Austin: Don't fear death, fear the state of which you will die.

Selem: *frightfully* Ohio

———

Austin: Alright, here the kid comes.

Austin: Don't mess this up, Austin. You've dealt with children before.

Selem: *walks in*

Austin: what the fUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Selem: *runs away crying*

Austin:

Austin: That was better than yesterday

———

Selem: I don't really have any friends.

Austin: Bold words for someone within hugging range.

———

Selem: The stress is too much for the baby.

Austin: What baby?

Selem: Me. I'm the baby.

Hot new thing to add to this AU: Austin treats Selem like a little sister/daughter(?) because he has a soft spot for kids, but he's like, really bad at handling children.