent. He sees the looks people give him, not just students but the faculty as well.

They will learn the truth soon, he thinks.

Kai comes back home late after staying for extra hours at the library. He is almost all caught up on his assignments. He opens the door, catching a whiff of his favorite ramen.

His mouth salivates.

"Hey, Hyung."

Beomgyu turns around and gives him a tight smile that drops almost instantly. "You smoked again. "He says and Kai remembers he had forgotten to air out his coat and spray mint wash in his mouth. He sighs.

"Yes," Kai admits.

"I told you not to do that." Beomgyu scolds. "Why do you never listen?"

He's tired and hungry. Not to mention Taehyun was too busy to meet him today which means he did not get his daily hug. He's jumpy and just wants to eat and go to sleep. "What can you do?" he dismisses his brother. But Beomgyu pushes the plate of food away from Kai.

"You can quit." Beomgyu insists. "It's a filthy habit."

"It's my filthy habit. I've grown to like it, so can you."

"Very funny, Kai." Beomgyu throws the towel he had in his hand on the table and leans it on his waist. Kai rolls his eyes. "Must we do it now?" he asks.

"When else?" Beomgyu sasses. He reaches out his hand. "Give me the packet."

"No."

"Kai, for the love of god-"

"Hyung, let it go. I'm not going to quit. I'll buy one packet after the other, you can't stop me."

Beomgyu feels his anger growing inside of his chest. It is impossible to argue with Kai when his brother remains so calm. "I can try."

"Eat alone, then," Kai says, and turns around, walking up the stairs. The food is not worth the fight they are about to have and he is already having a bad day.

Devil child. This is what another student yelled at him today, as he was walking to his class. He had half a mind to stride there and give the kid a piece of his fist but he can't prove them right.

He must remain proper.

But what they said already did a number on Kai today. He knows where the two students live and toys with the idea of breaking into their dorms and make them regret what they said.

Lucky for the two, he's simply too tired to bother.

"I'm still talking, Kai. Come back here." Beomgyu puts his foot down.

Devil child.

Why does his Hyung care so much about him when he thinks the same? He probably hates him deep down, doesn't he? If only he knew, how wrong he was. If only Beomgyu knew how much Kai ached from the inside, that only burning that pain with smoke could help him sleep at night.

Maybe he would have understood.

Beomgyu follows him up the stairs and Kai feels like he's being chased. He doesn't like that feeling.

He craves tranquility. He craves Taehyun, but he can't have him tonight.

Devil child.

But he is not. Mr. Harrison is guilty. If he told Beomgyu that, would he believe him? If he heard the recording Kai has of Mr. Harrison admitting to have killed both their parents.

Something tells Kai that even then, Beomgyu would be skeptical. Maybe he should let his Hyung think that he killed Mr. Harrison, wherever that oldie is. Kai hopes it's 6 feet down.

"Kai, stop."

"Let it go, Hyung. It is my body, not yours." Kai retaliates monotony, contradicting his swirl of toxic thoughts.

He's a terrible person. Terrible.

He should have never come close to Taehyun. He wants to kill Mr. Harrison. He wants to ruin that person's life like he ruined his. He hopes for another person's death. He terrible person he is.

He promised Taehyun he'd be better but the only thing he wants is justice for his family.

He needs a cigarette; he needs one right now.

Beomgyu watches in horror and fury as Kai lights a cigarette right in front of his eyes and inhales deeply. He tries snatching the cigarette from Kai's hands but the younger is a few inches taller in height and Beomgyu cannot reach it. "Kai, what the fuck is wrong with you!?" he yells.

The younger chuckles bitterly. "It tastes so good, Hyung." this is just right. He takes another puff. It tastes like hell; he hates every second of it and that is exactly what makes smoking so wonderful.

It's life's punishment. It's his punishment, and he can't get enough.

"Stop!" Beomgyu's lip quivers as he grabs at his brother, trying to get him to stop. The smell of smoke spreads in the room and being too close to Kai, Beomgyu begins to cough.

If only Beomgyu knew how disgusting Kai felt every single day in their house while he knew his father did nothing wrong. Beomgyu kept hating him. He could see it in his eyes.

It was more apparent when they were early teens. Beomgyu would come back from high school with black eyes because the students were too afraid to hit Kai. So, they chose the easier target.

But it wasn't Kai's fault.

It wasn't his father's fault either and if only Beomgyu knew how much guilt Kai had been, still harboring in his chest maybe he would act differently.

Maybe he would apologize.

Maybe if Beomgyu knew how much Kai wanted to die each time he acted nice to him, each time Beomgyu actually tired and Kai thought to himself, he hates me.

Maybe things would be different. But Beomgyu wanted to play pretend like things were normal like he cared. And that just makes Kai feel worse because he does not deserve to be cared for.

Even when Beomgyu believes Kai's father killed his mom, even when Beomgyu knows of the bad things Kai has done and continues doing he still has the nerve to act like he cares.

For someone like Kai.

For a devil child.

But he's not... he's not... he never was and they don't believe him. They will never believe him.

Holding onto his hand and trying to pull it down. "Kai, please stop-" Beomgyu says, but Kai throws him to the floor, and his brother lands on the tiles like a sack of potatoes. He yelps in pain; surprised.

Kai never hit him. Despite his nature, Kai has never laid his hands on him.

He gets up slowly, recovering from the momentary shock. He looks at Kai with venom in his eyes. "I hate you," he whispers. His elbow is scraped off and bleeding from the friction of the floor. "I hate you!" he says louder and now-

Now Kai is satisfied.

"I know," he says, taking another long, deep puff into his lungs and it burns: burns so good. "You hate me so bad, don't you?"

Beomgyu gets up on his feet and pushes Kai back with his palms. "I hate you!" he screams. "I fucking hate you!" he lets all of the poison out. "You ruined my life! You fucking psycho! Killer- fucking murderer, I hate you!"

From the sheer force of his hands against Kai's body, pushing again and again, hitting again and again to the carelessness of Kai's state, one more push and he stumbles back, tripping on the foot of his bed, he falls down and hits his back on the bed poll in the process. "I hate you!" Beomgyu's voice is thick with bottled-up emotions. Once he starts, he finds that he cannot stop even after Kai knocks his head on his bedside drawer. "Get out of my life!" he yells, throwing whatever he finds in his vicinity in Kai's direction. He sees nothing, only red rage.

"This is good, Hyung." Kai does not bother shielding his face either. He closes his eyes "I like it." Kai says with a pained whisper.

His lip gets slit. He's not sure from what but it hits his face hard and suddenly he doesn't hear Beomgyu's enraged yelling anymore. Just ragged breathing.

Scared breathing.

He opens his eyes slightly to see Beomgyu slowly fall back; shocked at what he did.

Blood drips from Kai's chin. He barely notices it.

"Kai. I-I'm-"

"Don't apologize." Kai beats him to it. "You can have the house, Hyung. I'll leave my card for you. You can have your friend back, I'm dropping out."

Tears fall from Beomgyu's regretful eyes. He's done it again.

"I'll be gone before you know it. I cannot do this anymore. Neither can you."

Beomgyu sobs loudly, his hand covering his mouth.

"I'm setting you free now."

......................

Me: hey, I'm sorry about today🙁 I miss you, do you want to grab coffee tomorrow?

Me: I forgot I had a paper to write and it's almost midnight! I'm panicking.

Me: I asked Soobin Hyung to help me and he agreed😊 wish me luck!

Me: Are you already asleep? Goodnight, Kai-ya... sleep well. You did good today>_<

.......................

Kai parks somewhere secluded. He quickly packed most of the things he would need even though Beomgyu begged him not to go.

Kai has learned that justice is sometimes harder to get than possible. And he should make his peace with it.

No matter what he does and how he will always be wrong. Like oil trying to mix with water. He may not be oil but that is what people think he is and that is just the same as being one.

Some things are not changeable and neither is he.

He dials.

"Kai... "Taehyun sounds chipper despite the late hour. "I thought you were asleep already."

"Hey." Kai's voice betrays him and a few tears find themselves gathering in the corners of his eyes. Why is Taehyun doing to him? What kind of witchcraft-

"Are you okay, Kai?"

He breathes deep. "Taehyun." He calls. "I-" This is harder than he thought. Why is that? "I love you." he blurts out. "I love you so much, Taehyun." it spills out of him like a damn, and he does. He loves the redheaded boy too much. Too much to stay around. "Please, remember that," he asks. "Remember that I love you."

Like one loves air. Like one loves something that is quite impossible not to love, Kai loves Taehyun like he was meant to.

"Kai... I- I love you too. Is everything alright though? You sound-"

"I have to go now."

"Kai-"

"I love you."

He hangs up.

Tires squeak on the asphalt. Lights blaring.

Kai looks back, trying to see what it is that is driving so closely but he is met with the sight on another car crashing into his and everything turns black. 

.................................

Author's note

quadruple update?? or whatever it is called.

enjoy the angst I guess