Entry 28

"Bye," I said to them before I exited the newsroom.

"Bye, Reese!" Pablo shouted.

Natatawa akong umiling at dumiretso sa hallway. My eyes wander and saw the employees also walking, finally leaving after the long whole day. Ngumuso ako at tumigil sa harap ng elevator katabi ang ibang empleyado ng kompanya. I looked at my watch and saw it's already pass ten.

"Clarisse! Kumusta ka?"

I was startled when someone spoke beside me. I saw that it was our senior reporter. Umayos ako sa pagkakatayo at ngumiti bilang pagbati.

"Good evening, po. Ayos na naman ako." I slightly laughed to prove that I am already good.

Sopistikada akong nginitian pabalik ng Ginang at tumango. She tilted her head on the other side and scanned my face.

"You're still going to continue it?" She asked.

I bit my own tongue. I tried to looked away just to saw the other employees also looking at us. Ngumiti sila bago nag-iwas ng tingin. I sighed and nodded determinedly.

"I need to." I said in a low voice.

I know that people in the same field will question my determination to do what is right. This is my job. I serve the public and not anyone else who are higher on me. Nasa posisyon ako kung saan alam ko kung ano ang tama sa mali, ano ang katotohanan sa kasinungalingan. At dahil sa nangyari sa akin, iisipin ng iba na titigil na ako. Pero hindi ako ganoong tao. I was born to tell stories. I was born to spread factual information. This job is scary, but I need to do it anyway. Not because I have no choice left, but because this is what I want.

Iisipin nang ibang tao na ginagawa kong komplikado ang buhay ko. Na may option naman akong gawing tahimik ang buhay ko at takasan ang ingay na kinasasangkutan ko. But I know what I am doing. Some days it's hard... well, it's actually always hard. Pero patuloy akong bumabalik sa kaisipang, para kanino nga ba at ginagawa ko ito. Bakit ito ang pinili kong larangan. Bakit nandito pa rin ako.

"The justice may not favor us always, journalists, dahil sa malalaking taong nababangga natin. But I know you know that we're doing our job with dignity. And I am glad that no matter how risky our job is, you're still serving us the truth."

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa Ginang. She smiled at me genuinely. My eyes watered. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba ito sa nangyari sa akin at nagiging emosyonal na ako sa lahat ng bagay. I gritted my teeth and smiled. I nodded at her.

"Continue doing what is right. In the end, it will be worth it." She patted my shoulder.

Bumukas ang elevator at nauna na siyang pumasok kasabay ng ibang empleyado. Naiwan ako sa labas dahil napuno na ang loob. Unti-unting napawi ang ngiti sa aking labi pero patuloy na lumalambot ang aking puso dahil sa narinig mula sa kaniya.

No one will understand me but the people who are in the same situation as me. At hangga't nakakaya nila, kakayanin ko rin. I won't give up.

I entered my brother's old cooper. I started the engine and get out from the building. The long wide road is very clear now that it's already almost deep night. Ang nagtatayugang establishemento ay nagkikinangan dahil sa kanilang mga ilaw. I stepped on the brake to fasten my speed. Dumapo ang aking mga mata sa rear mirror and saw a car following me.

My heart skipped a beat when an idea crossed my mind. Alam kong hindi pa napapatunayan na may kinalaman si Librador sa pamamaril sa sasakyan ko, and he still have the freedom to do that again with me. Mas bumilis ang patakbo ko sa aking sasakyan, takot na maabutan niya. Sinubukan kong humalo sa maraming sasakyan at naipit pa ako dahil sa traffic. And I thought it's already a clear road but it's not. Pero ayos na rin ito kaysa makasagupa na naman ako ng masasamang loob.

I let out a breathily sigh when I stopped my car in the middle of the traffic. I looked at my rear mirror again and my eyes turned chinky when I realized that the car behind me is familiar.

Is that Toby's car? I am not sure if he's still living in Cavite or what. Pero sabay ba kaming lumabas? Baka kamukha lang ng sasakyan niya. I know his car. Noong gabi na may nangyari sa amin ay nasaulo ko na agad kung gaano kagara ang kaniyang sasakyan- the heck I am thinking about that?

I shook my head in dismayed at hindi pa ako magigising sa ulirat kung hindi ko narinig ang sunod-sunod na busina ng mga sasakyan sa likod. I jumped a bit when I saw that the cars in front are already gone. Pinatakbo ko nang muli ang aking sasakyan kasabay noon ang maingay na sirena ng police cars. Tinignan ko ang labas at hindi ako nagkamali na maraming police cars ang rumuronda ngayon. Napawi ang kaba sa aking dibdib dahil sa kaisipang nandiyan sila.

I was relieved to go home safe. Gising pa si Mommy nang makauwi ako at dahil na rin siguro sa pagod ay hindi ko na nagawang magkwento sa kaniya. But I will make sure to wake up early so we can talk about things. I know that I am very busy with my job but I still want to spend even just a little time with my Mom. Baste is not going home. May condo siya sa Makati kaya kaming dalawa lang ni Mommy ang nandito.

I woke up with Mom awake, too. Ilang beses niya pa akong hinikayat na tumigil muna sa pagpasok hangga't hindi nahuhuli ang mga namaril sa aking sasakyan ngunit tila lumalabas lang ito sa aking kabilang tenga. I kissed my sad Mom.

"Uuwi pa rin akong buo, Mommy." I assured her.

Her eyes turned daggers as she looked at me.

"Kung magtatrabaho ka rin pala, mas mabuti pang umuwi ka na lang sa condo ni Baste para hindi mahaba ang biyahe mo. Nang hindi na ako kinakabahan sa kakaisip kung kumusta ka ba sa byahe mo."

I smiled at her. Inakbayan ko si Mommy.

"Mom, I can't stay at Baste's condo-"

"At bakit hindi?!" Bwelta niya.

"Baste has his own life. Hindi ako pwede do'n. At saka gusto kong umuwi dito. Sino na lang ang kasama mo kung hindi ako uuwi?"

"That's what I am saying. Why don't you just stop working and be with me." She reasoned.

Bumagsak ang dalawa kong balikat. Here we go again. Hindi ako umimik at tinignan lang sa mga mata ang aking magulang. Mas sumimangot siya at bakas ang lungkot sa mga mata. She hugged me so I returned her hug. Hindi na siya muling umimik at alam kong hindi pa rin siya pumapayag ngunit wala siyang magagawa dahil gusto kong magpatuloy.

I have an obligation with my family, but I also have the responsibility on my job.

Madilim pa nang magpasya akong umalis ng bahay. Ngunit hindi naman nagtagal at sumikat na rin ang araw. Nasa elevator na ako papuntang news room nang biglang kumalam ang aking tiyan. I leaned my back on the cold wall of elevator.

Kumain naman ako ng umagahan, in fact marami akong nakain pero pakiramdam ko nagugutom pa rin ako. Lumabas ako at halos masuka nang may naamoy ako. Nginitian ako ng isang camera man ng kompanya at binati ako. I smiled at him but I probably looked constipated dahil pinipigilan kong huwag maduwal.

"Good morning, Reese!"

Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa dala-dala niyang kahon.

"Ano 'yan?" I asked him and slightly moving far from him.

Tinaas niya ang kaniyang dala at naamoy ko na naman. Tinakpan ko ang aking ilong at umatras pa ulit.

"Pizza. Nagpabili kasi sila." He shrugged.

Mabilis akong tumango at nagpaalam na sa kaniya. Nakita ko ang pagtataka sa kaniyang mukha dahil sa reaksiyon ko pero hindi ko na nagawang mag-explain dahil hindi ko na talaga nakakaya ang amoy ng pizza na iyon.

Mabilis kong binuksan ang pintuan ng newsroom at sumalubong sa akin ang iilan pa lang na journo sa kanilang mga upuan. Binati ko sila bago ako dumiretso sa aking upuan. Kinuha ko ang wipes at tissues ko bago dumiretso sa bathroom para ayusin ang sarili ko. Ngunit bigla na lang akong naduwal. Saglit lang naman iyon dahil na rin siguro sa amoy kanina.

I washed my lips with water. Inayos ko ang aking sarili at tinignan ang maputla kong mukha. Dinagdagan ko ang lipstick sa aking labi at naglagay rin ako ng foundation para hindi mahalata ang pamumutla ko. Sinama ata ako sa kinain ko dahil masyadong marami ang nakain ko. Mahina lang kasi ako kumain tapos kaninang umaga masyadong naparami. Idagdag pa ang nakakasukang amoy ng pizza na iyon.

Bumalik ako sa newsroom at sinimulan ang sariling trabaho. Uminom ako ng gamot para hindi sumama ang aking pakiramdam dahil marami pa akong gagawin. Hindi rin naman nagtagal at nawala iyon. Ganoon ang naging ganap sa buong maghapon, nagpadala rin si Toby sa akin ng lunch kaya't inulan ako ng kantiyaw. Umuwi ako ng ligtas ngunit naroon pa rin ang kaba.

Kinabukasan, habang nasa byahe ay naisipan kong dumaan sa drive thru dahil naghahanap ang tiyan ko ng burger. Pagdating ko sa opisina ay akala ko at busog na ako pero hindi pa rin tumitigil ang tiyan ko sa paghahanap ng iba't-ibang pagkain.

"Tumatakaw ka, Reese. Nagvi-vitamins ka ba?" Puna ni Phenelope pagkatapos kong magbilin kay Pablo na bilhan ako ng ice cream.

Binalingan ko siya at naabutan na tinitignan na rin ako ng iba naming kasama.

"Tumatakaw ba ako?" Taka kong tanong.

Tanya nodded and sat on her table.

"Or maybe you're just stressed eating." She shrugged.

Ngumuso ako at nag-isip. Maybe.

Binalingan ko si Pablo na palabas na at handa nang umalis dahil may icocover siyang balita sa Rizal.

"Pablo, magdagdag ka ng palabok, ha."

Namimilog ang mga mata ni Pablo na sinulyapan ako. Nagtawanan sila dahil sa naging reaksiyon niya. I smiled at him.

"Please?" I said cutely.

"Ang takaw mo, ha! Baka may ipapahabol ka pa?" Sarkastiko niyang tanong.

I pouted. "I actually thinking of marshmallows."

"Marshmallows?!" Gulantang niyang tanong.

"Ang exaggerated mo naman. I just suddenly crave for it. Kapag napadaan kayo sa store, bili kayo. Don't worry I'll pay you later."

Pablo's eyes only turned chinky like he's reading me.

"Pagbibigyan sana kita kung alam kong buntis ka pero hindi naman."

My heart skipped a beat. Hindi ako alam pero nagbibiro lang naman siya ngunit umusbong agad ang kaba sa aking dibdib. Nanlamig ang aking mga kamay at hindi agad nakaimik.

"Buntis lang ba pwedeng mag-crave?" Bawi ko at nag-iwas ng tingin.

I looked at my laptop screen. I bit my lower lip as my head turned messy with thoughts.

"Sir Toby, nagki-crave daw po si Reese."

Mabilis akong napabaling sa likod dahil sa biglaang sinambit ni Pablo. Namimilog pa ang aking mga mata dahil sa gulat nang tumawa na parang baliw si Pablo.

"Pablo, parang baliw!" Phenelope shouted but also laughing.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Asado ka naman diyan, Reese! Kung nandito nga lang talaga si Sir Toby edi sana siya na lang inutusan mo-"

"Shut up, Pablo! Umalis ka na nga!"

"Asus, nahihiya ka pa. E, alam naman ng lahat na masugid mong manliligaw si Sir-"

"Hindi ko siya manliligaw. Will you stop it?" I said a bit irritated.

Pablo only meaningfully shrugged and smirked.

"Umalis ka na at huwag mong kalimutan ang mga bilin ko!"

Tinawanan niya ako. "Yes, Madam! Baka may pahabol ka pa."

"Add cassava cake din-"

"I was just joking! Meron pa talaga?" Hindi niya makapaniwalang tanong.

I smiled at him. He shook his head and exited the office. I don't know but I've been craving for those. Pansin ko rin ang pagtakaw ko dahil sa bawat lunch na binibigay sa akin ni Toby, marami ang serving no'n ay nauubos ko.

I shrugged it all and focus on my work. Dumating si Pablo dala ang mga pagkain ko at agad ko iyong nilantakan. I was eating while typing on my macbook when I felt someone beside me. The tall Toby is standing beside my chair while putting the lunch he always gives me.

I smiled at him and set aside the marshmallows I am eating. Ang maingay na newsroom ay biglang nabalot sa katahimikan nang pumasok si Toby. I bit my lowerlip and lifted my eyes on him. Halos malaglag ako sa sariling upuan nang maabutan ang malalim ngunit mapungay niyang mga mata.

"Your lunch." He said using his manly low baritone.

Tumango ako at tinanggap ang lunch. I touched it once before I finally speak up what's on my mind for days that he's giving me lunch.

"T-Thank you but you don't have to prepare lunch for me everyday." I said.

I saw how he swallowed hard but he smiled anyway. Kumalabog ang puso ko dahil sa pagngisi niyang iyon.

"No, I insist. It's only natural because I am courting you."

I am still mesmerized with his smile when my jaw dropped because of what he said. My eyes turned round because of shock.

"What?" Gulo kong tanong.

"I am courting you." Linaw niyang ulit.

Napakurap-kurap ako. Narinig ko ang pagtikhim ni Tanya ngunit nawalan na ako ng atensiyon para doon.

"You're courting me? When does it started? Pumayag ba ako?"

"Ayaw mo ba?" Agap niya.

Hindi ako nakasagot.

Ayaw ko ba?

Syempre, gusto ko!

Ano ba, Reese? Akala ko ba ayaw mo nang masaktan? I thought you don't want to repeat the same mistake again? Then why the hell you're like this? Hindi ko alam. Alam kong hindi nawala ang pagkagusto ko sa kaniya simula pa noon. Nakalimutan ko lang pero nanatili silang tumitibok para sa kaniya. Na ngayong nandito na siya, wala na silang hiya na magpaubaya pa rin sa kaniya. Na kahit nasaktan na ako noon, pagdating sa kaniya, nagiging tanga pa rin ako.

My heart is beating wildly but I still manage to look at him again. He smirked when our eyes met. Ngumuso ako at gustuhin ko mang mag-iwas ng tingin ay hindi ko magawa.

"Uh, Reese, one pm pa dating ng media car. Anong oras ba interview mo sa Taguig?"

Naputol ang pakikipagtitigan ko kay Toby at hinarap ang isang journo.

"No. I am fine with my car. Ako na lang mag-isa pupunta roon." Sagot ko.

She looked at me with question. "Sure?"

"Oo naman. Hindi nila kailangang magmadali."

"Okay. I'll tell them."

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at ibinalik ang tingin kay Toby na seryosong pinapanood ako. I played with my tongue and don't know how to resume our conversation.

"Anong oras ang alis mo?"

Tumaas ang kilay ko.

"The interview thing she said."

"Ah!" Tumango ako nang maintindihan. "Mamaya pagkatapos kong mag-lunch. Bakit?"

Umiling siya. He looked at his watch and returned to me. Ngumiti siya at nginuso ang pagkaing bigay niya.

"Enjoy your lunch, Clarisse." He reminded me before turning his back on me.

I looked at his back while he's making his way out of the office. Namungay ang aking mga mata at wala sa sariling napangiti.

"Sana all." I heard Phenelope.

Tumawa ako at umiling. Binalingan ko ang bigay niyang lunch at hindi na agad nakapaghintay na tikman iyon kahit marami na akong nakain.

After lunch, I was told to go in Caloocan Jail Office dahil sa isang pumutok na balita kanina. Mabilis kong kinuha ang aking camera bag at laptop bag. Kinuha ko rin ang pang-personal at mabilis na naglakad palabas. I was starting the engine of my car when I realized that it doesn't work.

Kumunot ang aking noo at sinubukan ulit na paandarin ito ngunit ayaw. It's not impossible, though. This car is so old. College pa si Baste. Kinuha ko ang aking cellphone at tinignan ang oras. Ala una na nang hapon.

Lumabas ako at naghanap ng media car na nakaparada ngunit puro pang-personal na sasakyan ang nasa parking. I looked at my phone again to contact the media car pero naisip ko na baka may ginagawa pa rin sila.

I get all my things and decided to commute. Sanay naman akong mag-commute, medyo mahuhuli pero ayos na iyon kaysa hindi ako makarating. Pabalik na ako sa loob para makadiretso palabas ng building nang matigil ako nang makasalubong ko si Toby. We just saw each other a while ago but I'm still mesmerized about him.

"What happened?" He asked and walked fast towards me.

Bumagsak ang tingin niya sa aking kamay na puno ng mga gamit. Inayos ko ang mga bitbit ko.

"Sira ata 'yong sasakyan ko kaya magko-commute na lang ako-"

"What?" Kritikal niyang putol sa sinasabi ko.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa naging reaksiyon niya.

"Magko-commute ako kasi nasira sasakyan ko?" Ulit ko.

Lumalim ang gitla sa noo niya dahilan kung bakit natulala ako sa mukha niya. Why does he turned more handsome when he's serious? I suddenly remember the past. Noong kinulit ko siya at sobrang sungit niya pa dahil nagluluksa pa siya kay Mia.

May kumirot na kung ano sa aking puso dahilan kung bakit nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I know that Mia isn't here anymore. He told me that he loves me... pero ang hirap paniwalaan kasi nakita ko noon kung paano niya mahalin si Mia. He loves her deeply that it's so hard to replace her. Ang hirap niyang tanggapin ulit kasi pakiramdam ko... hinding hindi ko mapapantayan si Mia sa puso niya. That Mia is irreplaceable. And I am scared because I don't want to be loved just because they feel like they owe me something. Ayokong mahalin pabalik dahil mahal ko siya.

My tears are already on the verge but I keep myself strong.

"Ihahatid kita. Saan ka ba pupunta?"

Mabilis ko siyang binalingan ulit at umiling.

"Hindi na kailangan. You're busy-"

"Who told you I'm busy?"

Umawang ang labi ko at hindi nakaimik. Inagaw niya sa akin ang aking bag at tinalikuran. Ilang segundo pa akong tumayo at pinagmasdan ang likod niya. He looked at me with eyebrows furrowed so I have no choice but to follow him. Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan at agad naman akong sumakay. And when he entered the driver seat, the memories keep on coming back again.

Pumikit ako ng mariin nang magsimula na siyang magmaneho.

"Are you okay?" He asked out of the blue.

I opened my eyes and didn't dare to look at him. I played with my camera that I am holding.

"I'm fine." I answered in a low firm voice.

Nabalot sa katahimikan ang loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. Hindi na rin ako nagtangka pang gumawa ng pag-uusap dahil pakiramdam ko nawawasak na aking puso. Why memories are so painful? At hindi ko rin alam sa aking sarili. My mood swings are changing quickly. A while ago, I am happy, now I am very emotional.

"Are you sure? You look sick." Tumigil ang sasakyan dahil sa traffic.

Tumulo ang luha sa aking pisngi. Hinarang ko ang aking buhok at pasimpleng pinunasan ang aking luha.

"H-Hindi." Iyon lang ang tanging lumabas sa aking bibig.

Ramdam ko ang pagsulyap niya sa akin pero hindi ko na siya tinignan pa. I calmed myself while we're on our way. Ilang beses akong nag-breathe in and out bago ko naramdamang ayos na ako. I fixed myself when I saw that we're nearing the police station.

"I'm sorry for what happened." He suddenly said.

Hindi ko na napigilan at binalingan ko siya. Namumungay ang kaniyang mga mata nang itigil ang sasakyan sa tapat ng police station. Hindi agad ako bumaba dahil hinihintay ko ang idudugtong niya.

"When I heard that your car was shot, I got mad to myself."

"Hindi mo naman 'yon kasalanan. Why do you feel sorry?" I don't understand.

Malungkot niya akong tinignan sa mga mata.

"I feel sorry because I feel like I failed to protect you."

My heart broke into million pieces when I heard that.

"You don't need to protect me-"

"I know you're brave and strong independent woman. But you know that I love you, Clarisse. I can't afford to lose you." He said breathily.

My lips parted and my thoughts get haywire. He smiled sadly and I can feel my heart beat tripling its pounding.

"I don't want you in danger." He added.

Patuloy na kumalabog na parang may mga kabayo na nagkakarerahan sa aking puso nang nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

"This is my job, Toby. I can handle it." Malamig kong sagot.

I get my things and opened the door's car. I looked at him who didn't change his expression.

"T-Thank you. I'll go now."

Mabilis akong lumabas at dumiretso papasok ng police station. Naroon na rin ang ibang news reporter from different media agencies. Sa halip na sa isyu ang aking isipan ay ginulo ni Toby ang utak ko. Kung wala pang bumunggo sa akin ay hindi ko na nagawang tumuloy para kumuha ng impormasyon.

I sighed once and cleared my mind. I need to focus.

There's an incident this morning that wakes all the people. Lumabas ang naturang suspect nang murder crime. Binuksan ko ang aking cellphone at naalala ang litrato nang pinatay niya. My heart breaks thinking about it. It's a two people killed by an unduty police. How this supposed hero had killed two innocent people. Too much power given to them will only lead them to abuse it. The entitlement they are earning as a police will make their opinion of themselves too high when in fact their titles already has stain of cruelty and brutality. And, being policemen should not equal to being privileged and entitled but it's a duty and responsibility. Although I still know some who are doing their job with dignity and honor, it's a bad publicity for their reputation as police to have co-police like them. If the justice won't be served for these people, killings will prevail. It's just so unfair.

Pinagkaguluhan ng mga reporters ang police na namaril. Gusto ko ring kumuha ng impormasyon ngunit napako ang sarili kong paa sa lupa. I am mad to him. How evil he is to kill two innocent people.

Sumiklab ang galit sa aking puso dahilan kung bakit naglakad ako palapit roon. Kumuha ng impormasyon at naghintay pa ng ilang oras bago kami nakakuha ng statement mula sa kaniya. I want to punch his face so hard but I know that I shouldn't. Huminga ako ng malalim pagkatapos kong kumuha ng impormasyon at mga litrato. Mabigat pa ang aking dibdib nang lumabas ako at nagulat nang maabutan na naroon pa rin ang sasakyan ni Toby.

And what shocks me more is he's outside his car. Nakasandal siya sa hood ng sasakyan at nakahalukipkip habang mariin akong pinapanood. Bumagal ang aking paglalakad palapit sa kaniya. Did he saw me covering the news?

"You waited?" I asked when I got nearer.

Bumagsak ang tingin niya sa akin. He nodded. Lumagpas ang tingin niya sa likod ko bago muling ibinalik sa akin. He smiled.

"You're very passionate to your job." He commented.

Hindi ako nakaimik sa komento niya. He smirked wider and opened the door's car for me. Ngumuso ako at dumiretso papasok.

"Aren't you busy? Pwede namang mag-commute na ako papuntang Taguig."

"I'll drive you there. Ano bang gagawin mo?"

"I'll have an interview to the CEO of this famous construction company." Sagot ko.

Tumango siya. "I'll drive you there."

Hindi nagtagal at nakarating kami sa naturang building.

"Kung gusto mo nang umalis, pwede ka ng mauna-"

"No. I'll wait." Putol niya.

Natigil ako at ilang saglit pang nakipagtitigan sa kaniya bago ako tumango.

"Whatever suits you." I smirked and exited his car.

I did my interview for two hours. Ako lang ang napahintulutang mag-cover ng interview sa kaniya dahil noong isang taon ay ako rin ang kinuha nilang reporter. I heard the employees talking about me but I ignored it. Pagkatapos ng interview ay dumiretso na ako sa lobby at hindi na rin ako nagulat na makasalubong si Richard. He's the son of the owner of this company.

"What a coincidence! Or not?" He beamed and stopped in front of me.

I smiled at him and greet him to show my respect. I know him and he's been showing his interest to me for a year now but I don't like him. I don't like capitalists in general. And although he's handsome and smart, he's not my type.

"What brought you here, Clarisse?"

And I hate how he calls me Clarisse. I know it's my name but I only want to be called Clarisse by one person.

"I covered the interview with Mr. Guzman."

"Oh! Ikaw pala 'yong sinasabi nilang journalist. You should have told me so I could have accompanied you."

"No need. You're not an employee-"

He smirked devilishly that made me stop from talking. I looked away and think of biding my goodbye to him but he just doesn't stop talking.

."I heard the news about you. You've become like the talk of the town. I hope you're fine now."

"Maayos na ako, Richard. Thank you for the concern."

"Can we have dinner? I bet you want to talk about it-"

I cut him off quickly. Bukod sa ayaw kong makasama siyang mag-dinner, I know that Toby is waiting for me outside. Thinking about him waiting for me excites me.

"I am sorry but I can't-"

"Bakit naman? May gagawin ka pa ba? I can drive you there and tell your driver that you're coming with me..."

Naputol ang pandinig ko sa mga sinasabi ni Richard nang makita ko si Toby na pumasok at diretso ang titig sa akin. Our eyes met and I feel like a crazy woman for suddenly feeling happy just because of his mere presence.

"Sorry, Richard. I am with someone." I told him without tearing my eyes off with Toby.

Binalingan ko si Richard na nakakunot ang noong pinagmamasdan ako. I smiled at him and walked out from him. Mabilis akong naglakad at sinalubong si Toby. I was startled when his arms snaked around my waist but I didn't complain, though.

"You're finished?" He asked softly.

Seryoso at madilim ang kaniyang mga mata, ibang-iba sa tono ng boses niya. Nag-angat siya ng tingin at may tinignan sa likod ko pero agad ding ibinalik ang tingin sa akin nang sumagot ako.

"I'm sorry kung ginabi. Ginawa pa kitang driver."

His lips twisted and didn't utter a word. Kinuha niya ang gamit ko at iginiya na ako palabas ng building. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig dahil sa naging trato niya sa akin. Sumunod ako sa kaniya papasok ng sasakyan at halos mabingi sa katahimikang bumabalot sa loob ng sasakyan.

He started the engine without saying a word. I even saw his jaw clenching repeatedy like he's restraining himself from talking.

"I don't mind having a little competition." He suddenly uttered.

"Huh?"

Hindi siya kumibo. I bit my lower lip to refrain myself from smiling. I don't know why I am suddenly happy.

"Richard is... just my previous subject. We're nothing." I explained although he's not saying anything but I assumed that... he's jealous.

"You don't like him?" Sinulyapan niya ako.

"Hindi 'no!" Agap ko.

Ibinigay ko na ang buong atensiyon ko sa kaniya para mapatunayang totoo ang sinasabi ko. His jaw clenched again.

"How about Pablo?" Tanong niya ulit.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa biglaang pagsali niya sa pangalan ni Pablo.

"We're friends."

"And we are?" He glanced at me again.

I stiffened. Hindi ko nagawang masagot dahil hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. He chuckled but I can see that it's not real.

"Just kidding. Of course I'm your suitor."

Huminga ako ng malalim. I played with my finger while looking at him. I have the courage to watch him because his eyes are busy on the road.

"Toby, if you're doing this because you hurt me in the past, kalimutan mo na 'yon. You don't have to do this-"

He cut me off. He stopped the car and looked at me. Halong inis at lambot ang ekspresyon ng kaniyang mga mata kaya hindi ko mabasa kung galit ba siya o hindi.

"I already told you that I love you. I'm not doing this for anything else, Clarisse." Bakas ang sinseridad sa kaniyang mga mata.

Ngunit ayaw kong magpaloko... natatakot akong mabigo ulit.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

"I know what I did to you before was painful. I know that it left a scar to you... but I'm asking for your acceptance again."

I looked at him with awe, hindi makapaniwala sa narinig.

He sighed and looked straightly to my eyes.

"I'll pursue you, Clarisse. I'm sorry but I won't listen if you'll ask me to stop."

Umusbong ang panibagong kaba sa aking dibdib. Ibang kaba ito... ito 'yong tipo ng kaba na hindi ako matatakot.

"I'm sorry if I make it fast to you. I know I told you before that I don't love you but please believe me Clarisse that my feelings for you are real."

Nangilid ang luha sa aking mga mata. Ang bukol sa aking lalamunan ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko magawang magsalita. He smiled sadly at me and caught my hands. He held it softly like he's scared to break me with his touch.

"Huwag mo rin akong ipasa sa iba dahil ikaw lang ang gusto ko."