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Dear Zayn,

I will love you forever until my last dying breathe.

That's what you text me before our first date and I can't wrap my mind around it that your gone from this earth. Louis took your life away and I hate him with a passion. I'm not at all fine when got the news a few days after our first date. I collapsed on the floor and sobbed until I fell asleep.

I haven't left my house in days and I'm am not ready to move on, not now, not ever. You were the only man I ever loved and he took that away from me. I wanted to revenge your death, but Louis is no where to found. It's like he was wiped off the face of the planet. I'm having sleepless nights without you Zayn.

I'm waiting for myself to awake up from this cruel dream that's dressed like a nightmare, but I never do. You are gone from my life, that's something that I've shouldn't took for granted. I hated you for picking Louis, but you had no choice, or they would've hurt me, but you got hurt because of my selfish ways.

I blame myself for your death Zayn. If I hadn't asked for our first date than you would've still be alive. My soul and happiness is gone when you died. I will live on this earth filled with regret and sadness. My soul is broken and it can't ever be fixed unless you come back to me Zayn. I'm waiting for you to walk through my bedroom door and tell me your alive, that Louis didn't kill you, but I'm just fooling myself.

I don't even fucking know where I'm sending this letter to. Did you know my mom got me a brochure on the five stages of grieving? I wanted to tell her to shove it up her ass, but I decided to take it to consideration. Even though I won't accept that your gone, which means I don't give a shit that I'm lying to myself. I rather lie than actually believe that you don't have a heartbeat anymore.

At least I got to hear your heartbeat one last time, as we slowed dance. I wasn't expecting our first date to be our late. I fucking miss you Zayn Malik and I can't live without you.

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R.I.P Zayn :(

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