Entry 03

How is it to live in the moment and don't think about what will happen the next day? How is it to enjoy the present and not think about the future outcomes? How is it to live with a light heart and free soul?

How is it to not think that I might fail? My parents, the people around me, and myself.

"Tri! I missed you! How was your vacation?!"

Agad bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat pagkalabas ko ng sasakyan. Hindi pa nakakaapak ang pangalawa kong paa sa lupa ay sumalubong na sa'kin ang mukha ni Allison. She's wearing our uniform which fitted well her nice body. She's tall as me with short raven black hair. Her eyes are in almond shape and her lips are naturally pink that she usually wears dark red lipstick. She's petite and flat chested, perfect for modelling ang katawan niya. She's not the typical campus crush but she's very pretty. She also has this bitchy stares which is very opposite to her attitude. She's gullible and loud.

She's just like the girl version of Dax. Masakit na nga ang ulo ko kay Allison sa tuwing nasa classroom ako, dumagdag pa na biglang sumulpot sa buhay ko si Dax.

Just thinking about them around me makes me exhausted already.

"Allison, tara na!" Tawag sa kaniya ng kaniyang mga kaibigan.

Allison didn't look at them instead, she clings her arm to me and pulled me with her. My eyes instantly widened at what she did.

"Una na kayo. Sabay na kami ni Tri na papasok." Sagot niya sa mga kaibigan na inirapan lang siya.

"And why do you have to cling your hands on me?" I asked her with my natural unbothered tone, but really, I'm surprised.

"Oh," agad siyang humiwalay sa'kin nang matanto na nakakapit siya sa'kin.

She grins at me. "Sorry!" And she peace sign.

I stare at her. How can people be so loud and oblivious at the same? Umiling ako at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Narinig ko ang malakas niyang boses sa likod ko at sinabayan ako sa paglalakad.

"Saan ka nag-bakasyon, Tri? Sabi ng Mama ko pumunta ka daw sa Liga noong Fiesta. Sayang hindi ako nag-muse 'di mo tuloy ako nakitang rumampa." She blabber beside me.

I didn't react at what she is saying but I'm listening. Sa loob ng tatlong taon na magkaklase kami, hindi ko matandaan kung kailan ako nagsimulang masanay sa presensiya niya. Yes, I got used to it, but never had I learnt to tolerate her noise. Or maybe, that's what I'm unconsciously doing.

"First day na first day magkakarga tayo ng upuan? Ano 'to, high school?"

Pumasok ako sa back door at naabutan ang mga kaklase kong lalaki na nagbubuhat ng mga upuan sa loob. Tatlong upuan pa lang 'ata iyon dahil kakaunti pa lang naman kami. Ang madaldal sa tabi ko ay tumahimik at tinignan ang nangyayari sa loob ng classroom.

"Anong big deal sa pagbubuhat? Pabuhat ka naman lagi sa group activities!" Pang-aasar ni Leovic sa isa sa mga kaibigan ni Allison.

I won't pretend that I never paid attention to my classmates because I did. I don't talk that much unless necessary because I came to school thinking that I'm here to study and not make friends. Pero sa loob ng tatlong taon na bloc section kami, I learned to figure out their real attitude.

Allison, no matter how nice she can be to me, I don't like how she surrounds herself with girls who only know how to fix their face and not their behaviour. The girls I'm pertaining are these girls, na apparently, ay nagrereklamo na agad kahit 'di pa sinusubukang magbuhat ng silya na uupuan nila. I don't want to be judgemental, but that's how I am. I know they don't like me as well kaya sa tuwing nilalapitan ako ni Allison ay umiirap sila.

However, they never said it to my face. They never talked to me. Maybe because they are afraid. And I don't mind because I don't care either. I never pretended that I had the slightest interest in becoming their friends.

"Excuse me?" Offended na sagot ni Elora.

Tinawanan lang siya ng mga lalaki at nilagpasan siya. They all went outside that only us, girls, left alone in the room.

"Ang yayabang ng mga lalaking 'yun akala mo kung sinong malalaki ang itlog!" Elora exclaimed.

I ignored all their nonsense chattering and went out to get my own chair. Narinig ko ang pagtawag sa'kin ni Allison ngunit hindi na ako lumingon. I won't wait for someone to bring my chair. I'll get it on my own.

"Ang aarte ng mga babae."

Dinig kong sabi ni Leovic, hindi nila napansin na sumunod ako. Nagtawanan sila ngunit agad tumahimik nang makita ako sa kanilang likod. They even stopped walking just to gape at me. I ignored their reaction and went straight to the back of the building where the chairs are.

Huminto ako sa harap ng tila gabundok na mga upuan na nagpatong-patong. Mukhang hindi lang sa'ming upuan ang nandito.

"Ako na kukuha para sa'yo, Trishastrea, baka mahulog lahat."

Binalingan ko ang nagsalita sa gilid ko. He's shy because he can't even look at me when he said that. Or maybe he did look at me and only looked away when I glanced at him.

"No, thank you." Sagot ko at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

Hindi naman kailangan na 'yung nasa tuktok ang kunin kong silya. At may iilan na ring nakahiwalay, though I'm not really sure if they are fixed.

"Tri! You can't do that. Leave the men at work."

I know that voice. It's Allison who obviously followed. Bago pa man din ako makalingon ay nasa gilid ko na siya at ma-drama akong pinipigilan sa gagawin ko.

What the heck? Magbubuhat lang naman ng silya, ah? What's the big deal there?

"Leovic, dalhan mo ng upuan si Tri sa classroom!" Utos niya sa kaklase namin.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong binalingan siya.

"No. I can get one and bring it my own." Matigas at malamig kong saad.

Nakita ko kung paano sila natigilan sa lahat ng ginagawa nila nang magsalita ako. I shut my mouth because I always get this kind of reaction from them whenever I spoke. I ignored the awkward atmosphere and searched for a good chair to bring to the classroom.

"Ano ba 'yan ang babagal n'yo magbuhat! Akin na nga! Dali-dali nitong buhatin." Allison said loudly with a different tone.

Natigilan ako at muling sinulyapan si Allison, nagtaka ako sa biglaang pagbabago ng isip niya. I didn't really expect anything but I got disappointed when I saw Dax with his male classmate walking near where we are.

Ang likod kasi ng building namin ay shortcut na madalas ay dinadaanan ng ibang mga estudyante papunta sa kanilang department. But as far as I can remember, the MedTech department is way too far from here.

Why is this man here?

Nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin, dahil apparently he's already watching me when I turned around to look at Allison, ay ngumiti siya sa'kin. I rolled my eyes at him and finally chose a chair.

"Huwag n'yo papagurin ang prinsesa!" Parinig ni Dax at alam kong ako ang pinariringgan nito.

If only smoke is possible to produce out of my nose, it probably did already. He's annoying. Noong bakasyon pa siya!

Dahil sa inis ay binuhat ko na ang silya at kahit medyo nahihirapan akong maglakad buhat ito ay nagpatuloy ako papasok sa building. Hindi ko na pinansin ang iba kong kaklase at hinayaan sila doon. I went straight inside the classroom at nang makita ako ng mga bagong dating ay sabay-sabay silang lumabas upang kumuha ng silya nila. I placed my chair in front and sat.

I'm alone.

"Seriously, Dax, you're being unreasonable. Akin na nga 'yang papel!"

Tahimik kong pinagmamasdan ang white board nang marinig ko ang boses sa labas. Noong una ay akala ko mga kaklase ko pero nang makita ko ang mukha ni Dax sa pintuan ay lalong bumusangot ang mukha ko.

"Good morning, Tri!" Bati niya sa'kin at tuloy-tuloy na pumasok sa loob ng classroom.

"Dax, mamaya na tayo diyan, wala pa nga ang iba niyang kaklase." Sambit ng kasama niya sa kaniya.

Kumunot ang aking noo dahil pamilyar silang dalawa. Well, Dax only got familiar when he talked to me that Prom. Ang kasama niya, siguro ay kaibigan at kaklase niya. Matangkad at meztiso na may kulay abong mga mata. Rare eyes, does he have a foreign blood?

Naputol ang pagtingin ko sa kasama niya nang huminto si Dax sa harap ko at kinailangan ko pa siyang tingalain. Gusto kong pumikit sa inis dahil sa lalaking ito pero hindi ko magawa dahil mapapagod lang akong pagtuonan ng pansin ang presensiya niya.

"Nagpapa-survey kami sa department n'yo. Pupunta lang kami sa kabilang section." Aniya na para bang interesado akong malaman 'yun.

"And so?" Nagtaas ako ng kilay.

He grins. "Archie doesn't want to come here pero pinilit ko siya." Nginuso niya ang lalaking kasama niya na nasa labas pa rin ng pintuan at hinihintay siya.

"Kaibigan ko." Aniya.

"At napilit ko siya kasi sabi ko gusto kitang makita." He added that made me shift on my own seat.

My heart beats a little for a while because of that sudden word that came out of his mouth. I know it shouldn't affect me that much but... I never heard someone say that they wanted to see me.

"Why did you want to see me?" Malamig kong tanong.

He shrugged. "Tagal kitang 'di nakita-"

"Dax!" Galit na tawag sa kaniya ni Archie.

Dax made a face and I saw how he glares at his friend. Nagtitigan silang dalawa na para bang nag-uusap sila gamit ang mga mata. Muli ay binalingan ako ni Dax at naka-plaster na naman ang parang tanga niyang ngiti.

"Babalik kami dito mamaya kapag kumpleto na kayo." Paalam niya at mabilis na lumabas.

Tinitigan ko ang pintuan at hindi ko alam kung bakit nanatili sa isip ko ang sinabi niya. He came here because he wanted to see me. When I said it was my first time to hear someone say that to me, I meant is no one ever wanted to see me just because. The people in our town, they want to see me for the same reasons that they want to see the only daughter of the infamous Alessandro and Trinita Delavin. They want to see me because they are curious about what I look like. They want to know if I'm the kind of person they made in their heads.

And people will always be disappointed because I'm not what they expected. I'm pretty, can pass as a princess for how I carry myself and how I talk, but I'm not the nice person they wanted me to become. I'm rude, snob, and arrogant in their eyes. They painted me as the bad guy of the Delavin's.

But I couldn't care less about that opinion they have of me.

"Bigla kang nawala!"Allison appeared at the door and went inside.

She placed her chair beside me and fixed her things first before starting to chat me with her unending topics about things. I stare at her as she talks.

I always have a bad impression of her no matter how she tries to be nice to me. Hindi lang sa kaniya kundi sa lahat ng tao. I refused to accept people in my life because I have come to believe that I'm not a good person, that people will never like, or if they say they do like me it's all because they have their own selfish reasons.

I can't come to trust Allison, or even Dax, that they are actually genuine with the friendship they are offering to me. I made an impression on Allison the day she sat next to me on my first day here. I made the same impression on Dax when he talked to me that night. It will never change.

"Gusto sana kitang isama no'ng nag-Batangas kami nila Mama kaso imposible naman 'yun." She continue to her talk.

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya at binaling sa ibang bagay ang atensiyon. She sounds sincere... just like how my parents' voice sounded whenever they face people. They fake everything just to make friends.

"Good morning!"

I lifted my eyes after a while when our adviser went inside. She made a quick orientation before she ended her class to us at nakita ko kung paano kinausap nila Dax sa labas ang adviser namin. They are still here, asking for a little time for their thesis questionnaires.

"Hello!" He greeted my classmates with his usual friendly-idiot smile.

Tumayo silang dalawa sa likod ng teacher's table at nagpakilala kahit nakakasigurado akong halos ng kaklase ko ay kilala sila. I can hear their voices at my back saying how cool the two are.

I stare at both of them and find nothing cool.

"I'm Dax from MedTech dept. We were hoping to have a little of your time to be our respondents in our thesis."

Now that he's standing nearby and he's not looking at me, I was able to notice the little changes in him. His curtain-like haircut before was gone. Siguro'y natanto niyang hindi iyon pwede sa school. He's now sporting a military-cut hair that exposed too much of his perfect shape face. The lines of his jaw are very visible now that, unlike other males, he doesn't have a growing beard or maybe he shaved it. Understandable dahil bawal naman talaga iyon sa school.

My eyes went down to survey his clothes. He looks different wearing their white uniform. It's my first time seeing him dressed this way because I didn't really know him until Prom. The polo fits just perfectly his body that the hem of his polo seems to have a hard time clinging to his big muscled arms. He's moreno, matangkad, at... err... yeah, I hate to admit it, but he's gwapo.

Natigil ako sa pagpuna sa kaniyang ayos nang makita kong umalis siya sa likod ng lamesa at nagsimulang maglakad. I lift my eyes again just to see him smirking at me... and the idiot even shamelessly winked at me.

I gritted my teeth and I can feel the imaginary smoke coming out from my nostrils. I hate him.

"Here," aniya nang ilapag sa lamesa ko ang questionnaire nila.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at kinuha ang ballpen sa bag ko. I answered it without reading twice at hindi ko na siya muling binalingan hanggang sa lumabas sila ng classroom.

"Ang gwapo ni Archie." Sambit ni Allison at pumangalumbaba sa lamesa ko kahit may sarili siyang lamesa.

No one seems to notice that Dax knows me or even if they do notice, I know they won't talk about it. Unlike the other situations I witnessed, they are different towards me. They never bullied me but they also never dared to speak up themselves to me. It's not like it is necessary, and I never wanted to be a victim of bullying, but I also don't want to be treated this way.

Is it because I was brought up in the world this way or I'm the one having the wrong decisions here?

For the free period in the afternoon, Allison wanted to bring me with her to the UMall but I heard her friends getting annoyed at her for always trying to make a conversation with me. In the end, I decided to go out of the campus and eat my food in the nearest fast-food chain. Mom approved that I can eat Jollibee when I'm at school but I'm not allowed to eat at a carinderia. Gusto ko sanang sa UMall magpalipas ng oras ngunit naroon si Allison at umiiwas ako sa maingay.

"You're here! Anong oorderin mo? Sabay na tayo!"

Why, is my wish too impossible to happen? I just want a peaceful time with myself. Why this idiot has to be everywhere I go?

Smiling from ear to ear, like he always does, Dax is standing in front of me. Oo, pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko pa lang sa loob ay sumalubong na agad sa'kin ang nakakainis niyang ngiti. Can't this man be grumpy? Or just make his lips in a thin line and don't smile? Ako ang nangangalay para sa kaniya.

Nilagpasan ko siya at hindi pinansin. But for a while of knowing him, I'm very certain he won't leave me alone.

"I'll treat you." Prisinta niya nang nasa harap na kami ng cashier.

"No." Sagot ko at tinignan ang menu.

"Hmp."

Nagkasalubong ang mga kilay ko nang marinig iyon sa kaniya. He made a sound like a dog. Tinignan ko siya at nakitang nakanguso siya. I gaped at him, in disbelief. Then he suddenly grins.

What is he? A crazy man? Ano bang tumatakbo sa isip nito?

"I'll treat you." Ulit niya sa sinabi niya kanina.

"No. I can pay for myself."

Lumapit ako sa counter at umambang sasabihin ang order ko nang magsalita na naman sa likod ko si Dax at nilagay pa ang kamay sa counter, sa gilid ko. I glare at him.

"Lilibre kita. Alam kong may pera ka pero mas masarap kapag libre." He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I gritted my teeth and tried to calm myself. Kaunti na lang ang pasensiya na mayroon ako sa isang 'to.

"I already said no. Can't you understand it? Hindi sa tagalog." Iritado kong sambit.

"English is not my mother tongue but sure I understand your hindi. Ililibre kita. So, anong gusto mo?"

I can't believe him.

"I want you to leave me alone. I want a peaceful day without your noise." I don't understand why I'm even wasting my breath to respond to his nonsense.

He acted to zip his mouth and raise his left hand. "I won't talk."

Napailing na lang ako at binalingan ulit ang cashier na hindi ko namalayang pinapanood kami. I'm embarrassed. Idagdag pa na nakangiti ang babae at tila natutuwa sa ginagawa ni Dax.

"I'll pay for her order." Dax talked again.

Matalim ko ulit siyang pinukulan ng tingin. He instantly bit his lip and stood straight. He shakes his head and tried to talk without opening his mouth.

Bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat at nasapo ko ang aking noo. Why I'm with this kind of person? Really.

"I'll have sundae and fries." Sabi ko sa cashier at naglabas ng cash.

"I'll have the same." Dax spoke behind me.

Hindi ko na siya pinansin dahil tuluyan lang mauubos ang energy ko kung papansinin ko pa siya.

Nanlaki lang ang mga mata ko nang kinuha niya ang pera na inaabot ko sa cashier at mabilis niya iyong naibalik sa wallet ko. How did he do that, I don't have any idea. I looked at him in both surprised and annoyance. And what do I expect? The idiot only smiled at me.

"I'll pay." Aniya at binigay ang cash niya sa cashier.

Blood boiling, I leave him alone in the counter and find my own table. Huli na bago ko naalala na sa iisang tray lang ilalagay ang order namin. Kauupo ko lang nang sumunod si Dax dala ang order naming pareho. He sat across my chair.

I have no choice but to eat with this person even if I don't want to. Natakasan ko nga si Allison pero nakita ko naman ang isang 'to.

"What's with the face? May problema ba? 'Di mo gusto flavor ng sundae?" He asked obliviously and it sounded stupid to me.

I only scowled at him and eat my own food without replying to his unending chattering.

"Free period n'yo ba?" He asked as he licked the spoon of his sundae.

I only nodded.

"Anong oras next class mo?" Sunod niyang tanong at diretsong kinain ang kinuha niyang fries.

He looks like he's not paying attention to what he's eating, his eyes are all on me, waiting for me to respond.

"Four." Walang gana kong sagot.

Tumango-tango siya at akala ko ay tatahimik na pero wala 'ata iyon sa bokabularyo niya.

"You'll walk?" Tanong niya ulit.

"Malamang." I answered as I started to eat the fries.

"Sabay tayo-"

"No." Agap ko bago niya pa matapos ang sasabihin niya.

He looked at me with puppy eyes and I suddenly want to become violent. God, I hate him. I want to punch him straight in the face.

"Bakit naman? Parehas lang naman tayo ng way."

"Ayoko."

"Maglalakad din ako." Pagpupumilit niya.

"Wala akong pakialam."

"Nilibre kita."

My eyes widened and I feel the heat on my earlobes.

"Sinabi ko bang ilibre mo 'ko?" Singhal ko sa kaniya sa mababang tono.

"Joke lang. Nagagalit agad."

Inirapan ko siya.

"Ba't ayaw mong sabayan kita-"

"Because."

"Because? Masaya kayang may kasabay maglakad. We can talk about things. Katulad ng... anong ginawa mo no'ng vacation?" Nilagay niya ang hintuturong daliri sa kaniyang baba na para bang nag-iisip siya.

"None of your business."

"Anong favorite color mo?"

I was taken aback by that sudden question which I know he never really thought well before saying. It's a common question, nothing important about it.

But it has to me.

No one asked me what my favorite color is. My mother doesn't know what I like. She always chooses stuff for me, including the colors. Not that I really have a favorite color because I grew up not having a thought about that. I grew up thinking that colors are just colors, I can have them all and I don't have to choose just one.

"Let me guess..." he started to think.

"Green?" Aniya. "Oo! Green favorite mo! Look at your wallet, it's green! Your hairclip is green too!"

I stared at him as his lips spread widely to smile while trying to notice all the green stuff I have. Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa'king wallet at tama siya, it's green.

"Well, it suits you. You grew up on a farm. You must really love the greens."

There he goes again, saying things I don't expect from him.

Pumikit ako ng mariin at tumayo. Hindi ko pa tapos kainin ang sundae pero gusto ko nang umalis. Kinuha ko ang aking wallet at mabilis na lumabas ng Jollibee. I heard him calling me and probably following me but I didn't dare to glance back anymore.

It doesn't matter what color I like or if that color suits me. It doesn't matter.

"Tri!"

I clenched my fists and walks faster, forgetting that I should not walk this way. Improper. Nang unti-unti kong naalala ang mga salita ni Mommy na dapat hindi ako nagmamadaling maglakad ay bumagal ang mga hakbang ko.

"Aaaah!!!"

Namilog ang aking mga mata nang makita ang isang grupo ng mga lalaki na nagtatakbuhan, kapwa mga walang saplot. Lumakas ang kabog sa dibdib ko dahil sa takot dahil mag-isa lang ako ngayong naglalakad dito at hindi ko alam kung—

My thoughts halted when my eyes are suddenly covered with the warm, calloused palm of someone. The guy's other hand grabbed my wrist and made me turn around. Too stunned, I wasn't able to move when I face Dax's wide chest. He towered over me.

"Takbo! Takbo!"

Halos mabingi ako sa sigawan ng mga lalaking iyon nang dumaan sila sa gilid namin ni Dax. Dax pulled me more with him that made the fear inside my chest fade away. My heart's beat turn back to normal as I lift my head to see him sporting a different expression he don't usually show.

His eyes darkened and his thick brows furrowed. His jaw is clenching repeatedly as I watched how his adam's apple moves. I just also noticed now how full his lips are, which is pressed in a straight line right now. He looks different... not the idiot he always seems. Right now, he looks cold and menacing. I can feel how his hand is tightening its hold on me as if he mistakenly let go of me, I will be stolen from him.

"They're gone." He said and he move down his eyes on me.

He bends down his head a little to see my face. Slowly, his expression changed again. From that cold and dark stare, his eyes turn solemn again... no. Idiotic eyes. That's it. Not solemn. There's nothing solemn in him. He's loud and annoying.

"They are naked." I said, still half in awe.

He smiled that didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah. They are probably some fraternity outside school."

Dahan-dahan akong tumango at humiwalay sa kaniya. He let go of my hand as I resume my walk. Hindi siya nagsasalita pero alam kong nakasunod siya sa'kin. And even if I want to tell him to leave me alone, after what I saw just a while ago, I'm scared now to walk alone.

I know I learned karate and I'm a crack shot, but with that amount of people, I don't think my karate will save me. And I don't have a gun, obviously.

"Anong favorite letter mo sa alphabet?" He started asking questions again when we entered the campus gate.

I only glare at him but he's so oblivious of my death stares. Oh my god, give me more patience for this person.