"I loathe the hypocrisy."

A few seconds later Kai's bedroom door slams shut and Beomgyu runs down the flight of stairs; he takes his bag and storms out of the house.

"Jun." His voice cracks over the phone. He sits on the curb outside.

"Baby, something wrong?"

Beomgyu sniffles, choking on his tears. "I just... "He breathes deeply. "I fought with my parents." he laughs to hide the fact that he is lying through his teeth "It's not a big deal." He wipes his face dry. "Can I sleep in yours tonight?"

Silence over the line. "Sure, of course. Are you truly okay though? You sound-"

"I'm fine. I just need a hug from my boyfriend."

"I'll call a cab for you, then."

Beomgyu smiles softly. "Thank you."

"Whenever, Love."

When he arrives to Yeonjun's dorm room he's welcomed with a set of open arms. Yeonjun doesn't ask questions, which is what Beomgyu likes the most in him. He offers a warm hug and cuddles for the night.

They speak of nothing, and Yeonjun caresses his hair as he cries softly into the pillow. He smiles at him; embracing him tightly.

Beomgyu kisses him endlessly that night, he falls asleep eventually. All thanks to Yeonjun.

.................

In the basement of their house, Kai strings himself into a sleepless night. He stares at the concrete wall covered inch-inch by photos of his dad's late and living friends. Addresses and names, connected all together in a mess of red, green and yellow strings.

He prints the data he found on his Father's latest and oldest psychiatrists. The photo of a lady in her early 60s comes out little by little from the old printer. He hangs that on the wall, pinning each side of the picture in black pins. Another picture of a man in his 40s and another that has already passed.

They're all on the wall now, accompanied by dates of birth and for the last one, his death. Phone their numbers and their relatives' contact information.

Kai falls asleep on the cold floor of the basement with an hour left until he has to get up for his morning class.

It'll be worth it, he convinces himself.

Everything, it'll be worth it all.

.................

Taehyun taps his fingers on the table, he glances at his watch. Kai is a few minutes late and usually Taehyun isn't a stickler, but it seems like Kai is. So, he finds it weird to have arrived earlier than the other did.

He moves around in the comfortable chairs of the library. They're not as comfortable as they were when he sat there with Soobin. He crosses a leg on the other, but it feels awkward, so he settles on sitting stiffly while waiting.

Unknowingly, Taehyun chose one of the most crowded spots of the library. A place that is both close to the librarian and the small coffee stand at the entrance meant for the students that need to get their caffeine dose on late night cramming.

After a few more minutes, he is jump scared by Kai entering his vision. He expected footsteps but Kai just showed up like he teleported into the seat in front of him.

He's panting, his forehead shines with a thin layer of sweat which he wipes with a black handkerchief.

Who carries those these days?

"Are you okay?" The question leaves Taehyun naturally after seeing Kai's deep dark eye bags. They seem worse than the last time they saw each other.

Kai presses his lips into a straight line. "Marvelous."

Taehyun squints his eyes. Kai looks marvelous in a way that it seems he came out of a Tim Burton movie, even now he is awe-inspiring in the way his features and body move but Taehyun can't deny there is something about him that appears... particularly sick. Now more than ever.

Leaning down to loosen the strap on his bag, Kai pulls the notes from Mr. Harrison's class along with a black tape recorder and an expensive looking pen. He sighs quietly when he straightens back up and lays the things on the table.

"What's the recorder for?"

"Have you completely ignored the professor's instructions?"

"He said it was optional." Taehyun argues.

Kai's eye ticks, the corner of his upper lip tugs up as a show of his annoyance. "I opted for that option.

"Do I have no say in this?"

All he gets is a tired stare from Kai that conveys "No you don't." pretty loudly and if Kai looked less unwell, he might have not let that go so easily, but unlike other days he finds himself pitying the guy.

He simply nods.

Kai pushes his notes in Taehyun's direction and waits for the red-haired to finish going through his answers.

Taehyun must admit that Kai's arguments and reasoning for his conclusions are pretty convincing, and he doesn't think he would have reached the level of detailing by himself, but Kai seems to understand or rather, analyze and observe certain aspects that he can't. It'll be pretty hard to debunk those solid conclusions, Kai has done too good of a job on those notes that Taehyun thinks it'll take them at least a few hours to complete the assightment.

A few good long hours of pure discussion... with Kai, no less. Taehyun was doomed.

"How do we start?"

"You can voice your opinions on my notes. For starters." Kai answers in a tone that quite honestly makes Taehyun feel kind of dumb.

Taehyun clears his throat and scratches the hairs at the back of his head. "Well... Okay." He suddenly feels hot seeing Kai's unwavering eyes settle on him. "Are you turning that on?" He points at the recorder.

"Have you said anything worth recording yet?" Kai replies snarky. He turns the tape recorder on despite his mockery.

"I think you have some good points, but I'd say some of the notes are too definitive." Taehyun bites his bottom lip. "Like this one." he points at a specific line. "It is proven that lonely people live shorter lives, but I don't necessarily think that means lived a sad life."

Kai raises his eyebrows. "The question is whether people can live without friends? Dying of loneliness kind of accomplishes the not-surviving-without-friends."

"Right, but maybe we should look at the question from a different perspective. Living in its definition may not mean having a long life, it can mean having a content one. You know? That saying of "just because you're breathing doesn't mean you're alive."

"I'm not familiar with it."

"I'm sure you're heard it at least once."

"not once."

Taehyun sighs, leaning his chin on the palms of his hands. "Why are you being difficult?" He looks down at the table.

"Because I think this argument is inadequate. You're just playing with the question." Kai's voice is serious, as if he's offended.

Taehyun thought nothing could waver him. "Okay, isn't that what we're supposed to do? Mr. Harrison never said the way to the conclusion has to be logical or technical. He just said we need to show how we got there."

Kai seems quite taken aback by that. "What does that mean?"

"It means maybe we could use to be creative?"

"Creative?" Kai scoffs.

"The coca cola commercial. You're only alive when you're drinking cola. You don't need friends to live; you need a soft drink."

"It's a commercial."

"So?" Taehyun challenges. "When we're growing old, we are practically decaying so if you think about it most of our life we're not living. We are rotting."

"Fun."

"By that logic people who die young actually live longer than people who die old. Because they spent more of their life living instead of decaying slowly."

Kai looks at him blankly, trying to process Taehyun's argument. A few moments pass and Taehyun begins to worry he might've broken Kai. But the other takes his pen and writes the argument down. "This is ridiculous." he comments as he's sliding the pen on the yellowish paper.

Taehyun shrugs. "If it's ridiculous and it's working, maybe it's not ridiculous."

As time passes, they write more and more stuff down. Some are completely dismissed by Kai as they're too "irrelevant and foolish." in those words. Only a few make it to the paper at the hour mark but they have more than enough to go on to the next subject.

They debunk the earlier conclusion that we can trust our senses. It seems like Kai is stricter about that subject.

"Virtual reality googles. We're practically tricking our senses knowingly, but even though we know it's not the real reality we're still effected by it."

Kai accepts that quite easily.

"The theory, about humans creating everything we hear and see." Taehyun begins. He read that somewhere.

Kai nods. "Existential nihilism?" he throws in a guess.

"Yeah! That... "Taehyun controls his excitement. "What if we only hear and see because we manifest every object and sound? Every physical feeling. We can't trust our senses if our mind controls the things around us. What if you're not really in front of me, you're only here because I'm right here. The second I stop seeing you or hear you with my ears, you stop existing. Until the next time we meet."

"How do you explain phone calls then?"

"I hear you through the line, therefore you exist. But who knows what happens when we hang up the phone. Does the other person just vanish until you perception of him returns?"

Kai rests his pen on the table, his eyes seem to swallow Taehyun's essence in its entirety. Taehyun's breath hitches when the other won't stop looking at him. He feels unsettled again and he thinks maybe a glass of water will do him good.

"Interesting." is all he says before writing again. "That's enough for this topic."

"You have a lot to say about this subject." Kai points out. "You were quiet in class."

Taehyun bites the inside of his lips. "I enjoy philosophy." He ignores the last part of Kai's question; hoping that's the extent of it.

"Next topic is.... "Kai trails off, his eyes fade into a dead stare in a spot somewhere behind Taehyun. He disassociates in an abrupt time, almost frozen. Kai stops the recorder. "I need to use the restroom." His voice is almost tight in comparison to how it usually sounds. He takes his leave and, on his way out, Taehyun notices something odd. Kai is almost limping; he might try to hide it, but the embarrassing amount of time Taehyun spent mesmerized by Kai allows him to point out this one particular way the other sways as he walks off to the breakroom.

Then, when Kai disappears beyond his eyesight. Taehyun looks down at the floors-

Blood drops. Wine red and thick.

.................

Off in the last stall of the restroom, Kai tears more and more rolls of toilet paper in what resembles a contained panic. He lifts his shirt higher, soaking the endless stream of blood from his loosely stitched wound. He throws the red dripping balls of paper down the toilet and rolls a bunch of fresh paper, putting it against his stomach.

The constant blood loss makes him increasingly dizzy. He leans on the wall and throws the bloodies papers on the floor in exasperation. He felt the stitches give up earlier than he wishes to admit, he would leave sooner if something about the way Kang Taehyun talked wasn't so strikingly different compared to his thought process. What started tricky turned out quite interesting and he didn't want to interrupt him.

It might have been unorthodox, or unconventional but Kai must say Taehyun did make some good points that he would have never gotten to. Some were completely unusable but as they went forward, he began detecting a little sense in Taehyun's words. Turned out he was more than a pretty throat Kai can hold between his hands.

The toilet paper ends, leaving Kai with a brown, bare roll. He blocks the blood flow with his hand, and it hurts than he thought it would. It must've come undone when he was scuffling with another target of his right before the study session.

He must learn to be more careful but balancing both work and studies is too much even for him.

"Kai?"

"I'll be out in a second."

He most certainly will not be out in that short of a time with his shirt practically swimming in blood. There's no way to hide it now, he'll just wait for Kang Taehyun to get the message and leave.

Maybe he can find his way outside from the narrow window atop the toilet. Too narrow for his shoulders it seems.

There is shy knocking on his stall; He flushes the bloodied toilet. It's like a crime scene. "I can help you... "

The pain overtakes him, and Kai slides down the wall, groaning lowly. He ignores Taehyun.

"what's your plan here? Are you going to stay there forever?" Taehyun asks softly, he knocks again. "I have bandages, and gauze."

It takes a few minutes of convincing, but finally when Kai deems he has no other option but accept Kang Taehyun's help (be it accompanied with bad intentions or not He'll deal with the consequences of his decision later) he unlocks the door and creaks it open ajar. He peeks outside, his eyes hit Taehyun like two black holes sucking him inside and he might've been brave on the other side of the wall where he couldn't be a victim to Kai's gaze, he's quickly shifting back to his meek persona.

They're half lidded and red, inviting Taehyun inside.

"Where did you get those?"

Taehyun looks down on the bandages he's holding. "W-went out to buy them... you were gone a while. So, I figured-"

Kai nods. "Let us just be done with it." He lifts his shirt and Taehyun visibly recoils, just like that other night. "Are you not a pre-med major?" Kai questions. And of course, he knows it without Taehyun having to tell him.

Swallowing his nausea, Taehyun nods weakly. "Well, I am but-" he shakes his head. "I have a weak stomach."

"Yeah, I do too."

Taehyun lifts his eyes to look at Kai's, surprised. "Was that a joke?" he gapes. Watching as Kai's lips tug just a little in the direction of something akin to a little grin that resembles a hint of a smile.

He shrugs, the hint drops before Taehyun can indulge in it. He begins unrolling the bandages. "I'll be honest, I don't really know how to-"

Kai dismisses him. "Just those are lovely. I'll handle the rest without your assist." he lifts his shirt up again and Taehyun zeros on his toned torso. Kai holds the hem up by biting the edge of the fabric between his teeth. "A wet paper towel if that's possible." He makes a request, his words are muffled but easy to understand due to his sharp pronunciation.

"Huh?" Taehyun finally tears his eyes from Kai's body. He blushes. "Yeah... "he nods. "Yeah! Paper towel." He laughs awkwardly. "Got it." He leaves the stall to find some paper towels near the sinks. He soaks them under water for a few seconds.

He comes back and watches as Kai cleans himself a little just for good measure before holding up couple pieces of gauze against his wound; he begins wrapping the bandages around but struggles to do so by himself.

"... L-let me." Taehyun reaches tentatively, until Kai shows to want his help. He gives Taehyun the roll and in the small stall he maneuvers his way through the task of wrapping most of Kai's bare stomach with white, soft and sturdy bandage. It's awfully intimate, more than Taehyun thought it be. The silence between them thickens as they both realize how close they are to each other. 

Kai looks down at Taehyun, watching him focus on taking care of his wound. He knows Kai's watching, so he checks. something clicks when they look at each other and Taehyun's note sure how much time passes before he turns away.  "So... "He takes a step back but runs into the stall's door, knocking his head. "Ouch." he rubs the sore spot.

Perfect, he must look like a complete idiot right now.

"Careful." Kai whispers. "Are you alright?" 

Taehyun nods quickly, he keeps his eyes up front, scared to look up and see Kai's expression. "I think It's enough now." Taehyun exhales. "I'm sorry if it's came out too shabby." He fixed the creases of the bandage. He feels embarrassed for some reason. "I'll be out of your hair now..." he scratches the back of his head, turning around.

A tug on his wrist stops him from opening the stall. He turns back in surprise; he forgot how the velvet of Kai's gloves feels on his skin. It's almost gentle compared to the strong hold. "You haven't spoken about this to anyone, have you?"

Taehyun gulps. He shakes his head. "No! Of course not." he replies in a defensive manner. Forgetting for a second their little moment of tenderness. Kai's eyes squinted in disbelief.

"I swear." Taehyun says quietly and something about the sincerity reflecting in his eyes makes Kai falter.

It has been a while since someone looked at Kai in such manner. If he didn't know any better, he'd say it appears Taehyun has not yet run into the rumors spreading through their campus. But that would be impossible.

"I really didn't." Taehyun's eyes begin to water. Kai lets go of his wrist and it falls beside his body.

"Alright." he's quick to say after seeing the spec of a tear in the other's eyes. "Go now, we'll figure the last subject another day."