Entry 27

"Is she okay now?"

I tried to move my body and open my eyes. Mabigat ang aking katawan at bahagya akong nakakaramdam ng hapdi sa ibang bahagi katulad ng aking braso.

"She's okay. There's nothing severe that happened to her. Mabuti na lang at nakalabas siya bago pa man din sumiklab ang kaniyang sasakyan."

Puting kisame ang unang sumalubong sa akin. My eyes wander and I realized, with white walls and ceilings and even curtains are white, I am actually in a hospital room. Natanaw ko sa hindi kalayuang paanan ko ang nag-aalalang mukha ng aking ina at kapatid. Her eyes widen when she saw me awake.

"Oh my god! Reese!" She said a bit louder, pain is much etched in her voice.

Sinubukan kong umupo at sumandal sa head board ng hospital bed. Pinanood ko ang nagkukumahog na aking magulang papunta sa aking pwesto. Her tears rolled down from her cheeks that made my heartbreak. She hugged me tight and sobbed.

Nakita ko kung paano magalang na nagpaalam ang Doctor upang mabigyan kami ng pribadong pag-uusap. Baste's eyes turned to me and I saw nothing behind his green eyes but concern and ruthlessness.

I hugged Mommy back as I tried to remember what happened. Why am I here?

I sighed when things started to flash in my mind. I almost die. The unknown armed men who are following me shot my car profusely. My car was wrecked because of fire and that's all I remember before I turned unconscious.

Mommy withdrew from the hug and searched for my eyes. I smiled weakly at her but she only gave me a very disappointing look. I know what she's thinking.

"I'm fine-"

"You're fine? You are here in a hospital bed and you call yourself fine? Your car was burnt and unknown armed men tried to shot you. You called that fine, Clarisse?" Madiin niyang sambit sa bawat kataga, bakas ang galit.

"I don't know who are they. Ang importante maayos ako ngayon-"

"Can't you see yourself?"

Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa aking katawan. Balot ang kalahating parte ng aking katawan ng puting kumot. I saw some bandages on my left and right arms. May ilang gasgas din. Masakit at mabigat ang pakiramdam ko sa sariling katawan pero katulad ng narinig ko sa Doctor kanina, maayos ako. Walang malalang natamo kundi mga sugat lang.

"These are just wounds and some scratches. Nothing severe-"

"I am very worried about you. Nasa kabilang linya ako nang marinig ko ang putukan. And do you know how much it triggers me to hear my own child on the other line, not responding, and obviously there is something happening?" Muling tumulo ang luha sa kaniyang mga mata.

I searched for her hand and hold it. Lumapit na rin ang aking kapatid at tinahan ang magulang namin.

Hindi ko siya masisisi. I know that what happened to me is already near to death. Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataon na may nagtangkang papatayin ako, ngunit ito ang unang pagkakataon na makaranas ako ng pamamaril. I am not sure if this has to do with Mijares' threats to me... but I can't help but judge that he and Librador is the mastermind of what happened to me.

Cold rushed in my body. I remember how I tried to remove myself from that almost burning car of mine. My heart pounded triple time when a clear image of the bullets shot on my side mirrors appeared on my mind. I am very scared but I don't want my cowardice to be the reason for my failure in this task.

"How come you don't even feel scared, Reese? Are you that indifferent na kahit nasa masamang kalagayan ka na ay mas gugustuhin mo pa ring paglingkuran ang trabaho mo-"

"Mom, let's not stress Ate." Baste butt in, trying to make our parent calms.

I looked at her eyes. Nangilid ang luha sa aking mata ngunit ngumiti ako para ipakita sa kaniya na wala dapat siyang ipag-alala.

"You don't have to worry about me, Mom. I can handle myself. I am safe. Iyon ang importante."

"How could I not worry about you? You are my daughter! I lost your Dad already. I can't afford to lose you just because you are doing your job!" She lamented.

Napawi ang mapait kong ngiti. Ang makita ang aking magulang na lumuluha at nasasaktan ay hindi ko matataim. I am very torn between responding to my job or to respond to what my Mom wants. I saw how she grief with Dad's departure in this world. I can't imagine her crying on her own daughter's funeral.

But this is my job. I know from the very start that my life in this field will never be easy. There will always be threats and uneventful things that will happen. My life will be at sake, my family's security will be at sake. I don't have any assurance if I will go home safe. But with the six years that I've been working in this field, I realized that no matter how hard and terrifying it may be, I need to do my job.

Dahil kung hindi ako ang susulat, kung hindi ako ang magsisiwalat ng katotohanan, kung walang maglalakas ng loob na kalabanin ang mga ganid sa kapangyarihan at kayamaman kundi ako... sino pa? I chose this field because I grew thinking that the public deserves nothing but only truth. I am living my principles to only spread facts and not misleading and false information.

Kung ang pangyayaring ito sa buhay ko ang magpapabago sa aking pananaw bilang isang mamamahayag, kung ito ang magiging dahilan para sukuan ko ang sinimulan ko, I will only end up hating myself because I know myself too well. Giving up because of fear will not be the reason why I will leave.

I don't mind dying if it means I only did what is right.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa para sagutin si Mommy. I don't think she'll understand my side on this now that she's in pain and anger. I understand her. She doesn't want me in danger... but I know that from the very start, I am in danger.

I am torn between my responsibility with the public and my family. I have to choose but then I realized that I can always work in both. I can do my job while protecting my own family. Mahirap at magulo ang buhay ng isang mamamahayag. Hindi makatulog ng mahimbing sa gabi dahil sa kabang nararamdaman. But despite those, I'd never think of turning my back on this job.

Niyakap ko si Mommy nang mahigpit. Hindi ko napigilan at lumandas din ang luha sa aking mga mata. I wiped it away. I love her but I also love my job. I am not indifferent with my life; it's just that we're all fighting for different things because we all have different battles facing in.

Nabalot sa katahimikan ang buong kwarto ng kumalma si Mommy. I am staring at her but she's avoiding my eyes. I smiled weakly when I realized that she's upset with me.

"The company is investigating with the shooting incident. The police will come here and I will only let them be entertained if the Doctor says that you're okay." Masungit niyang imporma.

"Maayos naman ako. Wala namang masakit sa'kin." Although I still feel so weak.

Mom only glared at me and acted like she didn't hear me. Pumasok ang Doctor kanina at si Mommy ang kumausap sa kaniya. I heard the Doctor saying that I can be discharged now dahil wala namang malalang nangyari sa katawan ko. He checked me one more time before he gave my mother a go signal that I can be discharged.

"Kung ako lang ang masusunod, mas gugustuhin kong dito ka na lang ng isang linggo para patigilin ka ng kompanya ninyo sa trabaho mo." Bulong bulong ni Mommy.

I removed myself from the bed and fixed myself. I walked towards her.

"Hindi naman ang kompanya ang nag-uutos sa akin na magsulat. They are paying me but I am doing this because I want it, Mom."

Mom looked at me. She sighed and didn't reply. Hinarap ko ang kapatid ko na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ako kinakausap ngunit ramdam ko ang galit sa kaniya.

"I'll investigate on this-"

"I know you're busy with your own case, Baste. The company can handle it-"

"Ni hindi ka nga nila naprotektahan sa mga armadong lalaking iyon tapos magtitiwala ka pa rin na kaya iyan ng kompanya ninyo?" Galit niyang untag.

It's hard when I am fighting over my family. I know they don't want my job but they never make me feel like they are not supporting me. But sometimes... I feel like I am a burden. Ayokong kaawaan ang sarili ko. I don't want to look weak in front of them, but sometimes thoughts crossed in my mind. Kailan ba nila matatanggap na ito ang trabaho ko?

"Baste," I called weakly. "Noon pa man alam mo na kung gaano ko kagusto ang trabahong ito. I am not here, fighting for the truth despite with all the threats, just because I want to earn. I am continuing my job because that's my purpose."

"But that doesn't mean that you will not think about your life anymore. You can think about others. But how about Mom? How about us? The people who loves you?"

"And how about the public, Baste? " I asked back.

Umigting ang panga niya at hindi umimik. I smiled bitterly.

"I love you and Mom. I love my friends and the people who loves me. But I love this country, too. I am not going to choose one between my life, your security, and the country needs. I am going to choose all those three at the same time. Mahirap man pero pipilitin kong tugunan ang responsibilidad ko sa pamilya at sa bansa."

His jaw clenched repeatedly as he hear my words. His eyes remains brooding and dangerous but I can sense that he understands me now. Actually, he understands me. Maybe it just that they are still scared about my own safety.

"And I can do it, Baste. Hindi ako tatagal sa larangang ito kung duwag ako."

"It's not about you being a coward. It is already your life at sake-"

"Because I am a journalist."

Tinikom niya ang kaniyang bibig at supladong nag-iwas ng tingin. Ngumiti ako at sumunod sa kaniya nang lumabas na siya. Nasa tabi ko si Mommy at ramdam ko pa rin hanggang ngayon ang pangamba sa kaniya habang palabas kami. We hopped in my brother's car at sa condo niya kami nagpalipas ng gabi.

Baste told me that my car was wrecked because it was burnt. Inasahan ko na rin naman iyon dahil nakita ko kung paano nasunog ang aking sasakyan. Nakakalungkot lang isipin dahil ilang taon kong pinag-ipunan ang perang pinambili ko doon. My car is my gift to my fifth anniversary in the field but it was wrecked in just one snap.

I shrugged and didn't think about it more. It's just a material thing, what's important is I am alive and I can still continue what I started.

Kinabukasan ay sinabihan ako ng Boss ko na huwag muna akong pumasok at magpahinga kahit ilang araw lang. I want to comeback so I can continue my work but they told me that I need to rest while they are investigating. Their allegations are that it has to do with my articles linking to Librador.

Ilang balita ang narinig at nabasa ko na may pare-parehas na content. They are all allegedly confirming that Librador is the one who commanded the armed men to follow and shot my car. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa nahahanap ang mga armadong lalaki. Nakausap ko na rin ang mga pulis at pagkatapos noon ay sinabi nilang babalitaan nila ako.

I sighed thinking about the many things I am facing. I want to focus myself on my source that I am still pursuing but I am here bombarded with investigations and threats.

Another day and Librador released a statement stating that he has no connections with the armed men who shot my car.

"I don't mind Clarisse writing articles about me. It's all just purely allegations and she has no proofs. Hindi ako kinakabahan o natatakot sa kaniya dahil kilala ko ang sarili ko. Kilala ako ng sambayanan at alam ng lahat na wala akong tinatago. Kaya sa mga media na nagsasabing ako ang may pakana ng pamamaril sa media personality ninyo na si Clarisse, wala akong kinalaman diyan. Like what I have said, I am certain to myself and I am not scared with all her articles linking to me. Kaya wala akong dahilan para pagbantaan siya at gawin iyon sa kaniya."

I rolled my eyes at his statement. Binomba ako ng mensahe galing sa mga kasamahan ko pagkatapos nilang marinig ang balitang iyon. Even my friends visited me because what happened to me spread like a wildfire in social media and national TV.

"Sino bang maniniwala diyan kay Librador? Mga avid supporters niya?" Ody ranted and sat beside me.

I crossed my arms on my chest and didn't reply.

"Halata namang puro kasinungalingan ang lumalabas sa bibig niya. Just because you are staying silent in this issue, ibigsabihin ay maniniwala na ang publiko sa kaniya."

"Let them believe what they want to believe. I will just make sure that at the end of this all, the truth will win. Librador will face his own consequences." I said with certainty.

Odyssey looked at me and smirked.

"Akala ko naman sasalubong sa akin ang takot na Reign Clarisse." She teased.

Dinagdagan iyon nila Zaijan kaya naman napairap na lang ako. With my four days resting in the house, madalas nila akong dalawin. My colleagues can't come dahil may trabaho sila. Hindi rin naman kailangan dahil babalik na rin ako sa madaling panahon. And while I am still here at house, I am not actually resting. Patuloy akong sumusulat at kumukontak sa mga source ko. I just want this all to end.

The police keep on updating me about the progress of the investigation. Mom don't want me to return to my job yet but I need to. Not now that I finally made my source agreed to be interviewed.

Mr. Augustus, the previous assistant of Secretary Librador finally agreed to be interviewed. And that is the reason why I am dressed and ready to do my job.

"Where are you going?"

Pababa ako dala ang aking mga gamit nang lumabas galing kusina si Mommy. I smiled and walked towards her.

"Mr. Augustus finally agreed to talk to me-"

"Magtatrabaho ka na ulit? Clarisse, ano ba? Can't you let the week passed before you decided to return?" Bakas ang galit sa tono niya.

I licked my lower lip.

"I've been pursuing Mr. Augustus for months now, Mom. Ngayon lang siya pumayag at bago pa man din magbago ang isip niya kailangan ko na siyang makausap." I explained.

She shook her disappointedly. Umawang ang labi ko dahil sa reaksiyon niya.

"I am just asking for you to stay here for at least one week before you return to your job. Be thankful that I am not asking you to resign on that dangerous job of yours!"

My eyes widen with disbelief. She noticed that I am shocked with her statements. She cleared her throat and looked straightly to my eyes. Her eyes glimmers because of tears and even I feel like I was about to get mad, it all fades when I saw her teary eyed.

"If I am going to ask you, Clarisse. Ayaw ko sana pero..." She closed her eyes tightly and opened it again.

"I am always scared with your safety. Ako o ang trabaho mo?"

"Mom-"

"I am going to say this again because maybe it doesn't sink in to you of how much I am scared to lose my own daughter. You can't understand it now because you're still not a mother but when the time comes in the future and your own child is already in danger, will you rather let her continue her job despite you being scared with her own life?"

My shoulder fell as I heard her question. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I can feel my eyes getting wet because of the upcoming tears but I didn't let them come out.

Siguro nga at hindi ko siya maintindihan dahil hindi pa ako ina. Pero ako ba, naiintindihan niya bilang anak?

"I'll let my child do what she wants because it's her life. The child will grow with principles and manners if the parents will support them in ways they can. Mom, you know how much I wanted this job. I saw you supported me, I know that you're still believing in me. Pero, Mom, kailan mo matatanggap na ito ang trabaho ko? That I never chose to be in danger, but I chose to spread truths. I chose to do what my heart desires."

Hindi ko napigilan at tumulo ang luha ko. Suminghot ako at pinalis ang aking mga luha. I don't know but these past few days, I am starting to get emotional. I am not sure if it is because of what happened or there is still something else.

"Ilang death threats pa ba ang dapat mong matanggap bago ka tumigil? Ako ang mamamatay kakaisip sa kaligtasan mo pero ikaw parang wala kang pakialam sa sarili mong buhay!" She replied painfully.

I continue wiping my tears away. I remember Dad who believes in me and told me that I need to comeback. Nabuhay ako ng may prinsipyo sa buhay na tanging katotohanan lang ang mananaig sa mundong ito. Na ipaglalaban ko ang katotohanan kahit anong mangyari. I got that from Dad who in the first place believed that I can create a change.

"Dad wants me to do it-"

"He wants you to pursue your dreams not to kill yourself! Clarisse!"

"But this is my dream." I responded painfully, trying to make her understand.

Her eyes stared at me. She's blurred in my sight because of my tears.

"Mom, a simple information can make a change. What more if I really published everything on time?"

"You'll either destroy the country or the people, Reese."

"And that is why I am a journalist. I don't consider myself as the kindest journalist but I am far from those journo who affiliated themselves in politics. I look for facts and worthy information to report, not information that will lead me for power and danger."

"You are already in danger the first time you associated yourself with media, Clarisse! Ilang rape and death threats pa ba ang dapat mong makuha para matakot ka?" Mom said in a frustrated tone.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago ko isinatinig ang mga salita na hindi ko kailanman sinabi noon.

"Mom, I'm always afraid." Amin ko.

"I just seem to look brave outside, but I am afraid. But, Mom... the people needs me. The public deserves to know what is true. My always goal is to serve them and save them from abuse and power of those who are in position. Media, and us, journalists are always a threat to them. And them, a threat to us, too. Only stupid will not fear the threats, but I need to do my job. I have to do my job." I explained.

Pinigilan ko ang pagluha. I touched her arms, thinking that she'll understand me.

"I have the privilege to monitor the malpractices and shenanigans of officials. Mom, I don't want to disappoint the public who expects factual information from us. The Public deserves to know the truth."

"Even if it means your life in danger?"

"Even if it means my life in danger. I... I want you to trust me. I want you to believe in me that I can handle this. You know me more than anyone else, Mom. Why can't you trust me?"

Mabilis siyang umiling at bakas ang pagsisisi sa kaniyang mukha. She caressed my face and shook her head profusely.

"Hindi sa hindi ako nagtitiwala sa'yo, Reese. I trust you but I don't trust the people around you."

"So do I, Mom. Pero kung naniniwala ka sa'kin, magtitiwala ka ring kakayanin ko 'to."

Ilang saglit niya pa akong tinitigan at pinanood na para bang hinihintay niyang magbago ang isip ko. In the end, she sighed and hugged me. I felt at peace knowing that even she's not fully accepting my side on this, she still supports me.

"Take care." Paalala niya pagkalabas ko ng mansion.

"Uuwi akong ligtas mamaya, Mom. I'll make sure of that."

Pumasok ako sa lumang cooper ni Baste noong college siya. I'll be using this since my car is wrecked. Again I feel sad thinking about it.

Dumiretso ako sa BGC kung saan pinili ni Mr. Augustus na makipagkita. Hindi nagtagal at nakarating ako sa resto na sinabi niya at pumasok sa isang pribadong pintuan. I am not sure if he's that rich that he can afford this, but thinking his connection before with Librador, no wonder.

Umupo ako sa silya at agad naman akong inalok ng waiter. I only told him that I'll get water because I don't feel like eating anything now that I am waiting for my source. Nilabas ko ang aking cellphone at macbook at hinanda ang sarili. I am 30 minutes early so I can prepare myself on facing him. His message to me is very unexpected and I can't feel anything but complete gladness.

Despite the tragedy that happened days ago, I am happy that Mr. Augustus finally now agreed to be interviewed.

I am scrolling on my phone to check my calendar when I saw a date. Iyon ang araw na dapat ay dadatnan ako but it already passed. Ngumuso ako nang matanto na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ako dinadatnan. Dumating ang waiter at binigay ang tubig na nirequest ko.

I sipped on it as I continue thinking about my menstruation. Hindi ako dinatnan noong isang buwan pero siguro delayed lang ako at magkakaroon na ako ngayong buwan.

My heart doubled thinking about other else but it fades when I saw who entered the door. I stood and smiled widely to Mr. Augustus. Pormal at bakas ang katandaan sa kaniyang maputing buhok. He only nodded at me before he sat to the chair crossed to me.

I also sat and greeted him.

"Good day, Mr. Augustus. I am very pleased that you agreed-"

"Quit the formalities, Clarisse. I am not an official you need to respect. Pumayag ako ngayon dahil hindi ako pinapatulog ng konsensiya ko. I also heard what happened to you in news. I realized that you're very persistent to get the information that even you're in risk, you still keep on contacting me."

I smirked thinking of what he said.

"Like what I said, Mr. Augustus, I won't stop not until I already spread the truth."

He looked at me strictly before he nodded.

"Magsimula na tayo."

Pakiramdam ko tuloy nanalo ako sa lotto nang sabihin niya iyon. Pinindot ko ang recorder sa aking cellphone at nilagay iyon sa gitna ng lamesa. I ready my fingers to type in as I started my questions.

"How much do you know Secretary Librador?" I asked.

"I know him for three decades already. I am his assistant for thirty years since I was younger. I know him very well dahil sa lahat ng gagawin niya, nagtitiwala siya sa akin at sinasabi ang lahat."

"Then do you believe that the allegations to him are real? May kinalaman ba siya sa malawakang transaction ng human trafficking at drugs sa bansa?"

I am typing on my keyboard when minutes passed and he didn't respond. I lifted my eyes on him and I saw him staring blankly somewhere. Nakita ko ang pag-aalinlangan niyang sumagot kaya naman nagsalita na ako.

"You need to give your statements to me, Mr. Augustus. We all want to end this. A simple information from you can make a change. I need you to speak up your side therefore the public will not put the blame in you."

He returned his eyes on me. Tumango siya bago nagpasyang magsalita.

"I know his connections to private illegal businessmen. Madalas siyang lumabas ng bansa para makipag-meeting sa malalaking kompanya ng droga. Minsan pa ay naisasama niya ako at naririnig ko ang lahat ng pag-uusap nila."

"Does the money he invests came from his own savings or it's the people's money?"

Again he hardly decides to reply. He sighed heavily.

"Everyone knows how wealthy Secretary Librador is."

"And everyone is aware that he is a corrupt politician."

He nodded. I stopped typing and give my full attention to him.

"I understand the people's hates towards him. Me, myself hates the corrupt politicians who's spending the people's money. But I need to say this... Librador has a good heart but he chose to be evil because of wealth and power. He has the heart for the people in need. He has the heart for the country but he was blinsided by the money."

"And you consider that as a person who loves his country? Walang totoong may pagmamahal sa bayan ang masisilaw sa kaban ng bayan. Walang totoong politiko na may pagmamahal sa kapwa Pilipino ang pipiliing gumawa ng mali kaysa tama." Hindi ko napigilan at naisitanig ko.

"I know. I just added that because I don't want everyone to think that there is no good that exists in his heart anymore. After all, he's still a human who is capable to be good."

Tumango ako. I looked at my screen to type those but I lifted my gaze again and uttered my words.

"Everyone has their good in their hearts, but if their actions contradict their words, they will still be labelled as bad. And I don't see anything wrong with that. Making yourself accountable with your position is not that hard if you really believe that there is still good left in you. And if there is none, you can freely do bad everytime, everywhere, despites of despites."

Hindi siya nakaimik sa aking sagot. I smiled and continue my questions. Naniniwala ako na may kabutihan ang bawat tao. In every good there is bad. In every bad there is good. But it's not always about understanding it, if the person is already ruining someone's life because of their ruthlessness, they are nothing but devil. At sa posisyon ni Librador, tao siya at may puso ngunit mas nangingibabaw ang kasakiman kung kaya't nararapat para sa kaniya na makilala bilang isang opisyal na walang magandang hangarin para sa bansa at mamamayan.

I get the answers I want from him. I felt satisfied after that interview so I got home with a smile plastered on my face. Binati ko si Mommy ngunit agad akong umakyat sa aking kwarto at inayos ang mga nakuhang impormasyon. I woke up early and go to my work. Maaga pa lang at iilan pa lang ang empleyado pero lahat sila ay kinamusta ako. I told them that I am fine but I can sense that they are still worried about me.

Dumiretso ako sa desk at pinasa ang sinulat ko kagabi. The editor smirked at me.

"You never failed to amaze me, Clarisse." Ani nang Ginang.

Ngumisi ako sa kaniya bago ako bumalik sa aking lamesa.

"You're back! Kumusta? You okay?" Sinalubong ako ni Phenelope na bakas ang pag-aalala.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Ako pa ba?" I joked.

Inulan pa nila ako ng kumusta at halos kinalahati rin kami sa pag-uusap bago sila bumalik sa kani-kanilang trabaho. I stretched my arms and blinked my eyes because I didn't have a good sleep last night.

"Alam mo ba, lagi ka hinahanap ni Sir Toby." Tanya said beside me.

Binalingan ko siya at agad umusbong ang kaba sa aking dibdib. Ilang araw lang ang nagdaan ngunit halos makalimutan ko na si Toby. Ngayon lang ulit siya sumagi sa aking isipan at naalala ko ang huli naming pag-uusap.

Tanya smirked at me.

"Ang layo ng Advertising Department pero dumadayo siya dito para lang tignan kung bumalik ka na."

I bit my lower lip.

"B-Bakit niya daw ako hinahanap?" I nervously asked but I hid it from her.

Her smirk wider. She shrugged.

"Kukumustahin ka? Nag-aalala rin sa'yo."

Nagpaalam siya sa akin at may ico-cover pa daw siyang insidente. Isinandal ko naman ang aking likod sa aking computer chair at pinaglaruan ang daliri.

Hindi humihinto ang puso ko sa pagkabog. Pumikit ako ng mariin dahil hindi ko alam kung bakit sa tuwing naisasali sa usapan si Toby ay bumibilis ang tibok ng aking puso. I know that I still like him but can't my heart have decency to follow what my mind wants? Gusto kong kalimutan ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya dahil ayoko ng masaktan pa.

I don't want to believe in his falsehopes.

It's been six years and it just sounds so impossible that after all those years he will tell me that he still loves me.

But is it impossible? E, kung mismo ako nga ay may nararamdaman pa rin sa kaniya.

Funny how long it has been but in just one unexpected time of meeting again, it feels like there could be chance again.

I slapped myself once. Do I have to remind myself that I am not living in a fairytale world? Wala ako sa libro kung saan nangyayari ang 'love could be sweeter the second time around.'

"Sir Toby, good morning!"

Mabilis akong napabaling sa likod nang marinig mula kay Phenelope ang pagbati. Toby's eyes met mine and I was again in mesmerisation while looking at him.

My heart hammered crazily again while watching him making his way towards me. Pakiramdam ko nag-slow motion ang lahat habang pinapanood ko siyang naglalakad palapit sa akin. Kung hindi lang nakakabingi ang nagwawala kong puso ay iisipin ko nang si Toby at ako lang ang tao sa office na ito.

I looked away when I realized that I've been staring at him for long. Damn, why did I stare at him that long? At bakit ba ako lumingon pa? Dapat ay inignora ko na!

"Clarisse,"

Halos manginig ako nang marinig ang malalim niyang boses sa aking gilid. My side turned dark because of his shadow. Kinagat ko ng mariin ang aking labi at pinilit ang sarili na huwag siyang tingalain ngunit totoong traydor ang pusong hanggang ngayon baliw sa kaniya.

How can I make my heart follow my mind? How can I be true to my words if with his just simple calling my name, I am already like a dog following her master?

I lifted my eyes on him. His eyes are dark and soft at the same time. There's a trace of concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay now?" He asked softly.

Para akong pinagtaksilan ng sariling katawan nang magawa kong tumango sa tanong niya. I saw him licked his lower lip as if he's struggling to ask another question but he's stopping himself.

Damn. Ask more!

Ano ba, Clarisse? Are you crazy?

May nilapag siyang supot sa aking lamesa. Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin ngunit naagaw niya muli ang aking atensiyon.

"Mabuti at ayos ka na. I am worried about you." Aniya.

I don't know how but my tears are already in the verge. I know that what happened to me is near to death and I can't help but to think of what ifs. If I died, will he cry too like how he cried for Mia? Will he be regretful, too? What if we're together now? Can I hug him whenever I am terrified?

Gusto kong umiwas ng tingin ngunit hindi ko magawang iwasan ang nakakaakit niyang mga mata. Para bang hinihila ako nito papasok doon. It's just too hypnozing that when I met him again, I was doomed.

"I-I'm f-fine now..." I said in a stuttering low voice.

He smiled in a very manly way that made my heart leaped. He licked his lower lip again. I saw his hand about to touch my arm but he hid it on his back again. Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin.

"I'm just here to ask how are you. I am very worried about you. I prepared a lunch." Nginuso niya ang dalang supot.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. He smiled at me again. His eyes turned chinky as he smile. Nilingon niya ang likod na para bang aalis na ngunit hindi niya matuloy.

I saw him sighed and showed me another handsome smile.

"I'll leave now. Have a good day, Clarisse." Sapilitan niyang paalam bago niya ako tinalikuran at dumiretso palabas ng newsroom.

Para akong pinutulan ng hininga habang pinagmamasdan siyang naglalakad palabas. Nang sumarado ang pintuan ay 'tsaka pa lang ako nakahinga ng maayos. My colleagues started shrieking that made my hands flew to my ears.

"I knew it! Sabi na si Reese ang bet ni Sir Toby at hindi ako!" Phenelope exclaimed.

Nagtawanan sila pero hindi ko magawang makisabay. Hinawakan ko ang supot na binigay niya at binuksan. Dalawang lunch box ang nasa loob. It's transparent so I see what's inside. There's a meat and rice to the first lunch box, in another container are vegetables and fruits.

Hinawi ko ang ribbon at kinuha ang isang maliit na note na nakalagay. I smiled while reading his note. I can't help but noticed how clean and pretty his penmanship is.

'These are the healthy food I prepared. I heard you're coming back that's why I made this. I missed you and I hope you're fine now. Take care always, Clarisse.

- Toby'

Suminghot ako at nangingiti ngunit naiiyak na pinagmasdan ang note. I don't know why I am damn emotional over this. Kinusot ko ang aking mga mata para mapigilan ang sarili sa pagluha.

"It's been six years, Reese? Nagkabalikan kayo?" Nang-aasar na tanong ni Pablo.

Hindi ko pinansin ang tanong ni Pablo dahil abala ang isip ko sa lunch na bigay niya at sa simpleng note.

It's just a simple note but I already feel like he gave me a love letter.

"Nagkabalikan?" They asked curiously.

"Ex mo si Sir Toby, Reese?!" Phenelope asked in a shocked tone.

Hinawi ko ang aking buhok at kinalma ang sarili. I looked at them and I saw them waiting for my answer.

I want to deny it but...

Tumango ako sa kanila. Their jaws dropped while I heard Pablo laughed meaningfully.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa aking screen. I smiled unconsciously with teary eyes.