Wakas (Part 2)

Nang umalis si Tri sa party kalagitnaan ng party, hindi na rin ako bumalik dahil ang tanging dahilan lang naman kung bakit ako umattend ng Prom ay dahil nalaman kong aattend siya. At halos isang buwan ko ring pinagplanuhan ang ginawa ko ngayong gabi. I know it didn't reach anyone's expectation—particularly Archie who knows every detail of my plan—but, hey, what's matter is that I did it. I finally talked to her after eight years.

I smiled dreamily at the image of her earlier. Ilang beses ko na siyang nakaharap pero mukhang hindi niya 'ata ako naaalala dahil bakas sa mukha niya ang confusion nang lumapit ako sa kaniya kanina. Nevertheless, I made my first move. I made my first impression. And I finally had the nerve to introduce myself to her. I was thirteen when I first met her and from then on I never looked at any other girls the way I look at her.

I'll admit that there are days when I feel like I'm wasting my time over her—her who doesn't even know my name. Na minsan dumadako sa isip kong bata pa ako at dapat ay sumasabay ako sa agos ng buhay. When I was a teen, everyone said that I should date because it's part of growing up. I did. But at the end of the day, my mind still wanders over someone I can never reach. Sabi ni mama, normal ang ma-heartbroken dahil parte iyon ng kabataan ko. And guess she was right because since I met Tri in my life, I've been in constant heartbreak.

But here's the thing. In spite of how many heartbreaks she—not her fault, by the way—gave me, I still can't make myself stop thinking about her and fantasizing about how would it feel to finally enter her world. How fulfilling would it feel when she finally accepted me in her life?

That's the dream.

Bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat at tiningala ang maliwanag na bilog na buwan sa gitna ng kalangitan. Nasa terrace ako ngayon at hindi pa nakakapagpalit ng damit dahil kahit kanina pa ako nakauwi ay naglalakbay pa rin ang isip ko sa nangyari kanina.

"Feeling mo ba nasa kdrama ka?"

Tamad kong nilingon ang kapatid kong nasa pintuan at nakataas ang kilay sa'kin. At the age of sixteen, she's already five-seven tall. Minsan napagkakamalan siyang mas matanda sa totoong edad niya at marami na ang nag-udyok sa kaniya na sumali sa mga beauty pageants pero hindi niya hilig. Ayos naman sa kaniya na mag-muse sa mga basketball leagues at sumali sa ilang competition sa school pero beauty pageants? Never in her life— as she quoted.

We share the exact similar features that make us look like twins only if I wasn't just older than her. Black olive eyes, pointed nose, bronze skin, thick brows, and petite body shape—that's our only difference because I'm big and she's not. When she was younger she liked her hair long and straight but when she started to learn how other people view it as an asset for her to become a model, she decided to cut it. It's been a year since she started sporting neck-length hair.

"Anong oras na, oh. Matulog ka na kaya." Kahit may mga pagkakataon na naiinis ako sa kapatid ko dahil sa pang-aasar niya, hindi ko naman magawang ipakita sa kaniya iyon dahil mahal ko siya.

Unlike other brothers, I am very showy. I don't hide my affection towards my family. And with a family that only consist of four members, we're all pretty close. My father is the Barangay captain while my mother is a public school principal. Hindi ganoon kalakihan ang mga sahod nila at sapat lamang iyon upang mabuhay kami at kahit paano ay magkaroon ng komportableng buhay. Simple ang buhay namin sa loob ng simpleng bahay na mayroon kami at nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na kahit hindi ako pinanganak na mayaman, pinagpala naman ako sa'king mga magulang at kapatid. I remember how our neigbors used to say that we're a rare family dahil sa aming subdivision kami lang ang mayroong family time tuwing gabi. Madalas nilang napapansin ang pagtambay naming apat sa harap ng bahay at nagkekwentuhan at kung minsan ay nag-iihaw.

I used to envy Archie for growing up having all the things he wanted, but then I remembered that I have my own riches too—they are my family. And with that, I was born wealthy and happy.

"Anong oras na, oh. Matulog ka na kaya." She mimicked me and turned around to walk away.

But, again, please remind me why I love my little sister.

I sighed and spent another ten minutes staring at the bright shining moon before I walked into the house. The day has come to an end again and I have no idea what will happen in the following days, but we'll see.

"Salo!"

Mabilis kong sinalo ang hinagis sa'kin ni papa na susi ng Hillux at hinalikan iyon nang pabiro. Minsan ko lang din kasi ma-drive ang nag-iisang sasakyan namin. Gusto man ni papa na gamitin ko iyon sa escuelahan upang hindi na ako mamasahe, hindi ko tinanggap dahil alam ko ring kailangan niya iyon sa kaniyang trabaho at sa paghahatid kay mama sa school.

Natatawa akong inilingan ni papa dahil sa ginawa ko.

"Hindi ko na itatanong kung bakit gusto mo na namang sumama sa mama mo." Ani 'to.

"Of course you don't really have to ask. Isa akong butihing anak na nais tulungan ang kaniyang ina." I lifted my chin and bow just to see Denisse rolling her eyes at me.

I ran towards her and hooked my arms around her neck. She abruptly complained and evolved into an angry female beast.

"Kuya naman kasi!" Naiinis niyang singhal at kinagat ang braso ko kaya naman pinakawalan ko siya.

"Aso ka ba?" Ganti kong tanong at tinignan ang braso na kinagat niya.

She only stuck her tongue out at me. I mimicked her which fury her more.

"Ikaw ang aso kasi habol ka ng habol kay Trishastrea Delavin!"

Well, it's not a news flash that they know about my long-term admiration towards Trishastrea Yael Delavin. Hindi ko direktang sinabi sa kanila ngunit hindi rin naman mahirap na maintindihan ang behavior ko tuwing malapit siya o nakikita ko siya Minsang inisip noon nila mama na sumasama ako sa kaniya sa Hacienda Delavin dahil gusto ko siyang tulungan pero kalaunan ay napansin niya na ang lihim kong paghanga kay Tri.

And they weren't exactly the type of parents being portrayed in a TV drama. Sa telenovela kasi kapag nagkagusto ang anak sa isang mayamang babae, sasabihan nilang lumayo at 'wag nang umasa dahil imposible. But the thing is, my parents believe that it's normal for me to get infantuated with someone like Tri. They don't think that it's something serious that they have to worry about.

However... I do believe that they have to worry about it.

"Oh, tama na 'yan. Tara na, Dax, at baka tanghaliin pa tayo." Awat ni mama sa'kin nang umamba akong gaganti sa kapatid ko.

Sumunod ako sa kaniya sa labas at dumiretso sa pickup. Hinatid muna namin si papa sa Barangay Hall dahil may aasikasuhin lang siya kahit linggo bago kami tumuloy sa Hacienda Delavin. At habang tinitignan ni mama ang mga gulay na bibilhin niya ay nanatili naman ako sa labas ng pickup. And I do believe that fate is finally giving in to my wishes about me and Tri, because the woman riding a white mare in sight is Tri.

Sporting a white buttoned top and dark maong pants paired with brown boots and a cowboy hat while maneuvering a white mare in the uncultivated part of their farm, the sky's clear and the sun shines bright, she looks like she came straight from a portrait. Or maybe it's the other way around—the image in front of me is a real painting.

My heart went frantic when her hair was aggressively blown to her face and how unfair the world is because she still looks beautiful even with messy hair now. It was so surreal I almost made myself believe that I was still in a dream.

Our eyes met and my frantic heart declared war between my logical mind and my irrational heart.

Goddamnit. Ba't kasi kailangan niyang maging sobrang ganda?

My irrational heart told me to wave and smile at her so I did. One point for the heart, zero for the mind. I saw how her pretty brows creased and I thought she'd ignored me but when she slowed down and stopped just a few inches away from me, I knew I made the right choice by listening to my heart. I walked towards the white mare and lifted my head to get a full nice view of her near me.

Maganda siya sa malayuan pero diyosa na siya sa malapitan.

"It's amazing to see a girl riding a horse!" I beamed.

She only looked at me with an unfathomable expression.

Out of habit, napakamot ako sa'king batok dahil ito na naman po tayo. Pahirapan na naman po tayong makakuha ng kahit isang salita mula sa prinsesa.

"'Yung kapatid ko kasing babae 'di marunong sumakay kahit sa bike. Kung sabagay, spoiled kasi 'yon at bata pa." Share ko lang dahil wala akong ibang maisip na kwento na may kinalaman sa kabayo.

Her eyes wander around the workers and ignored what I just said. Gusto ko sanang panghinaan ng loob dahil sa trato niya sa'kin pero hindi ko magawa kung ganito naman kaganda ang nasa harap ko. Kaunti na nga lang at baka masabi ko na sa kaniya na ayos lang na pahirapan niya ako basta lagi ko siyang makikita.

Again, one point for the irrational heart because it obviously wins that thought.

"Why are you here?" She snapped a question and returned her eyes to me.

My eyes widened in surprise.

Gusto kong magtatalon sa tuwa dahil kinausap niya ako.

"You talk to me!" I can't hide the excitement and surprise in my tone.

Damn, I am also certain that she can see my crystal-clear reaction.

"You remember me, right? Ako 'yung kumausap sa'yo nung prom—" I was cut off when she repeated the question.

"Why are you here?"

I bit my bottom lip to be serious but I'm trying hard to conceal the smile.

"Dito kami kumukuha ng mga gulay sa inyo. Binebenta nila Mama sa bayan. May pwesto kasi kami sa palengke." Sagot ko.

Tumango siya at muling sinulyapan ang mga tauhan.

"Pero hindi sina Mama ang nagbebenta. Principal mama ko at kapitan naman papa ko." Dagdag ko at muli siyang bumaling sa'kin.

"Hindi kami mayaman pero hindi rin naman kami kasing hirap ng daga. Average lang pero para sa'yo siguro mahirap na 'yon. Kapitan papa ko pero maliit lang sahod kasi mga kurakot lang naman yumayaman sa politika." I laughed... like an idiot, I know.

And I actually don't know when did I choose for my irrational heart to speak for myself. Hindi naman niya tinatanong ang family background ko pero bakit ko sinabi?

Hindi ko alam!

"Sorry, daldal ko." Bawi ko dahil hindi niya na ako inimik at tinitigan niya lang ako gamit ang mga matang kinakatakutan ng lahat.

She has pretty hazel eyes, but they are also strict and deep—it's like you're looking straight at the queen of the world and you have no other choice but to bow and be scared.

But I was never scared of her. I was doubtful about the idea of us being friends and me getting to know her more, but I was never scared of her. I can't be scared of someone I admire the most. Intimidated? Yeah, sometimes, but it's more about the idea of my dreams about us. But as a normal person? I'm not intimidated and I have a feeling that she doesn't like people being intimidated by her.

For eight years I secretly watched her—not in a creepy way to be clear—I noticed how her eyes showed a short-lived glint of guilt when people started to distance themselves from her when she was around. That was when I also had the presumption that she might be not happy at all about how people are intimidated by her.

"Not surprising. You even talked to me that night."

"Sabi na natatandaan mo 'ko. Pati pangalan ko tanda mo?"

She glares at me but I don't give any damn about it. My mind is only focusing on the fact that she just remembered our first interaction.

"Donato Axton Sernio. Dax's my nickname. Baka nakalimutan mo kaya inulit ko na," I shrugged.

"Pero seryoso. Ang galing mo! Paano ka natutong sumakay ng kabayo—"

And even before I could make another conversation, her yaya—or who she calls 'nanay' as I heard a few times before—appeared out of nowhere. I shut my mouth and I feel exposed. I'm not embarrassed, that's for sure. Totoo!

"Tri! Nandito ka lang pala. Ang init-init, oh! Bumalik na tayo sa mansion!"

Sumagot si Tri at mabilis na pinatakbo ang kaniyang kabayo pabalik ng kanilang mansion nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam sa'kin. I watched her and my heart never faltered down, they just keep getting wilder and wilder each time my mind decided to show the images of Tri.

It was a very short conversation, but hey, we're progressing. Kahit ako lang ang nag-iisip no'n.

"Oh, ikaw ang anak ng principal 'diba? Napaka-gwapo naman talagang binata!" Her nanay talked to me that tear my eyes off her.

I smiled and indulged the old lady with a quick-to-know conversation before she finally decided to follow Tri and check on her, it was also the same time when my mother returned with tatang and I helped them with the baskets.

I knew that the Prom Night was just the start of something new in my life—what I mean is Tri. Dahil pagkatapos ng maikling interkasyon ko sa kaniya sa kanilang hacienda ay muli ko siyang nakita sa Plaza Court nang magkaroon ng Basketball League at kasali ako. And I saw her talking with my father during the pageant night.

"Napakadaya! Dapat ako na lang nag-judge para sa'yo, Pa." Sabi ko kay papa pagkauwi namin galing bayan.

Hindi naman ako naiinggit sa sarili kong ama dahil lang nakatabi at nakausap niya si Tri. Hindi talaga.

"You're so hopelessly romantic, Kuya. It's pathetic." Singit ni Denisse.

Humalakhak sina Mama at Papa at hinabol ko naman ang kapatid ko nang umamba itong aakyat na sa hagdanan. Kinurot ko ang kaniyang pisngi katulad ng ginagawa ko para inisin siya pabalik.

"Ano ba! Leave me alone!" Iritadong singhal niya sa'kin at hinampas ang kamay ko bago nagtatakbo paakyat.

Susundan ko sana kaso pinagsabihan na ako ni mama.

"Dax, tigilan mo ang kapatid mo."

I shrugged. "Aakyat na rin ako sa kwarto ko, ma."

"Dax,"

Nahinto ako sa paglalakad nang tawagin ako ulit ni papa. Binalingan ko siya at naabutan ko siyang nangingiti na nagpakunot sa'king noo.

"You're no longer teenager but you're still young." Ani 'to na mas lalo lamang nagpakunot sa'king noo.

Nakita niya iyon dahil nagpatuloy siya. "If you like someone, as a real man, you pursue them. And if they reject you, respect their decision. Remember that."

I smiled. Hindi na ako sumagot bago ako tuluyang nagtuloy sa kwarto.

I took his advice even though I already planned to do it as well. I tried becoming friends with Tri and I think we're progressing for the past weeks that have passed. Tinatarayan niya pa rin ako pero hindi na katulad noon. Our story continues when we ate together in the Jollibee but that's not where it ends.

I accidentally told her that I had a crush on her. Hindi ko naman talaga planong itago iyon pero hindi ko rin gustong agad niyang malaman ang tungkol roon. I want to be friends with her not because I have a crush on her or because she thinks I pity her for being alone. But because there's something inside me telling me that I want to be part of her life. To get to know her more.

"I want to be your friend because I want to be your friend." I uttered sincerely when she asked why I wanted to be her friend.

Iniisip niya siguro na dahil crush ko siya kaya ko gustong maging kaibigan siya. Partly right but not exactly right. If I wanted to be his boyfriend and if I wanted to court her, I'd do it right away. But these feelings I have for her, it's not something that I want to rush. This is something that I want to take slowly. Maybe there's a part of me that hopes for her to know me well too and maybe we could be something more than friends, but the bigger part of me solely wants to really know her and have the answer to the question of how it would feel to be part of her own little world.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It does make sense!" I defended.

"Tri," I now called her with a different tone—warm, stern yet soft.

Huminto siya sa paglalakad nang maramdaman niyang huminto ako. She turned her head around to looked at me from behind.

"It doesn't matter..." I trailed off and resumed. "It doesn't matter to you even if I have feelings for you, right? Kahit crush kita?" Maingat kong tanong.

She shook her head. "No. Not at all."

I let out a sigh of relief. Well, there, it's not obviously a rejection. It's just... it doesn't matter to her. But that's better than rejection.

"Good. Now, there's no reason to stop trying to fit in your life."

She frowned at me. "Seriously, Dax, stop following me everywhere."

"That's impossible. Our strings are connected." I read that string thingy from a book I can't even remember the title.

She looks confused about what I just said.

"Red strings of fate. Naniniwala ka ba do'n?" I asked as I kept up with her when she started walking again.

"I don't." Tipid at mabilis niyang sagot.

"What a sad life you have! Ito na lang, naranasan mo na ba mag-commute pauwi?"

Although I can already tell that she never experienced it, I want to hear it from her directly.

"No."

I know I wasn't hallucinating when I heard a crack in her voice when she said that short reply.

I stopped when she stopped and I lifted my eyes to see where she brought us.

It's the College of Education building.

"You should try it sometime." I uttered beside her as I stared at her profile.

Tri is not expressive and she tends to hide her emotions quickly as a flash when someone catches her up showing nuance. However, right now, right here, her eyes are telling everything. Flashes of sadness with a glint of hope and a shade of regrets. What does this building have to do with her feelings that she let her guard down for a while?

"My parents will be furious." Sagot niya habang hindi pa rin pinuputol ang tingin sa building na nasa harapan namin.

"Sure they will. But are you?"

I know I'm not in the right place to judge the parenting style of her parents and I do believe that they only want the best for their child but... sometimes the parents forget that we have our own minds too. We can decide for ourselves. Parents are there to guide and protect us, but they don't get to choose the life we want for ourselves. That's what my father keeps on telling me. He believes that I will make mistakes for the choices that I will make, but he also trusts me as a person who is continuously growing.

I was lucky I have parents who listened to me, but maybe, this is life. Not everyone can have a perfect life because no matter how seemingly perfect Tri's life is, it isn't. And I saw today what everyone failed to see—she craves freedom.

"You're watching anime?" My little sister's sneer resonated in my room.

I only looked at her over my shoulder. "What's surprising about it?"

"It's not surprising. It's... weird. Anime is not your thing."

Well, true. I liked anime back when I was in primary school. I watched Naruto, Kuroko's Basketball, One Piece, and others. But when I stepped into middle school, I lost my interest in it. Naging mas hilig ko ang panonood ng mga surgery videos sa YouTube kahit thirteen years old pa lang ako.

"Why are you even watching that..." she trails off when her eyes zoom in on my computer. "Is that Special A?"

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa screen ng computer ko. After Tri told me in the library that she watches anime and she likes this particular anime character—Tadashi Karino—I hurriedly searched about him on Google and learned that he's one of the main characters in a manga adapted into an anime series in 2008. That's why I ended up getting caught by my sister watching Special A.

Wala sana akong balak tapusin 'to kaso nakuryuso na 'ko kaya naman limang episode na lang at matatapos ko na. I didn't tell Tri about it but I have plans to impress her with it when I finally finished this. Thinking about the fact that I'm slowly learning about who really she is,—her favorite anime, her favorite color, things she hasn't done yet—it's like she's slowly letting me in on her world.

"Well, you do look like Tadashi."

Nilingon ko ulit ang kapatid ko. "Am I?" My voice hopeful.

She nodded with a straight face. "You share the same brain cells as he is as well." She shrugged and walked out of my room.

"I'm not like him! I'm way smarter and mature!" Sigaw ko kahit wala na aking kapatid sa loob.

There are days when she's nice to me—and for the record, those days are when she needs something from me. I shook my head and returned my attention to the show.

When I finished the whole show, I was about to brag about it during Foundation Day but the thought of it faded into the ether when I saw how her face brightened while we were street food hopping and when we saw these familiar kids that I didn't know Tri knew.

They called her Teacher Tri.

I was right when I told myself that there's more to Trishastrea Yael Delavin than meets the eye because behind her impassive face she shows to the public, her heart has a soft spot for these homeless kids. The way her eyes shine with unbearable happiness, her mouth curving into a tireless smile, her voice lively and tender, and her body comfortable around the kids, I've never seen this side of her until now.

How did she successfully hide this from the public? She's an inspiration. She doesn't say it aloud but I can see and sense the drive in her heart to give these kids—and other kids—the education they deserve. People might think that this is just the bare minimum for a wealthy person like her, but what she's doing wasn't always done by people like her.

Her intentions are pure. Unlike other people who show the world their scripted good deeds for the sole reason of a good image, Tri isn't like that. She helps people when no one's looking. She doesn't ask for returns. And, again, I was right about my assumption that she was never arrogant like what other people say about her. She's a down-to-earth person. A compassionate one. A dreamer. An inspiration.

If everyone would see this part of her, they would take back everything bad they said about her.

She appears to be a snob and I'll be honest that I'm sort of surprised to learn that she likes kids.

"Hindi dahil hindi maganda ang isang bagay ay ibigsabihin mali na iyon. Minsan kailangan nating isipin kung ang nakabubuti ba sa'tin ay hindi masamang epekto sa iba, then, siguro, wala naman talagang mali. It's just that, we are taught to believe that some certain things should stay for what we are used to see them in a way. Mga bagay na nakasanayan na hindi pwedeng baguhin." She said to Nabo.

"Pero hangga't hindi ka nakakasakit, nangliliit at nakakaargabyado ng ibang tao, walang mali kung bakla ka. Tao ka. Katulad ng ibang lalaki at babae, nagkakamali sila. Hindi lang sila nakakatanggap ng parehas na trato dahil hindi sila katulad mo. And it's unfair. Pero nakakasigurado akong darating ang panahon na hindi mo na kailangang itago kung sino ka ba talaga dahil tanggap na kayo ng mundo."

"You will always be loved, Nabo." She added that makes Nabo cry.

Napangiti ako habang pinapanood ang magandang eksena sa harap ko ngayon. I admire how she thinks. True she's smart, but not all smart people have hearts. Smart people commonly use their logic and reasoning to understand something on a daily basis, but Tri... she both has the brain and heart. And that's what makes her rare.

Kilala ang pamilya niya bilang isa sa mga active donor ng simbahan sa bayan pero ang marinig mula sa kaniya na suportado niya ang bagay na hindi magawang tanggapin ng simbahan, I'm proud of her. She grow up having no voice, being not heard, but little did she know that she has it. She just have to speak louder. She's capable of becoming who she really wants to become. Balang-araw, naniniwala ako na matututunan niya ring ipaglaban ang sarili niyang boses. She's a strong-willed woman and she has to realize that.

"You're a teacher." Sabi ko pagkatapos ng halos walong minutong paglalakad at tahimik lang kaming dalawa.

Her lips protruded and she didn't answer. I know I'm right. I smiled at the sight and thought.

"I remembered that you visited the College of Education noong University Games Week. You want to shift program?" Tanong ko. "It suits you." Tuloy ko.

"Suits me what?"

Tinuon ko ang aking mga mata sa harapan. The late afternoon light casted a soft orange haze to the world. Dahil pababa ang kalsada pabalik ng campus, tanaw namin ngayon ang langit na naghahalo-halo ang mga kulay. Shades of pink, oranges, and purple hues against the sky blue sky and white scattered little clouds.

"The title. Being called Teacher. I think it's much better than the term princess." Sagot ko.

"The teacher serves. Iyon ang gusto mo 'diba? Ikaw ang tumutulong sa iba, hindi ikaw ang tutulungan. That's why your smile and laugh whenever you're around with those kids is genuine and very rare to be seen. You reserve that behaviour to the kids."

For the past months that we bonded—I like to think it that way—I have come to know her a little. Akala ko pa noon mahihirapan akong maintindihan siya, na hindi magiging madali ang pag-open up niya sa'kin. But I was wrong. Because these past few weeks, I saw how she craves a normal life—for friends and freedom. Kaya kahit hindi niya sinasabi ng diretsahan at ng malakas, alam kong gusto niya rin ang ginagawa naming dalawa. Na-enjoy niya noong sumakay kami ng jeep at kumain ng street foods na hindi niya pa kailanman natitikman. Cutting classes, running away from the school while it holds a program. It was breaking rules and will never be right, but for someone like her who grew up not experiencing any of those, it's sad... and not normal. For once, I want her to know what it feels like to let yourself be in the moment without thinking about the consequences. To act impulsively like a teenager. To rush things like immature. Experience the normal teenage decisions she missed.

I may look bad for giving the good girl ideas about how to break the rules her parents made, but if she's this happy... then I can be the bad person until the epilogue.

"I like— no, I love teaching them. It's fulfilling. Pakiramdam ko may rason ang buhay ko dahil sa kanila."

Huminto ako at hinarap siya. "Are you happy?"

She was caught off guard but she slowly nodded after a while.

"They are fun to be with."

"No. Not that. I mean... your life. Are you happy by being like this?" Maingat kong tanong.

"What do you mean?" She asked back.

"Your life. Is it okay with you that you're only doing the things that your parents told you to do and refused to do the things they say you're not allowed to try?"

Hindi siya agad nakasagot kaya naman nagpatuloy ako, maybe she misinterpreted what I said.

"I'm not judging you, okay? I'm just curious about how you see your life. Are you happy? Kasi alam ko namang may iba-iba tayong kahulugan ng happiness. Maybe you have your own definition of it. I'm just curious to know."

Her pretty brows creased in confusion.

I smiled sheepishly. "I want to know you more, that's my reason."

"What do you think?" Sa maliit niyang boses na untag. "Do you think I'm happy?"

Do I think she's happy?

No.

But she can be.

Would it sound crazy if I admit that I pray to God to make her mine? Na sana siya ang nakatadhana para sa'kin? I know it all started with my immature heart crushing over her when I was thirteen, but as years go by and we're slowly getting closer, my feelings begin to become clearer now. This isn't anymore the young me. This isn't a happy crush, puppy love, or even infatuation because I'm very well aware of how I am continuously falling deeper for her.

I love her. I'm in love with her and I'm so sure of it.

When she ran away from home that same day, it was not very like her; but instead of getting angry or something at her, I'm proud of her. It may sound and look rebellious to others but this is the first time I've seen her free—this is the first time that I've seen her deciding for herself, for her own life. And I think there is nothing wrong there. If her parents can't give her freedom, then, she has to give it to herself. I will never blame her for that.

We were like riding a roller coaster for what we've been through together. I talked to her that night, tried my very hard and best to be friends with her, I confessed to her accidentally, she ran away, we got closer, then I finally confessed again, started courting her until... she told me that she loves me, too—well, it's kind of indirect but I accept and interpreted it according to the heat of the moment. She's not that expressive in words but her actions are enough to be sure that she loves me too.

When I confessed to her my real feelings and she let me court her, I remembered what my father told me. If she rejects me, I'll respect that. But she didn't, therefore, that's cross-out now in the paper.

But, seriously, I was scared of the thought that she didn't feel the same—that I might be the only one falling in love.

"Anong sabi mo kanina?" Palaban niyang sigaw habang nasa duyan siya.

My lips twitched and I raised both of my hands in a gesture of surrendering. Tumawa siya at muling inikot ang gulong na duyan kasama siya. She did it on a loop. And I can't help admiring her from here.

I loved the idea of knowing her more when I started talking to her, and when I did, I fell in love more. Not anymore with the idea of her, but the reality of her in front of me— bare and bold. Her genuine smile, her soft laughs, and the way her whole face lit with so much fun. I want to ask the universe about what I have done in my past life to be given the opportunity to see Tri this way. There are still days when I feel insecure and the thought of us ending sooner is twisting my guts with aches. I don't think I deserve her because she's too perfect for me, but every time we are together and she's like this, she erases all those insecurities and doubts inside me. The way she makes me feel that I deserve her beats the monsters inside my head. It's true that our love is stronger than our nemesis. Because if we're in a war for the rest of our lives, we will be each other's soldiers forever.

But as I said, we're riding a roller coaster in this story. Because after the high, we're now in the low again.

"Layuan mo ang anak ko."

That's what Alessandro Delavin greetings to me when I sat across the table. His driver delivered me the message an hour ago to meet him in this coffee shop near the school. It's been almost eight months since Tri ran away from their home and started living on her own. They never contacted her to ask whether she was doing fine, is she eating regularly, is she still healthy, or whether were there any problems. They never cared about her and he's right in front of me, two weeks before our graduation, telling me to back off.

I want to curse him. To say bad things to him in return for what he did to Tri. But I'm not that kind of person. My parents didn't raise me to become like Alessandro Delavin.

"My daughter is an heiress and I don't want her studies to be affected by just a mere boy like you." Pangungutya nito.

Studies to be affected? We're graduating in two weeks for goddamn sake.

"Your daughter loves me—"

"Loves you? She doesn't know how to love. She's only a girl!"

"Your daughter is not a girl! She's a woman and very capable of falling in love. Or maybe you just really don't know your own daughter at all—"

He gave me a death glare that made my mouth shut. I gritted my teeth. That's the thing about Alessandro, he can be cute in town's local magazines and newspapers, but he's a devil behind the glamorous tux and ties and he only shows it in situations like this. No wonder why his own daughter loathes him. He's a hypocrite.

"Leave my daughter alone or you'll experience a father's wrath." He warned with a steel voice and eyes.

"You're not a father if you will continue to manipulate your own child." I hissed with the same level of his steeliness.

"You don't know what you're talking about because you're just a boy. And know your place in society. Tri can't have a relationship with a boy who only lives in dreamland. You are nothing compared to her. She's my only heiress. I have bigger dreams and plans for her and that not include a boy like you."

What's worse than being thrown at your face your own insecurity? Perhaps, none.

He stood and with one last glare and warning, he said with each emphasis on the words, "Leave. My. Daughter. Alone."

He turned around to walk away but I stood fiercely and with a firm voice I answered him.

"I'm not scared, Sir. I will never leave Tri because I know she's happy with me. We love each other and you can't stop us."

Hinarap niya akong muli at tumitingin na sa'min ang barista sa counter. We're the only customers here that's why there will be no such big scene to create.

"You're just a boy who depends his living on his parents. You can't find a job to support your own needs. And I heard you're going to Med School. That would be too hard for your parents to support you given how expensive Med Schools are. How can Tri have a relationship with a boy who doesn't earn yet? Ginagastos mo ang pera ng sarili mong mga magulang para sa luho mo at may maibigay ka sa anak ko. My daughter is destined for a man who earns on his own. Not with a boy who doesn't really know how to do real work."

It was a bullet that pierced flawlessly into my heart. I'm not a boy but he's right on the part that I'm still dependent on my parents. I haven't proved anything yet. How will I support Tri in the following years if I'm a struggling Med student?

I swallowed hard the bile in my throat.

Tri is not her father. She is not defined by the name she's carrying. Tri would never make me feel insecure. She will support me in every decision I make. She will stay. She will never say the words her father had just told me.

So, no.

Me and Tri are partners. We're best friends. And we will face the reality of life together no matter how hard and painful it will be. We may be young and impulsive at times but we're right. We're doing the right thing because what her parents don't know is we need each other to continue on in this life.

"Years from now, you're going to regret meddling in my child's life. Tri is my daughter and I can never let you be her man. Wake up, boy."

I know it will take me a decade to fulfill my ambition to become a licensed doctor and earn to support Tri, and I also know I can never be equal to Tri's inheritance wealth, but that's not the source of our love. Money is necessary, yes, and I know what my girlfriend wants. We both want a simple comfortable life enough for us to be free and happy.

His parents will never be the end of us.

That even when the threat finally came to life and stood in front of me, all I could think about was how to get back to Tri.

I was honestly scared when the cops came to get me, but my conscience told me that I shouldn't be because I was innocent.

"You messed up with the wrong man, bud." Sabi sa'kin ng pulis na nasa harap ng kaniyang computer.

I know him. Madalas kong nililinis ang sasakyan niya sa car wash at malaki rin siyang mag-tip sa'kin. He's not the one who hand-cuffed me but I suddenly hate every cop here for abiding by Alessandro's orders. I know Alessandro Delavin is the wealthiest in town and the most powerful, but fuck them and their integrity. They shouldn't be called police officers—more so heroes—if they can be controlled by money.

Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil baka kung ano pang lumabas sa bibig ko at palalain ko pa ang hindi magandang sitwasyon ngayon.

Umupo ako sa sahig at hinilamos ang kamay sa'king mukha.

I remember Tri's face earlier. She was happy when they left this morning and I was planning to surprise her with her favorite street foods when she got home but things turned into this. I hate seeing her in tears. I hate it when she's in pain.

A frustrated groan echoed in my throat.

I looked at the wall clock near the officer's tables. It's past three in the morning. Nandito kanina sina mama pero umalis sila at kahit hindi nila sinabi kung saan sila pupunta, alam kong pupunta sila sa mga Delavin.

I heard the door open aggressively and just a few seconds later, Alessandro and Trinita Delavin appeared in my vision. I clenched my fists and my neck heated with the anger I was about to explode when the news I heard from them beat the explosion and I was left shocked.

Tri attempted suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills.

I heard them talking to one of the cops but it wasn't clear. The next thing I know is the clicking of keys and the opening of the bar gate. I stepped outside with so much thought and I wanted to run as fast as I could to wherever Tri is right now, but I stopped in front of them.

I hate them to the core. I wanted to punch Alessandro's face and make Trinita cry for what they did to their own daughter but I resorted to a less menacing retaliation.

"Tri loves the both of you in spite of what you did to her. Do you have to lose your child first before you realize how cruel you are to her?" I asked with a straight face but I couldn't control the fury from showing.

"You are the worst parents. If you think that you gave her everything and she's being ungrateful... then that says a lot of things about you. You controlled your daughter's life. You manipulated her. You never let her speak. Never listened to her when she was trying to speak. You always shut her down as though her opinions don't matter. Time to reflect, Papa A and Mama T, because if Tri won't survive," I hate to say that because I know Tri will survive. She has to. "You will never have another her in this lifetime."

Hindi ko na sila hinintay na umimik at hindi na ako nag-abala pang intindihin ang ekspresyon sa mukha nila. I don't have to talk more, they are already old enough to figure things out. Hindi ako ang magsasabi sa kanila kung anong dapat nilang gawin bilang magulang ni Tri. What happened tonight should be their wake up call.

When I exited the prison, I run as fast as I could. Mabuti na lang din at may nakasalubong akong tricycle at nakiusap na ihatid niya ako. It's still past three in the morning and there's no one here other than me and the tricycle and the driver. Nakilala niya ako kaya naman pinasakay niya ako at agad ko sa kaniyang sinabi ang address. Tri's mother said it when they told me about what happened to her.

The sun is almost up when we stopped in the said hospital. Hindi naman ganoon kalayo ngunit dahil mabagal na ang tricycle, natagalan kami sa kalsada. Nagpasalamat ako kay kuya at nangako na babawi ako sa kaniya pero kailangan kong magmadali.

I asked Tri's room but the nurse refused to tell me so because I'm not a family. Gusto ko pa sanang makipag-away na boyfriend ako ni Tri but I know a little about how hospital regulations works. Lumabas ako ng double doors at muling sumabay sa dalawang mag-asawang dire-diretsong pumasok ng elevator. Sinulyapan ko ang nurse sa reception counter; she's busy working on the computer and didn't even notice me. My heart's beating in a frantic anxiety. Sa sobrang bagal magsarado ng elevator, gusto ko na lamang takbuhin ang hagdan.

Hindi ko alam kung anong room number ni Tri pero kung kailangan kong isa-isahin ang mga kwarto ng hospital na ito, gagawin ko.

And that's what I did because I have no other choices. Dahil sa sobrang laki ng hospital, at sa tuwing may nakakasalubong akong nurse upang itanong kung nasaan ang room ni Tri ay hindi naman nila ito kilala, nahirapan akong hanapin siya.

I let out a frustrated groan when I saw how the morning sun's rays peered through the window and cast a bright shade of yellow in the corridor. I stopped for a second to catch my breath before I continued to the fifth floor. And when I was just about to knock on the first door, I saw Alessandro and Trinita Delavin exiting the next door. Hindi nila ako nakita dahil magkaiba kami ng daan. I took the staircase out of impatience because the elevator takes years to open.

I waited until they disappeared before I opened the door they exited and my heart shattered into a million pieces again at the image of what welcomed me.

Olive skin that turns pale, eyes sad even at sleep, and her usual red lips turn dry for the first time. She's laying on the bed like she's... no. I'm not going to say it. She's alive, I know it.

Mabilis akong naglakad palapit sa kaniya at bago pa man din ako tuluyang makalapit ay nagmulat siya ng mga mata. Our eyes met and for a few seconds, everything stops until she lay up and called me with a broken voice and tears cascading in her cheeks.

Agad ko siyang binalot sa isang mahigpit na yakap nang makalapit ako sa kaniya. I buried my face on her hair and my arms tightened around her. Thank God. My baby is alive.

"I'm sorry," She apologized repeatedly and I don't like it.

It's not her fault. Nothing is her fault.

And even though I haven't heard the reason behind her attempt to take her life away, I understand. I just... I just don't want this to happen to her again. I can never afford to lose her. A world without her in it is not worth living in.

"I'm s-sorry. I know it was my fault but I did—"

"Nothing is your fault, baby." I whispered and I can't fucking hide the excruciation in my voice.

"Just..." my voice croaked. "Never do that again."

I know we're not perfect. I'm nothing and she has everything. I'm a normal boy who lives in a suburb and she's a girl who grew up inside a big mansion and was treated like a princess. I'm a ray of sunshine, she's dark as midnight. I'm the positive side of the magnet while she's the negative. We're opposites in many ways and we both know that from the very beginning. But our differences make us who we are in this relationship. We balance each other. And we may appear not a perfect couple, but we both know that we're perfect for each other and that's what only matters to us. As long as she loves me and I love her, anything else doesn't matter.

We're both each others' air that we need. Without the other, we're as good as dead as a fish carried to the land by the waves.

"I can never imagine a life without you. Never do that again."

It's always been my priority to make her happy, safe, and comfortable. I know it's not our fault... but it only triggered the sleeping beast of wildness inside me. Because at that moment, I took a solemn oath to become a successful doctor someday and provide her with everything she needed. I'll have enough money to protect her and throw at her parents' face that I am deserving of her.