I thought the few times I had been here when he had people over were too crowded, but Cal is going for a record tonight. He has somehow managed to fit over fifty people into an eight hundred square foot apartment, four hundred of which are bedrooms, and off limits to partygoers. Lucky for me, I have managed to not run into him in the thirty minutes I've already been here.

To my surprise Cal and his roommate have made some improvements since my last visit as well. There is now a makeshift bar built in the corner of the room that wasn't here before. The top is just a folding plastic table, but instead of its legs the bar top is being held up by cases of Busch Light stacked together in a block U shape. Lights strung across the front resemble mini red solo cups and a sign on the right reading "Tits Only" as the form of payment. Classy, impressive really that someone potentially wasted their remaining brain cells to formulate this.

I've managed to speak too soon as I watch a group of people gather around the bar and pour their own round. Someone walks into my line of sight and I make contact with a pair of eyes I was hoping I wouldn't see. "Shit" I mumble under my breath and hide my face behind my hand hoping it will make me invisible.

"Hey Sis, did you just get here?" Cal asks as he throws his arm around my shoulder. The mixture of beer and liquor on his breath is enough to paralyze a horse. I exhale big, but regret it because now I don't have any clean air to breathe in.

"Uh, a few minutes ago, yeah."I say, trying to be polite.

"Everyone meet Ryn. Ryn meet, well everyone" Cal announces to the group and pushes me forward to center stage, not bothering with any names. I scan the group to see it filled with guys I assume are on the football team with my brother based on the sheer size of them mixed with a few girls that probably own several items embroidered with varying greek letters that make no sense to anyone, but they live by them.

"Hi." I say awkwardly with my hands pushed deep into the pockets of my denim pants, suddenly I feel so exposed, practically stripped naked.

"So this is the girl that has our boy pussy whipped?" A profusely sweating guy says.

"Don't be fucking weird dude this is my sister." Cal quickly corrects his friend.

"Well then you won't mind if I pour her a drink right now." One of the other equally large men says.

Another body enters the group, towering behind the group of girls, resting his hands on the shoulders of one of them. His eyes find mine almost instinctively, but he stays silent. I look away quickly, not wanting to let Taylor get to me while I'm vulnerable.

"Don't fucking think about it. Ryn is off limits. Besides, none of you would make the cut. Ryn is into a different breed" Cal says.

"You can just say lesbian Cal, it's the twenty-first century." The girl underneath Taylor's hands says.

"Not a lesbian, just immune to the bullshit of the opposite sex" I say, matter of factly, finally getting the nerve to speak for myself, and allowing myself to look back at Taylor. Somehow knowing that he is still watching me. His face doesn't move though, the intensity in his stare becoming too much, forcing me to look away first.
I allow Cal to pour me a shot as he makes a round for the group, quickly throwing it back, swallowing hard to avoid making a face as the clear liquid burns my throat and then my stomach. I turn and begin to walk further into the apartment, but Cal quickly strides to my side.

"I'm just glad you're actually here. Now where is that roommate of yours?" he says.

I scan the room to look for Alyssa and spot her in the corner with a dark hair guy with a very visible bicep bulging out of his t-shirt sleeve, nuzzled close and whispering into her ear. She slaps at his chest and giggles like a little school girl at whatever he just said to her. If I had to guess the statement would probably make me throw up in my mouth.

I point, "There. With a guy that from the looks of it got a two for one deal at a spray tan shop and decided to use both today. What is that awful tan?" I ask.

The guy has pulled away from Alyssa, giving us a good view of his face, that is bronzed to the point that he looks like a roasted chicken in a commercial, the brown and golden colors so artificial they glisten if the light hits them just right.

"That would be Nathan. Keep her away from Nathan." he says with a laugh.

"I'm not her keeper." I scoff.

"Don't worry, Nathan will do something any second to ruin any chance with her anyways." He says as we both continue to watch the interaction from across the room.

Right on cue, Nathan whispers something else making her eyes go wide. Alyssa begins to scan the room, making eye contact with me within seconds, considering I was watching it all unravel. She begins to move, yelling behind her, "Oh sorry, my roomie needs me." Beeling straight to where Cal and I are standing.

"Oh thank god I spotted you. He just asked me if I thought he could bench press me? Whatever that is!" she says but then immediately turns to my left where Cal continues to stand.

"And who might you be?" Alyssa says earning a smirk from Cal. He's eating up the newfound attention. It's just the way he likes it.

"Alyssa, meet my brother, Callan. Cal, Alyssa" I say a flat palm between them waving from right to left then back again.

"Callan Quinn'' he says, reaching his hand out between all of us. Alyssa takes it, but Cal doesn't immediately let go. "It's a pleasure. You know when Ryn mentioned you, she failed to mention that gorgeous smile of yours. I mean seriously, incredible"Alyssa blushes and takes a sip of the cup in her other hand attempting to cover said smile.

I mutter, "It would be extremely weird if the first thing I told you about Alyssa is how beautiful and perfectly straight her teeth are." They both, however, ignore me and continue their two sided conversation. Obviously my part in their introduction is over. I don't move though, I need to monitor this situation.

"Callan Quinn... where have I heard that name before?" Alyssa asks with one brow raised.

"My sister and I grew up close to here. Are you from here?" Cal presses.

Alyssa glances at me, but I just shrug. I don't envy my brother. I don't envy the easy nature of socialization he possesses because deep down I don't think it's genuine. In the same way Taylor spoke the other day, it's more of a ruse he is just so used to using, to turn any interaction in his favor.

Cal has it down to a system. Always starting with a compliment on a physical feature in a non catcalling charming way, trying to accentuate that he sees more than tits and ass on a girl. When she takes the bait, he leans in just a tad so he's in their personal space, but not too close that you come off as a creep or with ill intentions.

Callan is a good looking guy, not in a weird incestual way, just the same way all of the Quinn men are. With similar features passed through generations, a strong jaw, dark brows and lashes against my same blue eyes.

The only resemblance in the Quinn twins is our eye color and the gentle slope of our noses. Our hair colors would be the same auburn brown color, if I didn't bleach mine into the lighter blonde color it has been for the last four years now. Right now though, Cal's is still ashen from the summer making us look even more similar.

I've never minded that I didn't get the Quinn looks, because to me if I don't look like my dad that means I must look like my mom. That gives me another piece of her that I get to carry around with me every day for the rest of my life.

I only wish I could roll my eyes harder at the way Cal threw our last name in there because he knows that I, unlike him, don't care to be associated with that name in these city limits. But then he acts coy about it, modest even. A quiz, where he tells the answer without telling you it's the answer. Tell me you're popular without telling me you're popular.

I reach my hand to his right arm and pinch, indicating my disapproval of this little interaction. There are thousands of eligible girls on this campus my brother can run through. But nonetheless, here again is proof that Callan's looks are potentially going to ruin another budding friendship before it even begins. The way that Alyssa is staring at him, like he is a rare delicacy that she just has to have.

So I take it upon myself to tell it how it is.

"He plays football here. Matter of fact he is the almighty quarterback that will no doubt lead our school to that second title in a row." I say "I need fresh air. You coming too, Alyssa or?"

"God Ryn, lighten up!" he says at the same time Alyssa's face lights up with realization.

"Why didn't you tell me that your brother was like the hottest guy on campus!" Cal smirks at this comment while I audibly make a gagging noise.

"I didn't mean like hot hot, not that you aren't good looking." She says flashing him a smile. "But like everyone knows who he is! That means your dad is like the most well liked guy in this entire city!"

"I think your sample size is biased." I mutter.

"Can I get you another drink?" Cal asks her. She looks to me for permission, I throw my arm in front of me in a guiding motion towards the kitchen to my left. I fake a seal that needs to be broken and make my way to Cal's bedroom. Shutting the door behind me and then sliding my back down it until my butt meets the floor.

This was a mistake. I'm not having fun, I was hoping that shot of vodka would give me a loving push into having fun, but instead it's created a hostile headspace. I've spent the last year avoiding this type of situation, anything with the temptation to relapse me into the person I was, to the feelings that consumed me. I have spent a year rewriting the mistakes I have made, but what if all along they were etched into me like a tattoo instead of the simple pen doodles I was imagining?

I feel my phone vibrate against my leg. Turning the screen over I see a message from Gabi.

Gabriella Brown: You got this.

I don't know how she does that, but I will never not be thankful for it.