Logic is more packed than usual, even for a Saturday night. It is the only club on campus and the place we always go to celebrate a win. But bodies are packed onto the dance floor and every table and couch lining the perimeter are full. Even the bar is completely surrounded with people forming irregular lines in an attempt to get a drink.

A table has been reserved for the team, like always. The group I came with makes our way to the section. Bottle service is waiting for us and a drink is placed in my hands as soon as I reach the couches. I expected this though, this is how I met Sadie, after all. The girls working bottle service are just hoping to make big tips or at the very least go home with one of us tonight. What I don't expect to find in our section, though, is my sister sitting next to Camryn. So much for a quiet girls night. Unless this was their plan all along. Go out in as few clothes as possible, get Nora drunk. Torture me in the process.

The bass from the song playing thuds throughout my body. Thanks to the fifth of booze I've consumed, my lips are numb and my thoughts are clouded. It makes it that much harder to not just watch her sitting on the couch. Camryn's eyes dance to mine every few seconds too, like she can't help but to be drawn to me. Our bodies just know where the other is.

I watch as she crosses a leg over her knee. Two days in a row now, she's worn a skirt and those black boots. Today's skirt is even better though. When she sits like that the leather material rides up revealing that her tights stop mid thigh. I picture her standing in them with her lacy black panties and bra. I hate myself for thinking of her like that and even more for what it does to me. But I can't do anything about it besides tuck my erection into the waistband of my pants and keep myself far away from her.

I go in search of another drink and another distraction. I knew it would be easy, all I had to do was look. A girl across the bar has her eyes locked on me almost immediately. Her long black hair is slicked behind her ears and thrown over one shoulder. I watch as the nail on her pointer finger traces the rim of her plastic cup.

"Let me buy you a drink," I whisper in her ear when I finally reach her. It's so loud in here that she doesn't bother to answer. She nods her head and allows me to grab her hand to lead her back to the table.

We're only seated for a few minutes before the song switches and a fast paced beat takes over. The girl in my lap shouts that she wants to dance. Usually I wouldn't agree, but if I don't I might just push her off my lap and go to Camryn. I take another shot from the tray on the table in front of me before following the girl to the dance floor.

We find an opening and she flips around until she's facing away from me. It feels as if it happens in slow motion. My surroundings are blurring together. I barely realize when she starts grinding on me. I grip her hips, needing something to hold onto, to steady myself as she begins to sway against me. She leans back into me and brings her hands up, clasping them around my neck. We continue to move as one. I can tell the girl is trying to show off with each change of the beat. Tiny beads of sweat have started to form on both of our forehead.

I wish I could feel it more, especially as Camryn comes back into my line of sight. My body continues to move, but I can't tell if I'm the one moving it, or if the girl has taken over my motor functions. I curse under my breath as Camryn's head falls back in laughter at something Nora has said. Their heads are leaned together so they can be heard over the music. Nora pulls out her phone, capturing a selfie of the two. It bothers me how easily they are getting along. They can't be friends. Just like I can't be Camryn's friend. Not anymore, not after this weekend.

I watch her for a few seconds while letting the girl continue to dance against me. Camryn looks so out of place here, but not in a bad way. The way her long blonde waves flow freely around her face make her better suited to be on display at a museum for others to enjoy. Even though this is the type of place she would consider a version of hell, the smile on her face is big, much bigger than it has been all night. The crinkles in her nose and wrinkles around her eyes tell me that she's having fun. It makes me wonder if Nora is telling her stories about me. I continue to watch as some guy approaches them. Camryn scoots over, making room for him to sit. He leans into her ear, whispering something he only wants her to hear. Camryn pulls away and smiles at him, but not the big one she just had. Instead it's small, tight lipped, as if she's waiting for something better to come along.

The song switches overhead giving me my excuse to exit the dancefloor. "I'll be back," I shout to the girl whose name I can't remember. Her name is irrelevant at this point. All I can think about is Camryn sitting over there with that guy.

I'm unsteady on my feet as I propel myself to where she is. I swallow hard and use all the alcohol I've had to form the courage I need to talk to her. Not that I have a real plan in mind, but I'm bound to come up with something.

"Look who it is!" I yell over the music. I now recognize the guy as the same one she was talking to outside of the tutor center a couple of weeks ago. I don't know his name, but I do know he plays baseball. Nothing is worse than a baseball player.

"Taylor?" Camryn says. Enthusiasm is absent from her voice.

"Thought I told you no parties, or alcohol," I slur. Nora rolls her eyes at me.

"She's fine, Taylor," Camryn answers.

"Yeah, I've had maybe two drinks and Camryn has bought them for me. No drugs in sight," Nora adds.

"You're really going to get my little sister drunk? I thought you wanted to be a good role model, Camryn?"

"What the fuck is your problem?"

Baseball boy turns to her and asks if she's okay. I answer for her though, letting him know that she is okay because I'm here. She will always be okay if I'm here.

"Let's. Go." Camryn snarls as she stands. She smooths the leather fabric of her skirt down and steps around the other guy's legs. She grabs my hand and pulls me with her. I think her grip is tight. I wish I could feel it more, or the way I know my skin will burn when she lets go. I always feel her touch more when it's no longer there. This is the first time we've made contact since last night. I tighten my grip on her, instinctively rubbing circles with my thumb as I do. I let the newfound warmth in my hand to transfer to hers.

She doesn't stop until we're practically standing in a corner, away from the crowd and the large speakers. She turns to face me, dropping my hand and crossing her arms in the process.

"What is it? What is the fucking problem you've had all day? Ever since we met you outside the stadium you've had this goddamn bug up your ass. Shouldn't you be excited that your sister is here with you? You finally have the chance to spend time with her and you've done nothing but complain about it."

"You really think you should be here with her? I thought ya'll would eat junk food and watch the fucking Kardashians. Instead I have to worry about the two of you..."

"Taylor, we're fine. She's fine. We're going home in a little bit anyway. Your mom knows she's here. She doesn't need your permission and last time I checked, I didn't either. So why don't you take your drunk ass back over to that girl. She looked like she was enjoying grinding against your dick." Camryn points a finger in the direction of the dance floor. I don't bother to look at who she's pointing at. No one else matters.

I want to ask why she would push another girl on me and confess how sorry I am all in the same breath. I do want her and Nora with me. I want nothing more than to spend time with the two of them together. But instead I tease her. "Are you jealous of another girl, Capt.?" I lean in closer, wrapping my arms around her. Camryn folds into me, letting me pull her close. Close enough that I can whisper in her ear, "Because you know it could be us out there."

It's like my words snapped something inside her forcing Camryn to go rigid. She pushes me away and returns to her previous stance, except this time her face isn't one of concern, it's pure rage.

"You don't get to do this Taylor! You don't get to be the big drunk asshole who only wants something to do with me because another guy was talking to me! You can't choose to be shitty to me because you've had too much to drink or you're jealous, or whatever the fuck is going on with you today!" she pauses to catch her breath. If looks could kill I would be carried out of here in a body bag. "What's your fucking problem? Do you really want your sister to see you like this? This isn't you! You want to make comments about me being a good role model, look in a fucking mirror Taylor!"

I try to find the words, fighting hard to tell her the truth without telling her the truth. A slur of words and phrases comes out instead, "My problem is that you're here..." I say, pointing to her. "You're here and I'm here, but we're not here!" I wave my hands between us before pointing at the ground, hoping she can unjumble the message I desperately need her to hear.

"Maybe if I had drunk a quart of liquor tonight like you I would be able to decode whatever the hell you're trying to say. But I haven't. And I don't have the energy to deal with a drunk you, either. So you can either tell me straight or let me get your sister home."

There is nothing else to say, literally. Words won't form in my head. The only thoughts in my head are visions of me taking her hand and pulling her closer to me again. Flashes of me taking her home, taking her skirt off and finally getting to touch what I know is underneath. Maybe then I could show her everything I want her to know because I can't tell her.

"Text me later to let me know you make it home, okay?" she says with a sympathetic smile before turning away from me and walking away.

My gaze shifts to the floor, I can't even bring myself to look at her. I don't deserve to have her talk to me, or to be worried about me. "Yeah, okay," I say, even though I know she can't hear it.

🏈🏈🏈

I tighten the strings on the hood of my sweatshirt and rest my head on the table. I was rushed out the door and to Harry's by Nora, who has made it her mission to be as loud as possible this morning. The immense hangover has turned my head into a war zone. I've taken hits on the field that have left me with a concussion, but none measure up to the throbbing I feel now. I can only raise my head long enough to sip the coffee the waitress put in front of me.

"I thought you could hold your alcohol?" My mom laughs from across the table. She's actually making fun of my misery right now. I only manage a grumble in return.

"He's just upset because he messed things up with Camryn," Nora says. I have no idea what she's talking about. The urge to vomit was already in my stomach, but now it's almost unbearable to push back down. I don't think I told her anything last night, but with how much I drank, I could have spilled everything.

"What do you know about anything? You shouldn't have been there anyways," I say.

"I was invited, and mom told me to go. The only reason we went was because Camryn wanted to be with you. You were just too stupid to see it."

"You gonna let her talk to me like that?" I eye my mom, waiting for her to reprimand Nora, but she just sips from her own mug.

"You don't know what you're talking about Nora."

"If you say so. Or you could be asking me exactly what Camryn told me. I'm really good at girl talk and when it comes to the topic of why oh you," she says pointing to me. "I have a lot of information to give her in return so she was more than willing to open up."

I narrow my eyes on my sister. She has no sign of a hangover whatsoever. She probably spends a lot of her weekends drinking with her friends. It's a staple in small town Texas, but I find it hard to believe my mom is okay with it happening regularly.

"Camryn and I are friends. Can only ever be friends." I let my head slam back onto my forearms that are resting on the table in front of me. I feel like a little bitch right now. My mom is right. I can't hold my alcohol and I'm having girl trouble that I'm too fucking moody to talk about.

"You're really sticking with that? That you are just friends? Tay, you guys look at eachother like Tom Holland and Zendaya. All longing like you're mystified that the other exists."

"When did you start using words like mystified? And who the hell is Tom Holland?"

"Not the point, brother. You've got it bad and you were an ass. So how are you going to fix it? Like Zendaya, Camryn isn't going to wait around for you to figure out whatever this is." Her finger whirls over me, the mess in front of her.

"Even if I did like her," I pause to take a breath. "We can't be together."

I wrap my hands around my mug and study a chip in the lip. Even this slight imperfection reminds me of her. She would claim this mug is lucky. Just like she has every single time one of us has been given it. It's only happened twice, and both times it was her that was the lucky one. Now that I've finally gotten my turn, I don't know that I believe in the magic. If fate or destiny is real, right now, it's mocking me, taunting me. But I know even if the luck of the draw did choose me I can't take the prize. It wasn't made for me.

"You keep saying that, but—" I cut through Nora's words, not wanting to hear it anymore. I can't let her know that I've replayed the possible outcomes over and over again in my head and there is still only one.

"We can't be together. I don't care if she is fucking Zendaya. I will never be her Tim." I wait for my mom to chastise me for my language but she doesn't.

"Then you need to let her go so she can find her Tom, you're only hurting her if you string her along Tay," My mom adds.

I stare at Nora again. We look alike, but she looks more identical to my mom. I still see her as a little girl, though, with braided pigtails and a missing front tooth. When it comes to girls I've never pretended to be something I'm not. I've never offered more than I can give. I've always told myself that if it were Nora, as long as she knew the deal up front, it would be no one's fault but her own if she agreed and then was still heartbroken when things didn't go her way. If it were Nora in Camryn's shoes though, an unsuspecting victim of selfishness, I would want Nora to run away as fast as she could. Any asshole willing to sacrifice someone else can't have his cake and eat it too. But right now, I have my chocolate cake and god dammit, I want to eat it too.

"I just... I need more time. I have to figure some stuff out before I could ever be more than her friend."

"So you do like her," Nora squeals. She forks a potato and shoves it into her mouth. As she chews, a smile breaks out across her face. I wonder how she could even question me though. As if it's even possible to not like Camryn once you've seen her, or spent an hour listening to her talk. I need to find a way to make it better, to make sure Camryn doesn't learn the truth, except for the truth about how I feel about her.