Hindi maipaliwanag ang tuwa ng mom ko nang malaman niyang bumalik na ako ng bansa. My father was a bit skeptical though, he knew how fickle minded his daughter was. But I assured him that my decision was final. Huminga ako ng malalim bago ko pinatay ang makina ng sasakyan ko. This is what I wanted. I wanted my marriage to work. And in order to make that happen, I need to be where my husband is. Pinagbigyan ko na siya ng mahabang panahon para gawin ang mga gusto niya. Panahon na para ang kagustuhan ko naman ang masunod.

Ilang taon din akong naduwag na ipaglaban ang marriage namin. Ngayon, hindi na ako maduduwag. I'm all in. This is my last chance and damn if I will not give it all the fight that I have. 

Pagbaba ko ng sasakyan ay dumiretso ako sa opisina ni Dr. Drae Gonzales. He's now the chief of surgery and also the main stockholder of the hospital. A lot has change since I last worked here. Ang laki na ng expansion na nangyari simula ng si Drae na ang humawak at naging lehitimong tagapagmana ng hospital. 

Isang malawak na ngiti ang isinalubong niya sa akin nang buksan ko ang pinto ng opisina niya. He's changed. A lot. 

"Oh my god! Is that really you, Drae?" hindi makapaniwalang sambit ko. He's aged. Like fine wine must I say. Ngunit hindi iyon ang pinakamalaking pagbabago rito. He was once a surly General Surgeon. When he's outside work, he's this rowdy guy who likes women and alcohol. Inside the hospital, he's this unsmiling, but very attractive doctor. But I knew, just by looking at him, may itinatago itong lungkot. May itinatago itong mabigat na dalahin sa likod nito na walang sinuman ang nakakaalam. Kahit pa naging malapit kaming magkaibigan.

All of that was gone now.

Nabaghan ang puso ko sa nakikita kong pagbabago sa kanya. He just seemed so...happier.

Tumayo si Drae mula sa kinauupuan niya upang salubungin ako ng yakap. "Diandra! It's been a while!"

I hugged him tight and he kissed my cheek afterwards. And then we held each other at arm's length. Sinuri ko nang husto ang itsura niya. "You look really different, Drae." 

"Is that a compliment?" he laughingly asked.

"Of course it is! You seemed really happy, Drae. Married life agrees with you."

Drae smiled at him. "I am very happy, Dian. I can't begin to tell you just how much my wife makes me happy."

Masayang masaya ako para sa kaibigan ko. He truly deserves it. Pero may parte ng isip ko na maiinggit sa kanya. Na sana ako rin masaya sa buhay may asawa. Nang hindi ako agad nakasagot ay lumamlam ang mga mata ni Drae na nakatingin sa akin. He knew what kind of marriage Luke and I has. He has been there nang ma-engage kaming mag-asawa. At alam kong hindi rin lingid sa kaalaman ni Drae ang mga ginagawa ng asawa ko.

"Are you staying for good? Because I'm gonna have you sign a contract now and I can't have you running to the states again." pabirong sabi ni Drae. Bumalik siya sa mesa niya at kinuha ang isang folder mula sa drawer. Inilapag niya iyon sa ibabaw habang ako naman ay naupo sa upuan nasa harap ng mesa niya.

"I'm staying for good, Drae." I took the folder and started reading my contract.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with the contract." I said with a smirk. 

"I know and that's not what I'm taking about, Diandra." he pinned me with a look. Nakatukod ang magkabila niyang mga siko sa ibabaw ng mesa habang nakapatong ang kanyang baba sa magkasalikop niyang mga daliri. "I'm serious. You are also my friend, Dian, and I don't want you to get hurt."

I smiled at him. "Alam ko ang pinapasok ko. I've decided, Drae. I have to make it work."

He nodded. I knew he would understand me. Of all people. Wala sa bokabularyo ni Drae ang mag-give up. When life handed him lemons, he didn't make lemonades, he threw those lemons right back at life. He put one hell of a fight.

Walang salita na pinirmahan ko ang kontrata ko. I smiled as I handed him the papers. This is it. I'm becoming a surgeon once again. 

I bid Drae goodbye. I will go visit my parents first before coordinating with my people regarding moving back in to our house--Luke's house. I've already talked to him and he doesn't seem to mind that I'll be living with him--for the first time since we got married we'll be living under the same roof.

Siguro ay hindi pa talaga nagsi-sink in kay Luke ang mga nangyayari. Maybe he thinks one of these days, I will change my mind once again and go back to the states. Well, he's wrong. Humanda siyang itigil na ang pakikipaglampungan sa mga babae niya dahil hindi na ako papayag pa. We will make this work. Hindi ako papayag na hindi.

"Diandra?"

Napalingon ako nang marinig ko ang baritonong tinig na tumawag sa pangalan ko. He stood there like a greek fucking statue. So handsome and unmoving. Lumapad ang ngiti ko nang mapagsino ang may-ari ng tinig.

"Beau!" halos patili na sambit ko. I ran towards him and gave him a hug. Hindi pa rin siya kumikilos sa kinatatayuan niya. "How are you? Long time no see!"

"Are you real?" kinurot niya ang magkabila kong pisngi matapos kumalas sa pagkakayakap sa kanya.

"Yes! I'm back!" 

"Are you serious?"

Nagtawa ako. Beau is Luke's best friend. And my soul mate. 

Magkaibigan na sila ng asawa ko bago ko pa man ito nakilala. We instantly became friends and even classmates on med school. Beau is also a surgeon who specializes in vaginoplasty. Isa ito sa mga pioneer doctors na nagsagawa ng naturang operasyon dito sa pilipinas. I can't be more proud of him. And I fucking missed him.

"Seryoso na talaga, Di? You're back for good? Is that why you're here? You're working here again?" sunod sunod na tanong nito.

I smiled at him. "God, I missed you, Beau!" isa ito sa mga dahilan kung paano naging bearable para sa akin ang naging pagsasama namin ng asawa ko noon. He was the one to constantly reassure me that things are going to be okay. Kahit alam kong hindi. Basta sinabi ni Beau na magiging okay ang lahat ay naniniwala ako. Because I know I can trust him and I know he's never going to let me down. Unlike his stupid best friend.

I saw how his steel gray eyes turned into a warmer color. "I missed you, too. And I'm so glad you're finally back."

I GROANED when I came back to our house in Forbes. Nakita kong naghahanda na ang mga tao para sa isang engrandeng party. Apparently, it was a welcome back party for me and everyone is invited. 

"Mom! What is this?" 

Isang malapad na ngiti ang isinalubong sa akin ng aking ina at isang mahigpit na yakap. "Please, hija, pagbigyan mo na ako. I'm just so happy that you're back."

Tumirik ang mata ko. Hindi na yata matatapos ang pagdagsa ng mga salitang iyon. "I told you, I don't want a party! I have gazillion of things to do. I don't have time to socialize with people I barely know!" 

It was her turn to roll her eyes at me. "Nonsense! I invited your friends from the hospital and some of your friends from your old school--" 

I groaned out loud this time. Friends from school? I don't have friends from school. I only have people who hates my guts. 

"If I were you, I'll go to my room and get changed. Your visitors will come in a few."

Hindi ko na naitago ang simangot ko habang nilalandas ang daan papunta sa akin kwarto. I was surprised to find Luke there. Sitting on my queen sized bed with his arms and legs crossed as if he was waiting impatiently for me.

"What are you doing here? I'm about to get changed."

"What's all these for, Diandra?"

I stepped towards my vanity table trying to picture how I would wear my hair later. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you here?"

"Ano bang why are you here?" sinulyapan ko siya mula sa salamin. "I already told you, I'm back for good."

"And what does you being back for good mean?"

"It means I'm back for good." tiim bagang kong sagot. I hate how I have to explain everything to him. Ano bang mahirap intindihin na I'm staying for good? Do I really have to tell him that I'm ready to be his wife and he should stop sleeping with his bimbos?

Nakita Kong tumayo siya mula sa kama at naglakad patungo sa akin. "It's been five years, Diandra. All you do is send greeting cards and an occasional phone calls."

"Because that's what you want! You didn't want a relationship with me, that is what you said!"

"And you said you were fine with that!"

"Luke--" hinarap ko siya. "I want to make it work. I can't stay married with you while you're fucking the whole metro as if you're some eligible bachelor because you're not! We are married and whether you like it or not, we are gonna make this work."

I saw him clench his jaw. "That's a little too late now, isn't it?"

"It's not," tumalikod ako at sinimulan na mag-apply ng make up sa mukha ko. "I'll make sure of that."

"We'll see."

Pagkakataon ko naman para magtagis ng bagang. I hate how he's trying to challenge me. It's not as if he have a choice anyway. He's married to me. Sa mata ng Diyos at sa mata ng batas ay akin siya. At nunca na hahayaan ko siyang makawala sa pagkakatali sa akin. Hindi lamang ako ang makakalabas niya kundi ang buong angkan namin. The only reason why my father is not killing him yet is because of me. Akala ba ni Luke ay hindi alam ng mga magulang ko ang ginagawa niya? 

"Put on your dress."

"What?" nasa kalagitnaan ako noon ng pag lalagay ng mascara sa pilikmata ko.

"Your parents asked me to get you a dress. I want you to put it on in front of me and see how it fits."

Sinamahan ko siya ng tingin. We never consummated our marriage. Needless to say, Luke haven't seen me naked or anyone for that matter. I'm still a virgin. But I am not a prude either. If he wants me to strip in front of him, I will. I start unzipping the dress I was wearing to the hospital earlier. I watched him watch me. His eyes never leaving my body. I shimmied out of it until it fell into a pool of fabric on my feet. I felt my cheeks heat up. I'm almost Thirty five years old and I have no experience when it comes to seducing a man. But this is my husband. If he wants to fuck me now, pag bibigyan ko siya. Ito ang responsibilidad ko sa kanya bilang isang asawa. Isang bagay na matagal kong ipinagkait sa kanya.

Dahan Dahan akong lumapit kay Luke. His eyes are still locked on my body. I know I look great. Kahit pa hindi na ganon kabataan ang katawan ko kagaya ng mga babaeng kinakama niya ay alam kong I don't look bad. I have curves in the right places. I may not have big breasts but I do have a cute ass. That's what my mom used to tell me. 

Napasinghap ako nang hawak an ni Luke ang balikat ko. His hands felt warm against my cold skin. Cold dahil kinakabahan talaga ako sa gagawin namin.

"Are you finally letting me fuck you, Diandra?"

Dahan Dahan akong tumango.

Paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa isip ko na kung gusto Kong manatiling asawa ni Luke ay dapat kong gampanan ang tungkulin ko bilang kabiyak niya. Pumikit ako nang maramdaman ko ang labi ni Luke sa balikat ko na dahan dahang naglalandas patungo sa leeg ko.

THIS is it.