Taehyung

If I ever learnt anything solid and impactful from my brother, it was to not judge anyone by their face value.

Real feelings, hidden and covered, always existed beyond the original facade created by people. It was worth it to scoop out the deep unhinged secrets people so desperately try to protect from the public eye. Or more importantly, their own eye.

I learnt it the easy way. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

My brother always said that it was always the one with the barest of smiles that had the biggest heart. It just gets unnoticed by everyone because people are too preoccupied by their outward appearance, all cold and aloof, that they fail to notice the underlying pain long harboured into their being which makes them somewhat empathetic to other's pain in a purely confusing yet comforting way.

And I believed it. Because my brother was like that too.

He loved me. Immensely. He would kill for me. And he did. And I'm forever grateful to him for that.

I sat on my brother's favourite chair in his study, situated in the corner of the room, beside the huge mahogany bookshelf. It was the perfect place to relax with a good book and a cup of hot cocoa where soft light streamed into the room by the huge window above it, giving the place an ethereal glow.

He always sat here when he felt like it. But when I am at his place, this spot is reserved just for me. Precisely like he wants it to be.

I was going through our photos in our family album—or more like me and hyung's albums.

Each page consisted of our photos, spanning from my infancy to adulthood, hyung being a constant in each and every one.

I never took a picture without him. It was always him, calming me down when I was anxious in front of the camera.

He would tell me to imagine that we were on an open ground, just me and him, the cameramen our foe, telling us to pose to take his gunshot. He would then tell me to imagine the man as the victim instead and told me the moment he would flash his camera was the moment I would stare at him to shoot out high radiation laser beams at him, completely burning him out in the process.

It was never real but it helped calm my nerves immensely.

The power over one person, at that time, was satisfying to my fragile self then. I really loved Jin hyung for that.

I was smiling to myself, looking at one particular picture of us in a casual ensemble , against a mountainous terrain where we went camping for a whole two nights.

It was hyung's idea to run away for a moment and that moment turned to three days till my father's men found us and rained on our parade.

It was a bummer but the time spent with him then was unforgettable and totally worth it.

"The mosquitoes were a real pain in the ass there," it was Jin hyung, standing behind where I sat.

I smiled and turned my head towards him. "Or more like, a real sting in the ass."

We laughed out loud and he ruffled my hair before sitting on a high backed chair opposite me.

"Why the trip down the memory lane all of a sudden?" He cocked his left eyebrow and lit his cigarette. A hot scent of fresh Marlboro.

I shrugged my shoulders and lowered my eyes to the album on my lap. "Just felt like it."

A long stretch of silence flowed in the room where only our soft breathing could be heard.

"Taehyung."

I flinched. His tone was stern yet caring. It was the tone he used on me when I did something wrong, according to his standards.

I slowly raised my head and looked at him. He was staring at me with those eyes, cold and dark. I didn't like that look.

I gulped audibly. I felt cold sweat on my temples and my heart was racing at a crazy pace.

"You know." He wasn't asking. He was stating it.

I lowered my head and nodded slowly.

"How?"

After a moment's hesitation, I spoke in a low whisper, "The newspapers weren't convincing. And he always fucked like a stallion at this age so there was no way he'd die of a simple heart attack."

We were talking about his father, Kim Hoojun. It wasn't a surprise to me that he died. And it shouldn't surprise him that I knew. He was about to be killed, sooner or later. And I also knew that kill, my brother did.

After what he did to hyung, he sure as hell confirmed his death wish.

I heard him let out a sigh. He was tired, not disappointed.

"It had to be done, kid. There was no other way."

I looked at at him and nodded. I perfectly understood his reasoning but he didn't trust me to do that.

It was a matter of concern to him, that I'd be happy with whatever he did and never bat an eyelash to his treatment on others.

Honestly, it concerned me too, sometimes. But, the look in his eyes whenever he smiled at me fondly would curb that thought. Afterall, he was that giant well of emotions who couldn't express himself openly to anyone, much less to me.

I loved him but he loved me more. And I would never doubt that. Killing someone without a reason is an abhorred act but killing anyone who hurt someone you love was an underestimated show of strength.

Jin hyung understood that early in life and meted it out efficiently.

Once, for me. Second, for him. 

He would show that strength of his at times he thought I wouldn't know and expected me to ignore it.

All those times when I lay helpless on the cold tiled floor, blood oozing from my torn skin, I wished for a protector. Not to heal my wounds but to annihilate my abuser. My father.

Till the age I was six, I suffered my father's emotional scars which took their shape in my bruises and broken bones. Crying and desolate, I was left to die till my brother found me and put an end to my misery.

That night was a final testament to our relationship and I vowed to myself then and there—no matter what changes or what happens, I will never leave my brother's side.

He would have to kill me for that.