Entry 30

I caressed my neck slowly, tracing every mark he left. Kanina pa ako dito sa harap ng salamin ngunit hindi ko magawang alisin ang tingin sa tila namamaga kong leeg dahil sa dami ng hickeys. It looks like I was bitten by mosquitoes.

I untied my hair and let it fall behind. Sinubukan kong itago ang hickeys sa pamamagitan ng aking buhok at hinayaan itong gano'n. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang tapalan iyon ng makeup dahil hindi naman ako lalabas ngayong umaga. Mamaya ko na lang siguro itatago kapag uuwi na ako sa mansion.

I sighed and turned my back on the mirror. Lumabas ako ng bathroom at sumalubong sa'kin ang nagkalat na mga maleta sa sahig. I stared at them. Ang dalawang maleta ay nakaayos na samantalang ang isa ay pupunuan ko pa. I still have things left on the cabinet at iyon ang aayusin ko ngayong umaga bago tuluyang tumulak paalis.

Dumiretso ako sa cabinet at nilabas ang mga natitira kong damit. Bumaba rin ako upang makuha ang mga ni-laundry na damit ko noong isang araw. I returned to the room and spent half of the day packing.

Tinayo ko ang huling maleta at pabagsak na nahiga sa kama. Pinagmasdan ko ang kulay puting kisame. Hindi ko pa nakikita si Hendrix simula kaninang umaga gayong nasa iisang lugar lang naman kami. Alam niyang ngayon ako aalis at hindi ako sigurado kung sinadya niya bang huwag akong makita.

I closed my eyes and let my mind relaxed for a while when suddenly my phone beeped for a message. Nagmulat ako ng mga mata at kinuha sa side table ang aking cellphone. Nagkasalubong ang aking mga kilay nang makitang mensahe iyon ni Behati at gusto niyang makipagkita sa'kin.

Tumayo ako at malapad na napangiti. Si Hendrix at siya lang ang kaibigan ko. And it excites me to think that she wants to see me.

Bumalik ako sa bathroom upang maglinis at mag-ayos ng sarili. I tried to cover the hickeys through the cream I have. Naitago ko naman siya kaya kampante na akong lumabas ng banyo. Tinabi ko muna sa isang tabi ang mga gamit ko at dadaan na lang ulit ako mamaya dito upang makuha. And I still have to bid a farewell to Hendrix... later.

Bumaba ako sa living room ngunit wala roon si Hendrix. Tumaas ang tingin ko sa second floor kung saan ako galing at nagpasyang mamaya na siya kausapin. Lumabas ako ng condo at bumyahe patungo sa coffee shop na sinabi ni Behati. Hindi iyon kalayuan sa condo kaya naman nakarating agad ako. Nagulat pa ako nang makita agad si Behati.

"Am I late? I'm sorry-"

Naputol ang dapat kong paghingi ng paumanhin nang umiling siya at tipid na ngumiti.

"I was just a minute earlier than you. Ano ka ba." She laughed and gestured to the chair in front.

Umupo ako at hinintay siyang makaupo rin. We ordered first before she started the conversation.

"Uhm, kumusta?" Hindi siya komportableng ngumiti.

Bahagyang napawi ang ngiti sa labi ko dahil sa nakitang reaksiyon sa kaniyang mukha ngunit inignora ko iyon.

"I'm good. Nagsisimula na akong magtrabaho sa kompanya." I said.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at tumango. Umayos ako sa pagkakaupo.

"Ikaw? Kumusta?" Balik kong tanong, sinusubukang maiwasang magkaroon ng awkward silence between us.

Ibinalik niya sa'kin ang atensiyon. She shrugged. "Ito. Hindi pa rin nakakakita ng matinong trabaho."

Kumunot ang aking noo dahil sa kaniyang sinabi. Paanong nangyaring hindi pa siya nakakahanap ng trabaho gayong maganda ang credentials niya? Isa siya sa mga cum laude ng aming klase.

"Curiosity is all over your face." She noticed.

Umawang ang labi ko at napangiwi. "I'm sorry..." I paused.

"Pwede kitang ipasok sa company namin. I'm not sure if there is still a vacancy in the marketing department but I will surely find a position for you." Naisip ko.

Akala ko't makikita ko ang kasabikan sa kaniyang mukha ngunit nagkamali ako. Natahimik kaming dalawa nang dumating ang aming order at muli ko lang ibinalik sa kaniya ang tingin pagkaalis ng waiter. Naabutan ko siyang nakatingin sa kaniyang kape.

"Behati," I called her.

Kanina ko pa napapansin na parang may mali sa kilos niya, simula pa noong pumasok ako dito. At mas naging sigurado akong may mali dahil sa mga reaksiyon niya.

She took a deep breath and lifted her gaze to meet mine. I saw mixed emotions in her eyes: regret and anger.

"Karina, I don't want to take this long." Tumigil siya upang muling huminga ng malalim.

Mas lalong lumalim ang gitla sa aking noo dahil sa narinig.

"I'll be honest... At hindi na ako magpapaligoy-ligoy. You can hate me, but listen first."

"What are you saying?" Naguguluhan kong tanong.

Umayos siya sa pagkakaupo at iniwas ang mga mata sa'kin.

"Naalala mo ba noong may saging sa bag mo? Pati 'yong napagkaisahan ka sa bistro ng mga kaklase natin? And the one that Fatima accused you of stealing her wallet?"

My eyes started to slightly widened. Unti-unti ring umahon ang kaba sa dibdib ko dahil sa nabubuong terorya sa aking utak. But it can't be her, right?

"I did those. Ako ang nag-plano ng lahat ng iyon. Sinama kita sa bistro upang ipamukha sa'yo na hindi ka namin matatanggap; na kahit kailan ay wala kang lugar sa buhay namin."

Tuluyan nang nanlaki ang aking mga mata dahil sa kaniyang pag-amin. Naramdaman ko ang panginginig ng aking mga kamay at ang marahas na pagtaas baba ng aking dibdib.

"Karina-"

I looked at her with sharp eyes. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Ayoko mang maniwala na magagawa niya iyon sa akin ay hindi ko rin naman kayang lokohin ang sarili ko.

"Bakit?" Tanging lumabas sa bibig ko.

Kumislap ang kaniyang mga mata. Hindi ako sigurado kung dahil ba iyon sa totoong luha o pinipikot niya na naman ako.

"I'm sorry, Karina-"

"Bakit?" Bahagyang tumaas ang boses ko ngunit sapat lang para sa'ming dalawa.

I saw her lips shuddered but I have no plans of pitying her. Paano ako maaawa sa isang tao na siya pa lang dahilan ng mga pangit na karanasan ko sa kolehiyo? Na 'yung tinuring kong kaibigan ay palihim pala akong sinasaksak.

"A-Ako rin ang nag-send sa Daddy mo ng picture n'yo ni Lawrence... I'm the one who took that photo."

Kinuyom ko ang aking mga kamay at pumikit ng mariin upang mapigilan ang sarili sa pagsabog. Dahil sa mga naririnig ko sa kaniya ay binubuhay niya ang hindi ko gustong ilabas sa dibdib ko: galit. I drastically open my eyes again. I gritted my teeth and held my chin up.

"Why do you have to pretend of supporting me?" My voice is dripping acid.

Naghahanap ang kaniyang mga mata at bumuka ang labi upang magsalita ngunit nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita.

"You want me to owe you? Make me feel like I am in debt for your help when the truth is it was just all your shows?" I asked sharply.

I don't get it. Why people have to pretend that they like me and supporting me when the truth is they are not? Matatanggap ko pa na iwasan nila ako at layuan dahil hindi nila ako gusto, pero ang paasahin at lokohin ako na tanggap nila ako? Pinagmukha niya akong tanga. Pinaniwala na totoo at mabuti ang intensiyon niya ngunit isa rin pala siyang plastikada.

"Natatakot kasi akong malamangan mo."

I scoffed in disbelief. Napakababaw! Ang babaw ng dahilan niya. Bakit may mga taong takot malamangan? Dahil pakiramdam nila hindi sila magaling? O ang gusto nila ay sila lang ang mapansin?

"That I may not succeed if you did." She added.

"Everyone deserves to succeed. Hindi lang ikaw." Mariing saad ko.

"But you have everything." Medyo pagalit niyang sagot.

"I don't!"

"May pera ka. Samantalang ako, pahirapan pang makahanap no'n. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit gusto kong malamangan ka."

Alam ko ang malaking pakinabang ng pera sa buhay ng tao. I grew up with silver spoon in my mouth, getting what I want, and all the material things. And people will think that I have everything; na wala nang dahilan upang malungkot sa buhay na ito. Pero lahat ng tao ay mayroong problema. Lahat ay nakakaranas ng suliranin. At hindi ko matanggap na ang kapwa pa natin ang siyang hihila sa'tin pababa dahil lang mali ang pagkakakilala nila sa'yo.

"You perceived me wrong, Behati. Money can't buy happiness. Maybe for you, but not for me."

I gritted my teeth to suppress myself from bursting into crying. Pinanatili kong mulat ang aking mga mata upang hindi magbagsakan ang namumuong luha dahil sa galit.

Hindi siya sumagot at pinanatili ang mga matang nakatitig sa lamesa. I looked at her with disgust. You can't be disgusted with people who have dirt on their clothes but rather to the people who have secret wicked intentions.

"I thought you were real." I broke the silence. "It was really a wrong move for finding acceptance in wrong people."

Tumayo ako at umambang tatalikuran na siya nang magsalita siya.

"I'm sorry," She apologized.

And no matter how sincere it may sounds, it can still be one of her dramas. After all, she's a good actress.

Muli ko siyang hinarap at naabutan siyang nakatingin na rin sa'kin.

"Behati, I'm a very ambitious lady. You can't make me gave in or forget something I really want to achieve. I am more than that. I will fight for these dreams inside me until everyone gets tired of pulling me down. Wala akong pakialam kung mainggit ka o isipin mong may inaagaw ako sa'yo. You should stop thinking that everyone who is better than you is your competitor. You can be competitive but don't be so obsessed achieving to be greater than other people that it almost takes your dignity away. You're smart but it doesn't make you a good person."

"I never said that I am a good person." She murmured that I heard.

"Then stop acting like you are one."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at naabutan ang ibang customer na nakatingin na pala sa'min. Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Behati.

"I may have the money, but I am not the money." I finaled and turned my back on her.

I know people will use it against me; that I will succeed because I have the money; that I have the privilege to be someone I want to be because of the name I have. Pero kasalanan ko ba? Kasalanan ko ba na pinanganak ako sa ganitong estado? Hindi ko kailanman pinaglandakan ang ano mang meron ako sa ibang tao. Minulat ako at pinalaki sa mundong ito na may pagpapakumbaba. At wala akong makitang mali sa pagkamit ng sarili kong pangarap gayong wala naman akong inaapakang tao.

Nagkamali ako sa pagtitiwala kay Behati. Nagkamali akong isipin na totoo siya. And she's another lesson that I will never forget. I can forgive her... pero hanggang doon na lang iyon. There's no vacancy in my life for people who wants me gone to a bad place.

Hindi agad ako bumalik sa condo at naglakad-lakad muna upang kalmahin ang aking sarili. Nang unti-unting nawala ang galit sa dibdib ko dahil sa naging konserbasyon kay Behati ay tumuloy na ako pabalik. Hindi ko namalayan ang oras sa labas dahil sa mga naiisip at halos mag-agaw na ang liwanag at dilim nang makauwi ako.

Tinulak ko ang pintuan pabukas at binuhay ang ilaw dahil madilim nang pumasok ako. Nagtuloy ako sa hagdanan at nakatanggap ng mensahe mula kay Kuya Padua na nagsasabing nasa ibaba na siya. I only typed my reply and resume my walk towards Hendrix's room.

Huminto ako nang may tatlong dipa mula sa pintuan. Ramdam ko ang paninikip ng aking dibdib at pangingilid ng luha sa'king mga mata. Kung haharapin ko siya ay dapat hindi ako umiyak sa kaniyang harapan. I inhaled and exhaled as many times as I can remember before I finally braved myself to stand in front of his door.

I was about to knock when I noticed that it is open. My forehead creased and was about to finally enter when I heard his voice. Maingat akong humakbang ng isang beses at sinilip ang loob mula sa maliit na siwang ng pintuan. I found him standing in front of his large windows with curtains open. Ang nag-aapoy na araw na unti-unting nawawala ang siyang pinapanood niya.

My eyes lifted on his hand and realized that he is talking with someone over the phone. Dumoble ang bilis ng tibok ng aking puso nang marinig kung sino ang kausap niya.

"Paalis na ako, Hermary. I just fixed my things." He said in a low baritone.

Kusang dumapo ang tingin ko sa kaniyang kama hanggang sa floor ng kaniyang kwarto. I saw two big luggage on the floor. My eyes widened in shock. Aalis siya?

"Yes. Ibababa ko na. I'm going."

Awtomatiko akong napaatras nang marinig ang pagtatapos niya sa tawag. My eyes are already blurred with tears that I have to hurriedly get back to my room. Aalis siya at pupuntahan si Hermary. I also heard them talking last night at parehas lang halos ang narinig ko. I know I'm not in the right place to stop him from doing anything that he wants, but I'm hurt.

Nasasaktan ako dahil totoo ang mga naisip ko. That right after our engagement called off, he will finally get back to his girl again. Sa totoong mahal niya. And they certainly have plans of running away tonight. Pero para saan pa? Malaya na silang magsama ulit at wala nang dahilan para isekreto nila ang kanilang relasyon, at higit sa lahat ay magtanan.

Umupo ako sa aking kama at sinapo ang dalawang kamay sa mukha. My tears rolled down like faucet. Ang pilit kong tinatayong pader muli sa gilid ng aking puso ay muli na namang gumuho. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses ko bang kailangan na paulit-uliting gumawa ng malaking bakod sa paligid ko upang hindi na ako masaktan ng ganito.

How can I say goodbye when I'm not ready? Ayokong umalis. Pero wala rin namang ibang dahilan upang manatili.

Marahas kong pinalis ang luha sa pisngi at tumingala. I said that I can do this... pero bakit ang hirap naman 'ata? Ang hirap-hirap niyang talikuran at iwan gayong ayaw pa ng puso ko na kalimutan siya.

But again, I have no choice left. Kailangan kong umalis at magpatuloy sa sarili kong buhay. Kailangan ko na muling sanayin ang sarili na ako na lang ulit mag-isa. Hendrix will be happy with her... and I'll be happy with my own. I have to make sure that I will be okay.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo. Pinusod ko ang aking buhok at nagtipa ng mensahe kay Kuya Padua na umakyat na upang matulungan akong maibaba ang mga bagahe. There's no reason for taking it long more. I need to leave if I want it to be easier for me.

Hinihila ko palabas ang dalawa kong maleta nang magkrus sa isipan ko ang kahon. Bumalik ako sa loob at binuksan ang cabinet. I found my vintage box that contains the important stuffs given to me. Niyakap ko ito dahil masyadong mabigat sa sobrang dami at hinigit ang natitirang maleta palabas gamit ang isa kong kamay. Papatayin ko na sana ang ilaw nang maramdaman kong may nahulog.

I looked down and saw a white paper background. Kumunot ang aking noo at binagsak ang kahon sa hamba ng pintuan. Binitiwan ko rin ang maleta bago yumuko upang mapulot ang nalaglag. At sa halip na mapadali ang gagawin kong pag-alis ay muli na naman akong nahirapan.

I stared at the picture of us. It was in the Picnic Grove taken by a random stranger. The picture I'm holding is the one that we're just staring at each other's eyes. Hindi ko namalayan at tumulo ang luha ko sa picture. Mabilis kong pinunasan iyon, natatakot na masira nito ang tanging alaala ko sa kaniya.

Funny how I was so sad during those times and he's the only one who made me happy again. But everything has to come to its end. Ang mga alaala ay mananatili na lamang na memorya.

Suminghot ako at ibinalik sa loob ng kahon ang litrato. Lumabas ako ng kwarto, pinatay ang ilaw, at napatitig sa madilim at malinis na silid. I spent my two years here and I never thought that it will be hard for me to leave this.

Iniwan ko ang mga maleta sa tapat ng aking kwarto at tumuloy papunta sa silid ni Hendrix. I knocked five times ngunit walang sumasagot. Dahan-dahan kong tinulak pabukas ang pintuan at sumalubong sa'kin ang malinis at madilim niyang silid. Umikot ang paningin ko sa loob.

I slowly walked towards his bed. I smiled faintly remembering that I used to sleep here. Ngunit hindi ko pinatagal ang mga alaalang iyon dahil alam kong iiyak lang muli ko. I went to his walk-in closet to see if he's there but he's gone. Wala na rin sa sahig ang mga nakita kong bagahe.

Kinagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi at ano mang pilit ko na huwag bumulalas ng iyak ay hindi ko makontrol ang sarili. I am here to bid my goodbye but he's nowhere to be found. Umalis siya nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam. Para bang wala kaming pinagsamahan kung iwan niya. Gaano ba siya nagmamadaling makipagtanan sa girlfriend niya at hindi man lang siya nagka-oras na kausapin ako kahit sandali?

Marahas kong pinalis ang luha sa aking pisngi. Lumabas ako at pinagbuksan ng pintuan si Kuya Padua. Kinuha niya ang mga maleta sa itaas habang dumiretso naman ako sa balkonahe. I squatted in front of my flower bed and caressed each one of them.

"I'm going to miss you all." My voice croaked.

Bumunot ako ng isang stem ng red rose at isang beses pa sila muling sinulyapan bago tuluyang nilisan ang balkonahe. Naabutan ko si Kuya Padua na nasa labas na dala ang dalawang maleta. Tumigil ako sa hallway at ilang segundong natulala.

"Mauna na ho kayo sa baba. May pupuntahan lang ako." I said and went to the elevator.

Dala ang rosas ay sumalubong sa'kin ang malakas na ihip ng hangin sa rooftop. Madilim ang dalawang gilid ng rooftop ngunit sa gitna ay mayroong iilang mga ilaw. Naglakad ako patungo roon at huminto ilang dipa ang layo mula sa dead end.

I lifted my eyes and saw the majestic art of the world: the sky, the stars, the city lights, the air... everything. Pumikit ako nang muli ay humaplos sa'kin ang malamig na hangin. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa stem ng rose na dala ko.

Like a rose, I may look perfect but I've got thorns with my petals, too. And that doesn't make the beauty within me less.

I slowly open my eyes and watch the view in front of me again. Two years isn't that long but it almost felt like forever with him. He saw me in my lowest, on my worst and darkest days. Siya lang ang tanging tao na nakakita sa kung sino ba talaga ako. He judged me once but he helped me, too. And looking back, I figure that he's part of my growth. He has a part in making me into the person I am today. He changed me... for the better.

I doubted my skill if I can lead the company not until this day came and I realized that my passion to lead shines brighter than my fear.

I realized that life doesn't give us the people we want, instead, it gives us the people we need; the people who help us, hurt us, love us, leave us, and the people who help us to grow into a person we are meant to be.

Growing isn't actually scary. It's exciting. You'll get hurt, you'll feel sad, and your heart will break many times as it can. Looking back, all those were supposed to happen to bring me to where I should be. It's nice to slowly figure out yourself, explore life changes, and rebuild yourself into a new person you weren't before. Scars will be my permanent signature and that's what will make me forever beautiful.

When tears wither, when your body stops to shiver, that's when the time you know you are confident enough to face whatever this world has to show you. I was weak and helpless, almost hopeless, but I am ready to start again because I have Him. And I can be whatever I want without dragging anyone else. If they hate me, it's not my business to meddle with anymore. We live on our own terms. I'm never defined from what others see in me, from what they heard about me, and from what they thought about me. I am more than what they think I am. My soul is blazing with fire. I'm a lion in the heart. I am capable of doing the things I know I can, and I'm just about to learn like a wild animal in the forest.

I am brave. I am confident. I am smart. I am loved. I am worth it. And I don't need unnecessary audiences to achieve greatness. I have me. I have my family... and I have Hendrix in my heart. They are enough.

I made mistakes but that's what gave me wings. I stumbled on the road but this is where it lead me. When I thought I can't fight these demons, I was raised up in the clouds, and I saw golds in the grass. I am a queen in my own empire – my body, my life, my terms. I am everything that I was meant to be.

I have been in my survival mode for so long; it's finally time for me to live again. I jailed the monsters in the deepest of my kingdom. My dragons will save me if they try to evade.

I smiled through the tears. It may be hard for now, but I know I can overcome this pain in time. Darating ang panahon na matututunan ko ring wala si Hendrix sa tabi ko. I'm sure that I can live without him, even if it seems a forever pain, I know that it won't last. I will be happy.

Umatras ang aking mga luha nang bigla ay narinig ko ang marahas na pagbalya ng pintuan. Mabilis akong tumalikod at hinanda ang sarili na humingi ng paumahin sa kung sino man dahil baka hindi pwedeng pumunta dito. Ngunit mabilis ko ring naitikom ang aking bibig nang makita kung sino ang pumasok.

Hendrix, wearing the same clothes I saw him wearing just a while ago is walking fast towards me. Instinctively, I stepped backward. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit huminto siya sa paglapit. Malayo at malaki ang distansiya namin sa isa't-isa.

My heart started to thud like mad, for pain or what, I'm not sure anymore. I am surprised to see him here!

Against the light coming from the posts and the stars above, he looks incredibly mysterious as ever. I still remember how I used to hate him for being too conceited. His looks scream power, brutality, and lethality. But he's actually more than what other people see about him.

It's true that you're going to only understand other people if you heard their stories.

"W-Why are you here? I thought you run away with her?" I voiced out, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan.

Dumilim ang kaniyang ekspresyon. His dark eyes seem to glitter or is it just me?

"Nandito ang fiancée ko... nandito ang kailangan ko." He said in a low and deep tone that it sounds so painful in my ears.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa rosas at umawang ang labi. Ang puso kong nadudurog kani-kanina lang ay awtomatikong nabuo dahil sa simpleng mga salitang narinig mula sa kaniya. I blinked my eyes twice to unblur him in my vision. I want to see him vividly.

"Did you really wanted to call off the engagement?" He probed.

Ang walang-awang malakas na hampas ng hangin ang tanging nagpapaatras sa mga luha kong gustong magbagsakan.

"Karina," He called my name when I didn't respond.

Huminga ako ng malalim at pinanatili ang pagtitig sa kaniyang mga mata.

"You know my feelings for you before everything turns upside down for me. But within those bad and dark circumstances I have lived for moments I don't have an idea how long, I learned to prioritize myself over my emotions. And I'm happy and contented for where it brought me. And that includes me without you anymore."

Totoo iyon. Masakit man para sa'kin na tanggapin na hindi na siya magiging parte ng susunod na pahina ng aking libro ay alam kong darating ang araw na magiging masaya rin ako kahit wala siya.

"Do you want me gone?" Tanong niya na para bang hindi narinig ang sinabi ko.

Hindi ako nakaimik sa tanong niyang iyon. Do I want him gone? I won't lie. I can be happy without him if I have no choice... but I'll be happier with him if I have the choice.

"Baby, do you want me gone in your life?" Puno ng pagsusumamo ang kaniyang boses.

Tuluyan nang nagbagsakan ang pinipigilan kong luha at wala na akong planong itago pa iyon sa kaniya. Humikbi ako ngunit kumawala pa rin sa aking bibig ang sagot.

"I don't want you gone..." Garalgal kong sagot.

"Good. Because I don't want you gone in my life as well."

Sa nanlalabong mga mata dahil sa luha ay nakita ko siyang humakbang ng isang beses palapit sa'kin. But I want to hear those three words, Hendrix.

"And I have no plans of eloping with her." He added.

Kumurap-kurap ako dahil sa kaniyang dinagdag.

"But I heard you talking to her. Sabi mo magkikita kayo ngayon. I even saw your luggage." Sa mahinang boses kong sambit.

He smirked like a real devil in the dark. Kumunot ang aking noo dahil sa naging reaksiyon niya.

"I was fixing and packing my things because we'll be leaving for America." Amusement is much etched in his voice.

"Tayo?" Naguguluhan kong tanong. "Pupunta ako ng Amerika mag-isa para sa masteral ko-"

"Who says you're going alone? Magkasama tayong pupunta ng amerika at sabay na mag-aaral." Sagot niya na nagpawindang sa'kin.

Hindi pa man ako nakakabawi at napoproseso ng mabuti ang mga sinasabi niya ay nagsalita ulit siya.

"Tingin mo ba ay hahayaan pa kitang makawala sa akin pagkatapos kong matanto kung anong nararamdaman ko para sa'yo?"

A rose of excitement filled my lungs. I almost took my breath away while looking at him and slowly comprehending his words.

"I'm sorry but this devil right here happens to fall in love with you."

He's in love with me? He's in love with me?!

"W-When did you realize that you love me?" I want to know.

Baka kasi niloloko niya lang ako.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the moment our eyes first met in the people's park or the moment I saw you walking toward us in your lanai. Or maybe the moment you accused me of being a 'tuta.'" He chuckled but he instantly stopped, too.

Nagseryoso siya at hinanap ang aking mga mata kahit gaano pa kami kalayo sa isa't-isa.

"But it can also be the moment when I saw you alone in the gymnasium or the moment you first stepped on my condo. I don't really know. But one thing is for sure and won't change: I love you. Now and the following days until forever."

Mga panibagong luha ang nagbagsakan nang marinig ko ang tatlong salitang iyon.

"You're not joking, right?" Pumiyok ang aking boses.

He grinned wickedly and shook his head.

"I may be a lot of things to you but lying and faking my feelings isn't my style."

I stepped forward once again towards him but I stopped. I swallowed the lump on my throat that making it hard for me to speak and strengthen myself to speak clearly despite the shaking voice.

"I learned to heal through pain. And I am certain that God sent you to me to be my sun after the storm. The beat of my heart will remain as long as the sun rises in the east and sets at the west. And that is you. You're my favorite heavenly body, my sun... my wild."

I saw how his thick eyebrows meet each other for what I said. "What do you mean?"

I smiled. "That's how I say I love you, too."

Ang madilim at seryoso niyang mukha ay nagliwanag dahil sa pagsilay ng totoong ngiti sa kaniyang labi.

"You bewitched me." He whispered against the wind.

Silence enveloped us both. Tanging ang ingay mula sa ibaba at ang hampas ng hangin ang naririnig. The place isn't perfect for confessing feelings but I'm glad that it happened here. Under the starry night, against the bustling and hustling city, and at the top of the building where we can almost see our home.

"Can I kiss you?" He broke the silence.

I bit my lower lip. Natuyo ang luha sa aking pisngi dahil sa hangin.

"Sigurado ka na ba talaga sa nararamdaman mo para sa'kin? Baka magbago 'yan mamaya o bukas." Though I really believe him, I don't know why I said that.

"Do I have to repeat my confession again?"

Umiling ako, nangingiti. "Naniniwala ako sa'yo. Palagi akong maniniwala sa'yo."

"Then, can I kiss you now?" Ulit niya sa tanong.

Tumawa ako at binitiwan ang rosas na hawak ko, hinayaan itong dalhin ng hangin sa sarili niyang destinasyon. Mabilis na kinain ng mga hakbang ko ang distansiya naming dalawa upang makalapit sa kaniya. Tumingkayad ako at pinulupot ang dalawang kamay sa kaniyang batok upang mahalikan siya sa labi. He instantly returns my kiss. And we both shared a torrid, passionate, and longer kiss I ever had in my life.

We can't stop the storm from hitting us, but after of it, there will still be rainbow and sun rays that will touch our faces. And from then, we can try again.

And with Hendrix, I know that my heart will never be broken again.

After that long kiss, I buried my face on his chest to hide my face.

"Akala ko hindi ka na babalik... akala ko iiwan mo na 'ko..." I cried again.

I felt his lips touched my temple and tightened the hug on me.

"I won't leave. I will never leave. I promise you that. You will be my wife and nothing could ever take us apart anymore. Not the world, not the circumstances, and definitely not the other people."

And with his oath, I'll keep my faith with him.

I'm still in the process of healing but he helped me wiped the dark clouds away. What I encountered is a long wild journey but he was there for me. He's always there for me. And I want in every day of my life to find him holding me tight. With him, I know I will always find the strength to start again.