"There's my superstar!" a familiar voice calls in the distance.

I lean my phone up against the empty ceramic mug already waiting on the table when the waitress seated me. My whole family is crammed together around the kitchen table back at home. My mom, grandparents and Nora fused into one, making sure no one is left out of the small frame, or that their voice goes unheard.

"It was just a team scrimmage, and I didn't even play. Not much of a superstar today mama." I say just as my mom swats her hand in the camera and mumbles nonsense. Before continuing into a tangent asking for an update about my personal life, as if she hasn't texted me all of these questions already, and as if I haven't already answered them. But she wants to hear them again, directly from the source. I shake my head and ignore her by lifting my head and scanning the room. Harry's is busier than I expected considering it's hidden from the traffic of High Street, but it's the best food in town so I can't say I'm too surprised that my secret spot is slowly being discovered by others.

The short brunette that showed me to my booth returns and brushes her hand against mine as she hands me a menu. "It's good to see you again, Taylor" I shoot a wink in her direction. I've been here a lot, but I don't recognize her so I will just have to take her word and pretend I know that we've met before. She turns on the heels of her black shoes, the material of her pants hugging her swaying ass as she walks away from me. That little move is enough to make me want to see what time she gets off, I could use a little release.

I'm snapped out of the trance when my mom asks, "So how is rehab really going? You had worry written all over your face when they showed you on the sidelines. Is it your classes? You're taking harder classes this year, are you keeping up with your schedule?"

"I missed you too mama" I snort.

"We haven't had much of a chance to talk you know, with your schedule and all ... and a mama has to worry! It's our only real job in life. " she says, shrugging her shoulders.

The rest of my family has resorted to having a side conversation over top of my mother's head, probably complaining about the way my mom has hogged the entire call. An argument that will make itself known in about two minutes, just like it does every time they call. I should start assigning time slots to avoid the bickering. My mom, however, ignores them and continues to smile. I can't help but smile myself. I never realize how much I miss her until she's back in front of me. I thought that coming back to school this year would be easier, having done it twice now and knowing what to expect, but I was wrong. My chest feels heavy, the type of ache that only comes from missing them, seeing them through a screen, but not knowing when I'll actually see them in person again.

"I know I know, rehab is good, the knee is getting stronger every day. Dr. Kramer thinks I will be ready to start practicing with the team in a few weeks and hopefully playing again by October. Cal Quinn is the real deal, exactly what our team was missing last year. Today was just the start too, we weren't even running our best plays. Just wait until conference action" I say before thanking the waitress for the water she sat in front of me.

I don't mention anything about classes or tutoring, although I know she would get a kick out of how easily I can make my tutor squirm, about how it reminds me of being home with her and Nora, the two of them constantly finding ways to pick on the other. The way Camryn pinches the bridge of her nose when she's pissed is a signature of my mom when she and Nora argue. I always get assigned the mediator, taking whosoever side benefits me at the time. But then she would remind me that she raised me to treat females with manners and I would have to avoid the conversation on girlfriends which is no doubt coming.

My grandma grows impatient again, her voice cutting through before my mom can continue her interrogation.

"Are you eating enough? You look thin. I will mail you meals overnight to keep in your freezer." She says pointing to me through the screen. Not in a loving way, more of your muscle tone is diminishing by the second you need to let your grandma feed you, type of way. I make a quick check on the small version of myself at the top corner of the screen, looking the exact same way I did the last time I saw them a few months ago. "Your grandpa read that you need to be taking in extra protein since you are nursing an injury. You don't want to get hurt again when you get back out there do you?" she continues. Kind of like it's a mom's job to worry, it's a grandma's job to make sure you're fed. Overfed is more like it. I swear I gain fifteen pounds everytime I go home for a visit, and spend my entire time eating. I probably have lost weight now that I think about it.

"For God's sake Sue, the boy is supposed to be lean." My grandpa interjects but before he can continue my grandma shoots him a look that says his comments aren't needed. My grandpa obeys her silent orders and says nothing, instead he reaches his arm around her shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. I let the smile I feel inside take over my lips. I think the best part about my family is the feeling of comfort, contentment that follows them. Like no matter where they are, we fall back into the same patterns.

"What about you squirt, how were your first scrimmages?" I ask my younger sister Nora. She is the best midfielder on the varsity soccer team as a sophomore. She's been oddly quiet since we got on the call. Normally she would be right alongside my mom, partners in interrogating me about my life.

"They were good, we won both. I'm looking forward to our opener against West on Friday." She doesn't add anything else.

Something feels off with her, I study her face on the screen trying to figure it out. For the last sixteen years I have begged for this kid to shut up and it seems that my wish has come true. Except now that I haven't seen her for six weeks I actually do want to hear about her life. And it would usually kill her to not know what's going on in mine. To the point where she would claim near combustion. I look to my mom for some assistance, but she doesn't seem to feel a shift or she just chooses not to say anything. Nora is a teenage girl though, these moods aren't abnormal for her. Whatever it is, I decide to let it go. I am going to enjoy this time with them as much as I can. As soon as the season actually starts, calls like this are a lot harder to arrange.

"What else is new? When will you let us meet that girlfriend of yours?" My mom asks.

I laugh because I know the 'girlfriend' she is referring to is this girl I have been hooking up with since my first semester freshman year. Sadie lets me fuck her whenever I want, and in return I let her take pictures with me when we run in to eachother at the bar and let her post them on Instagram to make people think we are something more than we are.

It makes dudes want to fuck her more because they think shes good enough for me and it makes girls want me to fuck them more because they think I am unavailable. It's really fucked if you think about it, so I just don't stop to think about it too often. I don't do the whole girlfriend thing. Never have, and people here expect that from me. Going with the flow is much easier. Everyone has things that work for them, and Sadie is just one of them.

"Okay, new topic. What's new with you mama? How is the new dentist at the office?" I ask.

My mom started out as a receptionist at Greenfield Dental when she was newly out of highschool and got pregnant with me. It was a family owned practice back then and my grandparents were friends with the family. They took my mom in and gave her a flexible job so she could raise me and then eventually helped pay for her to go to dental hygienist school. The practice recently sold when Mr. Greenfield passed away about a year ago, but there isn't much my mom loves more than a chance to gossip about the new dentist and the young blonde hygienist he brought with him.

"Oh everything with me is great. I want to hear more about you" she says oddly skimming over the topic. Nora lets out a snort next to my mom.

"Something you wanna say squirt?" I say trying to remind her who she is talking to.

"Oh honey it's okay. She's just mad at me." My mom says shaking her head as if that is a reason for Nora to disrespect her.

"Mad at you? It doesn't matter, you're her mom, she shouldn't talk to you like that." I say wishing I could reach through the phone and put a hand on her shoulder as a warning, the way I have so many times before. A reminder to cool herself before she takes it too far. Hell, I'm surprised my mom hasn't given her a reminder. She's the one who raised us to act with nothing but respect towards adults.

"Are you ever going to tell him or should I?" Nora says her eyes fixed on my mom. She seems unaffected by my comment. Silence continues on their end. I didn't notice when we first started but now staring at them on the screen, sitting next to one another, the tension between my mother and Nora could be cut with a fucking knife. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and cross my arms and rest my elbows on the table.

"Does someone want to tell me what's going on?" I ask glancing between my mom and sister and then too my grandparents who steadily keep their eyes anywhere but on me.

"Oh for the love of God , Shea just tell him." My grandma chimes in. The air shifts again, even colder this time.

My heart starts racing with the possibilities of what she could have to tell me. The way everyone is acting I have a feeling she is about to tell me our dad has called her. It's been about two years since I heard from him, during my senior year when he heard I signed to play with State. He wanted to be a part of my signing day, but when I refused him he disappeared again. Enough time has passed which means he's due for a drop in when no one is asking for it. I set my jaw, bracing myself for the inevitable conversation we've had entirely too many times before.

My mom exhales and then begins. "I had my yearly scan at the doctor a couple of weeks ago. Just routine, but they found a lump on the scan. I had a few more tests. They didn't know for sure that it was the C word but I got the call a few days ago."

My eyes suddenly feel glazed over, the computer screen looks like it's covered with a film, not letting me see clearly. I've slipped into a parallel reality because I know those words didn't just come out of my mom's mouth. I shake my head trying to make sense of them or better yet, erase them from the universe. The doctors told her that it would be rare for it to come back, that her treatment was successful. Last time the treatments, the chemo, the radiation nearly killed her. The thought of seeing her like that again breaks me. But that's what cancer does. It breaks you and the people around you over and over again.

It broke me the first time and it took a hell of a lot of strength to pick the pieces up and put them back together. I was around all the time then. But now, the thought of her going through this alone, and Nora. No wonder Nora has been so weird recently. She has known all along. "But I don't understand," I say, continuing to shake my head. "How could you not tell me? Did you guys call today just to tell me this?"

"No honey, we called to see you, to catch up. It just happened to be the only time to tell you. The doctors are confident again. I mean I feel great so I am lucky they caught this when they did." she sighs.

"And what now? What is the plan? What are they going to put you through this time?" I ask the questions continuing to pile up in my mind, far faster than I can ask them.

"I am going to start with six weeks of chemo and then go from there." She says matter of factly. As if the decisions have already been made, without even talking to me or considering what I would think.

"No..." I say, shaking my head. "Who will take care of you? Nora has to go to school and soccer—" I pause trying to create a new plan in my head. I've always been the one there, the one taking care of my mom and Nora. Since my piece of shit dad left when I was only ten and Nora six right after my mom got sick the first time. He couldn't handle it, as if he was the one under all of the stress. Not even caring that my mom could have died. I knew I would be the one to pick up the pieces, to not even give them a chance to feel what was missing. And it worked. We've been completely fine and we have to be fine now, "You will come to do treatments up here. State has one of the best hospitals or at least that's what they always advertise in the stadium. That way I can take you to your treatments and take care of you. Nora can stay with nana and pop pop until you're finished..." I spew the plan as it comes into my head. My mom just continues to silently shake her head on the screen. "Or— I will come back there. I'm not even playing anyways so I can talk to coach, I can rehab from anywhere." I offer instead.

"Tay" my mother says using her favored form of my name. I can almost feel the hand she would reach across the table and lay on me if she was here. I can almost feel how cold it probably is. The same cold it was the last time she went through all of this shit.

"You will do no such thing. Your grandparents will take care of me and Nora. They are more than capable. Your sister won't quit her commitments either. How else is she supposed to set more records than you?" she giggles, trying to lighten the mood. I don't say anything. I can't because if I do I will end up crying in the middle of this god damn diner.

"This isn't fair." I say quietly after I've taken a few deep breaths. Not even sure if it's audible until my grandpa chimes in,"The good things in life rarely are."

"Everything will be okay Tay. I've done this before. I am still me, so don't start treating me any different. We just need to take it one day at a time. And on this day, I want to enjoy time with my people." My mom says and quickly changes the subject, diving into the work gossip I knew she was sitting on.

I sit silently and listen, picking at the burger the waitress dropped off a few minutes prior. The thoughts inside my head won't quit, the thoughts telling me that I can't just sit back and let them be alone, to go through this alone. But the conversation never circles back, leaving a lot left unsaid. Instead, the only answers I get are a promise on my mom's part to fill me when she goes back to the doctor in a few days mixed with her goodbye.

I swipe to my message to check the five that I missed while on the call. Mostly from the group text I share with my roommates. Each one has some sort of emoji like a peach, a pill, a devil. Or if you're just a dumbass like Anderson, something a little more cryptic that makes no sense to anyone in the thread. This time he has sent a bed, a running man, a dancing man, and then a knife. Regardless, I ignore them. Instead, I open a different message thread and search for my own release. Something to take me away from the shit I just learned. I send my message and Sadie replies almost instantly. A thumbs up is all it takes for me to be on my way to her place.