Sam's dad: Every time you yell at your kid, put a penny in your sock, and soon you'll have a weapon tO BEAT-

———

Sam: I'm scared dad!

Sam's dad: Do you trust me, Samantha?

Sam: Yes. *falls off tree*

Sam's dad: RULE NUMBER ONE, NEVER TRUST ANYBODY!

Sam: OOF...

———

Sam's dad: How old are you?

Kid Sam: Six.

Sam's dad: *picks her up and yeets her into a lake*

———

Sam's dad: I shoulda left you the moment you were born.

Sam:

Sam: buT 'CHA DIDN'T!

———

Sam's dad: Heeey, hey hey, kids, kids... SAMANTHA!

Sam: *shook*

Sam's dad: ...Honey can you quiet down? I'm just tryna do someth-

———

Sam's dad: Okay, you know what- YOU'RE IN TIMEOUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!

Sam: This house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE