I can't tell if my plan backfired or not. Camryn is definitely happier now than when we arrived. Since we've been back in the truck, a smile has been plastered on her face. This is a big improvement from the trip coming here.

Given the shit she has had to put up with in her family, I can't blame her for having a dark day. I had no idea that her mom had died even though I've known her family for the past four years. Her dad started recruiting me during my junior season of high school football. That means he came to visit and watch me play in Texas right after his wife had died. I think back to that time, but only see the smile on his face and the firmness of his handshake as I verbally committed to him and his program. I would never have known what he had just been through or that twelve hundred miles away his daughter was slowly dying on the inside.

I knew Coach's current wife couldn't be their mom given her age, but I just assumed it was the result of a divorce. The death of his wife, Camryn's mom, didn't need to be advertised, but it's never once been mentioned. I can't even remember seeing a news story about this, but it's the kind of story every sports news station would be all over.

I wish it didn't, but it all makes more sense now, why Camryn felt the only way to move through her emotions was to get drunk and show up at my house. I've always known Cal could be a piece of shit, and that she and her dad obviously disagree on things, but I had no idea how truly alone she feels.

What I still can't process, is how in four years they haven't been able to move past this. A death would only bring my family closer, not be a wedge that drove us apart. I like to believe we would eventually move on, but together. I've only seen Camryn with her family a few times, but it's enough to see that isn't the case even without her telling me so. I should have known after the first dinner I spent with them that something was wrong. Cal sold a convincing story of a sister who is so much of a problem she needs eyes to watch her, ears to listen to her, and weekly reports to maintain her. The only problem I see now is an unsupportive brother and father. If I had known Camryn the way I do now, I would have picked up on it, been able to sense it. Could have prevented the dark day this year. If I knew Camryn the way I do now I would have never taken a cent from Cal. How the fuck do I keep taking his money?

I thought I could keep it up, and could keep her at arms length. I've done a pretty damn good job of it too, until today. Until she had the nerve to reach across that damn seat and grab my hand. She held my hand and I wanted to hold hers back. I wanted to pull her closer to me, to hold her and tell her it would all be okay. To rub my hand up and down her back the same way my mom has always done when I needed it. I wanted to make Camryn feel good to make up for all the time in the last four years she hasn't. To take away every dark day she's ever had.

But when she grabbed my hand I jumped. An involuntary reaction that had a domino effect. She was moving away from me and out of the car within seconds, moment over. I could have followed her and explained the skittishness. I would, however, have to then explain that feeling her hand on me made my dick hard. It's something that hasn't happened to me since middle school when I could get hard by looking at anything resembling boobs.

It also happened when I helped her with the cake last night, but I chalked it up to close proximity. Her ass kept brushing up against my front when she involuntarily swayed on her feet. I never thought it would happen again. She already thinks I'm only capable of having sex with females, but I need her to see me as a friend. The last thing I want is for her to think I want anything else, or that I'm trying to take advantage of her while she's sad.

Instead of confronting her though I just followed her back towards the entrance and pretended that nothing had changed between us. I've managed to drive us within a mile of the campus without saying anything incriminating or stupid. We've kept the talk small, mostly about our assignments for classes and studying for midterms. I'm about to ask Camryn if she will let me cheat off her biology midterm when she mentions her mom again.

I can't hear what she's saying because the radiance that has filled her face is deafening. I can tell how much her mom meant to her, and still means to her, just from the expressions present on her features. I don't comment or ask her to repeat herself. I don't want to say anything that could steer us back to the feelings from last night, or from inside that old broken down car.

I want nothing more than to drive Camryn straight to her dorm to create distance between us for the foreseeable future, but when she suggests Harry's, my grumbling stomach answers for me before I can make some half assed excuse about how I'm not starving.

The bell on the door chimes as we walk in and quickly spot an open booth. After orders have been placed, menu's pushed aside, an eerie silence falls between us. I feel the need to say something, but I have no idea what to say.

What I really want to do is find Cal and beat the fuck out of him for making Camryn seem like an actual bat shit crazy person who may also have a serious medical condition. I keep waiting for there to be more, but the more she talks, the more she just sounds like a girl who lost her mom at a really young age and was fucking sad about it.

I take a deep breath to keep myself from empathizing too much. I could have been, still could be, in the same goddamn situation. I do know I would never let Nora feel like she couldn't grieve. I would never shame her for needing that, even if I didn't.

I pick up my water glass and take a long sip. I count the seconds it takes to feel the cool liquid reach my stomach to distract myself. If I keep thinking about it, I might actually track her brother down. I have to remind myself that Camryn obviously needs me here. That regardless of anything that's happened between us, this is what I'm being paid for. That I am no better than Cal when it comes down to it.

"What was she like?" I ask, initiating the game that is now so familiar to us. I feel like it's what my mom would do in this situation. She would find a way to keep Camryn talking about the positive things, anything to keep the smile in place on her lips. My mom is a real wizard when it comes to being positive in shitty times.

I watch as Camryn picks up a brown packet of sugar and rips it open, before slowly letting its contents create a small mound of clear and tan crystals on the table. She immediately swipes the mound into her other hand and dumps it onto the floor.

"She was perfect," she says on an exhale, like she could barely get it out before continuing. "I know all girls say this, but she really was my best friend. She just...got me."

"So y'all didn't have knockdown dragout fights over something stupid like who left the curling iron on?" I know this only from experience with my mom and sister. I had to literally carry Nora to her room and hold the door shut like she was a prisoner. In my defense, she did throw the curling iron which landed on my foot. It left a perfectly red line of charred skin that would later blister and hurt like a bitch when I had to put shoes on.

Camryn shakes her head. "No, I mean we had disagreements but never arguments, civil disputes that would not be upheld in a court of law." A half smile plays on her lips as she continues, "My mom always said that if the argument wouldn't hold up in a court of law it wasn't big enough or worth fighting over. She was always saying silly things like that. Things that weren't based on anything factual, but always made us laugh...I also think she was gone before we got into the real horrible teenage years full of raging hormones. I was only fourteen. Instead I got to go through that with my dad and brothers. With them, it was easier to ignore me."

My chest aches at her words. No matter how ridiculous Nora's words or actions are, I could never imagine pretending that she doesn't exist because it's the easier thing to do. Or hiring someone to watch after her to make less work for me. I decide not to linger on how shitty a person is, who is on the receiving end of taking care of someone in need.

"What was it like being the only boy in a house full of estrogen?" Camryn asks.

"A lot of standing my ground and multiple flavors of ice cream in the freezer at all times," I respond.

"You obviously didn't stand your ground enough if Taylor Swift is a constant fixture in your music rotation." She mocks me by singing the line to one of the songs she heard in my truck. The words are overexaggerated with a southern lilt that makes me laugh. I want to ask her to do it again just so I can see her smile, but I know I can't. That's too touchy for her. And a little too involved for me.

"Being a Swiftie is a way of living. You don't choose it, it chooses you," I say, causing Camryn to fake a gag at the nickname. I go one step further to push up my sleeve and show her the friendship bracelet Nora made me to match her and my mom before I left for camp this year. It reads Fearless in black bubble letters on white beads. It's one of my moms favorite songs, but also serves a reminder that we're all together even when we aren't. I rub my index finger over each bead before pulling my sleeve back down.

"I used to think you were single because you were incapable of creating more than a sexual connection with girls, but now I know it's because you're gay," Camryn teases. I throw a french fry at her but she surprises me by catching it and shoving it in her mouth. She smiles at me as she chews.

"Just admit you want me baby and we can stop playing these games," I purr towards her. Camryn pretends to pull something out of her pocket before flashing me a middle finger. We fall silent again, and I take my chance while I have her in a good space. My curiosity can't take it any longer.