Entry 05

I don't know how I survived the one whole month and a half without throwing a punch or a kick to Dax's face. Yes, it's been that long already. I can't also believe that it's been already almost two months since the school year started and there's no day had passed that, that guy never ruined my peaceful day. Simula nang makilala ko siya ay naging maingay ang tahimik kong mundo. He will appear out of nowhere to say things I'm not interested to hear. Kahit inamin niya noon na alam niyang naiinis ako sa kaniya— kaya siya nag-apologize— ay patuloy pa rin siya sa kaniyang pangungulit.

Hindi ko alam kung anong pinaglalaban ng determinasyon niya na lagi akong gambalain. Susunod siya kahit saan ako magpunta, magsasalita siya kahit hindi ko siya kinakausap, ngingiti at kakaway siya kahit hindi ko siya pinapansin. I just don't understand him. Especially that after he apologized, and he seemed like he'll changed the way he shows himself in front of me, I thought he'll finally stop. But he never did. Or maybe not yet.

"Bababa lang ako, Tri, hija. Titignan ko kung ayos na ang tanghalian mo."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin mula sa libro na aking binabasa at tinanguan si Nanay. She went out of my room and closed the door. It's Sunday today, again, and I just came back home from Church. It's not that I really care how fast the days are passing by, but it still surprises me whenever I realized that days, weeks, or months, had already passed without me getting aware of it.

Nalalapit na rin ang midterm exam kaya naman mas nagiging madalas ang paalala sa'kin ni Daddy na kailangan kong doblehin ang sipag ko sa pag-aaral. Wala akong ibang iniisip sa school hanggang pag-uwi kundi pag-aaral. I trust myself and I don't doubt my own skills, but I refuse to believe that I can always be the best like my parents want. I can't be perfect. I can't do best things always.

I resume reading the book I bought online last year, dahil apparently ngayon lang ako nagka-time na basahin ito. It's a classic English novel written by Louisa May Alcott. Nasa kalagitnaan na ako dahil kahapon ko pa naman ito sinimulan. I'm a fast reader and I can finish a book in one sitting, however, this book is too thick to finish in one sitting.

I was browsing another page when something caught my attention. Binaba ko ng kaunti ang libro at mula sa aking kama ay inikot ko ang paningin sa buong kwarto. Nang wala akong makitang ano mang kakaiba ay ibinalik ko ang atensiyon sa pagbabasa.

I flipped another page when I heard it again. It sounds like a thing or what is being thrown, or guni-guni ko lang? I ignored it again when I finally heard it clearly. It's the sound of something falling.

Falling? What kind of falling?

I decided to close the book and placed it on the table near my bed. I jumped out of my mattress and lifted my head to check the ceiling. Wala namang crack ang ceiling ko kaya siguradong hindi iyon ang naririnig ko. I turned around to check every stuff I have when my ears detected where that strange sound is coming from.

With my determination and curiosity combined to find out what it could be, I walk towards the balcony. Nakakasigurado akong dito nanggagaling ang tunog na iyon. Tunog na kanina ko pa naririnig dahilan para hindi ako makapag-focus ng maayos sa binabasa ko.

"Where these came from?" I hissed to myself as I bend my knees to grab the small stones scattered on the floor of my balcony.

My eyes narrowed as I tried to check where these all came from when my head was slightly hit by something. Napahawak ako sa likod ng ulo ko at kahit hindi naman masakit ay nairita pa rin agad ako. I abruptly stood and walked towards the railings because I finally realized that there is someone throwing pebbles on my balcony.

And I wasn't wrong.

That idiotic smile coming from an idiot himself is standing a little bit further under my balcony. Nang hindi niya agad ako napansin na sumilip ay nakita ko kung paano siya umambang magbabato ulit ng pebbles. I gritted my teeth to control my irritation.

"What do you think you are doing?" Galit kong singhal sa kaniya pero pinilit kong huwag tumaas ang aking boses.

"There you are!"

I scowl at him. That's his favorite word. Sa tuwing nagtatagumpay siyang makita ako na para bang ka'y tagal niya akong hinanap ay laging iyon ang lumalabas sa kaniyang bibig.

"Akala ko hindi mo 'ko lalabasin, eh!" Sigaw niya.

Hawak ang mga pebbles na binato niya sa balkonahe ko ay hinayon ko ng tanaw ang baba. Walang ibang tao kundi siya. Wala ring sasakyan na pinagtaka ko.

"Kasama ko si Mama ngayon. Nasa farm n'yo pa siya kasama sina tatang." He answered, again, the question I didn't asked.

But that makes sense why he's here alone. My eyes widened when realization hit me. Tumingkayad ako ng kaunti sa barandilya at sinilip ang mga flower bed sa ibaba kung saan nakatayo si Dax. Doon niya kinuha ang mga binatong pebbles dahil puno ang flower beds namin ng mga pebbles bilang disenyo.

I inhaled impatiently and hold onto the railings tighter to control myself from lashing out.

"And why are you throwing pebbles? In my balcony?" Dahan-dahan kong tanong, pilit kinakalma ang sarili.

He scratched his neck with his fingers as he smiled sheepishly.

"Hindi ko naman pwedeng isigaw ang pangalan mo, baka mapaalis ako ng wala sa oras." Sagot niya, at ngayon ko hiniling na sana mas naging detelyado siya kagaya ng lagi niyang mga sagot.

I only stare at him in disbelief. His sheepish smile grew wider when he realized that I'm starting to get interested in his reasons. No, I wasn't. I'm still not.

"This wouldn't have happened if you only accepted my friend request. Tagal na nga no'n, eh, siguro dinadaan-daanan mo lang kapag nag-f-facebook ka."

What? Kumunot ang aking noo sa mga sinasabi niya. Then, I remembered. He did sent a friend request but I don't check my account anymore. At bakit parang kasalanan ko pa?

"Hindi kami lingguhan kung kumuha ng gulay dito kaya kapag nandito ako gusto kong makita ka. But you're always there," he pointed me— my balcony or my room particularly, whatever.

"You don't go out of your castle often. Okay lang din naman 'yon kung may connection tayo kagaya ng facebook messenger. I could tell you whenever I'm here-"

"And I'm not interested!" I snapped even before he can finish his sentence.

He squints his eyes and gives me that doubting look.

"Why wouldn't you? We're friends!" Rason niya, tila nagmamaktol na bata.

"We're not!"

"Well, we can be." He shot his one brow and put one of his hands to his waist.

I was caught off guard by that. Hindi ito ang unang beses na nagpahiwatig siya na gusto niya akong maging kaibigan. He always brought that topic up every time he sees me. Pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako naniniwala na seryoso siya. Hindi ko makuhang manghula kung ano ang maaari niyang rason para kaibiganin ako. Sa nakikita ko, he's very happy with his life. The family he has, everyone would wish to have that. His friends... he should be content with those people. But why he has to still wants to be friends with me?

"Hey!"

I gave him a warning look when he showed me that he was about to throw another pebble again.

"Try and I'll kill you." Banta ko.

He put down his hand while he's grinning like a kinder garden boy. With that height and looks, being a boy doesn't suit him.

"Try and Tri, magkatunog!" Parang tanga niyang hiyaw.

I rolled my eyes at him and decided to finally ignore him. Bakit ko pa nga ba sinasayang ang oras ko na kausapin ang isang katulad niya? I heard my classmates talking about him, like how he's so smart and athletic— I didn't know that he's a basketball player in our school, well, understandable dahil hindi naman ako laging nanonood ng laro, kapag required lang— but he doesn't act like a smart and athletic one whenever he shows himself in front of me.

"Hey! Don't turn your back on me! I have something to say-"

"Sir, ano pong ginagawa n'yo? Bawal kayo dito."

Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong bumalik sa balkonahe at naabutan na nilapitan na siya ng isa sa mga guards namin. Dax is tall and masculine, with those muscles and height, he may seem like he can fight in a boxing ring but he has no compare to our guards. Not that I ever imagined him fighting my guards, but heck, that's not the point here.

"I know him!" Lumabas sa bibig ko nang makitang pilit siyang pinapaalis ng guard ko at hawak na siya sa braso.

Nakuha ko ang atensiyon nilang pareho at agad namang tinanggal ng guard ko ang hawak kay Dax. I let out a sigh of relief with that.

"Sabi sa'yo kilala niya ako! Ayaw mong maniwala!"

Halos masapo ko ang aking noo dahil sa mga ginagawa niya.

"Just..." sumasakit ang ulo ko sa lalaking ito.

"You can go. I'll talk to him." Sabi ko sa guard at nagdesisyon na lumabas ng mansion para maharap si Dax.

Hindi pa man din ako nakakalapit kung nasaan siya kanina ay sumulpot na siya sa harapan ko. I almost jumped in surprise only if I wasn't able to get my shits together abruptly.

"Seriously, what do you need from me?" Gigil ko nang tanong sa kaniya.

He shrugged nonchalantly as his lips pointed at something behind me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit lumingon ako at wala naman akong nakita. The door?

"Sinabi ko na kanina 'diba? Gusto kitang makita."

I returned my gaze to him just to see him having that expression he wears a while ago. I frowned at him.

"Ano palang ginagawa mo kanina? Ang tagal bago mo lumabas. At hindi ako makapaniwala na nilabas mo talaga ako kasi feeling mo sasaktan ako ng bodyguard mo-"

"Shut up. I didn't think about that." Pigil ko sa mga sinasabi niya.

Nahihiya ako sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya, at hindi ko alam kung bakit.

"Kayang-kaya ko naman 'yon. Medyo malaki lang ng kaunti sa'kin pero kaya kong sapukin ang mukha kapag nilayo ako sa'yo." His smug tone says it all.

I only looked at him uninterestingly.

"I can be the Romeo who saves his Juliet." He positioned himself like a knight, which is far from being similar to one.

"Tapos ka na? Pwede ka nang umalis?" Walang gana kong sagot sa mga sinasabi niya.

"But first things first. Can I get your number? Or just accept my friend request." He pleaded and give me that look again, that puppy eyes I hate.

"No." I said firmly and turned my back on him.

"Huh? Aalis ka na agad? Wala pang five minutes simula no'ng nag-usap tayo."

"Go away! And don't dare to throw pebbles at my balcony again!" I told him while not looking back.

"Only if you will accept my friend request or if you will reply to my message request."

I shook my head which I know he interpreted as my answer.

"Then there's no option two anymore."

"I'll remove those pebbles." Hindi ko alam bakit pinapatulan ko pa rin ang mga walang kwenta niyang sinasabi.

"I'll find a small stone similar to it. Kapag wala akong makita, magbabato ako ng sayote."

I looked at him with dagger eyes over my shoulder. He grins when he succeeded to get my attention again.

"Just kidding." He take it back and started to walk backward.

Unti-unting nawala ang talim sa'king mga mata at tuluyan na 'kong humarap ulit. Nagsisimula na siyang maglakad palayo pero nakangiti pa rin na parang tanga.

"University Games Week na bukas, manood ka ng laro ko." Aniya at mabilis na tumalikod upang magpatuloy sa paglalakad.

While my feet are rooted in the ground, staring at where he was standing a while ago and I have no freaking idea of why I'm not still moving.

"Tri, lumabas ka pala. Handa na ang pagkain mo."

Nilapitan ako ni Nanay at hinawakan ako sa braso upang igiya ako papasok sa loob ng mansion. Did I just waste my time talking to him? I know it wasn't the first time, but...

Why do I feel like things are starting to change?

Dahil nang sumapit ang lunes, ang simula ng University Games Week ng aming school, I found myself sitting in the crowded bleachers with students screaming and cheering with all their hearts. For the past three years, I only attended the game here in the gymnasium whenever it's only graded. Pero ngayong taon, hindi naman sinabi sa'min na graded ang panonood ng laro ng basketball team dahil nakakasigurado silang marami talagang manonood at mapupuno ang court. But then, I don't know why I'm here.

I could have just stayed in the classroom, I don't mind being alone, but... I'm here.

"Tri!"

Halos mapapikit ako nang marinig ang matinis na boses na iyon ni Allison. Nasa unahan ko siya at nang lumingon siya at nakita ako ay agad niyang sinigaw ang pangalan ko. Nakita ko ang pagdapo ng maraming mga mata sa'kin dahil sa ginawang iyon ni Allison.

"You're here! Dapat sinabi mo sa'kin na manonood ka rin para nagsabay tayo..."

Hindi ko na naintindihan ang mga sumunod niyang sinabi dahil napuno ang buong gymnasium ng halo-halong sigawan mula sa mga estudyante.

"Oh, my god! Hendrix, mahal kita, sagad!"

I quickly regretted sitting here. Binalingan ko ang mga katabi kong— sa tingin ko ay mga freshman base sa nakasulat sa kanilang I.D lace— nagsisigawan sa tuwing nakikita ang mga players na pumapasok sa court.

"Tangina, ang gwapo ni Marshall! Anakan mo 'ko!"

Aren't they embarrassed?

Inalis ko ang tingin sa kanila at binalingan ang court. I saw the team of our school standing near the benches with their coach, I guess. Ang mga pangalan na pinagsisigawan kanina pa ng mga katabi ko ay kilala ko.

Cavite is just a small town and my parents are friends with every single wealthy and famous family living here. The Alvarez's and Manalo's are part of them. I know Hendrix and Marshall, or Shall, but I'm not friends with them. Katulad kay Audrey, I'm jealous of the freedom they have. Those two guys in green jerseys can go to school without bodyguards, they can join the basketball team as they please, throw a party, and invites all the students regardless of where they came from or what their status in life is. I've seen how they all live normal life.

But, maybe, this is my normal life.

"Dax! Luluhod na 'ko! Ito na!"

Naputol ang paglalakbay ng isip ko nang marinig iyon sa mga katabi ko at nakita kong naglakad sa gitna ng court si Dax. Wearing a green jersey like the others and a white fabric headband around his head— which he's the only player wearing it— making the hair he didn't cut to not be a problem to his play. I saw how he eyed every corner of the place until he stops at where I'm sitting. Huminto siya sa pag-ikot at tuwid na tumayo habang ang dalawang kamay ay nakapatong sa kaniyang baywang.

Slowly, that lopsided smile appeared on his annoying symmetrical face. I was obviously in the last row of the other side bleachers yet he was able to see me. I looked straight into his eyes— how do I do that when he's too far from where I am? I don't know. Those long eyelashes define how pitch black his eyes are and how tender they can be at the same time.

"I can see you." He mouthed.

Binagsak ko ang tingin sa'king hita dahil hindi ko alam kung bakit nahihiya ako sa ginawang iyon ni Dax, kahit alam kong wala namang nakakita.

"OMG! Nakita n'yo ba? Nakita n'yo? He can see me daw! Oh my god! I need water!" The girls shrieked hysterically beside me.

I wonder how he can always see me. How he was always successful in finding where I am? Does he really care where I am? Does he really care if I show up or not? Sabi ni Mommy sa'kin noon na laging gusto ng mga tao sa town namin na lagi akong makita. They'll look for me whenever I'm not around. I know their reasons: it's because I'm the Delavin's daughter. But for Dax... I don't know what his reasons can be.

I stood and without looking back to the court, I went out of the gymnasium. I wanted to make myself believe that I was bored waiting for the game to start, or I'm irritated by the loud noises because those are always my reasons why I always leave, but not today. I left because I want to get rid of the thoughts that Dax is giving me.

I sat on my own seat in the classroom alone. Tinitigan ko ang board sa unahan na malinis at walang bakas nang mga inaral namin noong isang linggo. I know we're not required to watch any games, but my classmates won't also like to stay here all day, perhaps all week, kaya nasa labas silang lahat, sinusulit ang panahon na walang klase. But I'll rather be here all day than anywhere.

Nilabas ko ang aking cellphone at nag-pop up sa notification ko ang pangalan ni Dax. Kumunot ang aking noo at nagdalawang-isip pa ako bago pinindot iyon.

Message request from Donato Axton Sernio:

I can see you now.

Akala ko hindi ka manonood, eh.

Kahit bangko lang ako ngayon kasi tinatamad ako.

Bakit ka biglang tumayo?

Aalis ka?

Sa'n ka pupunta?

Bakit ka umalis? 'Di pa nagsisimula ang laro.

You won't watch?

And then a new arrival of message came from him.

Where are you?

Tinitigan ko lang ang lahat ng message niya at hindi nagreply.

Ayaw mong sabihin, ha.

My eyes narrowed at that message. What is that supposed to mean?

Okay lang, mahahanap pa rin naman kita kahit nasaan ka pa.

Then I saw that he used an evil emoji followed by a laughing emoticon.

Tropa ko si bathala.

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako sa mga sinasabi niya o ano. I leaned my back at my chair and watch how he bombarded me with messages. Hindi niya alam na nababasa ko ang mga iyon dahil hindi ko naman ina-accept pa ang message request niya. I also didn't know that it was possible to sent a message request kahit hindi kami friends sa Facebook.

You're not in the grandstand. Akala ko manonood ka ng track and field.

What makes him think that?

Wala ka rin sa library!

He stops messaging me and I suddenly feel alone now. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman gayong mag-iisang oras na akong mag-isa lang dito. I turn off my phone and pulled out a book to read. I could use these times to review for our midterm exam.

"Uh-huh! I should have run here right after you left! May hula na 'kong nandito ka pero 'di ako tumuloy kasi baka nag-iikot ka sa campus!"

Kumalabog ang puso ko dahil sa gulat nang marinig ang boses ni Dax sa loob ng classroom. I lifted my head to see him standing in the back door and made his way towards me. Nakasuot pa rin siya ng jersey at ang headband ay nasa ulo niya pa rin. He's smiling from ear to ear, kahit halatang naghahabol siya ng hangin.

"Binilhan kita ng tonkatsu sa UMall." Pinakita niya sa'kin ang supot na hawak-hawak niya.

Hindi ko magawang magsalita— not that I have intentions of acknowledging his presence— dahil hindi pa rin nakakabawi ang puso ko mula sa gulat.

"Maraming tao sa canteen, puno. Gano'n din sa UMall kaya baka wala kang makitang lamesang bakante. Sa Jollibee, dinumog ng mga taga ibang school kasi nga wala ng ibang makainan." Aniya at naglakad palapit sa'kin.

He sat next to the chair near mine as he started to open the paper bag. Why is he doing this? And wait. Binalingan ko ang aking relo sa palapulsuhan at hindi ko namalayang pasado alas dose na pala ng tanghali.

"Here," he placed a paper meal box on my desk along with spoon and fork.

Pinagmasdan ko kung paano niya kinuha ang pangalawang meal box at nilagay sa lamesa niya. He also pulled out a two bottles of water. Then, he lifted his eyes on me again.

"Let's eat lunch together."

I avoided his eyes and stare at the food he bought for me. My Mom told me to not accept gifts or anything from the people, especially foods, dahil hindi daw ako makakasiguradong malinis iyon. But how long will I always remember her words and refuse to hear mine?

Without dwelling more on my thoughts, I started eating. Honestly, this is my first time eating in a meal box.

"Water." He spoke beside me and opened a bottle of water and placed it near my food.

Tahimik akong kumain kasabay niya at nagpapasalamat akong hindi naman siya madaldal kapag may pagkain. Or maybe, he's just surprised as me.

"One rice lang pinalagay ko kasi baka magalit ka sa'kin kapag dalawa." Aniya habang umiinom ako sa tubig na binili niya rin.

I wiped the tissue on my lips and glanced at him. Kanina pa siya tapos dahil, kumpara sa'kin, para siyang kargador kung kumain.

"Thank you," I uttered and I'm surprised myself.

This is my second time saying that to him.

"You're always welcome." Sagot niya at kinuha ang mga meal box at nilagay iyon sa supot.

Tumayo siya at pinasadahan ng kaniyang mga daliri ang buhok na hanggang ngayon ay pinaiikutan ng puting fabric headband.

"Itatapon ko lang 'to." Aniya at nagtatakbo palabas.

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa mawala siya sa loob ng classroom. I bit my lower lip and decided to stand. Lumabas ako ng classroom, hanggang sa labas ng department namin at nagtuloy-tuloy sa paglalakad.

"Iniwan mo 'ko!"

I took a glimpse behind me and saw Dax's face, hindi pagod at hindi rin mukhang hinihingal. I didn't feel bad for leaving without telling him because a part of me know that he will follow... that he will find me. Like he always does.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa unahan habang tumatabi sa'kin si Dax, sinasabayan ako sa paglalakad.

"Sa'n tayo ngayon?" He asked casually like he was so sure that I will let him bug me all day.

"Ako may pupuntahan, ikaw," I looked at him, kinailangan ko pang tumingala dahil matangkad siya kumpara sa'kin.

"Hindi ko alam sa'yo kung saan mo balak pumunta." I said... I think that was the casual-est line I ever said in my entire life.

"Kung sa'n ka, do'n din ako." He said with a tone of unwavering determination.

"Don't you have a game to play?" I didn't mean to sound annoyed but I already got used to using that to him.

"I won't play today. Bangko lang talaga dapat ako ngayon kasi tinatamad ako." He chuckled.

Tumango ako. "Yeah. You messaged me that." I said inattentively.

I looked at the group of friends who are taking pictures in front of us. Nagtatawanan sila at nagbibiruan tungkol sa bagay na hindi ko alam kung ano.

Friends. What does it feel like to crave for someone to be a friend? What does it feel like to not be me?

"Oh, alam mo naman pala tinatanong mo pa-" bigla siyang natigilan sa kaniyang sinasabi kaya binalingan ko siya.

His eyes are wide open as if he was so shocked by something.

"What?" Nagtataka kong tanong.

"Nakita mo ang mga message ko pero hindi mo 'ko nireplyan!" He looks so offended, or more like he's accusing me of something really bad.

Ngumiwi ako sa kaniya at hindi siya pinansin. He run to keep up with my pace.

"Accept mo na message request ko. Kahit 'yun lang. Okay lang 'di tayo maging friends sa Facebook basta friends tayo in real life."

Hindi ko alam bakit hindi ako umangal. I should have said we can never be friends, but... again, I let him think whatever he wants to think.

"Hi, Dax! You're not playing?"

May nakasalubong kaming dalawang babae na hindi ako pamilyar kung sino at binati si Dax. Hindi ko sila kilala kaya nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad.

"Not today." Mabilis niyang sagot at iniwan ang dalawang bumati sa kaniya upang humabol ulit sa'kin.

"'Yung totoo, Tri, sa'n tayo pupunta?" Tanong niya at lumipat sa kabila kong side nang lumiko kami ng daan.

He delicately pushed me away from the yellow line when we saw a car coming. His hands are strangely warm and hard against the soft skin of my arms. Agad niya rin namang tinanggal ang hawak sa'king braso nang makasiguradong wala ako sa linya.

"I'm going somewhere else, hindi ako manonood ng laro. Kaya kung gusto mong manood, you are free to go."

"Woah. That's the longest line you ever said to me so far. Achievement one unlocked!" He lift his fist and imaginatively punched the air.

I don't know with this guy anymore.

But he's right. I think that's the longest line I ever said to him.

"And, no. Hindi kita iiwan." He added.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Alam ko namang iyon ang sasabihin niya. What do I else expect from him?

"Guess why." He uttered excitingly.

"Not interested."

"I know you will say that."

From my peripheral vision, I saw him nodding as if he were agreeing with himself.

"Still, I will answer. What if someone's secretly stalking you? Having me around you is a good idea. You're safe with me." He agreed to himself again.

"Not everyone is like you." Sagot ko habang natatanaw ang lugar kung sa'n kanina ko pa binabalak na pumunta.

"You're just saying that— w-wait, what! I'm not a stalker!" He sounds offended. Again.

Nagtaas lamang ako ng kilay at hindi siya pinansin.

"I'm just someone who has a crush on you and I want to make sure you're safe always. Kaya kita sinasamahan-"

"Sinusundan." I corrected him.

"Kasi nga binabantayan kita!"

Natigil ako sa paglalakad nang unti-unti kong maproseso ang sinabi niya kanina.

Crush? He has a crush on me? Is that his reason why he wants to be friends with me?

"Bakit?" Nagtataka niyang tanong at bahagyang yumuko upang makita ang mukha ko.

I stare at his face in front of me and I don't know what to feel. No one ever confessed to me. But based on the books I read, they usually feel butterflies in their stomach. Is that supposed to feel literal? I can't feel any butterflies in my stomach, though. And I remember that their cheeks are blushing, minds haywire, getting nervous, but I can't feel any of those right now. None of them.

Just... surprised.

"Tri?" Kinaway niya ang kaniyang kamay sa'king mukha.

I gritted my teeth and glared at him. "That's the reason why you want to be friends with me? You have a crush on me?"

I asked that casually because him having a crush on me doesn't seem a big deal at all. Or maybe because I don't know how it feels to crush over someone not fictional.

He grins sheepishly. "Nadulas ako, akala ko 'di mo na mapapansin."

I didn't utter a word of reply.

"But that's not my reason."

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita at hinintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin.

"I want to be your friend because I want to be your friend." Seryoso niyang saad.

"That doesn't make any sense." Sabi ko at nilagpasan siya upang magpatuloy sa paglalakad.

"It does make sense!" Pagtatanggol niya sa sariling sinabi.

"Tri," he called me with a different tone.

Naramdaman kong huminto siya sa paglalakad kaya naman napahinto rin ako. I looked at him behind me. He's not smiling. It's strange whenever he stops laughing, blabbering, or smiling. It doesn't just look like him.

"It doesn't matter..." he trails off.

My eyebrows creased at what he is trying to say.

"It doesn't matter to you even if I have feelings for you, right? Kahit crush kita?" Maingat niyang tanong.

I shook my head. "No. Not at all."

He let out a sigh of relief and there goes the Dax I know. Smiling.

"Good. Now, there's no reason to stop trying to fit in your life."

I frowned at him. "Seriously, Dax, stop following me everywhere." I pleaded, for the first time.

"That's impossible. Our strings are connected."

What strings? Umiling na lang ako sa mga sinasabi niya at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

"Red strings of fate. Naniniwala ka ba do'n?" He queried as he keeps up with me.

Red strings of fate, I'm familiar with it. Lagi ko iyong na-e-encounter sa mga fantasy romance book na nabasa ko.

"I don't." Sagot ko.

"What a sad life you have! Ito na lang, naranasan mo na ba mag-commute pauwi?"

Sad life. Siya lang 'ata ang nagsabi na malungkot ang buhay ko. And how stupid his diversion of topic turns out.

"No." Tipid kong sagot sa tanong niya.

Nakarating kami sa lugar kung saan kanina ko pa iniisip.

College of Education. I read those words in my head and stare at the building. I saw some students in the corridor. The future educators.

"You should try it sometime." Dax uttered beside me.

"My parents will be furious." I said, again, for the first time. No one ever heard me saying that.

"Sure they will. But are you?"

Napabaling ako sa kaniya at naabutan siyang nakatitig sa'kin, eyes darker than usual and lips are pressed in a straight line.

Will I be furious with myself if I do the things I wish I could do in this life only if I wasn't born a Delavin?

We stared at each other for long seconds until he shows his toothy smile again.

"Anyway, what are we doing here? Magshi-shift ka ng course? Teacher Tri!" Pang-aasar niya na inirapan ko.

Shifting course. That crossed my mind once but I'm not allowed to think about that too much.