He doesn't know when he fell asleep, or how. But when he woke up, he saw Soobin looking down at him with his eyes filled with concern. He flutters his eyes open, unblurring his eyesight. He looks around the room.

Kai is nowhere to be found. Only the streaks of blood of their floors and stains on Taehyun hands are a testament of what happened earlier that night. Through the window, Taehyun can see the start of a sunrise.

He's suddenly wide awake.

"Where is he?" He grabs Soobin's sleeve. "Hyung, He was right... "he points at the empty floor. Then he looks at his red hands.

"Hyunnie... "Soobin pets his hair. "let's wash you up."

A mix of emotions surges in Taehyun. Confusion, fear, concern. You name it. But even so, he feels numb. He lets Soobin take him by the hand to the bathroom where he washes his hands above the sink.

"How did I-" He breathes out, when did Soobin clean his hands? The sight of them bare and washed from blood makes him think none of this happened. He buries his hands in his hair, tugging it.

"Stop that." Soobin pries his hands away from his head. "you're in shock. Sit down."

Taehyun's eyes scan the floor, darting fast between all the blood stains. He shakes his head. Soobin hands him a glass of water.

He didn't know how thirsty he was until he took that first sip. He chugs that glass in mere seconds. A few drops trickle off his chin, he wipes them away.

"Care to tell me what happened here? Whose blood is this?" Soobin carefully asks. "Was it another student?" his tone is soft like a blanket; it makes Taehyun's brain hazy.

"I don't think I should say."

Soobin bites his lip. "What do you mean?" He tries to be understanding but there is a slight hint of frustration in his voice. "Their blood is on our floors."

"I haven't seen a thing."

"Taehyun." Soobin grabs his hand. "Look at me. Yes, you have. Whose is it?"

"We need to clean this."

"Taehyun!"

"I'll clean it." He shakes Soobin's hand off him and takes a package of wet wipes. Ge gets down on his knees and hands, scrubbing.

"Tae-"

"Hyung!" Taehyun screams at the floors, looking up with teary eyes. "Please... "he whispers. "I can't tell you. I'm sorry..." he continues scrubbing.

Soobin has known his best friend for over 8 years, all those years and he had never seen Taehyun like... that. There is not even a label to put on how distraught Taehyun looks and that scares Soobin to his bones. If he only knew what Taehyun had seen to grant such a reaction, maybe he could help.

Taehyun has always been secretive, carefully choosing the people he tells his secrets to. Sometimes even being the closest person to him, Soobin still feels like there is a lot he fails to know about his best friend.

It has never stopped them from forming a deep, meaningful friendship. Because Soobin knew that if Taehyun really needed to, he could confide in him.

Perhaps not anymore.

He pulls out a few wet wipes of himself and gets down on the floor next to Taehyun.

They don't speak a word while they silently clean the blood. Only the sound of the wipes against the tiles fills the silence.

................

A text saying. "Yeonjun lost his keys, bringing him home. Wherever you are, find somewhere else to crash" Is not what Kai wishes to see while in pain and already on his way home.

He woke up in an unfamiliar room and for a frightening second, he thinks he got kidnapped, but as he looks around, he saw a head of red hair he can recognize from miles away.

The boy, Kang Taehyun. Was holding a red tainted towel above his stomach and sleeping soundly next to Kai.

It was a shame Kai couldn't catch a glimpse of the boy's beautiful big eyes before he sneaked out of his dorms, but he could not put himself at further risk. He's made some big and bad decisions that very night that he would not normally do.

It's like he wanted to get caught. Wanted to be found.

Surely, he can't want that. What good would that do after keeping low for all those years? His curiosity gets to him, and not just his thirst for knowing what really happened when he was a kid.

The fire, his dad. It wasn't just that and Kai knows it. But he's not sure he knows knows it. It's not quite like him, to get confused.

That is other people's job, he always thought.

He climbs up the roof and walks on it until he opens his bedroom window on the second floor and crawls inside. He lands on his bed, dirtying it of course. He tries his very best to keep quiet, which he is pretty good at.

It'd be funny if he wasn't.

He opens his closet, finding there a first aid kit that will help with nothing because newsflash, a stab wound? Not a mild injury. He throws that aside and fishes for a few rolls of bandages, sanitizing alcohol and a sewing kit.

Kai gets in the bathroom and opens the tap just a little to avoid getting heard. He takes off his shirt and begins the cleaning and patching task which he has done one too many times he can practically do it with his eyes closed.

He has only gotten that severe injury a handful of times, but the process is pretty much the same, only with a tad bit of pain added.

He gets in the shower after stitching himself up and in the mirror, he sees the scars and blemishes pile up, doubling in number each and every year.

As he showers, the questions that he avoided asking himself rise up. How did Kang Taehyun find him? When? What business did he have trying to help him? Perhaps he wasn't trying to. Kai could not assume a thing.

Who is he going to tell? And in what condition did he find him in?

Kai needed to give the boy a reason to keep his mouth shut. Or else it'd be bad for them both.

.................

Soobin insisted he stayed in the dorm today, but Taehyun reassures him he's fine even if he's far from that. After a while of arguing Soobin gives up.

If he stayed inside, all Taehyun would do is think. And right now, the worst thing he can do is to be left with only his mind to entertain him. He doesn't want to reminisce about last night, does not even want to believe Kai was there only a few hours ago.

There's a bitter taste in his mouth, and he has yet to drink his coffee.

If going to his classes could distract him, he'd take that over anything. He just needs a break.

"Call me after your lecture." Soobin's cautious. He's talking to him as if he's going to shatter if he says the wrong words.

Taehyun feels bad that Soobin had to give up his sleep. They spent all night cleaning whatever even had the smallest splash of blood on it, and it was a rigorous task. He too experienced panic and fear that night, yet he puts that aside to check on his younger friend.

What started from a night to loosen up turned into whatever last night was, because of Taehyun's decision.

He can't be blamed, though. If he didn't, Kai would've died on that curb.

And all Taehyun can think about, all that he keeps circling back to is who would do this? And why Kai of all people?

He replays those questions in his head until he feels his brain melt into itself. It physically feels heavy and perhaps it's the lack of sleep but all he wants to do is lay the weight on something to relieve himself.

He rubs his eyes so hard; a red tint appears around them.

He must not be late for class.

.................

He can't help it but once he walks on campus all his eyes are searching for is that same long black coat he longs to see for some strange reason. Perhaps he wants to see if Kai is alive and well after last night. He may have walked away when Taehyun was asleep but the chances, he made it are very slim.

At least in Taehyun's judgment. But then again, he hopes his judgment is flawed because he wishes that wasn't true.

He stops in his place, close to the lab he's supposed to walk into.

What if Kai didn't go by himself? What if he wasn't the one who upped and left? What if-

"Kang Taehyun."

His thoughts abruptly end after hearing that low velvety voice behind him. It truly has no reason being this pretty, this intoxicating. He turns around, his breath halting.

Long black coat.

Kai takes his arm and drags him across the hallway. Taehyun lets himself wordlessly get handled, he's too busy scanning Kai in all his glory.

The black gloves on his hands, they feel soft engulfing Taehyun's wrist. Kai's hair shifting in his step he takes, Taehyun can't see his face as he's walking behind Kai, but he can tell the other is not one bit happy.

Was he ever?

Kai throws him into the janitor's room and locks the door behind them, trapping the two inside. He looks at Taehyun with the pair of his two sharp eyes and it's the most scared Taehyun has been, maybe in his entire life.

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing's coming out.

Kai slams his hands on the sides on Taehyun head, caging him. He flinches, turning his head sideways, avoiding Kai's dark eyes. "I'm sorry... "is basically all he's able to say. And even that comes out intelligible broken chain of sounds.

"Look at me."

Taehyun closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip so hard; he draws blood from the poor pink flesh. "I'm sorry... "he breathes shakily. His chest is going up and down roughly. "I didn't- I didn't mean to."

He swears Kai did something to him because he cannot think straight at that very moment. He turns his head slowly, opening his eyes hesitantly.

Black undereye bags accompany Kai's appearance. Other than that, he looks like he's in top condition.

Relief spreads in Taehyun chest.

"What did you see last night?" Kai's tone is harsh, and tight. As if he's holding back on his anger.

"I don't-" Taehyun shakes his head. He balls his hands into trembling fists on the sides of his body. He's not sure what to say.

"Needless to say, I will hurt you if you speak a word about last night. To anyone." Kai warns.

"Does that mean..." Taehyun tilts his head in confusion, his large eyes sparkle with moisture. "I can't tell you either?"

Kai's lip ticks upwards. "Do you wish to play smart with me?" his hands close in on Taehyun.

Taehyun shakes his head. "I don't know why I said that. You obviously didn't mean-"

"What did you see last. Night.?" Kai's voice turns impatient and slower.

I saw you discarded on the ground, tied and bleeding out to your death. And I tried to wake you up, I really did but you cried in pain, and I had to do something. You looked so pale but so beautiful, you always look beautiful even when you're looking at me like you want me gone. Like I'm a nuisance you have to deal with.

A tear rolls down his cheek. "Who did that to you?" He replies with a question and immediately regrets opening his mouth because Kai pauses and Taehyun's terrified as to what he'll do next.

Kai's hands wrap around his throat "That is nothing of your concern." he whispers so deeply and strained.

"Who were you running from?" Taehyun's eyes sting, he's not sure this conversation can go any wrong than that, so he digs his grave deeper. Kai will hurt him in one way or another no matter what, it seems. He better ask while he still has the chance. "That night you kissed me, who was it you were you running from?" 

Kai's hands tighten on his windpipes in response.

"It was my first kiss." Taehyun manages to say in a strangled voice. And suddenly, he can breathe again. He leans forward, trying to catch his breath.

"What?"

"It was... "breath. "My first kiss, so I would like to know what-" breath." was a good enough reason to steal it from me."

Now Kai is the one that doesn't seem to want to utter a word. He looks down, Taehyun has no idea what can possibly go through his mind. And it's not like Kai gives him any indication to what he's feeling either.

Taehyun wipes his tears with the back of his hand. "I helped you, twice. So, if anything, you owe me answers."

.................

Kai leaves. Kai leaves because he's weak and scared. Because last night scared him and he can't possibly face the consequences of his actions anymore.

He turns and leaves Kang Taehyun in the janitor's room and the first thing he does when he goes up to the roof is light a cigarette, and another. And one more after that another because he needs to fill his lungs with smoke, he needs to feel them burn and shrink and scream for help because that is the only thing that hurts more than being himself right now, or ever.

"Devil child."

The man called him that, but he's not the only one that called Kai by that name.

.................

"I told you to stay low, didn't I?"

Kai's attacked as soon as he stepped foot in his house. "That I did."

"Aren't you sick of lying, Kai?" Beomgyu's features sharpen. He's serious, and Kai momentarily stops and assesses the situation he walked into. "You were out last night; you think I don't know what you're doing out there?" he yells. "I know for a fact it wasn't a job for someone else."

Silence follows. Kai sees Beomgyu neck vein pulse.

"Soobin said the police are roaming the streets now, due to the rise in illegal activity. Do you want to get caught?!"

"Hyung-"

"Do you wish to leave me by myself?" Beomgyu's lips quiver. "I have lost enough, Kai." His tone is cold, and while Kai has seen him talk this way to him, he wonders why Beomgyu is impossibly warm to anyone else who isn't Kai.

The answer is quite simple, but he rathers acting like he doesn't see it.

"You're not losing me."

"And I know what you're doing the nights you "stay inside" let me make it easier for you, Kai." he pukes the words as if he held them in for too long, they no longer could stay in.

"There is nothing new for you to find." he spits. "We both know what happened, we both know your father was a psychotic asshole who couldn't keep his illness inside. And we both know no one but him could have started a fire out of spite, he was too much of a coward to face who he was, so he burned himself and my mom." Beomgyu breathes heavily. "He killed my mom, Kai. And he killed yours too, and the only reason you refuse to acknowledge that as the truth is because you know you're turning into him."

That last sentence sounds muffled to Kai's ears as the blood in his body rushes up to his head and he feels like someone is stabbing him over and over again, the pain from last night is nothing in comparison to the sting of Beomgyu's words.

Even a sting isn't enough to describe the freezing sensation in his system spreading to the tip of his toes and fingers.

He had been dunked in a frozen lake and he does not know his way back to the surface.

"... Fuck." the weight of his own words dawns on Beomgyu and for a few seconds he doesn't even believe they came out of his mouth. Kai is completely and utterly still. "Hyuka." he calls softly, taking his brother's hand in his. He hugs him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Kai does not hug back.

"No."

Beomgyu's breath gets stuck in his throat and his brother looks right at him. "It's fine." Kai says words and sounds come out of his lips, but his face is blank.

"I'm famished, shall we sit down for dinner?"