Entry 32

Surprisingly, after five years, it was my first time to finally sleep the night with a peaceful heart. No worries for yesterday, no doubts for the present, and no thoughts about the past. I just feel so alive and free.

Maingat akong tumingkayad at nilanghap ang sariwang hangin ng umagang ito mula sa dagat. I smiled when I saw how the seagulls are all flying again at the horizon. They are the perfect art that eyes can't capture for long. Their shadows are in the center of the rising sun.

I didn't know that I need answers until I finally heard it. I didn't know that I have to free myself until I chose to let go of my hate. I didn't know that peace could be this so beautiful until I woke up today and all I want is to breathe air.

I took a shower first before I came to the kitchen for breakfast. Pagbukas ko ng pintuan ay bigla akong nahiya nang matanto na si Merida at Felix lang ang nasa hapag. Naroon din si Shania ngunit nasa counter siya at abala sa kaniyang niluluto.

Para akong nakalutang na naglalakad habang papalapit sa kanila. And there's a part of me which is torn between choosing the seat next to Merida or Felix's. Nag-angat sila parehas ng tingin ngunit tumama ang aking mga mata kay Felix.

He gave me a playful smirk when he saw me at the door. Sinulyapan niya ang katabing silya at alam kong gusto niya akong paupuin doon. Huminga ako ng malalim at sa huli ay piniling umupo sa tabi niya. Tinignan ko si Merida na nagtaas lamang ng kilay sa'kin bago nagpatuloy sa kaniyang pagkain.

"Where's Montano?" Kaswal kong tanong.

"He ate earlier. Busy sa bridge." Sagot ni Merida at tinitigan ako.

Hindi na ako nakasagot nang masulyapan kong nilalagyan ni Felix ng plato ang harap ko. He fixed the utensils and even put the scrambled eggs and bacons on my plate. Napalunok ako at hindi ko magawang sulyapan si Merida dahil paniguradong naguguluhan rin siya sa mga aksyon ngayon ni Felix.

"Juice or water?" He asked normally, unaware of Merida's stares.

O 'di kaya ay napapansin niya naman ngunit wala siyang pakialam. At ano nga bang dapat kong ikahiya? I feel like we're too old for this kind of embarrassment. Ano naman ngayon kung kami na ulit ni Felix? It's not like anyone here will matter much if they chose to tear us apart.

In the end, I decided to act naturally.

"Water." Sagot ko kay Felix.

Kinuha niya ang pitsel na mayroong tubig at nagsalin sa aking baso. Kumuha ako ng toasted bread at nag-spread ng jam. Palihim kong sinulyapan si Merida na naabutan kong may makahulugang ngisi sa labi habang kumakain at nakaharap sa kaniyang ipad. I bit my lower lip to conceal a smile. Alam kong kahit hindi ko sa kaniya sabihin ay alam niya kung anong nagbago.

It was just yesterday when I told her everything and asked for advice. Pero ngayong umaga ay nasasaksihan niya kung paano ako alagaan ni Felix. I shook my head in my mind.

"What are your plans today?" Tanong ulit ni Felix na siya lamang ang bumabasag sa tahimik na pasilidad.

Binalingan ko siya at naabutang hinihintay niya akong lingunin siya. Sa gilid ng aking mga mata ay nakita ko kung paano rin kami balingan ni Shania mula sa counter.

"Work. Ano pa bang gagawin ko dito?" Sarkastik kong tanong sa kaniya sa huli.

Muli na naman niya akong nginisian bago siya tumango. Ibinalik ko ang atensiyon sa'king pagkain at nagsimulang makipag-usap kay Merida tungkol sa trabaho. And fortunately, the breakfast went well. Kaswal si Merida kahit iba ang pakikitungo sa'kin ni Felix. And Shania never speak or reacted. Kaya naman nang matapos kaming mag-almusal ay naunang lumabas si Merida upang puntahan si Montano sa bridge.

Kasabay ko si Felix na lumabas at siya ang nagbukas ng pintuan para sa'kin. Nauna akong maglakad sa kaniya ngunit huminto ako at hinarap siya. Mataas na ang sikat ng araw dahil pasado alas otso na rin ng umaga. He's wearing his orange uniform and the protective headgear is on his hand. Ang magulo at bahagyang humahabang buhok ay bumabagsak sa kaniyang noo.

I know I already admire his looks the first time I saw him on board. But looking at him now, I can't even show how much I'm proud of him. He's able to wear the uniform he always dreams to have.

"Why?" Sa malalim niyang boses na tanong at naningkit ang mga mata.

Nang makalapit siya sa'kin ay napansin ko ang hindi mapalis na ngisi sa kaniyang labi simula pa kanina. And all through these years, he was given the chance to get even taller while I remained at the same height as I was in college. Sometimes, I feel unfair for it. But my height is cute, so I just shrug it all.

"The way you stare at me, kaunti na lang at iisipin kong gusto mo akong halikan." Pang-aasar niya.

Inirapan ko siya at marahang hinampas ang kaniyang dibdib. Hinuli niya ang aking kamay at hinalikan ang mga daliri ko. My butterflies and horses started to get wild inside me again. Minsan kong nakalimutan ang ganitong pakiramdam at siya lamang ang nakapagbalik nito ulit.

When he finished kissing my fingers, he lifted my hand to touch his cheek. I protruded my lips and watched him feel my palm on his face.

"You're my boyfriend, Felix." Pahayag ko.

His eyes went round when he realized what I said. I smirked at him and tapped my fingers on his cheeks. Hindi niya tinanggal ang pagkakahawak sa kamay kong nasa kaniyang pisngi nang kainin niya ang distansiya naming dalawa.

"I just had my permission from you to court you last night." Aniya ngunit bakas sa boses niya na gusto niya ang narinig.

I shot my eyebrow at him and stick my tongue on the side of my cheeks.

"Ayaw mo ba?" Hamon ko.

Mabilis siyang umiling. "You have no idea how many years I waited for you."

"Five?" Natatawa kong sagot.

Inabot niya ang isa ko pang kamay at parehas na pinaikot iyon sa kaniyang leeg. Hinapit niya ako sa'king baywang at hindi na ako nagulat nang lumapat ang kaniyang labi sa'kin. I smiled while he's kissing me. Humigpit ang kapit ko sa kaniyang batok at tumingkayad upang maabot siya at mapalalim ang halik.

I tilted my head when his kisses went to the side of my lips and then to my cheeks, showering my face with his kisses. I giggled when his hand on my back caressed me. He stopped and looked directly at my eyes. Pinalipat-lipat ko naman ang tingin sa kaniyang madilim na mga mata.

I've been kissed by him years ago, I saw how dark his eyes were, but today, they are different. They are glittering in so much happiness. Katulad ko.

"You're my girlfriend now?" He asked breathily.

"Syempre. Alangan namang ako lang nakakaalam na boyfriend kita?" Muli akong tahimik na humalakhak.

He gave me a peck on my lips before searching for my eyes again.

"I love you." He spoke those three words sincerely.

Tinanggal ko ang pagkakapit ng aking braso sa kaniyang leeg at dahan-dahang pinadausdos iyon sa kaniyang braso hanggang palapulsuhan. I watched my hands devouring his wrists and finally having a hold on them. Tiningala ko siya at nginitian.

"I have always loved you." Bulong ko.

Bumitaw ako sa kaniya at nakangiti pa ring umatras palayo sa kaniya.

"I still have a work so do you, Engineer." Malakas kong saad habang palayo sa kaniya.

Hindi niya pinutol ang titig sa'kin habang naglalakad ako palayo sa kaniya. I waved my hand at him and turn my back to go downstairs. Doon ko lang din natanto kung gaano kalakas na kumakabog ang aking puso. Mabilis akong naglakad patungong cabin at kinulong ang sarili.

I never been this happy and I'm glad I gave him the chance to be part of me again.

"You're not kidding me?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Gillian sa kabilang linya.

After my meeting with my team, I quickly called Gillian to tell her what happened. Humilig ako sa aking kama at umiling sa kaniya.

"Malandi ka. Dalawang buwan ka lang diyan sa barko pero bumigay ka na agad!" Singhal niya at malakas na tumawa.

Ngumiwi ako sa kaniya pero kalaunan ay bahagya ring natawa. To think about that it was only two months ago when I met him again, yet I still find a way to get back together with him.

"I still love him." Seryosong kong sabi sa kaniya.

Tumigil siya sa pagtawa at sumeryoso rin.

"You never forget him, Aud."

Ngumuso ako at tinitigan ang kaibigan sa screen ng aking MacBook. She's right. Alam kong inaasar niya lang ako lagi noon tungkol kay Felix pero natanto kong totoo ang lahat ng sinabi niya. She knows that I never unloved or even forget him.

"Kilalang-kilala mo talaga ako."

She shrugged. She's still wearing her uniform base on the scarf on her neck. Nakatali pa rin ang buhok at bakas sa mukha ang pagod kahit tinatawanan niya ako kani-kanina lang.

"You're my best friend."

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata. "Or you just really know how to see if someone really moved on or not."

Ginantihan niya ako at tinaasan ng kilay. "And so? At least I'm not denying that I haven't moved on yet. Eh, ikaw? Ilang beses mong sinabi sa'kin na hindi mo na gusto si Felix-"

"Oo na!" Pigil ko sa kaniyang lintaniya.

Nang-aasar niya akong tinignan kaya napailing ako. We talked for another hour bago siya nagpaalam na matutulog na dahil ngayon pa lang siya magpapahinga. Pagkatapos ng tawag ko sa kaniya ay sinabi ko sa iba kong kaibigan na nagkabalikan na kami ni Felix.

Ayoko lang na hindi nila alam ang nangyayari sa'kin dahil lagi naman nilang binabalita ang mga ganap sa buhay nila. And I will always be grateful for having friends like them because they never judged me. Sa halip ay nakuha ko ang suporta mula sa kanila.

We grow up to be a wise people we weren't when we were younger. We still see things differently, we still argue, but our love always binds us together. Akala ko noon darating ang panahon na makakalimutan namin ang isa't-isa pero hindi iyon nangyari kahit iba-iba kami ng daan na tinahak. At patuloy akong umaasa na kahit kailan ay hindi masisira ang pagkakaibigan na binuo namin noong mga bata pa kami.

I turn off my cellphone and went to the kitchen for dinner. Kaming dalawa lang ni Merida ang nasa hapag kaya naman nasabi ko na rin sa kaniya ang nangyari kagabi. At katulad ng inaasahan ko ay hindi na siya nagulat na nagkabalikan kami.

"I'm happy for you." Aniya at hinaplos ang aking pisngi.

I mirrored her smile and we divert our topic to work. Dumiretso ako sa deck pagkatapos ng hapunan at umasa na makikita roon si Felix pero wala siya. Hindi pa kami nagkikita simula noong umaga at hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba siya kapag nalaman niyang lagi ko siyang hinahanap.

Tumalikod ako at nagpasyang babalik na sa cabin nang may humawak sa'king palapulsuhan at bumaba iyon sa'king kamay upang okupahin ang pagitan ng mga daliri ko. My heart celebrated because it knows whose hand touched mine. Hinarap ko si Felix na katulad kanina ay nakasuot pa rin ng kaniyang uniporme.

He bends his head to kiss my cheeks while I surveyed his clothes. Kumpara kagabi ay hindi gaanong marumi ang uniporme niya ngayon. At nasa kamay niya ulit ang kaniyang protective headgear.

"Dinner?" Tanong ko.

He searched my eyes and I have this urge to kiss him on lips if only I can't see the other crews working around us. Hindi na rin ako magtataka kung alam na nila ang relasyon ko sa kanilang engineer.

"I was about to. Would you join me?" Nagbibiro ang kaniyang tono at nakangisi.

I'm not used to him being this happy dahil ang naaalala ko ay lagi siyang nakasimangot noon.

"Nando'n si Shania." I said to tease him.

"And so?" Walang pakialam niyang sagot.

"She still thinks she's your girlfriend." I tried to utter it cooly but my tone won't cooperate. I sounded a jealous one.

I bit my tongue to hide my embarrassment. Of course, I'm not jealous. Why would I? Mukha namang nag-i-ilusyon lang ang isang iyon.

"She's not. And she never was my girlfriend."

"Alam ko. Kasasabi mo lang kagabi na ako lang naman gusto mo." I boast.

Humigpit ang hawak niya sa'king kamay at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. I stick my tongue out at him and pulled his hand with me. Nagpahila siya sa'kin at nang nasa hagdanan na kami ay gumapang ang kaniyang isang kamay sa'king baywang. I bit my lip and continue to walk casually.

"You were looking for me? Kaya ka nasa baba kanina?" Tanong niya sa'king gilid.

"Wala lang akong ibang magawa." Rason ko.

Sinulyapan ko siya at naabutan siyang nanghahamon akong tinitignan. I made a face and opened the kitchen door. Wala roon si Shania.

Umupo ako sa tabi ni Felix at kumain ng ice cream habang kumakain siya ng dinner niya. We talk about his day and he told me that he's going to show me tomorrow his work. Pinilit ko siya na ipakita sa'kin ngayon kaya pagkatapos niyang kumain ay dinala niya ako sa ibaba.

I saw machines and some stuff I'm not familiar with. Naroon din si Ken na inaasar si Felix sa'kin kaya hindi na kami nagtagal. Past twelve when he's finally done with his duty at sabay kaming bumalik sa cabin.

"Uhm," I started when we stopped in front of his cabin's door.

Binubuksan niya ang kaniyang pintuan nang sulyapan ako.

"Want to go inside?" Kaswal niyang tanong.

Tinitigan ko ang kaniyang mukha at alam kong noon pa man ay malawak na ang imahinasyon ko. At hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan na siya ang naka-una sa'kin. Well, the truth is he's the only guy who ever been inside me. At hindi ko alam kung bakit ang dumi-dumi ng isip ko gayong inaaya niya lang naman ako sa loob. Maybe he just wants me to see his cabin!

"Audrey," tawag niya sa'kin nang hindi ako nakasagot agad.

Umiling ako. "Inaantok na 'ko." Agap ko.

Nagkasalubong ang kaniyang makakapal na kilay at tila sinusuri ang aking reaksiyon. Akala ko at may sasabihin pa siya pero tumango siya. I also nodded and walks towards my own cabin.

"Good night, baby." His male deep baritone resonated behind me.

Hinawakan ko ang door knob ng aking cabin at binuksan upang makapasok na. Ngunit hindi ko alam kung bakit tila may sariling pag-iisip ang mga paa ko. I turned around again to see him still watching me. Mapungay ang mga matang tinititigan ako habang mabilis akong naglakad palapit sa kaniya ulit.

I put my arms around his neck when I got near him and lifted myself to reach his lips. His arms snaked around my waist as he returns my sudden kiss. Pumikit ako at humigpit ang kapit sa kaniyang leeg. He bends his head more to give me a deeper kisses. Ang kaniyang daliri ay naglalaro sa'king baywang habang umaakyat ang kamay ko sa kaniyang buhok.

He moaned when I suddenly bit his lip. I stopped and worriedly look at his lips.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry-"

He chuckled hoarsely the reason why I had to look at him in question. Umiling siya at hinaplos ang labi ko gamit ang kaniyang thumb finger. Umawang ang labi ko nang mapalitan ang lamig sa katawan ko ng nagbabagang init dahil sa kaniyang haplos at halik.

"We just get together again-"

"Does it matter?" May paghahamon sa boses ko.

He stares deeply at my eyes before he sigh and devours my lips again. Hinapit niya ako ng mabuti sa'king baywang habang binubuksan niya ang pintuan ng kaniyang cabin at naghahalikan kaming pumasok sa loob.

He shut the door closed and meticulously pin me on the back of his door. Then he caught my legs to snake it around his hips. Naglakad siya at sinandal ako sa dingding malapit sa kaniyang kama. He lifted both of my arms and pin them on the wall as he started to kiss me on my neck.

Tumingala ako at natantong hindi niya binuksan ang ilaw ng cabin. Madilim ang paligid ngunit nakikita ko ang kama malapit kung nasaan kami. My eyes stopped surveying the room when he grazed his lips on my chest.

I moaned and he grunted. Sinabunutan ko ang kaniyang buhok nang ibaba niya ang strap ng aking top. He removed my silicone and his mouth successfully devours my breast.

"Oh!" I moaned breathily.

His lips suck my other breast while his fingers play on my nipple. Pinaikot-ikot niya iyon at pagkatapos ay kukurutin. I closed my eyes tightly when his hand massaged my boob. He did it in both of my breasts while I keep on searching for air to breathe.

Ibinalik niya ang halik sa'king labi at muli akong binuhat. My back met his small but comfortable bed. My head reached the pillows as he resumes kissing me on my neck and chest. Tumaas ang kamay ko sa kaniyang matigas at malaking mga braso. Dahil patay ang ilaw ay hindi ko malinaw na makita ang kaniyang mukha at katawan.

But my senses say that he grows so much all these years. I can feel his corded muscles every time his hands caress my body. His lips are as soft and passionate as before. Only that tonight, they are more skillful.

Habang hinahalikan niya ako sa'king tiyan ay narinig at naramdaman ko ang pagkakapunit ng spaghetti top ko nang subukan niya iyong hubarin sa'kin. Gusto ko mang singhalan siya dahil sinira niya ang damit ko ay hindi ko na nagawa. He continues doing me like nothing happened.

His fingers reached my hips and he slowly removed my tight short shorts. Tinulungan ko siya sa paghuhubad ng aking shorts pero nasira pati iyon. Muli niyang ibinalik ang labi sa'king tiyan at dinilaan ang puson ko. I moaned louder when his finger caress my clothed center.

"Felix..." I moaned his name.

Because of what I did, he stood and I can hear him starting to remove his uniform. Hindi ko siya nakikita ngunit naririnig ko ang pagbaba ng kaniyang zipper at ang pagbagsak ng mga damit sa sahig. I shrieked when his lips touched my toes. He kisses every finger of my feet and showers kisses on my legs towards the side of my private area.

Paimpit akong umungol nang halikan niya ang gitna ko kahit nakasuot pa ako ng panty. My hands found his hair and I hold unto them as if they are my only weapon to survive this mind and heart shattering situation.

In a sudden move, I heard my lace panty getting ripped. And the next thing I know, his lips is already colonizing my private area. I screamed loudly when his fingers move circularly, horizontally, and vertically in my clit.

"Oh my god! Felix!" I screamed, for the first time, I sounded like a woman.

His playful tongue delved into me and I felt the most pleasant thing on this world a man could ever give me. My hands crumpled on the bedsheets as he licks me there. I closed my eyes and my legs wanted to get away from him but he was holding on to them firmly.

His other hand crawls on my chest and massages my left breast all while his other fingers play on my clit and his tongue inside the deepest of me. I feel like I'm going to pass out anytime soon only if my body and heart don't want this pleasure.

I felt my body convulse and my release on time. He licked my juices for minutes I can't count. Akala ko pa'y hindi siya matatapos kung hindi lang siya tumayo at gumapang pabalik sa'kin. He kisses my neck and bit it as I started to feel his thing in between me.

"Felix," I called his name thirstily and tried to move my hips to meet him.

He holds onto my waist to stop me. I opened my eyes and I finally saw him. Like mine, his eyes are blazing with lust, passion, and love for me. His hands move towards my arms to my shoulders to my cheeks. He cupped my face and placed his forehead on mine.

"Always remember that I always love you. I will love you forever, Audrey." He breathed in my mouth and kisses me.

I wasn't able to respond when I felt his maleness take its way inside me. Tinago ko ang aking mukha sa kaniyang leeg nang maramdaman ko ang sakit sa'king gitna habang pumapasok siya. This isn't my first time with him, but it's been years.

I bit his neck and my fingers dig in his back as I screamed painfully when he successfully fills me. He only stopped for a while before he resumes his movement with my permission. And we spent the whole night sharing hot kisses and pleasuring each other. His room was enveloped with my loud moans. And words passionate and sincere from his heart.

Nagising ako sa mainit at komportableng mga braso. A part of me doesn't want to open my eyes thinking that what happened last night could be just a figment of my imaginations. Baka ang lahat ng nangyari sa barkong ito ay hindi totoo at isa lamang magandang panaginip. But I braved myself to open my eyes to see him beside me.

My heart thuds louder again and the zoo inside me started to have their own party without my permission. I'm still fully naked underneath this sheet and so is he. His legs are all over me and his arms are resting peacefully in my bare stomach.

I lifted my eyes to see him still sleeping soundly. His lips are in a grim line and some strands of his hair are falling on his forehead. I put my hands on his bare chest to lift myself. I gave him a kiss on his cheek that made him wake up.

"Good morning!" Masigla kong salubong sa kaniya pagmulat niya ng mga mata.

He gave me a sleepy smile. "Anong oras na?"

Umamba akong tatalikod upang matignan ang oras at upang mabuksan ang ilaw ngunit hinigit niya akong muli pahiga sa kaniyang dibdib. I pouted and didn't protest.

"Baka lumubog tayo kapag 'di ka nagtrabaho." Biro ko.

His fingers brushed my hair slowly while his other hand is on my stomach, making circles and lines na nagpapataas ng aking mga balahibo. I bit my lower lip and control myself from reacting. We're both still completely naked and we did it last night three times. Pagod na pagod ako kaya agad akong hinila ng antok. Siguro ay gano'n din siya kaya ayaw niya pang bumangon. But he has work to do. Hindi ko pa naman nakakalimutang nasa gitna pa rin kami ng karagatan.

"Felix," I called him when he didn't utter a word.

Tiningala ko siya at naabutang pinapanood niya ako. Pumungay ang kaniyang mga mata at hinaplos ang aking pisngi. Kumunot ang aking noo dahil kahit sanay ako noon na tahimik siya at hindi namamansin, parang may iba ngayon.

"Give me a minute. I want to prove to myself that this is real."

My chest tightened after hearing that. I lifted again myself to capture his lips. I gave him the longest kiss we ever shared because I want him to realize that this is real.

"You made love to me last night and that's real." Bulong ko sa kaniyang labi at tinitigan siya sa mga mata.

We stared at each other for another long minute before he get a hold of my nape and kiss me. I shrieked while laughing when he was suddenly on my top.

"I want to make sure again that this is real." Pilyo niyang sambit.

Tinakpan ko ang aking bibig ng kamay ko at pumikit ng mariin nang magsimula ulit siyang angkinin ako. He kisses and owned every bit of me last night and this morning. I don't know if he'll ever get tired or will I ever lost the interest.

Sana hindi. Ayokong mapagod siya sa'kin. Ayokong magsawa siya sa'kin. At gano'n din ako sa kaniya.

Binalot ko ang sarili sa kumot nang umupo ako sa edge ng kama. Felix stood to shower dahil limang minuto na siyang late sa kaniyang duty. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin papasok sa banyo at naabutan niya akong nakatingin sa kaniya.

"You want to join me?" He teased.

I only roll my eyes at him that made him laugh. Nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng shower sa bathroom niya ay tumayo ako upang buksan ang ilaw. I can feel the pain in between my legs but unlike the first time, it's bearable now.

Bumalik ako sa kama upang umupo nang dumapo ang tingin ko sa bed side table niya. My eyes widened and I quickly get near it. Hinawakan ko ang picture frame na may litrato naming dalawa noong graduation niya. Nakaakbay siya sa'kin habang nakasuot siya ng kaniyang itim na toga at hawak ko ang medal niya na nakasabit sa kaniyang leeg. We're both smiling.

He kept it. This is his most awaited day. And this is the day I last saw him. I still can remember how many emotions he gave me during that day. I was happy for him because he's finally graduated and he's about to make his dreams come true. But I was also wrecked when he turned his back on me and decided to move on without me.

"You kept this." Sambit ko nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan ng kaniyang bathroom.

I looked at him with towel covered on his hips and another towel on his shoulder. Waters are dripping from his hair but he brushed it off. Naglakad siya palapit sa'kin at tinignan ang hawak ko.

"My motivation to wake up." He said and looked at me.

Ibinalik ko ang frame sa kaniyang side table at inikot ang paningin sa paligid.

"Audrey," he calls me soothingly.

Tiningala ko siya at nakitang seryoso siya. Umupo siya sa tabi ko, hindi pinuputol ang titig sa'kin. My forehead creased at the expression on his face.

"We're in a relationship now. We weren't open to each other before, and I realized that for us to have this healthy relationship unlike our parents, I want us to be open with each other. About everything. No secrets."

I don't know if I'm just getting emotional this days or it is just really me ever since. Nangilid ang luha sa'king mga mata nang marinig ko iyon sa kaniya. I never thought I could hear those from him.

"I was secretive when it comes to my personal life. I didn't trust you before but I will now. I just really don't want to be someone's burden." Amin ko.

He placed his palm on my cheeks. Dinama ko ang kaniyang kamay at pumikit. God, I love him.

"You're not a burden to me. You weren't and you will never be." He uttered huskily.

I opened my eyes and got lost with his stares.

"And I don't want to look like broken pieces you need to fix." Dagdag ko.

"Broken pieces don't need fixing. They are meant to be replaced by a new high quality."

I smiled because, ironically, we can both relate to that. We were broken pieces that didn't need fixing rather we are replaced by the new better version of ourselves: high quality.

"I don't want a controlling partner, Felix." I informed him.

"I want a man who will respect my choices as a woman. I don't want to have a relationship with a man who thinks and acts they are dominant. Regardless if that man is the one I love. And if you want to be with me, I want you to respect my choices. I know that the moment I accepted you again in my life, I already shared a part of me with you. You become my other half that I won't function well without you."

He caressed my cheeks again and nodded.

"I promise to respect you always. I will love you with dignity."

I lifted my hand as well to touch his face.

"And we should handle things maturely with mutual understanding. If not, we should educate each other and both of us must be ready to listen and learn." I added.

"You grow smart, baby. And I love you more this way." Aniya at hinalikan ang kamay kong nasa pisngi niya kanina.

I smirked.

"I love you but the past years made me to a woman who looks after herself first. Is that selfish?" I probed.

He shook his head.

"No." He muttered. "You're in all the right to put yourself first before anyone else."

"But I can put two people at the same time. Especially when I love that person." I shrugged meaningfully.

Lumapad ang ngisi sa labi niya at hinapit ako sa baywang palapit sa kaniya. Kung hindi lang namin narinig ang kumakatok sa pintuan ay baka kung saan pa kami umabot.

Nataranta ako nang matanto kong wala akong damit dahil sinira ni Felix kagabi. Kailangan kong pumunta muna sa cabin ko para makakuha ng bagong damit. Paano kapag nakita ako ni Merida? Ng ibang crew?

"Wear this."

Parang nabasa niya ang nasa isip ko dahil naglahad siya sa'kin ng isang hoodie jacket.

"What about my panty?" Tanong ko habang tinatanggap ang hoodie.

I removed the blanket on my body. Lumapit sa'kin si Felix at tinulungan akong isuot ang jacket kahit kaya ko namang gawin mag-isa. I still feel expose without my underwear.

"Felix,"

Bumaling ako sa pintuan nang marinig ang boses ni Shania.

"Wear my shorts-"

Hindi ko pinatapos si Felix at tumayo kahit walang underwear. Malaki naman ang hoodie na binigay niya sa'kin na umaabot iyon hanggang tuhod ko. I looked at what I'm wearing and there I only realized that this looks familiar.

Binuksan ko ang pintuan at sumalubong sa'kin ang gulat na mukha ni Shania.

"What are you doing here?" Galit niyang singhal sa'kin.

Her eyes surveyed my body and I know for sure that she's not that innocent to not realize why I'm here.

"What do you need from Felix?" Balik kong tanong, walang gana.

I saw how her lips palpitate in anger. I saw that reaction before from Felix's previous girl.

"You fucked him?" She hissed in disbelief.

Hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay tumalikod na siya at mabilis na nagmartsa paalis. Pinigilan ko ang sarili na tumawa bago ko muling sinarado ang pintuan. Hinarap ko si Felix na nagsusuot ng kaniyang uniporme habang nasa akin ang atensiyon.

"You heard her?" Natatawa kong tanong.

He only smirked at me.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at tinulungan siyang i-zipper ang uniporme.

"I want to ask," I voiced out.

Niyuko niya ako nang nakakunot ang kaniyang noo.

"Is this the hoodie I gave you?" Tanong ko, tinutukoy ang suot kong hoodie.

"You have a sharp memory for things, huh."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"So, this is really the hoodie I gave you?! It lasted for five years?" Hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong.

"Does it sound impossible?"

"No. But you also kept this. Nasaan ang isa pa? 'Yung letter A?"

The side of his lips rose when he pointed at his small cabinet. Lumapit ako doon at binuksan. Kakaunti lang ang damit niyang mga naka-hanger pero agad kong nakita ang hoodie na may print na letter 'A.'

"I can't eat my breakfast today, late na ako sa duty ko." Aniya sa'king likod.

Sinarado ko ang cabinet niya at nilapitan siya ulit. Yumuko siya upang mahalikan ako sa labi.

"I'm full, anyway." He said meaningfully and winked at me.

Inirapan ko siya at sinundan siya ng tingin habang palabas siya.

"And, oh," nilingon niya ako, naka-plaster pa rin ang pilyo niyang ngisi.

"You can leave your underwear here. Remembrance."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Marami ka pang sisirain na panty. Kahit hindi ka na magtago."

He chuckled and opened the door. Tinulak ko siya palabas at sumunod upang bumalik sa sarili kong cabin.

"Go upstairs and eat your breakfast, Audrey." Paalala niya sa'kin.

I shake my butt while not looking at him and I heard him laugh again. Pumasok ako sa loob ng cabin ko at dumiretso sa bathroom upang maligo. It took me almost half an hour to finish because the memory of last night and earlier kept on flashing in my mind. The way he touches and kisses me...

I shook my head and went out of the shower. I wear his hoodie again and my new shorts. Nang umupo ako upang kunin ang aking cellphone sa kama ay nakita kong may five missed video chats ako from Ablyne. I opened her message to me and saw the picture she sent.

Mabilis kong tinawagan ulit ang kapatid na agad niya namang sinagot.

"Why do you have that picture? Is Dad back at home?" I asked in gritted teeth, trying to control my anger.

"Ate and Kuya weren't here last night when Dad came. He wanted to talk to me pero ayaw ko. Then I saw him and Mom talking at the pool. The picture I sent you, that's it."

My eyes widened in disbelief and instantly, my heart is raging again.

"Ate AJ," Ablyne calls me worriedly.

"Nandiyan si Ate?" Tanong ko.

"Dad left last night, too. Both Kuya and Ate are talking to Mom right now."

Nasapo ko ang aking noo at tumango.

"Malapit na akong umuwi. I'll talk to Mom when I got home."

Then I ended the call even before Ablyne see how angry I am. I zoomed in on the photo my sister sent to me and I want to curse my own father for returning after almost six years of abandoning us.